This whole thing with Daniel-it got to me more than what I'd shown to him. Things felt jangly, (is that a word?), on my insides,
and unsettled.
I don't know how long Jill was out in the barn with Pepe, because I went to take a shower, and when I went back
downstairs, she was sitting on one of the couches beside Daniel. Smack dab against him.
I only stayed down there a short while after that. Jill was telling Clare about some of the high-toned Southern women
who'd used to come to the hair salon where she'd worked at in Georgia. Clare was Clare. I mean, she was listening, and
smiling at some of the stories, and being her usually nice self. I went to do my shot, and then came thru the living room again,
saying a quiet and in general goodnight.
Brian was coming out of the bathroom, his hair wet from the shower, as I was nearing my bedroom door.
I gave a wave in his direction. "Night, Bri," I said.
"You alright?" he asked, walking on up to me.
"I'm okay."
He surveyed me, looking doubtful. "You look pale," he said.
"Ah, I do not," I denied, adding with a breezy wave of my hand, "It must be the lighting in this hallway-"
"You think?" he asked.
"Likely so. Or-it might be that your eyesight is starting to go-" I said, and looked up at him, impishly. "They
say-after thirty-it's all downhill."
"Yeah?" he countered, wrapping an arm around me from the front, and giving me a tug, joking back. "Yeah?"
He turned me loose, and we just stood there for a couple of moments, getting serious. I knew where his thoughts were, and I'm fairly
certain he knew where mine were at.
Our eyes met and I felt drawn to say, "Something feels wrong with it, Bri."
I knew that he knew of what I was speaking about. Daniel and his dilemma.
He kept his eyes on my face, and after a moment's hesitation, he said, "I know," quietly. "I agree."
In that moment, I was entirely in sync, in tune, with Brian. It made me feel really close to him.
I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He returned my hug, and then, in typical Brian-like manner,
he gave my back a pat or two, and said, "Well, you'd best get to bed, peach."
I looked up at him, and, again, our eyes met in understanding. I knew, though, that he wasn't going to say anything
more about it to me. At least not in that way. That had been it.
7
I kept that closeness, that comradery, that I'd felt with Brian in the hallway for those few moments, very close to me the next
couple of days. Every time I felt irritated at Jill, or had the thoughts running thru my head that she annoyed me, flat-out, I would
think of Brian, and how he'd validated my feelings that something was amiss.
Guthrie and I had our share of conversations about it, too. He was irritated at Daniel, no denying that. When he went off
on his periodic tangents about Daniel, (which were meant for my ears alone), I let him rant and only listened. Mostly, I didn't
say much. I figured he had listened to me plenty of times over the years about stuff, and besides, I still wasn't entirely sure
just where my feelings and thoughts were at on it. I just knew that, as I'd told Brian, something felt wrong.
On this particular late afternoon, it was Thursday evening, and before supper. Guthrie and I were doing our after school
chores, and then just hanging around the barn. I was holding Pepe, giving him some attention, and Guthrie was holding
the second pup, so he would keep quieter and not be yipping.
"I just think Daniel's bein' a-sort of a hypocrite," Guthrie said, from where he sat on a bale of hay just outside of
Pepe's stall.
I winced inwardly. Hypocrite, well, that was harsh.
"You don't think he is?" Guthrie asked, seeing my expression, I guess.
"I don't know," I said, slowly, coming out of Pepe's stall, and sitting on a hay bale opposite of the one Guthrie was
sitting on.
"How do you figure?" Guthrie demanded. "He's been tellin' me since I was fifteen about how I needed to know a girl
real well before there was any sex, and even then, to be-" And, here Guthrie hesitated in his ranting. He gave me a 'brotherly'
look, obviously considering whether he should keep talking to me about all of this.
I raised my eyebrows at him. "Really, Guth? You're gonna stop there? You think I don't know that Evan and Daniel told
you to always take precautions and all of that-"
"Well-" he said, and then shrugged.
"We can talk about stuff," I told him. "If I thought we couldn't, well, it would be real depressing." I met his eyes. "Even more
depressing than things are already."
"Okay. Well, yeah. Don't have sex until you're sure, they said, and then-always be careful. Protect yourself, and the girl, too," Guthrie said. "And,
here Daniel is-showin' his true colors. Idiot."
"Daniel's not an idiot," I objected. "I think he's just-" I hesitated. "Well, you know what they say-that love makes
you lose your mind."
"And your common sense, too?" Guthrie scoffed.
"Maybe."
"Well, I don't care," Guthrie said. "I think he's bein' stupid about this whole thing."
I sighed, and held Pepe closer to my chest.
I was ninety-nine percent sure I already knew the answer, but I asked it, anyway.
"You and Kristin-" I said, and then paused, letting him complete the sentence in his own mind.
"No!" he said, and then, quieter, he went on. "I mean, heck no, we're not. I don't wanna mess anything up with
her, and, besides, she's got enough to deal with at home with that mother she has. I care a lot about her, and all, but
I don't wanna rush her into somethin'."
That confirmed what I'd already known. Guthrie was one of the 'good guys'. He wasn't with Kristin for the wrong
reasons.
I nodded. "I'm glad Kristin has you," I said. "She really needs somebody good in her life."
"You're there for her, too," he said.
"I try to be. Kristin's special."
"Yeah. She is," he said.
We talked a little more, about what we thought the elder McFaddens were thinking, and feeling, about Daniel and
his lady love.
"You know how Adam is," I said. "He admitted that he's not happy with all of Daniel's decisions, but he says it's the job of
the family to support him."
"I call bull on that," Guthrie said.
Wow. Guthrie really was angry.
"You mean that?" I asked him. "You're not gonna talk to Daniel, or be part of the wedding reception, or whatever?"
A shadow passed over Guthrie's face. "I don't mean that," he said. "I-well, I guess I just need to blow off some steam
about it, Har."
"I understand that," I said. I gave Guthrie a half-smile. We were still sitting there, in companionable quiet, when
Adam appeared.
"Time for supper, you two," he said.
"Okay," I said.
Adam came over, standing near the bales of hay we were sitting on. "How's the resident skunk?" he asked.
"He's doing alright," I said. "Enjoying being held."
Adam's glance fell to the puppy Guthrie held. "How about this one?" he asked me. "Any takers for him?"
"Not yet," I said. "But, I put the posters up yesterday."
"Mmmm," he said, in answer.
"He's not so bad, Adam," Guthrie said, rubbing the pup's ear. "You gotta admit, he's a good-lookin' dog."
"I don't have to admit anything," Adam said, with a glimmer of humor. "Now, come on, both of you. Time to eat."
7
At supper, Jill only nibbled, and picked at her supper. Clare had made a meatloaf, and topped it with brown sugar, which
was delicious. I even ate seconds.
As the table was being cleared, Jill seemed to gravitate to conversation with Clare. I mean, I understand, that Clare is
really, really nice. But, Jill also seemed to feel that she and Clare had something in common, both being pregnant.
She kept asking Clare all these questions about pregnancy. Which wouldn't be weird, really, except that I realized that she
only asked questions. She didn't share anything about her own pregnancy. Which, considering how much Jill seemed to
like to talk about herself, was weird.
Guthrie's yell came into the kitchen, midway thru Brian and I's dishwashing duty. "Har! Kenny's here!"
Oh! I hadn't known that Kenny was going to be coming over. Immediately, I felt happier. Lighter. We didn't get to talk all
that much at school. Only at lunchtime, really.
I looked at Brian, to my left, as he was drying the dishes.
"We're nearly done," I said, looking at him hopefully.
"Nearly done, heck," he denied, but then he nodded his head towards the living room. "Go on," he told me, indulgently.
I smiled at him. "Thanks!"
I burst out of the front door, onto the porch, where Kenny was standing, and talking, to Guthrie and Adam.
"Hi," he greeted me.
"Hi," I said.
After a couple more minutes of chit chat with Adam, Kenny and I headed off towards the orchard. Halfway there,
he reached out and took my hand.
"It okay that I came over?" he asked.
"Definitely," I said. "Brian even said he'd finish the dishes so I could talk to you."
"Good old Brian," Kenny said, and then pulled me to a stop, looking around to make sure nobody was in sight, and then kissing me.
7
Before he left, Kenny and I had decided, along with Guthrie and Kristin to go out the next night, on Friday, to a new restaurant that was
opening in Angels Camp.
I was feeling good about that. Excited. I was in the kitchen, doing my shot, and chattering about it.
"We're going out to eat tomorrow night," I announced to the room. "Kenny and I, and Guthrie and Kristin."
"Where at?" Hannah asked me.
"Pierson's," I said.
Brian gave a low whistle. "I heard that place is pricey."
"Is it?" I asked.
"That's what I heard," Brian said. "Maybe it's not."
"I heard somebody at the store talking about it last week," Clare said. "They said the food is amazing."
"They've got it decorated real cool, I heard," Guthrie said.
"You got the money for that, Guth?" Adam asked. "If it does turn out to be a bit pricey?"
"Yeah. I think I'll be okay," Guthrie said.
"How about Kenny?" Brian asked me. "He have the funds, or, if not, maybe you might have to do dishes
to pay for your meal, peach."
"Uh uh," I said, going along with the teasing.
"Might have to rent a top coat and tails to wear there, Guth," Brian joked.
"Nope," Guthrie said, with a shake of his head.
"I can fix your hair real cute for you if you want me to," Jill spoke up to say to me.
I said okay, and went to bed looking forward to the next day.
7
Kristin and I discussed the next day at school what we were going to wear that night when we went out.
I did say something to Kenny as he were walking back into school after lunch.
"Brian says he heard that it's expensive at Pierson's," I said, as he and I, and Guthrie and Kristin paused on the school steps.
"Mom and Pops went there last week. They said it's on the high-end," Kenny said. "They said it was real good
food, though."
Kenny's parents are way more well off financially than our family is. So if they thought it was on the high-end of price, what
must it be like? It may well be out of Guthrie's range.
I exchanged a look with Kristin, who was looking concerned as well.
"We don't have to go there," I said, trying to sound casual.
"No, we don't have to," Kristin added.
"Sure, we're goin'," Guthrie said.
"We could go somewhere else," I suggested.
"Yeah," Kristin echoed. "We could go to Butch's-or to eat at that spaghetti place, what's the name, Harlie?"
"U-Sketti," I supplied. "I ate there with Daniel a couple weeks ago. It's good."
"I thought you wanted to go to Pierson's," Kenny said, looking at me puzzled. "I thought you were lookin' forward to it-"
"Yeah," Guthrie said. "I thought you were, too, Kristin."
"Well-" I began.
"It's too much money," Kristin blurted out.
"Don't worry about it," Guthrie told her, with a grin.
"Yeah. We've got it covered," Kenny added.
Kristin and I exchanged another look. The bell was ringing that lunch was over, so we went inside, and let the topic drop.
7
At work that afternoon, Ivy and I spent most of our time giving the office and back of the building a good cleaning, and
sweeping out. We had enough time that after that we saddled two of her boarded horses and rode them so they could get
some exercise.
I chattered to Ivy about going out that night to Pierson's, and she said that she'd also been one of those that heard it
was a nice place to eat.
After that, I brought up Daniel and how it was taking some getting used to, thinking of him getting married so
quickly, and having a baby, too. I could have talked to Clare about it, and likely I would at some point. She would
be understanding, and not tell me that I should feel or act a certain way about it. But, it was nice, too, knowing
that I could run things by Ivy.
I knew she wouldn't tell me any details about how Crane was really feeling about it all, because what he'd said to her had
been said in confidence. But, she did say that she knew Crane was concerned about Daniel. And that she knew that Crane had
told Daniel to think of the long term, and not just the short term of things.
"Yeah, that sounds like something that Crane would say," I said, thoughtfully.
"I'm not saying for certain-I'm not there every day," Ivy began. "But, I think that Jill seems unsure of herself."
"Really?" I asked, surprised. "You think so?" I'd gotten the idea that Jill actually had a lot of self-confidence.
"I think she projects confidence," Ivy said. "I'm not sure that it's real, though. I think she tries to protect herself
from getting too close to people."
"Maybe because of being in foster care growing up," I mused.
"Maybe so. That's just my take on things, though. I could be totally wrong," Ivy said.
7
When I was nearly home, I was thinking I wanted to get thru my chores, and get into the shower, so I could
start getting ready for the evening. I was greeted by chaos, though.
7