hi so sorry i havent posted, i forgot to upload this chapter and ive been busy with christmas vacation and midterms and everything, this was my rough copy of this story i didnt have the time to edit it so ithought it was better to just post it. sorry again.
I lay on my bed, my arm wrapped in gauze and a pile of used ones drenched in blood in the trash can next to me. It's been two hours. The blood has finally begin to stop flowing through the scar on my wrist. I had enough blood for three blood transfusions, Jerome was completely worried sick, his face was if all the color was drained and his eyes glowed a bright crystal blue color. I felt horrible. I told him to go back to work after he brought me home but he refused, he barely left my side for more than a minute. And on top of feeling horrible about that, I felt even worse about lying to him about seeing his mother today. His workphone rang like five different times before I finally answered it and go back to work. I told him I'd be fine for an hour or two by myself. Nina and fabes went out to dinner tonight so they wouldn't be back till late. Jerome should be getting back by now. It was around 8:30 and had been dark for a while. I silently curse myself as I grow more and more tired, afraid that the nightmare will come. "Sarah?" I heard jeromes voice and relief washed over me.
"still upstairs!" I call back to him. I hear the footsteps come towards me. I feel guilty. Guilty for making Jerome worry. Guilty for not telling him about the meeting with his mother. Guilty for lying about it. Guilty about dragging him into this again. Guilty for everything. And I've been worrying about a silly little thing like marriage. What difference does a slip of paper make anyway? None. Exactly, so why fret over that... something so stupid. So stupid, as always. Jerome enters my room, dressed in a short tan over coat, light blue button down and dark navy pants with black shoes. His hair is messy and the first two buttons of his shirt undone. His eyes are fully of worry and in the need for a good nights rest. I feel horrible for the desheveled look he had, completely stressed out. But all in all he was still extremely attactive with this look. "oh, Jerome." I try and sit up, putting pressure on my arm that I shouldn't have, only causing me to collapse back down. He quickly rushes over, helping me sit up.
"darling are you alright?" he asks very concerned. "you should go to the doctor, you been feeling any better? Has the blood clotted? Do you still feel lightheaded? How's the cut on your chest?-" it was question overload, giving me a nasty headache, he didn't mean it and it was certainly not his fault, he was worried and my head already felt like it was going to split down the center from all the thinking ive done today.
"yes, yes, I'm feeling much better, thank you." I give him a warm hearted smile. "try and not worry, please? I'll be alright, we've been through worse haven't we?"
"I always worry about you." he says quietly, sitting down on the bed, near my hip. "even if your just going to the store quick, I worry that you won't come home and then I regret not going with you and a million different things go through my mind." he tells me, I see the worry and strong concern in his crystal blue eyes that were a mixture of steel and glitter, that beautiful sequencey feel that made my heart flutter. "I just love you too much, darling to never not worry about you." I give a half smile and sit up. I push back his messed up hair out of his face.
"i love you, Jerome." I say simply, though they are not simple words at all. "I love you so much, and I feel so horrible all the times you worry and stress about me. I just want you to be happy, all the time." he smiles at me. Just smile and pushes my side bangs away.
"I'm always happy, just because I'm with you." he says simply. "did you get any rest while I was gone?" I give him a bit of a look. "yes, right, sorry." Jerome rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "you have to sleep sometime, whens the last time you had a decent nights rest?" I laugh.
"is that a trick question?" I give a fake smile. "I have really slept at all, Friday I was too drunk to even know my name, Saturday and Sunday I took like a nap for an hour or two and last night I just didn't sleep at all."
"Sarah darling, that's not good for you. You need to get some sleep before your body gives out on you." he rubs my shoulder. "and actually Friday, you knew your name just fine and told me how much you wish you had a different one." Jerome teases.
"lets not relive that, shall we? And I can't. I have too much to do, between school and work and amber and Christmas and the scar and the nightmares and Alfie!" I spit out in one breath. "I almost totally forgot about Alfie! He'll be here soon! Oh god! Now I gotta clean for that and I can't remember if they're staying here or not and if they are, where theyre gunna sleep and that we'll-"
"Sarah, Sarah!" Jerome cuts me off and breathes out a little chuckle. "you must calm down, your getting all worked up and your cheeks are turning red." I groan, grabbing a pillow and burying my face in it only causing Jerome to laugh again. "just try and relax."
"I have too much on my mind to relax." way too much. More than you know, Jerome. And I feel so bad keep it from him. But sometimes I just can't. But I feel too guilty I just have to tell him. "but today I didn't ha-" his cell phone rang. He was hesitant to pick it up. "answer it." I told him. "it's alright." his mouth formed a straight line, but he answered.
"hello." he acquired a curious look. "uh, alright. Hold on." Jerome looked at me oddly, then putting his hand over the speaker. "apparently you left your gloves at the restaurant today when you had lunch there, with my mum." ah fuck, or the universe that dispises my very being, can tell him. I felt the color drained from my face. I felt the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. I felt like the kid who got caught stealing the cookie out of the cookie jar. He took his hand off the speaker and proceeded to talk back to the person on the line. "thank you. She'll come and pick it up tomorrow." and with that he hung up. It was quiet for a moment. his eyes were that icy shade that sent a chill through me.
"Jerome I-" he puts his hand up signaling for me to be quiet, usually I wouldnt, but I comply.
"sarah." he starts off. "why on earth would you say that you we're going to work today when you were actually going to meet up with my mother? What sense does that make!" he questions annoyingly.
"would you have of let me gone by myself today if I had told you?" I regret those words three seconds after saying them. I was going to say 'im sorry I was just about to tell you'. But me and my big mouth? Nah uh, that was not going to happen.
"of course not-" I cut him off.
"exactly, you have let me fight my own battles some times." I went to go stand up.
"sit back down." he tells me.
"I'm fine I'm fine." I shoot back. "I can handle myself for the most part."
"I wish you wouldn't of lied to me about this, Sarah." Jerome stands up as well.
"Jerome I was just about to tell you when the phone rang!" I argue.
"irrigardless! You told me you had work, no wonder you weren't at your usual underground stop!"
"I knew if I told you you wouldn't of let me gone! I had to, I should of never have said that to your mom on Friday and I had to apologizes."
"you know what's been happening lately! You know both Nina and yourself shouldnt be going any where alone. Especially you, Sarah! Look what happened today! You could of gotten seriously hurt, far worse than you did!"
"I'm fine! It's nothing to fret over, I'm fine. Nothing happened to me. I'm not really injured, I appologized to your mother, everything is fine! I don't need to be escorted everywhere every second of my day!" Jerome storms off into his room. "hey! Where do you think your going!" he takes off his jacket and shoes then plops down on his bed, grabbing his laptop.
"your obviously not going to reason with me here! So I am sitting down and starting my school work." he answers now focusing his attention at the laptop screen. I groan largely as I leave the room. Stupid stupid stupid! Grr! Is everything against me today! God! I go down stairs and sit in the kitchen with the background of the news on, not playing attention and stairing blankly at the wall. Why do I ruin everything? I mean really? Fuck my life. Just FML. that's truly what this day is. Just a big slap in the face.
I know I shouldn't of lied. But I was just about to come clean. About to do the right thing. Guess the universe had another one coming after letting a bird slice open chest and let me bleed enough to fill up a swimming pool. Yup. What a spectacular day. It is my fault though. I should of just told him in the first place. And not of fought him about it either. Today was just a big mess up for me. My semi-productive day just headed south for the winter and I was stranded on screw up island, population, Sarah McMayson. At this point marriage is not even a thought in my head. Not until this Egyptian adventure is over for good. And until mrs. Clarke has somewhat of a tollerance for me. But the first best way is to make Jerome un-mad at me. I sigh. I hope he isn't too mad at me.
I heat up a kettle filled with water on the stove and flip through the channels on the tv blankly. I notice a book out of the corner of my eye, next to all of Fabians school books. I turn my attention from the tv to the book that was left on the counter. I look to see if anybody was watching, which is stupid cause I know no one is, and I snatch it quickly from the other side of the table. I read the cover, The Secrets of the Egyptian Gods and Their Desendents. I go to open it but the kettle whistles, startling me, and dropping the book back down. I place it back with the others and take the kettle off the burner, pouring the boiling water into a mug and dipping the tea bag in. I put the mug onto a little plate and grab a napkin. I sign once again. I forget about the book I was curious about a few moments ago. That doesn't even matter, I just want Jerome to forgive me.
I go and knock on his half open door, one hand holding the tea. I here a muttered 'come in'.
"I brought you some tea." I murmur, setting it down on the nightstand by his bed. He is quiet for a second.
"thank you." he finally comes to say. I nod my head, not expecting anything else and go for the door. "Sarah?" I turn myself back around.
"yes?" I ask quietly, keeping my voice as innocent as possible.
"Come, sit down." he gestures to the edge of his bed. I hesitate. "please." with that, I oblidge and sit on the corner of his bed. Him on one end I on the other. "Sarah, I-" i cut him off. I wanted first say.
"Jerome, I'm sorry, I never should of lied to you or went their without telling you. That was such a stupid thing to do. I know I can be really defiant like 85% of the time but Im sorry." I rushed out in one breath.
"its, alright. Dont worry about it. I overracted about it. I probably stressed you out even more. I'm sorry too." he smiled, then putting his laptop down and giving me a hug. I hug him back, feeling that tingle go down my spine as I inhale the sent of crisp apples and warm vanilla. We unlatch from he hug and he chuckles.
"what?" I ask curiously, giving a half smile.
"when the concierge called, he asked for Sarah Clarke." he gave a cheasure cat grin. My cheeks flush a red color as I blush furiously.
"don't look at me, your mom made the reservation." i giggle. "I have nothing to do with that. She told me to check in at the hosts podium as Clarke. They must of only assumed." Jerome smirks at me.
"alright, alright." he let's out a small chuckle. It was quiet for a second. "can I ask you something?" Jerome questioned.
"yeah, of course, anything." I tell him, giving a small smile. Again he was quiet for a moment. What could he possibly ask that it's bothering him? And now it's bothering me. Maybe it's about school. Maybe it's about amber and brad. Marriage? Children? The Scar? The Nightmares? Anubis? Is he ill? Oh cmon out with it, jerome! I need to know or I'll explode!
"why did you tell me? About the scar that very first night?" his eyes were a steely shade mixed with a glittery tint. I take a deep breath before I answer.
"I don't know." I finally come to say. "I guess, It felt natural to just tell you something. Like I had known you forever." I trail off my eyes wandering to my twiddling thumbs. His hands latch onto mine.
"forever." he smiles, the word coming off his lips sweetly. "I'll be here with you forever."
"forever." I whisper back. "I love you."
"I love you too." sometimes if feel so horrible that I have dragged Jerome into this, and that it has buried us six feet under, how his life could of been normal, with normal problems and normal people. He pulls me into a tight hug and I hug back. But at other times I only wish for him to be at my side, forever.
I snuggle up in the conforter on my bed, next to Jerome. Today was exhausting. Alfie is to be here in two days so I have to get that all done and wheel out all the psychoness by then. The nightmares. They have gotten worse. I refuse to tell Jerome because I don't want to worry him anymore. And I can tell Nina is having them too, and she refuses to tell Fabian. And we haven't told eachother, but we can tell. The nightmares have gotten more intense. More real. One night I swore I actually had scratches on my legs but they were gone by morning. They have changed a bit, and alter the senario. But it's in the same area, same thing happens but newest one, I'm stairing in a mirror, dressed in a dark green ballgown by the old oak tree. The moon is the same and its the same time of night. But now, as I told myself not to do. I run. But not from the jackal, no he just chases me when I run but the mirror, I see something in it, I don't know what, but it frightens me, so much. I'm afraid to go to sleep, but my body just breakdowns after 48 hours without sleep and sometimes I can't help it, I just fall alseep or sometimes I cannot fall asleep at all. But for now, I must.
I hear murmurs. Their muffled and unclear. My vision is distorted and blurry as well. The murmurs get louder and more distinct, I can sorta make out what the voice is saying, and I think it's my name. "Sarah!" it calls out. "Sarah!" my eyesight starts to clear into bright white blurs. "Sarah, love, please, wake up, please." I hear it say. The voice, it's jeromes. "love, please." it begs. I use up every single bit of energy I have to let out a groan in response. I start to have more and more control over my senses and limbs. I can basically see normally, though it's still little blurry. I try and push myself up but I collapse back down onto floor where I assume I lay right now. I dont know how got there, or what happened. I hear and exhale of relief almost. I then feel arms around me, lifting me up and placing me gently on something soft, which I believe is my bed. "Sarah? Sarah, darling, are you alright?" Jerome asked worriedly. I open my eyes completely to gaze at his deep blue orbs.
"Jerome?" I ask groggily.
"Sarah, what did you do?" he asks concerned.
"what?" he helps me sit up and I stare. "my god, what have I done?"
so thats chapter 5, its kinda on the short side, sorry, but review and everything and tell me what you think!
Marcy(: