Detective Beckett didn't remember the drive to Castle's loft. Her thoughts were on what she was going to say when she got there. She had it all planned out. She would knock on the door, apologize profusely, explain herself, tell him how she felt, and beg his forgiveness. She walked past the doorman and gave him a slight nod.
The elevator could not go fast enough. She pushed the button impatiently.
"Come on." She muttered. Finally the door opened. She walked to his loft and knocked sharply three times. When the door opened, revealing the broken man, she forgot what she was going to say.
"I love you." The words spilled out of her mouth as she looked into his dull eyes.
"Excuse me?" castle was taken aback. He was so sure she didn't reciprocate his feelings and yet here she was. Saying that.
"I mean it. And I'm sorry. So sorry. For the past month, I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did. And then it hit me. Actually somebody told me but that's not the point. Castle, I didn't want you to find out that way. I wanted to be able to sit down somewhere quiet where I could explain to you what I did and why you did it. Someplace where it would be okay for you to yell and scream and never forgive me. Ho-How did you find out?"
"Bobby Something. You were interrogating him the day of the bombing." She sat, trying to remember what she said. A small 'oh' escaped her lips. When she didn't say anything else, he took that as his cue to go on. "God Kate. I love you so much. The least you could have done was cluing me in on your feelings. I would have moved on. Or tried to anyways." Her eyes filled with tears.
Do you honestly believe that I don't love you?" she whispered.
"I know it. And it's okay. I'm just going to need some time." Kate shook her head.
"You stupid, stupid man. How could I not love you? You're my partner. You always have my back. You know how I take my coffee. You always make me laugh. It scares me how easy you can make me cry. When you smile, I smile." As if to prove her point, she smiled. Castle raised an eyebrow.
"Did you just quote a Justin Bieber song?" Kate blushed.
"It was on the radio when I came here. Besides. How would you know?" he raised his hands as if in defeat.
"Okay you win." Kate cleared her throat.
"Do you understand what I'm saying?" Castle nodded. Her relief was short lived. "I understand that you're trying to make me feel better. I love you always. And you don't love me. That's fine. I'm fine."
"I love you."
"No you don't."
"I do."
"Stop saying that! I know you don't!" he yelled. Kate stood up angrily.
"Don't you dare tell me how I feel." She said, her voice cracking from pain and anger. "How could you even think that? After all we've been through. I thought that meant something. I told you why I wasn't ready for a relationship. I asked you to wait. I know it was unfair. But I did. And you said you would wait. When you showed up with a blonde bimbo hanging off your arm, listening to every other word, I was scared. So scared. And my fears were right. You've probably moved on. I just want you to know that I love you so much. Always. And I don't know if you love me-"
"Always." Castle interrupted.
"I'm ready, Castle." He answered her by crossing the room and wrapping her in his arms. He pressed his lips to her hair and he could feel her smile. He felt her pull away and he was scared that she was running. But she didn't. She just looked at him.
"You know, I was so scared that you were gone."
"Never." He whispered. Her eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips and he slowly lowered his lips to meet hers, not for the first time. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled against the kiss. When they pulled back, he kissed her cheek. They stayed, hugging each other until it got uncomfortable to stand. That's when Kate broke the comfortable silence.
"You know, Lanie probably already knows. And she's probably pissed at you."
"Which sounds nicer? Russia or Switzerland?" Kate laughed and he leaned down to kiss her again. Just before their lips met, the doorbell rand. Both pairs of eyes widened and they laugh nervously.
"I'll get it." Kate volunteered.
"That's so nice. Risking your life to save mine. You must really love me." He waggled his eyebrows.
"Yeah. Something like that." She kissed him and walked to the door.
"I'll just…be in the bathroom." He ran out of the room.
He was gone, but now he's back.
He'll always come back.
Always.