I'm sick so this chapter will be up faster than others, thanks to KairacahraFlower Goddess and AkumadeHana,

Hopefully the Alec bit in this chapter will be longer, there will be a bit from Jace's POV but it won't be very long, I'm planning to get on with the other parings later for now it will be just M/A

Chapter 2: Parties and Psychologists

Alec was 12 when he was first sent to a shrink; that was when he was diagnosed with chronic depression. Alec had always been a bit well, depressed but when he was 11 it had really started to get bad. His parents didn't was him to take medication, they thought it was just a stage. When Alec was about 15 he had started to cut himself, then a year later he started with the drugs. He liked the way that they provided an escape, to get away from everything. He hadn't told anyone, but he was a terrible liar and pretty quickly both his brother and sister knew. He had made them keep it a secret, but just a few days later, when he had been drunk at a party, Jace had told one of his friends. The next day everyone in the school knew, and everyone hated him even more.

Jace and Izzy had tried to help, but there wasn't much they could do. And Alec had an even bigger secret that only Izzy knew about. He loved his brother, and not in the brotherly way either. He disgusted himself, and there was nothing worse than that. When he started his senior year his parent finally decided to get him medication and a new psychologist, the old one really hadn't done a thing to help. The new one hadn't done much either, neither had the meds. Nothing had helped really; occasionally his siblings provided an escape, but not nearly often enough. He was so used to it he couldn't even recall feeling happy, and then he met the boy in the bathroom. He had provided comfort, at least until he had sent Alec a glittery wink, which had confused the hell out of Alec.

Alec looked at the building in front of him. It was run down with a smashed window and more graffiti than the desks at school. It was scarily familiar, not the sort of building one goes to when they want comfort, the sort you cross the street to avoid but for the last two years it had been one the best things in his life. He looked away from the building, and then back again. Somehow he was always nervous, and no matter how much he hated it, no matter how much he tried to stop it, it was there. He shook his head and walked up the stairs he reached from the handle, but then he remembered the boy from the bathroom, the one covered in glitter. He looked back the scruffy door, shook his head and entered; he didn't even know the other boy, why should he even be thinking about some kid who would probably be the one bashing Alec up the next day?

Alec returned home about, well he wasn't exactly sure but it was at least 3 hours, later feeling giddy and a lot happier than before. Which was why he was confused when he found his sister sitting on his bed Jace right behind her glaring at him. They should be happy that he was happy right?

"Alec, you need to tell someone, come on mate...we're just here to help you," this came from Jace, and his comment made Alec's blood boil, what a filthy lying hypocrite.

"If I remember correctly, which I do, you've already gone and told everyone!" Alec shouted, shoving his brother.

Jace looked at his brother with what Alec registered as complete loathing, a look he'd become so used to in the past few years, but this time it hurt more than ever because Jace was the thing in his life worth living for. Jace was the one thing Alec would do anything for.

"You still blame me for that? Well I know why now, you are weak and worthless, you don't deserve to live. You are nothing more than an animal that puts the blame on everyone else when you're hurt," then Jace pushed Alec back, causing the victim to stagger backwards and fall onto the floor, tears in his eyes. Alec then fell to the floor a sobbing wreck, his entire frame shaking. This was the sort of behaviour he expected from the guys at school, not his own brother...a person he trusted with his life.

"Oh my God Jace! What have you done?" Izzy screeched, falling to her knees, holding her brother. She looked up at the boy tears forming in her eyes. Jace didn't even know he knew his brother was not nearly as strong as himself, physically or mentally.

Jace knelt down next to the sobbing wreck that was his brother.

"Izzy, do you think you could let me and Alec talk...alone?" Jace asked, causing Alec to look up, confusion and worry in his tear filled eyes.

Alec looked at his brother, Jace hated him, Jace hated him, it was all he could think, and it hurt. Was Jace going to hurt him even more? He didn't know how to respond so he looked up at his sister, maybe she could help him, make Jace go away. But she was getting up, leaving Alec alone, with Jace. He tried to stand up and follow his sister but when he tried to stand, he staggered and fell back down almost instantly. He looked towards the door and caught his sister's eye, he saw in her eyes the sadness that he knew would be mirrored in his own, but she still left. He was alone...even his own flesh and blood and turned on him.

"Look Alec, I know you have every right to be scared, but please listen...we really are just here to help me and Izzy," Jace sighed and knelt down next to his brother then helped him up, "We want to help you, but you just won't let us in, you know what I mean?"

Both the boys sat down on the bed Alec seemed to have regained most of his strength and he was no longer sobbing, but there were still tears slowly falling down his cheeks, and he had to lean on Jace for support which worried the other boy. "Jace, do you hate me?" the bluntness of Alec's question took Jace by surprise, though Jace would have thought the same if he had been told he didn't deserve to live, but when would Alec understand? Jace hadn't been talking about his brother; he had been talking about himself. Jace wasn't depressed like his brother, but he certainly had issues.

"No, Alec even if we're not related by blood, your still my brother and I love you," Jace knew that this wasn't a particularly good answer, but it seemed to be enough for Alec. Jace remembered that morning, how happy Alec had seemed, how much energy he had held, and then he had met the weird new kid in the bathroom, then he had disintegrated into this as the rest of the day had passed. That just didn't happen; you couldn't lose that much energy in such a small period of time. The drugs hadn't helped of course, but still. Alec had once come close to an overdose, and it still hadn't been like this. It was that boy, Jace knew it.

"Jace, do really think I deserve to die?" Jace sighed, so Alec really had believed Jace when he had said it.

"NO! Alec don't even think about death, I love you! How would Izzy and I cope, what about Max...he would crumble into tiny little pieces if anything bad happened to you..." Jace would have shaken this in to the other boy if he hadn't been so scared of breaking him.

"Jace, do you think I'm going crazy?"

For this, Jace was going to have to lie.

"Alec, there is no way that you are going crazy; you still have those meds don't you? While you have them you can't be going crazy," Alec didn't think Jace was telling the truth, but it was the thought that counts.

They sat there for a few minutes in silence, Alec just enjoyed being alone with his brother, it reminded him of before the whole depression thing. A few seconds later Jace had a question, a serious one to; "Alec when was the last time you ate?"

Alec looked at the other boy in surprise, where had this come from...

"Really Alec, answer me! I just don't want to lose you...you can't give up, we all love you here you know that don't you?"

"You've already said that, like a million times," Alec whispered, trying his best to smile.

"Alec, please," Jace looked at him, his gold eyes burning. Alec loved it when his eyes did that, he loved it so much...but he hated that he did.

Thankfully, well at least for Alec's mental state but definitely not his health, Izzy entered the room looking very flustered; "Does anyone here remember being asked to a dinner party at the Fray's, coz I don't?"

"No, Magnus you re not allowed to even think about hooking up with Alec Lightwood, he is my friend, who incidentally has depression an does drugs, so he is totally NOT your type!" Clary yelled at Magnus as he drove her to Luke's, usually they would be going to the Institute after school and Luke's at the weekends only, but the Fray's were hosting a dinner party and they couldn't do that at the Institute if they were inviting mundanes, which they were.

"I just want to know more about him, and did you say he was on drugs...I thought he was a bit thin. So who is coming to this party anyway?" Magnus could see Clary's point, if he had depression it wouldn't take much to break the boy, but a guy could fantasise couldn't he?

"The Lightwoods, at least the three eldest Lightwood children; Alec, Jace and Isabelle, and Simon will probably be there. This means I don't have to tell you anything about Alec, if you want know anything more about him then you will have to ask him yourself."

This is exactly what he did. Okay, he managed to get about seven words out of the other boy, before he had been silenced by Blondie but now he knew Alec's favourite band, Coldplay, his favourite colour, green, his favourite animal, owls and his favourite subject, history. Magnus resisted the urge to ask about his favourite drugs, which would probably ruin the moment.

15 minutes later which had mostly consisted of chatting to Izzy about clothes and shoes and make up, and pretty much everything Magnus loved, Alec started to look pretty dam sick which made Magnus looked at him more carefully. This time he noticed the dark circles under his eyes, just how pale his skin was Magnus was sure that Alec's pale skin would be covered in sores but his stupid sweater covered almost all of his skin. Alec was really thin too, anorexic thin, and he hadn't eaten a thing on his palate yet.

"Alec, eat," this remark came from Clary who was glaring at the blue eyed boy.

Alec eyed the food as if he had nerve seen anything like it before, then again judging from his almost nonexistent body, he probably hadn't eaten in at least a week. This was bad even for a downworlder, and very serious for a human, even a shadowhunter. Then the blue eyed boy speared up some food with his fork and swallowed and puny mouthful, he then continued to eat and he was finished within the next few minutes.

Magnus smiled and continued a very interesting conversation he had been having with Isabelle Lightwood about how O.P.I was by far the best nail polish though he kept on secretly glancing at Alec who was staring at his brother like he was the one thing keeping him tied to the earth, like he loved Blondie more than everything else, more than his own sister, more than his own life. Magnus looked at Izzy, who was grinning at him slightly, so she knew too, she knew it just as well as Magnus. That he had competition.

And there was absolutely no way that he was going to lose.

I apologize to anyone who thinks that my Alec is, well...emo and on drugs! But it works for my story so that's how I wrote it. This chapter didn't have much Magnus and I originally had more planed in but I couldn't find anywhere to put it in. Also if anyone here has read the teasers from COLS Izzy says that her brother isn't weak, this story is about Alec learning to get stronger, and if there is a sequel the Alec in it will be more like the Alec we know and love. Also this story doesn't just involve mental struggles, it will be a physical battle, for all we know there won't be a sequel because I've killed Alec or Magnus, who knows?