Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT
*The guys are 25 years old in this fic.*
*I have the guys at about 6'2" in this fic*
Chapter Nineteen: A Meeting
Jordan paused outside of the lair and frowned, the sewers were no place for the sick or wounded, although Leo was a pretty tough guy physically. Mentally he was a little unstable, but sound for the majority of the time. He had his issues, but didn't they all. It had been agreed that under no circumstance would herself, Jamie, nor Trisha (God rest her soul) would mention Leo's psychotic break and slow recovery.
That was one little piece of information that they didn't need to know, for Leo's sanity and pride if nothing else.
Jordan smiled as the door swung open as she typed in the code to get in. She nearly jumped clean out of her skin when the door finished opening to reveal a tall, emerald green figure with a red mask and piercing golden eyes staring down at her.
She let out a startled squeak before she could stop it, and then gasped before straightening herself.
"You must be Raphael," she managed after a minute.
He blinked then nodded and allowed her a faint frown before grunting.
"Let her through Raphie," Jamie's teasing voice announced from behind, "Its Jordan."
Jordan smiled as Raph stepped aside to allow her entrance and she spotted Jamie standing in the doorway.
"Well come on come in don't just stand there and stare," Jamie teased.
Jordan chuckled before stepping in and exchanging a hug.
"I didn't know you were coming," Jamie replied with a grin as they separated.
"Leo's psych eval," Jordan replied.
Jamie laughed slightly, shaking her head as Jordan chuckled.
"Psych eval?" Raph asked, frowning slightly at the two.
"A counseling session basically. Leo's been through a lot lately and I want to make sure he's still doing alright, plus I brought him his next round of pills," Jordan replied, "Jamie where is-?"
"Dojo," Jamie replied, pointing the way.
"Leo sees a shrink?" Raph asked Jamie after Jordan had walked out of ear shot.
"Jordan isn't a shrink; she's a counselor and a doctor. Which makes her uniquely qualified to handle Leo's issues," Jamie replied.
"He can talk to Splinter all he wants," Raph muttered.
"Right, about his suicide attempts, his depression, the fact that he cut and starved himself most of his life…oh and the fact that he smokes because of his nerves. Right he can really talk to his father about all that without being frowned on," Jamie replied sarcastically.
Raph flinched at her cutting reply.
"You still don't get it. How messed up he was when we met him, how long it took us to undo all that damage, do you?" Jamie asked stiffly.
"I guess not," Raph whispered.
"You want to really understand Raph watch the suicide attempt I was forced to go through with him and you tell me he's Fearless and perfect," Jamie hissed before turning and walking away, Raph remained frozen, confused, as she came back from her room minutes later and shoved a DVD into his hands.
Raph trembled as he read the cover.
Nearly Lost Him
Raph looked up only to see Jamie retreating with Sebby trotting along behind her, tail wagging.
Raph sighed before retreating to his room as he spotted Mike retreating from the kitchen as Jamie walked in. Mike had been avoiding her ever since her little announcement two days ago. Tomorrow was Friday and Mike had gotten extremely tense and worried, not to mention more and more, bitter about the whole situation.
Jamie on the other hand was ecstatic and had been trying to decide on an outfit ever since. Leo had done his best to soothe Mike's wounded pride and broken heart, but there wasn't much Leo could do at this point.
Raph sighed as he pushed his door shut and settled onto his bed, his battered DVD player and TV sat off to the side.
He fumbled with the DVD and then slowly moved over and started the video.
It focused on Leo sitting hunched over on a small, battered, green couch.
Hey, Leo's here early Trisha.
Hey Leo…Leo?
Oh my God…Trish…he's…he's got a gun…
The camera panned to show Leo sitting on the couch, clutching a gun, with blood gushing from multiple, what appeared to be self-inflicted, wounds.
Leo what happened? Leo talk to me.
Would you miss me?
What?
If I pulled the trigger…would you miss me?
Of course I'd miss you, Leo. Please, please give me the gun.
Fear flickered across the aburn's face.
Leo looked straight at her before replying and lifting the gun.
They wouldn't.
NO
The gunshot made Raph jump and he felt tears roll down his cheeks when he watched Trish scramble forward and shove her jacket against Leo's head, kicking the gun away.
CALL JORDAN!
Jamie dropped her camera and ran, crying to the phone.
He's seizing! He only grazed his head…he'll be ok…is Jordan coming!
She's on her way…what should I do? Trisha what should I do?
Pray…and throw that infernal thing out…
Jamie did as she was told and what seemed like hours later when Jordan scrambled through the door and the frantic work of the group really began.
Raph had to turn it off after a while because of how upset it was making him. He hadn't realized how much that would affect him, the shock of finding out that Leo felt so isolated that he felt like dying was the only way out.
Raph dried his eyes and walked out of his room after a minute and shuddered. He paused when he saw Leo leaning against the counter of the kitchen, smoking, and talking to Jordan.
Then he blinked.
Leo was smoking a cigarette.
"Yeah, it took me a while to wrap my head around that too," Mike whispered as he leaned over the railing.
"He smokes?" Raph sputtered.
"Since he was sixteen," Mike mumbled, "Jamie said he's cut back to a pack a day, used to be about three or four a day."
"Why?" Raph sputtered.
"Apparently it helped with his minor seizures just enough to take the edge off, helped him relax," Mike replied.
Raph grunted slightly before rubbing his eyes.
"This just keeps getting more and more insane," Raph mumbled.
"Finding out how screwed up our perfect elder brother is definitely unnerving," Mike mumbled.
"He was never perfect," Raph mumbled in reply, "we just told ourselves he was and made him think he had to be."
"We really pushed him along didn't we?" Mike sighed, rubbing his eyes.
Raph nodded.
"He tried to shoot himself…Jamie made me watch the video of it, I couldn't watch it all," Raph whispered.
Mike shuddered, his shoulder brushing Raph's as he did.
"I don't blame you," Mike mumbled, "why'd she have it on tape anyway?"
"They were…walking into their apartment and Jamie had her camera on," Raph whispered.
"Raphael," Jordan called, cutting off the conversation.
Raph turned and looked down at the woman as Leo stood up and extinguished his spent cigarette and passing it under some water before tossing it in the trash. Jordan cocked a hip and crossed her arms under her bust.
"Come on I don't bite. You, me, and Leo are taking a walk," Jordan called.
Raph grunted and raised an eye ridge.
"No offense and all but I don't need a shrink," Raph replied.
"Get down here or I'll put you on mandatory shrink time," Jordan shot back with a smirk.
Raph grunted and with a sigh, flipped himself over the railing and landed on the floor like a cat.
"Good, let's go boys," Jordan called as she walked off.
Leo grunted.
"Oh, give me those," Jordan paused holding a hand out behind her.
Leo grumbled and dropped the pack of cigs into her hand.
"I don't need you to start smoking four packs a day again, finally got you down to less than half a pack," Jordan chided.
Leo muttered something Raph didn't catch. He raised an eye ridge at Leo who sighed.
"Bad habit I'm trying to break," Leo mumbled, "thought I shook it going cold turkey cause of my jaw, but too addicted still to just stop. I found an extra pack I had in my room and smoked it all yesterday."
Raph flinched.
"No good bro," Raph mumbled, "doesn't that habit of yours make your breathing difficult?"
"Yeah, but I adjusted to it, and I'm working on stopping so I don't ruin my lungs," Leo mumbled, "worse anyway."
Raph grunted.
Jordan cast a quick smile over her shoulder.
"Don't worry Raph, I'm helping him out. Leo some of what I brought is nicotine patches, to help you start cutting back again," Jordan informed.
"Thanks," Leo sighed, "I really do want to kick this."
"I know," Jordan replied, "That's why I'm helping you."
Raph grunted, giving Leo an encouraging nod.
"So…what are we doing?" Raph asked.
"Resolving some issues between the two of you," Jordan replied, "plus I'd like to meet this Raphael I hear so much about in Leo's sessions."
Raph looked at Leo.
"You talk about me?" Raph mumbled.
"About us," Leo replied softly, "about how we fought and how close we used to be."
"He is or was very concerned that you would end up killing him someday," Jordan announced as they rounded the corner and took a hallway away from the lair.
Raph stumbled at those words.
"Why?" Raph sputtered.
"Jealousy, anger, resentment," Jordan replied for Leo, "He was fearful for his life."
"But Leo!" Raph gasped.
"Despite the fact that I wanted to die because I felt like a failure I didn't want my blood on your hands. I was worried about what kind of an affect that it would have on you. I didn't want you to retreat into silence or take your own life because of the situation," Leo replied, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.
Leo grunted in frustration as his fingers began to twitch violently and he stopped, leaning against the wall adjacent to him.
"Leo?" Raph asked in concern.
"It's his tremors," Jordan said softly.
Raph stepped forward, only to be stopped by Jordan resting a hand on his arm.
"Breathe nice and slow Leo, it'll be over in a second," Jordan soothed.
Leo's legs buckled and Jordan eased him down, then finally Leo grew still and leaned against the wall shaking.
"You ok bro?" Raph asked softly as he squatted next to his brother, gently placing a hand on Leo's shoulder.
Leo nodded softly.
"Tired," Leo mumbled, "they take a lot out of me."
Jordan sat next to him and gestured for Raph to do the same. Raph settled next to his brother and waited.
"We'll just sit here then Leo," Jordan comforted, patting his knee.
"Jordan have I ever told you, that you make me think of a grandmother?" Leo sighed, raising an eye ridge without opening either eye.
"Many times," Jordan chuckled, "and think…I'm only a year younger than you."
Leo chuckled softly.
Raph managed a small smile, mouth twitching upward slightly.
"So…how often do you have these Leo?" Raph asked softly.
"About once or twice a day at this level, but my hands shake just about constant. I manage to hide it though," Leo replied softly, shifting position to get more comfortable.
Raph nodded.
"The smoking?" Raph asked.
"Something with the nicotine helps," Jordan replied, "I haven't as yet truly looked into why, just that I know it seems to help him; but I want him to stop smoking so he doesn't destroy his lungs."
"Ditto," Leo mumbled.
Raph chuckled.
"Well, as upset that I am that ya' smoke…at least ya're tryin' ta' stop," Raph chuckled, "I'll do what I can ta' help."
"Thanks," Leo replied with a smile.
Then with a slight smirk.
"So Raphael…you and Jordan should talk some while I take a nap. You'll get along rather well I think," Leo whispered before dropping his chin to his chest.
Raph sputtered something and Jordan laughed.
A/N: Reviews will make me update sooner….Let me know what you think. For now I'll be updating twice a week, Mondays and Fridays.