(A/N) Sorry it took so long our lifes got crazy due to the holiday but here it is. Hope you guys like it. OH, and please R&R.

Written and Beta'd By: Near 0218 and lightning027

It took Mello three days to create a lesson plan for Near's class. In which three times he almost gave up because he thought Near was too much of a social reject to be fixed. The guy was a complete wreck in front of Eve, how would Mello even beginto fix him? But then he thought of Matt and how Near was going to help him. So he pushed through and eventually finished the plan.

Mello finally got to the conclusion that he was going to need three classes in order to train Near.

Day 1: What girls want and how to act around girls.
Day 2: How to introduce himself and how to hold a conversation.
Day 3: How to be romantic and tender.

With his lesson plan completed and his course outline done, Mello decided he better find Near. The sooner he found the little creep, the better. He found Near in the playroom staring at Eve . . .again. Mello shivered, hoping that Near was innocent in his intentions and didn't want to rape the poor girl or something.

"Hey, sheep." said Mello.

Near jumped, surprised and embarrassed that he had been caught staring at Eve. He blushed, hoping that Mello wouldn't notice.

"Jeez it's just me." He's hopeless . . . Mello thought to himself. He's blushing too.

"Oh, Hi Mello," Near stated calmly, trying to regain his composure and not to attract attention to himself. He didn't want anyone else to know he had been staring at Eve.

"Hey the classroom we are meeting in is classroom 666," Mello explained. Mello had reserved the classroom from his English teacher, who had some sort of weird crush on him. Yeah, the Wammy House has some fucked up staff.

"OK, what time?" Near asked.

"How does 6 sound?"

"Great, see you there." Near said and then he went back to staring at Eve, she had such pretty hair . . .

"You know it's creepy to stare" Mello told Near, an eyebrow raised. Seriously, doesn't he know how much of a pervert he seems like right now?

"Oh, OK, noted," Near stated as he walked away. Mello rolled his eyes and walked back to his own dorm room. Maybe the albino freak wouldn't be completelyhopeless . . .

The next day at precisely 6 PM Mello and Near walked into classroom 666. Mello was ready to teach, and Near was ready to learn.

The classroom was fairly normal, with four rows of desks a blackboard, shelves, and a few motivational posters scattered throughout the room. Near found a seat in the front row and Mello walked up to the board, proud that he was teaching Near something. He had always wanted to be superior, and now he was.

With that happy thought in mind, Mello wrote "HOW TO ACT AROUND A GIRL" on the board in large letters.

"Okay albino freak you need to learn how to act your own age. Not like a 6 year old little girl" Mello smirked, the power getting to him already. But he loved making people feel uncomfortable and weak, it was a trait he had inherited from L.

Mello's words were starting to piss Near off already. This was not going to be fun.

"Please address me with respect, Mello," Near stated, hoping that he wouldn't have to ditch the boy and find a book on the subject. Near had never liked books, he preferred more hands-on activities and charts. So he hoped to god that Mello would just shut up and teach.

"No. Now first of all when you are near the girl. Heh heh when Near is near a girl" Mello felt proud he did that by accident, smiling slightly to himself while writing on the board.

Wow I'm being taught by an immature homosexual,Near thought sarcastically. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and just tried to bear with Mello for a few more minutes.

"So anyway, you need to wear real clothing, not just your day pajamas or night pajamas. Girls like men with a sense of style," Mello explained. "So what we are going to do is use O's and Matt's clothes without them knowing."

When Near and Mello got back from raiding closets (which Near actually found kind of fun) Mello picked out clothes for Near and tossed them to him. Mello wasn't exactly sure what kind of body type Near had, and which clothing style would look good on him. So he had cleaned out a closet for Near to use as a dressing room and thought of a few styles that might work for the twit.

"Wear these."

"Bu..." Near started to speak.

"Ah... No buts put these on and we will see what you look like. If you look like crap we'll try something else," Mello demanded. Trial and error was their plan for now.

"Fine." Near put his head down and started to walk to the closet, feeling very self-conscious. He knew this was probably unavoidable, but was a bit nervous nonetheless. Not that he let Mello know.

When he came back he actually looked like a normal eleven year old boy. He was wearing a lime green polo shirt with jeans. (Both O's, Matt's clothes were too tight for Near . . . and the smoke smell kind of disgusted him).

"Wow, you actually look human when you wear normal people clothes," Mello said while he was approving of how he made a sheep look human. Near mentally rolled his eyes at Mello's comment. He looked like a human no matter what he wore as long as it wasn't an animal costume. Any idiot would know that.

"I feel like a lime skin wrapped around a blueberry . . ." Near said as he started to frown. The colors were too bright for his pale complexion and hair.

"Um... Okay" Mello said he was very confused at Near's comment. Mello hoped he didn't use fruit analogies all the time . . . girls would probably find that weird. "So that's a no. Here, try some of my clothes on." Mello had a bad feeling about this . . . but you never know, Near might look good. No, probably not.

Near went back in the closet and changed once again. As soon as he put the pants on he knew that it was not him. But he had couple questions for Mello so he kept changing.

When Near was finished changing he left and proceeded to interrogate Mello about his pants, which, as you can imagine, looked really weird on the albino kid.

"Mello these pants have a lace instead of a zipper. Did you get these at a sex shop?" Near asked.

"What, no psh... You insult me." Mello exclaimed. He mentally sweat dropped. He would rather not let the origins of the pants be known . . .

"Mello are you gay?"

"NO YOU ARE!" Mello said not realizing his flaw that he is helping Near get a girl. And also, that he was, in fact, gay. And his outburst wasn't helping. Near now actually believed Mello was gay. He had just asked the question because he was curious as to how Mello would react. This was interesting, but he decided to let it slide for the time being.

Mello, slightly red faced, muttered something about going to find Near suitable clothes. Near was glad that he was alone, and stepped back into the changing room to rid himself of the leather death trap that was Mello's pants.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Mello returned with an outfit from Hang, who was Mello's roommate. When he returned with the clothes, Near was sitting in his desk again, wearing his normal clothes.

"OK, Near, this is the last thing you have to try on, 'cause Hang is the last guy I know," Mello stated, tossing the clothes to Near, who obediently changed in the closet. As he was changing, Mello decided to write some notes on the board on how to act and how girls want to be treated. Mello was so in the zone he didn't even notice the door opening.

"Mello?"

Mello turned from his work and stared.

Near was wearing a band T-shirt under a black and white plaid hoodie. He had baggy jeans with a decent belt, and oversize sneakers. Normally, it would look terrible on a person like Matt or Mello, but with Near's strange complexion and light hair, it looked good. Near stared at the floor, a bit self conscious.

"Good. You'll wear that," Mello said, "start dressing like that from now on."

"But I've never even listened to . . ." Near looked at his shirt. "Theory of a Deadman?"

"You don't need to know that band, you just need a cool shirt. We'll go out and buy your clothes tomorrow after you do me a favor. Now we have to work on your behavior. Well, where's your notebook?" Mello asked, irritated. How would he ever remember this stuff if he didn't take notes?

"Oh, right," Near spoke, taking out a small notebook and pencil. Once he was ready, Mello began to teach.

"Now, I've talked to a few of Eve's friends, and have come to the conclusion that she would like the 'sweet and mysterious' type," Mello stated. He pointed to a circled title. The crossed out titles included 'bad boy with a soft side', 'nerd with a dark past', and 'self-centered jock'. Near noted that there were other types but he would not be learning about them.

"So, in order to achieve this, you will have to act a little. Not too much because you already have that 'mysterious psychopath' thing going on, but we need to complement it by being sensitive and caring. So, when she talks to you, you should be polite and nice, but don't seem like you need her. Act like she's just another girl," Mello explained, writing a few things down. Near scrunched his eyebrows together.

"But she isn't just another girl, I really like her," Near said, confused. Shouldn't he be truthful and act like how he felt?

"No, you shouldn't. Girls don't like guys that seem desperate. It seems pathetic and creepy. It's why you never tell someone you love them until you've been dating for at least three months," Mello stated, writing '3 MONTHS' and circling it. Near wrote it down, interested in these unspoken rules. How did Mello learn this stuff? Was there some sort of secret organization of men that pass down this knowledge from generation to generation?

"Mello, where did you learn this?" Near asked, looking for answers. He wanted to know if his theory was right.

"That's not important. Keep your mind on the task at hand," Mello growled, smacking Near's desk. Near jumped a bit.

"Now, when you talk to her, you should introduce yourself politely. If she needs help with something, like a project or her homework, help her the first three times. Then say you have 'a meeting' so that you keep up the aura of mystery. The stereotype you're imitating is found in quite a few teen romance books, so it should work. Be polite, a gentleman, but be vague. Every fifth question she asks, give a vague answer. Now, you also need confidence for this to work. This type of technique has worked 90% of the time, but you need to be confident with it. The whole act is nothing without confidence. That's what a girl craves in a guy, the ability to be treated nicely, and have a man that is confident in himself and yet keeps them interested, because there's that something that they just can't fuckin' figure out . . ." Mello trailed off, rolling his eyes and lost in his thoughts.

"Mello . . . how do you know this stuff?" Near asked again, surprised at Mello's knowledge of women and their desires when he didn't really hang out with them that much. Come to think of it, the only girl he'd ever seen Mello with was Jan, and she was the biggest Tomboy Near had ever seen.

Near noticed Mello's slight blush, as he tried to hide it behind a mad expression.

"I told you not to ask questions! Now tomorrow you're gonna help me, and then I'll sneak out at night to get you some clothes. You have all the notes you'll need?" Mello asked. Near could tell how flustered he was, but just nodded.

"Good, I'll be testing you next class. Don't forget about our deal. And don't talk to Eve until our next class. Avoid her. This is vital in not becoming attached too soon. You need to be able to spend periods of time without her," Mello explained. Near nodded and packed his stuff up as Mello erased the board of his various charts and titles.

"Good job, sheep," Mello said gruffly, shaking Near's hand on the way out as their teachers did.

"Thank you, Mello," Near replied as they went their separate ways. The next day, Near would fulfill his deal and help Mello.