Disclaimer: I do NOT own Buffy the vampire slayer or its characters. I make no money from this.
Warnings: General spoilers for season four, five, and six. I think I might have gotten my timeline skewed in regard to seasons six, so I'm sorry if I made any mistakes timeline wise. Spoilers: Episodes :: The Gift, Dead Things, and Who Are You.
[I could never love a thing like you.]
Buffy can't pinpoint when her dreams became reality.
[You're nothing.]
It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was wrong. It wasn't real. She wasn't real.
[There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real!]
She wasn't supposed to pull a Faith. She wasn't supposed to be like her. Two different ends of the spectrum and yet . . .
[You're nothing! Disgusting! Murderous bitch! You're nothing! You're disgusting!]
Maybe they did have a lot in common and it had only taken her a second death to realize it. After last night, she couldn't even meet Spike's eyes in the dreams that kept sneaking in from the corner of her mind. He hadn't shown his face around the Magic Box since, presumably so that he wouldn't have to answer questions as to what happened. If there was ever anything she couldn't do, that was it. To face him now, after pulling a Faith . . . beyond impossible.
She needed to leave him and she had fully intended too. Willow had helped show her what she had to do. This had nothing to do with want, it had to be about need. She needed to stop, she needed to step away from him.
[It's not always that simple.]
This is what she needed, she had to walk away, before it became any more complicated. Tara had been wrong, she didn't deserve anything, least of all to be forgiven. It didn't work that way . . . Spike was soulless and his confession of love was a facade.
She needed to hold on to that.