Desiree's P.O.V

I can't deny that sometimes I became tired of the boring routine that my life was but I did not want to change it. I was too afraid of losing control of my life again, and I worked so hard to get to where I was to have it all crumble before me. It was the reason for my lack of socializing. I preferred to stick to something safe and stable, something I knew well. For me that was my jobs, people were too unpredictable.

Unfortunately my job as a teacher and editor required a lot of socializing. At first it was difficult but in time I was able to work around my issues. It was easy talking to people when I only saw and thought of them as colleagues.

However that night I had dinner with Edward, it was hard to think of him as simply someone I was working with. In fact we hardly spoke of the work at hand. Talking with him came to me as easily as it did when I talked to Declan. I felt comfortable around him, so much that after a while I began to feel at ease in the restaurant.

After having dinner with him I headed home and decided to call Declan. He still wasn't as great as I would have liked, but I suppose it was understandable given the situation he was in.

"Why don't you move back in with me?" I asked as I fed my small brown terrier named tack. Declan had met, crystal a year ago, back then he had been living in my house. It was a quaint little three bedroom house that my family had inherited from my grandparents. My mom's life, however, was already made in San Francisco so she had no use of the house. When Declan and I moved to Seattle to study college we decided to inhabit it. There was no point to renting a small apartment if I already had a house and the closer to Declan the better. I was saddened when he moved out of the house to have an apartment with his fiancée crystal.

Declan and I met each other in my sophomore year. He was a senior. We didn't go to the same high school, we met each other under unusual circumstances. Needless to say we instantly became attached to each other. We helped each other through our hardest times. Mom never liked him, she felt like he was a bad influence. I suppose he was but that was hardly his fault, I was after all responsible of my own actions, not him.

We were close- him and I- I shared many firsts with him, first smoke, first kiss…first time I had sex. There was a time in which we sought each other for sexual comfort. It was like this for some months until we decided that it was a bit odd, we realized our relationship was that of a brother and sister and having sex with each other was making things odd between us.

Declan could have gone to college, but he did not want to, at least not far away from San Francisco. He decided community college was the way to go. It irked me; it had always been a dream of his to go to Seattle. I always thought he would have reached Seattle as soon as he graduated so it had been a surprise when he said he would wait until I graduated and then we could both come together. Neither of us liked the idea of being so far from each other for such a long time. Sometimes I thought I liked him more than my own mother, maybe because we understood better…my relationship with my mom had been strained since the death of my father. It was only severed further when my brother Destin died. Needless to say we hardly spoke to each other anymore.

True to his word we both moved here as soon as I graduated. I think it was then that my life seemed to put itself back together.

"I think I would like that. I miss living with you and tack. I'll think about it alright?"

"okay." I raised myself to the counter and took a seat as I spoke and watched tack eat his food.

"So how are things?" he asked.

"Fine, you know the usual. I got a new manuscript tonight so I was skimming through it and it seems promising."

"Really? Did you talk to the author?"

"Yeah I actually just came back from dinner with him."

"You? Seeing someone you're working with outside of the publishing house? Dinner? Do tell me what is going on."

I laughed at his tone. "Technically I am not yet working with him. I met him this morning while I went on my jog. He told me he had been writing this story and had been wanting to get it published. I offered to read it first then tell him whether he ought to go for it or not. We met tonight so he could give me his manuscript. That's all."

"That may be all but it is highly unusual of you to have even spoken to a stranger outside of work."

I smiled at tack who had finished and was happily wagging his tail at me, "I thought the same. I don't know what brought this on. He was just…easy to talk to. I was comfortable talking to him."

"Well that's good to hear. Honestly I think you need to stop working and focus on your non-existent personal life for a moment."

"It's precisely because it's so non-existent that I pay no attention to it."

"Well then all the more reason to make it exist don't you think?"

I laughed. "I'm in no hurry to make friends trust me."

"So you plan on staying alone all of your life?"

We'd talked about this many times before no matter how much he tried I was simply not interested in forming a relationship of any sort with anyone. I feared such connections.

"I have you."

"You know what I mean."

"I'm resigned to having this life forever Declan, whether I meet someone or not is not something that particularly worries me."

"Well if you really feel that way."

"I do." my voice was firm and signaled the end of the potentially endless discussion. "Hey I have to go; I better get started reading this manuscript."

"Okay then. Goodnight honey I love you."

"Love you too. And don't forget to think about moving back in."

"I'll think about it. Join me for lunch tomorrow yeah?"

"Okay. See you then."

I wiped away the silent tears that escaped my eyes and headed to my living room with tack and began to read the manuscript.

Just as I had thought Edward's story proved promising. I could have read it a third time but I felt like it was best to give Edward the green light already.

On Sunday I decided to arrive to the coffee shop early so I could do some work beforehand. About thirty minutes had passed when I heard someone take a seat in front of me. I looked up and Edward exposed a set of pearly white teeth in his smile. His eyes were a warm green as if liquefied emeralds filled his eyes.

"Hello." His voice was soft as he spoke and he reached out to shake my hand. "Hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long." He said as he removed his tan leather jacket.

"I came early to do some work," I motioned to my laptop and the book in front of me.

"I see." he already had his coffee; I quickly closed my laptop and book and put them back into my bag and pulled out his manuscript.

"I have to admit I lost some sleep over this story. It was so good that I refused to put it down. Even the second time around."

He smiled in delight. He was clearly proud of his work as he should be.

"Give me your honest opinion, please."

"Well," I opened the manuscript and flipped through the pages. "To be honest, I haven't read anything this intriguing in a while."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Would you like to take this to the publishing house?"

"If you think it worthy-"

"It is," I quickly said. His eyes were excited. "Listen even the greatest of writers get turned down often. I can't guarantee they will approve it but I believe your chances are high. If this publisher does not accept it, then don't give up, take it to other and believe me one of them will take your story. It's worth it. I will do my best to influence their choice. I would love to have this form a part of my personal library." I beamed at him.

"Thank you so much."

"In case it does get approved I must admit that there's a lot of work yet to be done. While your story is amazing, there's a lot that can be improved. But we can talk about this later. First let's focus on getting it approved. Here," I searched through my messenger bag for some forms. "You need to fill these out. Usually the manuscripts are mailed but I'll take it personally to them, don't worry."

"Alright." He looked through the forms and I began to explain to him what they were and how to fill them out.

"So this is how you spend your Sundays?" he did not look up from the papers as he wrote and I didn't look up from the other manuscript I was editing.

"Yes… pretty boring huh?"

"Don't you get tired? Of work?"

"Sometimes…but I find this routine to be…comforting… safe. I'm kind of a coward." I chuckled, it was true. I was afraid of living.

"Why is that?"

"I don't know, I'm a bit of a mental person."

"You shouldn't be afraid. Don't waste you're life des, you'll regret it."

This wasn't the only time I'd heard this. I didn't answer and he looked up. "I mean it. You're a pretty girl. Go out have fun. Make friends, I understand it might be hard but solitude is never good you know. It depresses you."

"I know that. Maybe someday I'll take your advice."

"It would be preferable if you took it right now while you're young."

I smiled at him. "yes I suppose you're right…but for now I need to finish editing this, I'll think about what you said some other day…preferably when I'm not too busy thinking about other matters."

He smiled and shook his head then returned to writing. I took a sip of my coffee when he suddenly spoke. "How much was it?"

I set down the cup, "pardon me?"

"The coffee,"

"Oh! Uhm I don't know. I wasn't paying attention when I paid for it."

"Is this your way of trying to evade making me pay?"

"perhaps." I smiled and scribbled something on the page I was reading.

"You're impossible." He chuckled. I smiled because it wasn't the first time I'd heard something like that. "Is there anything you like to do in your free time?"

I pursed my lips and thought of the question.

"I like to paint…and write. But I hardly have any free time. Usually when I do have time I go out with my dog in search of good scenery. I enjoy photography too. Really anything artistic or really anything recreational."

"Sports?"

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "I'm not a team player."

"So no human contact?" his tone said he was teasing me.

"None whatsoever."

"Well then I guess I'm lucky. I have a feeling you don't do this often."

"How about I don't do this…ever."

"I figured that much. Why though?"

"I'm just not very social…it's been some time since I have actually connected with anyone that's not my best friend…not even my mom."

I couldn't explain why said the last part. I don't know why I would say so much to someone I did not know.

"Bad relationship with her?"

"Somewhat."

"Well… that's a shame…I think a mother is the best friend you could ever have. If you can't trust her then you really can't trust anyone you know?"

"I don't think that applies to me…but anyways, tell me what do you like to do on your free time?" he set down his pen down to raise the cup of coffee to his lips.

"I like to write music. And spend time with my family." The way in which he said the last part, with such a dreamlike fashion, caught my attention.

"Sounds like you really love them." I concluded.

"They're my inspiration." he nodded. "I'm one of those people that just thinks' that family is everything." That much was clear since he told me he went into business simply because his father had wanted him to.

We were so different from each other. He had and loved his family. I lacked one and what was left of a once happy family was now cracked and slowly falling apart further.

I simply smiled and offered a tight lipped smile. There wasn't much else I could say about the topic.

"Okay I think I got all of it done." He handed me the papers and I looked through them to make sure everything was filled out.

"I think I have everything I need." I said after checking the papers. He looked at me for a moment.

"Are you busy?" he asked out of nowhere.

"Uhm no not really. Why?"

"Oh well I just didn't want to hold you up if you were."

"Oh well I have time." I glanced at my coffee cup and saw it was empty. I was about to get up when he placed his hand on mines to stop me. I looked at him and he smiled, his eyes shone happily.

"I'm buying remember?"

I hung my head in defeat and let out a laugh. "Alright then if you really feel like you must."

"Oh but I must." His hand was still on mines and I slowly pulled mines away. He seemed embarrassed and quickly apologized and left to order my coffee.

"So you're a music teacher?" I looked up as he took a seat and handed me the warm cup of coffee.

"Part time I teach a small high school, I pretty much teach string instruments; mainly the violin."

"No orchestra in the school?"

I took a small sip and flinched when I felt the liquid burn my tongue. "Shit" I muttered and set down the cup.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I pressed my fingers to my mouth, my tongue felt swollen. "Uhm, the school doesn't place much attention to the music or art department. It's just more economic to teach one single instrument."

"So you play the violin?"

"Been playing for years." I felt as proud as I sounded and he seemed to notice.

"Do you play anything else?"

"Guitar and a little bit of clarinet"

"Impressive."

"Do you play?" I asked.

"Yes…but guess what?"

I looked at him and tried to guess, "is it any of what I just mentioned?"

"No." he smiled leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms.

"So you play just one instrument?"

"Yes," he spoke slowly.

"Ah…"I glanced at his hands and took in his pale hands. His long fingers were neatly clasping each other and he twiddled his thumbs.

"String instrument?"

"I'd be saying too much."

"No, think about it there's so many instruments out there you could possibly play. I need more than one clue."

"I gave you two though." He raised his eyebrows at me and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"Well more than that."

"Okay one more. It's not a string instrument."

"Piano." I said it fast and with a tone of finality.

It seemed to me like he wanted to lie but I caught him. I was right.

"I knew it." I said smoothly and mimicked his body position.

"How?"

"A feeling." I smirked and with more caution I raised the coffee to my lips. "Piano?" he nodded. "Impressive, how long?"

"I believe since I was about five."

"Wow, you know most kids of that age don't have the attention span required to learn piano."

"I know, but I've always been a patient person, relatively calm, and interested enough to want to learn to play."

"Who taught you?"

"My mom. Well she was the one that got me interested; taught me the basics of it. When she realized how much I liked it she got a professional to teach me."

"And are you good?" I teased.

He grinned. "The awards I have earned speak for themselves." He cocked an eyebrow and I couldn't help but chuckle. I hadn't laughed much in the past month it was certainly relieving.

"So tell me," he paused to take a sip of coffee. "How long have you been playing violin?"

"I picked it up while I was in middle school. Mom was never very supportive of what I did but my brother's friend found someone to give me lessons cheap. So I went for it."

My lessons had indeed turned out to be very cheap still I had no means of paying by myself. Stealing money from my mother wasn't hard, half the time she couldn't figure what she did to her money. She was unorganized in that manner. Destin and I managed to scam her plenty of times and she was never the wiser.

"Determined to learn?"

"It was a great way to relive my stress." I explained and shrugged.

"I understand that." he agreed then leaned forward on the table. "Music is a great way to channel your emotions."

I nodded. "About four months ago my friend gave me a piano he felt it was time to learn a new instrument. I toy around with it but I really haven't sought ought anyone to teach me."

"Must be a really good friend. Not just anyone gives a piano as a present you know?"

"He's a real good friend. I've known him for quite some time."

"So he's you're boyfriend." I raised an eyebrow and felt my lips pull up to a crooked smile that probably matched his own.

"Sound's like you're stating it." I looked at my cup and drew imaginary patterns on the lid with my finger.

"I am." He smirked and surely enough a lopsided grin grazed his lips.

"Well sorry to let you down but he's just a good buddy. The one I told you about. I'm not really seeking a relationship any time soon."

"Really? I would have expected you to have them pounding at your door." I smiled but didn't laugh.

He seemed thoughtful. "Tell you what; since you have been gracious enough to look into my manuscript free of charge it only seems fair to return the favor. I can teach you to play piano free of charge."

"You don't have to do that."

"No I want to, trust me."

I looked at him for a moment, I might as well; besides it would probably be better to have someone I feel comfortable around teaching me. Maybe Declan was right, maybe I could do with another friend other than him. "All right then. Just say when you're available and we can set something up."

"Weekends, Saturdays after three and any time on Sunday."

"What about Saturdays at four?

"Just Saturdays?"

"I don't want to bother you too much"

"I'm available." He smiled his eyes seem to sparkle with the way the sun hit his face; they seemed even more…breathtaking. I looked down as soon as I thought the word and bit my lip. When I looked back up I seemed to look at him much more closely. I took in the details of his face. Edward had a smooth pale complexion. Despite the sharp features of his face his natural expression was one of gentle kindness. At the same time he displayed a natural poise that made you feel drawn to him. His thin lips were red from what seemed like a habit of sucking them. He had a well proportioned straight nose that made me think that he had been a relatively calm child as he displayed no signs of having ever fractured it. His deep set eyes were the purest and deepest forest green color I had ever seen. The color of his eyes made the lighter color of his long brown eyelashes stand out. He had well shaped thick brown eyebrows placed on a broad forehead partly obscured by copper colored locks naturally arranged in a state of wild disarray. Edward was easily any woman's idea of the perfect man it was hard to catch the flaws. The way his ears were slightly out of proportion compared to his head, how one of his eyebrows tended to go up without him noticing-although I would hardly call that a flaw- his high cheekbones made his cheeks seem slightly hollow and in return it made his lips appear slightly pouty. The paleness of his skin seemed to be enhanced by his white v-neck shirt. He was tall or at least compared to my miniscule height he was. Maybe six foot two or around that. Again I was inclined to look down at the table as I seemed to notice for the first time just how attractive he was.

"Desiree?"

My head snapped up when he called my name. "Huh?"

"Are you alright?" his eyebrows furrowed in question.

"Uhm," I shook my head to clear my mind. "Yeah I was just uhm." I drank some coffee to think of some excuse. "I was just thinking of when I would be available. Uhm Sundays at noon."

"Done, we can start tomorrow if you want."

"For sure. Uhm my house or your house?"

"Well you say you have a piano? Is it tuned?"

I bit my lip and pulled it to the side. "I really can't say."

"Well how about I go to your house to check whether it's tuned or not and we can practice there?"

"Okay, that sounds alright. Do you want my address?"

"Yes that would certainly help."

I laughed and felt a bit silly for asking. I quickly took out a piece of paper and scribbled the address quickly. I handed him the piece of paper and he read it I watched as he read it and raked his top teeth over his bottom lip turning the rosy flesh newly red. Once he finished reading he put the note in his jean pocket. He looked at me and I felt odd, I didn't know what to say.

"We're out of coffee." He pointed out. He raised his cup and shook as if to prove his point. I glanced at my own and saw that he was right.

"That we are." I agreed.

"Come, let's take a walk." I watched as he stood and placed his jacket over his arm, then I got up put my laptop back in its case along with my manuscript. I slung the bag over my shoulder and picked up my gray cardigan the weather had become warmer I would not need it.

Once out of the coffee shop I asked, "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere in particular, I'm just not ready to go on my own."

And so we kept walking around just talking with each other, getting to know one another better. It was nice, it was different from my everyday routine, and it felt safe. I wasn't wary of him, I couldn't. He inspired safety as if there was some sort of aura around him that did not set of any of my internal alarms but rather drew me in.

Before I knew it we had arrived back to the coffee shop where we both had parked our cars. I checked my watch and saw that is was nearing four.

"Oh god I'm late." I said and quickly hurried to my car.

"I'm sorry I made you late." He said and I noticed he was following me.

"Oh it's not your fault we just got caught up." I reached my car and unlocked it, then I turned to say goodbye to him, "sorry to just leave all of a sudden but I promised my friend I'd catch a movie with him."

He smirked at me, "are you sure he's not your boyfriend?"

I laughed, "Why would I ever lie about that?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"Relationships aren't my thing, believe me."

"Alright then, don't want an angry boyfriend looking for a fight because he thinks I'm trying to get at his girl."

Was he trying to get at me? If he was then…well we had a problem.

"Even if I did I don't see why they would think you're trying to get at me. We're merely friends."

"True." He nodded, "I believe you have to go."

"Oh right! Thank you so much for…well for everything. I had a good time, believe me."

"Thank you. What you're doing for me is more than what I could have asked for."

I smiled as we shook hands. "I'll call you as soon as I find out if they're interested or not."

"Sounds good. See you tomorrow then?"

"You bet." He reached behind me and opened my car door for me. I tried to contain the slight pinkness of my cheeks that was spreading over my face.

"Thank you." I murmured as I got in. once I was in he closed the door and leaned in.

"Tomorrow at twelve then?"

"yes." I said in a much quieter voice.

We both seemed to notice our proximity and we pulled back at the same time.

"Well…enjoy your movie then." He said as I turned on the car.

"Thank you." I called and waved as I pulled out of the parking space.

Once Declan and I were out of the theater I began to yawn.

"What? It's fucking early des! Wake up!" he shook me gently and I smiled and leaned against him. He laughed and pulled me close to his side as we walked through the mall.

He was right; it was really early it was only seven. I wasn't sure why I felt tired.

"Did you like the movie?" I asked.

"Eh it wasn't what I was expecting. But it was decent. And you?"

"Interesting plot, horrible dialogue."

"I have to agree on that. Want some ice cream?"

"Sure."

I sat down on a table and waited as he went to go get ice cream. I roughly rubbed my face with my hands. A cold gust of wind passed by, raising Goosebumps on my skin. I pulled my coat tighter around me. Only Declan and I would think of eating ice cream in such weather.

"Here," he handed me my cone and sat down on the chair opposite of me.

"So…explain to me why you were late."

I licked the ice cream off of my lips before I spoke. "What are you my dad?"

"No just a friend that waited like an idiot at the mall because her friend was late and we missed the earlier showing of the movie."

I laughed; he looked like a small child the ice cream on his lips did not help the situation.

"Calm down little lion. I met up with Edward, the guy I'm helping with his story."

"Oh right. How did that go?"

"It was fun. I mean once we were done discussing his book we talked about other things. Guess what?"

He looked up from his ice cream, "what?"

"I will finally put that piano you gave me to good use." I smiled proudly.

"Why is that?"

"Edward offered free lessons for helping him with his book."

"That's nice of him. You look excited."

"I am I've been wanting to learn for some time." he smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. In fact he seemed out of it since I met up with him. It wasn't hard to notice the source of his distraction.

"What's going on?" I finally asked.

He sighed and leaned back on the chair, he closed his eyes for a moment. "She called me today."

I felt a wave of anger as he said this. I tried to maintain a calm voice, I was not a naturally violent person but I didn't react well when they messed with me or the ones I cared about.

"And?" I snapped. I noticed my own sharp tone and told myself to calm down.

"She wants' me back."

"Well I'm not surprised, she probably lost more of a man than the one she had in your bed when you caught her…tell me you're not considering it."

"I want to. But I have to be realistic. I know myself and I don't forgive so easily. I could give it a try but by the time I found it in me to forgive her she would already be long gone."

"But it hurts to deny her." I guessed instead of answering he covered his face with his hands.

"Is it possible to love and hate someone?"

That was something I could not answer. I'd never experienced either emotion. True I disliked crystal, I was angry at her for what she did to Declan. But more than feeling hate I thought her stupid. She realized too late what a great man she had. She let it slip between her fingers. For someone so hard and wrathful Declan had loved her deeply. He changed when he met her; life had not treated him kindly so I was happy when he met her. She seemed like a genuine person. After she cheated on him I thought that his bad side would resurface and come back ten times stronger. Instead he seemed more vulnerable than ever. It was odd, to see him like this. After we met he had become my protector in many ways. Now it seemed our roles were switched.

But I didn't think I hated her. I was not by nature a hateful person either. Love, I didn't know any love that wasn't family love. Often I wondered if I was capable of having such a feeling. I suppose I did, but I saw what love did to people more often than not it destroyed them. If I was honest with myself I'd been ripped apart too much to risk experiencing the bittersweet emotion that everyone sought for so desperately. I do not think I would be able to experience heartbreak and still be the person I'd worked so hard on being.

"I think anything is possible. But don't hate her Declan, pity her. Her mistake must be costing her a lot if she was forced to call and beg for you to take her back."

"How do you do that?"He raised his head and looked at me through watery eyes.

"What?"

"How is it that despite all you have been through you remain so compassionate?"

"What's the point of being hateful Declan? Hate makes you bitter and seeing as how we're still alive there's no point on ruining the rest of your life over someone else's mistakes. Life is bad enough without trying don't make it more miserable on purpose."

He looked at me for a while then he reached out to stroke my face.

"I always thought of you as a sad nymph you know? There's a certain sadness that's just permanently etched into your eyes. It's dissolved a great deal since I met you, but I still see it when you're lost in thought. Up to this day it doesn't look like you have been corrupted by the ways of this world. I'm proud of you des."

"Why?" I whispered.

He scooted his chair closer to me and pulled me into his arms. "Since I met you I saw you as vulnerable I felt the need to protect you. But you have proven yourself to be strong. You're still here and you're as good as you were the day I met you despite the shitty life you have led."

A small sob ripped through me before I found my voice to speak, "I still fight with myself every day. It's like an internal battle that will never end. One day I know I'll slip and give up."

"You're strong. I know you'll pull through."

"What if it never goes away? What if this feeling plagues me for all of my life? It won't be any different than being dead."

I looked up at him he too was silently crying. Another gust of wind passed and he pulled me in closer, he always was the protector.

"It does disappear des…it did for me."

"But at what cost? I can't rely on such a feeling Declan. It's not…it's not stable, it's not safe. It could destroy me at any moment."

"I know how you feel des, and you're right but you who are so positive at anything even when you have every right to be a miserable wretch, you need to stop being so negative in your own life."

"How do you manage to pull through?"

"I can't let myself go, there's still someone that needs me."

I fisted my hand in his shirt as if to hold him there. "I will always need you with me."

He ruffled my hair, "I sure hope you do."

After a while we both headed off in different directions. As I drove I hoped he would decide to move back in soon. I really missed his company. Ever since I'd lost my brother he was there with me; I relied on him maybe too much, but he probably relied on me just as much especially right now.

When I got into bed I glanced at the empty space next to me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to find someone, but If I ever did find that person I know I wouldn't take the chance. I did not like the unknown, because any bad step could bring everything crumbling down. I could not understand why I tried so hard to make it though the days. But it felt like such a necessity.

I arranged my pillows in such a way that I was boxed within them, much like the way a mother places pillows next to a baby to keep them from rolling over and falling from the bed. Here, caged within these pillows I felt safe and comfortable, maybe it was silly but I felt protected. It wasn't long before I was in a deep slumber.