Underneath It All
By: Ane S. Thesia
Beta'd by: Irreverence
Dedicated to: Nextstephm

Chapter Three

:LOUDER THAN WORDS:

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One of the most important lessons you can learn in life is the lesson that you should always learn from the past. Never make the same mistake twice.

She'd known, back then, that Shikamaru and Temari had some kind of relationship going on- but she'd refused to actually accept the fact until it was too late. The night he told her he was going to be moving to Suna as an envoy for Konoha, she'd told herself it was only for business, he'd been chosen coincidentally, it was no big deal…

Although, Shikamaru had an honest streak in him. And when he admitted that he partly took the job to be closer to Temari, there were no more excuses to be made.

But, despite the knowledge that he was going to be leaving within a couple weeks of his telling her, and the fact that he'd made it obvious he wanted her opinion on it, she still lied and said she was happy for him and left it at that.

She didn't realize the whole of her mistake until the day he walked out the gates, leaving her nothing but the memory of his back and slumped shoulders as he began his exodus to a new life abroad.

She had loved him for so long, and she was too stubborn to admit it. By the time she realized it, he was gone, and there was nothing she could do.

As Ino continued her search for the ever elusive Sasuke, she made a point of remembering the lesson within her lesson.

Never lie to yourself.

Even though he wore black the moon gave him away. His backlit silhouette was as plain as day, Indian-style sitting in the middle of training field 3 with his head tilted slightly down towards his chest as if he'd fallen asleep.

But she knew he wasn't sleeping.

He didn't open his eyes as she approached him silently through the dewy grass.

"I should have known to check the fields first," Ino spoke with a chuckle, watching his face for any reaction at her voice. Of course there was none.

"Mind if I join you?"

'Stay totally silent and ignore me if it's yes…'

Smirking to herself, she took a seat in front of him almost knees to knees. His eyelids fluttered for a moment then stilled, but it didn't go unnoticed.

-

Silence descended on the pair like a blanket. It was comforting, Ino realized- sitting in a serene kind of setting with this mysterious type of man, reminiscent of the last time they'd spent time together alone. Unlike that time, though, he appeared more tense in her presence, which was something she'd kill to appease and get rid of.

She studied his face with the eyes of a professional who spent their career trying to read other human beings. His features were soft from relaxation, but the hardened lines around his eyes told untold tales. The way his mouth naturally lay in a straight line -unlike most people who's lips always unknown to them curved up ever slightly- told her he had probably smiled enough times to count on his fingers.

His hair had grown unruly and he obviously didn't care what other people thought about it. Not that she minded, because at the end of the day, running her fingers through it would seem like heaven.

His posture wasn't nearly relaxed enough for meditation, and every so often the muscles in his forearms would twitch with stress.

For a moment she wondered if this man really needed a lover as much as a doctor to get to his roots. Could she fill that role? Did he need that role filled?

Sasuke's eyes squinted again as if in reaction to her thoughts and she smiled again. If her normal aura was interfering with him so much, he really was in need of instruction.

-

"You're mind-center meditation is pretty laughable, Sasuke."

No reaction. He was trying for it this time, though.

"You can't reach that non-reactive state of mind unless you're able to withdraw yourself from the parade, you know…"

Twitch.

'HA!'

She didn't want to admit she found it amusing messing with him like this.

"The idea…" she continued matter-of-factly, "…is to simply become a witness to yourself and everything going on around you. Sounds, smells, feelings, thoughts… they must be outside of yourself."

Closing her eyes, she relaxed and searched for her own center. This was a cakewalk for Ino, considering how basic it was for her personal training. Her father had taught her all about the importance of Mind-Centered and Upward meditation before she was even in the Academy- this was her family's proverbial legacy.

Using her chakra for leverage, she expanded her consciousness outward. Everything in close proximity felt the tug of her tentacle-like mind reaching out and slithering, leaving its mark like wet paint.

In the case of Shintenshin, she'd do almost the same thing. Except when you use a jutsu over natural meditation the results are much faster and less limited and it makes infiltrating someone else's mind possible. That wasn't what she aimed for now. Just a tickle, some reception…

Not that she didn't want to just make a calamity out of Sasuke's mind right now and open all the file cabinets, read all the papers and leave him naked before her…

She found that against her first judgment, Sasuke's chakra was actually quite balanced. Suddenly she couldn't help but wonder what it might have been like back when he originally defected from Konoha…

It was obvious that he was growing agitated by her manipulations around him, but she continued giving him metaphorical taps on the shoulder. It was beyond her why the prospect of eliciting any type of reaction from him was her number one thing to do. Perhaps it was because of the amount of turmoil she'd been putting herself through over the past week. The prospect that he might not actually care to know that it was she he'd shared his lighter side with, hidden moments no one else would see.

Her mind's eye almost cried out the instant the shock of the Sharingan hit.

Ino withdrew her chakra laden consciousness and snapped her gleaming blue eyes open with alarm. A shudder resounded down her spine- what an amazingly eerie feeling that had been, the Sharingan dismantling her roadway, tearing up her sidewalks and street signs.

His eyes bled back to onyx and her expression softened once again. They continued to stare at one another as the moments ticked away, waiting for reactions.

-

Amazingly enough, Sasuke broke the ice.

"Why are you trying to annoy me?"

Hell of an icebreaker, of course.

"I wasn't…I mean…" Ino mumbled, looking away from his sharp stare. She wondered when her resolve had become so flimsy. "I came here because… I wanted to talk with you."

Sasuke didn't make any indication that what she'd said was out of line, which she knew was key. Scooting to his side to avoid his dismantling eyes, her resolve could continue it's slow rehabilitation without conflict. She started chewing on her bottom lip.

With a sigh, he laid back on the grass, lacing his fingers behind his head and stretching his legs out.

"Why?"

'It's NOW or NEVER!'

"Sasuke… a week ago…" she started, reaching out to pick a thick piece of grass from near her foot, "Last week something happened."

He closed his eyes again.

"Sasuke, have you found your woman?"

No response. Ino struggled against the desire to pinch the side of his face.

"I wonder what kind of woman she must be, to have you asking about her…"

He was getting on her nerves. Things weren't flowing the way she wanted them to be, things were becoming uncomfortable…

With a sigh she stretched and winced at the disassociated feel in her right leg. Rubbing at it, she glanced back at the statue beside her.

"Ugh, my leg fell asleep…"

"Pins and needles."

Glaring at him now for his obligatory response, yet glad he was actually paying attention to her, she looked up at the clear, inky sky as if her next words would be falling from them any minute now…

"Do you know her?" Sasuke suddenly asked, softly.

She shut her eyes tightly, still rubbing at her sleeping leg. "Yes, I do. I know her quite well, actually."

"Hn…"

-

A few fleeting clouds made their way over the face of the moon, casting shadows over the pair as they sat in uncomfortable silence. The fact was, though, that they had both been oddly looking forward to this type of exchange. No matter how strange or tense it would be.

He was studying her as she brought her knees up to her chest. For once he didn't mind that someone was so openly wearing their heart on their sleeve, and only in the back of his mind did he wonder why.

"She told me she's lonely," Ino managed to whisper.

A single tear slid down her cheek and she tried her hardest not to wipe it away.

Sasuke took a deep breath. "When I was… where I was… I had a lot of free time and strangely enough there was a huge library at my disposal. Sometimes when I was tired of reading about jutsu and strategy, I read philosophy…"

Ino turned to watch him speak, wondering where he was going with this. If it was just random and trying to change the topic… Or if he really wanted to tell her these things.

"A monk wrote this- We live together, we act on and react to one another- but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena- they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence- in vain."

As he spoke, his gaze never left Ino, watching the weather change behind her glassy eyes.

"By it's very nature, every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensation, feelings, insights, fancies- all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves.
From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes."

The words stung at Ino's conscience the moment he spoke them with that soft and gentle voice. Tears ran down her cheeks one at a time as she realized what he was trying to tell her. He knew, he'd seen between the lines- and he didn't care.

Should she leave? Should she run from this place sobbing like she oh, so wanted to at that very moment?

Anger. Venom.

She wasn't going anywhere.

"That's bullshit!"

Sasuke hitched an eyebrow at her outburst. Why hadn't he expected that? "Hmm… I disagree."

She hovered over him now, anger and tears mixing together and dripping onto his chest. "How could you say all that! There's just… there's just no way you didn't feel what I felt that night!"

'SHIT!'

"I mean, what you and her felt… that night…" 'What's the use?'

Sasuke quite openly rolled his eyes at her attempted recovery.

"Damnit…" She pulled away and wiped at her face with the back of her hands. What was the use, anyway? Cards? Check. Out on the table? You bet your ass. "I've been torturing myself for a week over what happened between us, Sasuke. Half of me honestly hoped you wouldn't figure out it was me, but the other half…"

"Why were you in disguise?"

She absentmindedly ran her hand through her hair as she spoke. "Mission. I had just gotten back after a week…"

A small smile made it's way to his face and Ino could swear her brain was making loud sizzling noises. "So you're a Konoha spy…" He said it almost playfully.

Nodding, she added, "That's what the Yamanaka do, and we're damn good at it, too."

"Should have known."

She wanted to ask him what that was supposed to mean, but the fact that he'd changed the mood so quickly simply irked her. This wasn't supposed to be funny, or ironic, or any of the things he probably thought it was!

"Sasuke…" she questioned, trying to sound stern but failing miserably, "Am I that horrible?"

He clammed up again, despite how talkative he had become just moments ago. Perhaps he was choosing his words more carefully this time, trying for 'the big let down'.

She laid down beside him then, building up the courage to hear him through, take the scar like a 'man', and attempt not to run away screaming with anger.

-

Fifteen minutes passed without notice. Ino found herself spending more time trying to find constellations in the stars rather than think.

She felt him staring at her again, and she turned her head to meet his eyes, almost nose-to-nose and close enough to feel his breath tickling her face. If he hadn't had such a serious look about him at that moment, she would have simply gone and bit at him. Her head felt like it was on fire again…

"It's all about context, Ino."

Her mouth fell open slightly and she furrowed her eyebrows together. "What?"

"I didn't stutter."

"You're an asshole."

They both looked away. Silence. The more she thought about it, the more she knew what he meant about context. The passage he'd recited from memory- whoever wrote it struck a serious point. A point that was very true… sometimes. It all depends on the context you're reading it in. What's so wrong with living together in island universes? Solitude?

Solitude is only an existent phrase because there's a state of togetherness. Without the ability to connect with others, there is no such opposite as solitude.

-

And it clicked.

-

And Ino wanted to scream again, but not in anger this time- with relief. She knew what Sasuke felt about it, underneath the underneath. Would he admit it out loud? Probably not. But that was okay. It was okay.

"Sasuke. I don't know what will happen in the future, no one really does. I don't know if we could ever work. What I do know is that it's worth a try... Don't you think so?"

She'd never felt so sure about anything, even when he met her admission with more silence.

When she felt his hand touch hers, almost electric, and their fingers intertwine like they were made to be that way---

-

That's all she ever really needed. Actions speak louder than words.

:END:

A/N: Well, that's it. When I originally set out to write this, it wasn't supposed to be this long. I was also feeling kind of negative about the pairing because I'd never considered writing anything like this before, but it was requested quite specifically, so I had to do it! But it grew on me as I wrote it, and I think I even started liking it... hehe...

I hope you guys enjoyed it. Any thoughts- please leave me a review.