A/N: If you're the kind of person who laughs very easily (like me) don't read this in a public place or you'll be dragged off to St. Mungo's without delay. Oh, and please, please, please review, even if you hate this and throw up from boredom all over your computer. Review even if it's just to sue me for wrecking your computer!
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Narcissa Malfoy entered her bedroom to see her dressing table in a state of total disrepair. All four of the dainty stools that sat before it were thrown about the room; their silken cushions ripped open, snow white feathers strewn across the plush carpet. Empty make-up containers littered the ground as well as make-up brushes and powder puffs.
With a sinking heart, Narcissa recognized her fifty-galleons-an-ounce perfume bottle shattered in a corner, surrounded by a pool of perfume, the shards glittering in the light cast by the massive crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.
Valuable, passed-down-from-generations jewellery spilled out of bejewelled boxes that had clearly been pushed off the gold-plated, oak dressing table. A shattered china castle lay against the wall opposite. The mirror on the table had a huge crack running across it and was wailing disconsolately.
Open lipstick tubes, snapped eyeliner pencils, broken compacts, and empty lotion bottles were scattered across the table. Drawers had been pulled out, their contents adding to the mess on the floor. Expensive silk robes were ripped and stained with liquid eyeliner and lip-gloss, and sprinkled with powder.
Atop the dresser sat an angelic looking, blonde haired, five year old boy. Quite obviously the culprit, his hair was filled with what looked like the contents of an entire bottle of StarWitch Hair Gel. An eyeliner pencil was tucked behind an ear, and a diamond tiara sat crookedly upon his head. Several necklaces hung from his neck and bangles adorned his wrists and ankles. Rings had been placed upon his thumbs and big toes.
He was sitting beside a pile of opened, upset nail polish bottles. With his pink tongue sticking out from between his teeth, he very carefully drew something with black nail-polish across his left forearm.
"DRACO!" Narcissa shrieked.
The little boy started and looked up. "Mummy!" he squeaked, "Look!" He proudly displayed his arm and the creation upon it.
Narcissa paid no attention. "What have you done?" she wailed.
"It was fun," Draco said carelessly. As if to prove his point, he picked up a beautiful, intricately painted china-doll princess and hurled her across the room as hard as he could. She hit the wall and shattered into a million pieces.
Narcissa clutched her chest, gasping, and collapsed on her bed.
Draco, heedless, jumped down and tried to tip the table over.
"NO! DRACO, YOU STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!"
Draco took no notice of his hysterical mother.
"DRACO!" Narcissa howled, "YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE MUMMY CRY!"
The table fell with a deafening crash. Narcissa burst into tears. Draco beamed.
"You—you're a terrible boy," Narcissa hiccupped, "You've made Mummy very sad. Bad Draco!"
Draco's face turned red, "I'm not!" he shouted, "I'm a good boy! Daddy said so!" He picked up one of the only unbroken jewellery boxes and flung it out the window. It landed with a splash in the lily pond, startling several swans into flight. A sapphire bottle, a powder puff, several jewelled combs, and a five ounce bottle of nail polish were the next casualties of his rage.
Narcissa buried her face in her hands and let out a heartbreaking wail. She didn't know what she had done to deserve such a son. But when Draco reached for his mother's engagement ring, which until now, had been on his big toe, she knew she had to do something.
"Draco! I'm sorry! You're a very good, good, good boy!"
It was too late; the ring sailed out the window, twinkling merrily in the sun, unaware of its fast approaching watery fate. Narcissa lunged for her son and placed him on the bed. "You're a good boy!" she gasped.
Draco peered at her shrewdly. "Are you saying that just because you want me to stop playing?"
"No! No, I—I just want to see the lovely lollipop you've drawn—"
"It's not a lollihop!" Draco yelled, scandalized.
"Lollipop," Narcissa corrected weakly.
"It's a Dark Mark!"
Upon closer inspection, Narcissa speculated that the black blob and wiggly thing that protruded from it could be a skull and snake… "Of course," she said, smiling, "Mummy wasn't looking properly. It's fabulously drawn Draco! You'll make Daddy so proud!"
Draco smiled, mollified, so Narcissa cautiously released him. "Now," she said soothingly, "Could you please do Mummy a big favour since you're such a big boy? Could you summon Dobby?"
"Why should I?" Draco asked.
Narcissa quelled her growing rage. "I'll give you five galleons," she wheedled.
"Okay," Draco said, hopped off the bed, and skipped off, the rings on his toes clinking against the marble floors. The tiara slipped off his head, but he didn't notice.
Narcissa sighed. "Accio engagement ring." The ring flew into her hands, trailing weeds. "Tergeo," Narcissa commanded wearily, and it was clean moments later. Sometimes, Narcissa thought as she surveyed her war zone of a room, it feels like an heir is just not worth it…