One Night Is Not Enough by KerryMuggle
Disclaimer: I am having too much fun with characters that aren't mine.
A/N: Thanks so much for the feedback so far. I really like writing this story, and it's great to see such positive comments. Originally, this chapter was going to be extra, super long, but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting too long while I edited the second half. Therefore, here is the first half aka. your next chapter.
2 weeks earlier
"And pray tell Miss Granger, just what do you want?" Severus said angrily.
It took her a few seconds to answer him. He observed her as she tried to formulate an answer to his question. A simple question, yes, but it was one that required delicate consideration in its response.
"To know you. To feel… something besides all of this emptiness." Hermione softly spoke.
All it took was those words to spin both Severus Snape and Hermione Granger's world out of control.
Grimmauld Place had been in a constant buzz of eagerness with every Order member making at least one appearance every few days. The news was dire – war was approaching. It wasn't a matter of months; it was now a matter of weeks. After the Weasley home was attacked, Arthur and Molly decided to take advantage of the protection that was offered at headquarters. They took comfort in the idea that once the new school year started at Hogwart's their children would have more security.
Ron Weasley was still in St. Mungo's after the attack, and if Arthur wasn't there monitoring his son, it was Molly. The stress of the situation had taken its toll on everyone, but Severus was always good at blocking out such things. An astute observer, he did keep his eye out on everyone, but it was Hermione Granger who captured his curiosity. She seemed to be completely apathetic to the plight of one of her best friend's.
A pillar of strength, she remained stoic when news was delivered. Even if the dunderhead showed a sign of improving, she still didn't dare to show her relief to anyone. She simply held the hand of boy wonder, Potter, or the youngest Weasley. Silent, pensive, thoughtful, she was the first one to volunteer to assist anyone who needed it. Severus knew that it was her way of avoiding having to think about all that was happening. She was a woman whose life was about to start, but she knew that it could also soon end. Always the mature one, Hermione felt the weight of everyone's fears and worries on her shoulders.
It wasn't until an update of Ron Weasley's health that Severus saw her walls tumble down.
"I'm afraid he's not getting any better." Bill Weasley said one evening. "The healers are doing all that they can, but it's coming to a point where the magically induced coma can only offer so many guarantees. They haven't said anything to me, but I think mum and dad may chose to…" Bill couldn't even finish the sentence.
Sure, Severus felt bad for his fellow Order members. He didn't even have to have a child to know how painful of a loss such a thing could be. As he sat there, listening to the reactions of his fellow order members, he couldn't help but keep his eyes on Granger.
She simply stared at the rug beneath her feet. Tempted to read her thoughts, he didn't have to because her body language said it all. Ron Weasley would possibly die because he ran back into the house to make sure that she was out. He knew guilt when he saw it.
Hermione stood up and proceeded to walk out of the room. No one else followed her. No one else noticed her absence. The talk had now shifted to battle strategies, all in the name of protecting Potter.
Growing tired of such talk, Severus made his way towards the library, hoping to find a companion of the literary sort to occupy his time. Seeing the door to the room slightly ajar, he could hear crying, or at least a muffled form of it.
The light provided from the fireplace was all that he needed to see Hermione Granger sitting cross-legged on the floor, rocking back and forth, trying to suffocate her crying with her own hand. It was now that she let the weight go. Intrigued, Severus was curious as to why she didn't cast a silencing charm.
Granger didn't seem the type who wanted others to know how she truly felt. Stress and anxiety can do that a person he supposed. As he continued to watch her, Severus thought that she noticed him when she suddenly stopped rocking her body. Hearing her strangled breath, she looked around the room for something, what it was, he couldn't tell.
Finally spotting what she wanted, she walked towards the other side of the room and grabbed a pillow that was on the leather chair Severus liked to sit on. Clutching it to her, Hermione sat on the sofa and a few seconds later brought the pillow to her face, forcing it as close to her as it could possibly go.
Wondering what on the earth the girl was doing, it took a second or two for Severus to realize that she was screaming into the pillow. Everything that she could not vocalize over the last few weeks was now being released into a piece of worn out silk and cotton. All of her rage, guilt, fears, everything was being forced onto an inanimate object. How no one heard her, he would never know.
After a few seconds, she released the pillow and slowly walked towards the fireplace. Not caring if the object was a family heirloom (it wasn't) or if it was worth anything (not anymore), Hermione tossed the pillow into the fireplace and watched it burn. Severus understood what she was trying to do; he respected her for hoping that the fire would erase everything she wanted to destroy in the pyre.
Entranced in his observation, he knew he was discovered when he heard the hitch of her breath. Suddenly, she turned and saw him. Her brown eyes, puffed up and red, stared back into his black ones. Neither one of them knew what to do in that moment. After what felt like a minute, Hermione walked out of the room, slightly brushing her Potions professor. Their eyes never left one another.
The two didn't see each other again for a few days, but it was more of an out of sight out of mind issue. It took another week before Severus encountered his ever so elusive student.
Severus didn't expect anyone to be up at one in the morning, but he wasn't surprised to hear the creaking of the steps when he saw Hermione walk into the room, not noticing him in the room. Watching her peruse the collection of books, most of which he was sure that she had already read, she had yet to notice that she wasn't alone in the room.
Running her fingers on the spines of the various books, not knowing exactly what she was looking for, she hoped to find something that struck her fancy. But then, as if she received some sort of psychic message, she paused.
Turning her neck to the side with eyes that were nothing less than scrutinizing, she observed the other body in the room. Directing her focus on the bookshelf in front of her, Hermione truly didn't want to try and chat with someone who wasn't shy about his discontent with most of the Order members. She didn't speak until she noticed an odd smell.
"What's that smell?" Hermione asked, sniffing the odd air.
"Maybe it was that hideous pillow you decided to throw into the fireplace."
Ignoring his jab at her, Hermione grabbed a random book from the shelf and moved to the spot closest to the light. Not bothering to see if her presence was welcomed from her potions professor, she planned to just keep to herself.
"You can't bottle it all up."
Severus waited until he had Hermione's attention before continuing.
"Your emotions." He said.
"I hardly think that's the advice to give to someone if the one giving the advice does the same thing."
"Maybe you're right."
"Maybe?" Hermione added.
"It's not healthy; I do speak from personal experience."
"Oh, well, thank you professor. I'll start telling everyone exactly how I'm feeling first thing in the morning."
Choosing not to comment on her snarkiness, Severus continued to read, content with the silence of the house. Seconds later he heard the slamming of the book; he got under her skin.
"What do you care anyway? I'm sure you're happy to have one less Weasley in this house."
"I may not be fond of Mr. Weasley, but by no means do I take any pleasure in the decision his family will have to make."
"One wouldn't know given your attitude."
"It's not my job to console everyone in this house."
"Thank Merlin for that!" Hermione said as she shelved the book she grabbed moments earlier. Taking a moment to collect herself, Severus noticed her grab the shelf, almost as if holding on to it helped her to regroup. Her vulnerabilities were beginning to show.
"I have to be strong for everyone. It's my fault he's in that hospital. It's bad enough not knowing…" It took another few seconds for her to continue.
"It's hard enough not knowing what will happen next, or when. How can I go and fight, possibly even die, with my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes it's better to hold it all in. Maybe it will give me the strength and anger I need when I need it."
"It's a foolish assumption Miss Granger."
"I know, but it's all that I know how to do right now; it's the easiest thing to do."
"There is nothing wrong with being scared." Severus noted, paying attention to the fact that she still never turned to face him.
"I just want to feel something besides fear, guilt and worry. I just want to feel."
Finally facing her professor, Hermione turned around and leaned against the bookshelf.
"How do you do it? How do you segregate all of those things? This isn't your first round after all."
"The only way to survive is to separate it all, but you can't forget why you're fighting and who you're fighting for. You will feel again – what's important is to remember how."
With that, Hermione decided it was time to exit out of the library. Without uttering another word, she climbed the stairs that took her back to the bedroom she occupied while Severus pondered the conversation the two shared, his focus no longer on the book in his lap.
The next day was as bordering on chaos at Grimmauld Place. Trying to avoid all of the noise and people, Severus decided to find some form of relaxation in the room of his enemy, Sirius Black. Hoping to find some solace in the silence of the room that served as more than just an extra bedroom, Severus didn't realize that he left a crack in the door.
"Sir?"
"I guess some peace and quiet was indeed too much to ask." Severus replied, looking to see who disturbed his moment.
Noticing the know-it-all dressed simply in a pair of jeans and a black jumper, she allowed herself into the room.
"It's a zoo downstairs."
"So you've come here to commiserate with me… uninvited I might add."
"Mrs. Weasley wanted to me to let everyone know that dinner will be ready soon is all."
"So you're her little errand girl now." He immediately regretted his words; Molly and Arthur gave themselves five more days. If Ron didn't improve, then they would have to reevaluate their plan in regards to their son's life.
Seeing him wince at his words, Hermione let it slide.
"Molly needs all of the support she can get right now." Hermione replied solemnly as she sat on the couch that her professor was on. "You can't blame her for wanting to find another area to devote her focus to."
"She should be at St. Mungo's taking care of her son; not here feeding mongrels like Black and Lupin."
"How dare you!" Hermione said, sitting up straight.
"If feeding every bloody order member this side of London makes her feel happy, then bloody well let her do it! You have no right to judge her decisions, nor do you have any idea of what she is going through. You really are a fucking bastard sometimes!" Hermione said, not noticing her choice of words.
"I've never coloured myself as anything other than that." Severus replied.
"Why are you here? It's obvious you are not here for company, and you act as if every person who is within five feet of you is somehow the bane of your very existence. You see, I think you're rather lonely. That's, after all, why you're really here. Yes, you think you're above all of us, better than all of us, when really you are just a pathetic bully of a man. You're not here because you are forced to be. You're here because you're trying to convince yourself that you are somehow superior… all it shows is how petty you are. The walls can't even stand your company and while I may swallow my feelings, you can say I learned from the master."
Hermione knew she ruffled his feathers by the heavy breathing she witnessed coming from his chest. Feeling his eyes drill holes into her, she wasn't afraid, nor was she ready to back down. Yes, she knew she read him perfectly.
"And pray tell Miss Granger, just what do you want?" Severus said angrily.
It took her a few seconds to answer him. He observed her as she tried to formulate an answer to his question. A simple question, yes, but it was one that required delicate consideration in its response.
"To know you. To feel…something besides all of this emptiness." Hermione softly spoke.
All it took was those words to spin both Severus Snape and Hermione Granger's world out of control.
Before she could add on to her phrase, Severus crashed his lips to hers. In desperation they clung to one another, somehow hoping that this moment of violent passion would heal the wounds and make all that was wrong in the world right. If that were a possibility, it would have happened.