Of bagels and breakfast talks
Thanks a lot for your nice reviews.
And because so many of you wanted a sequel to this...
It's just Castle and breakfast, no need to freak out, she told herself for what seemed to be the millionth time by now and yet her nerves didn't seem to calm down any time soon. Because, well it wasn't exactly just breakfast and Castle, right?
It might have been, hadn't they made out like horny teenagers in his car not even ten hours ago.
Even if it had been after midnight before Beckett had finally slipped between her sheets, not to mention those hours she had been laying wide awake touching her still kiss-swollen lips, she had been awake at half past six again, too giddy and excited and yet too apprehensive and nervous to continue sleeping.
She and Castle hadn't even agreed on a time when he would come around, but she had gotten up though, had taken a shower, shaving legs and everything else (who knew where things would lead once he would be inside her apartment?) and then everything had stopped because she had opened her closet.
That was where she was still standing in front of, clad in a towel, half an hour later and not any further regarding her wardrobe.
What the hell was she supposed to wear to a might-be-might-not-be-date with Rick Castle?
For welcoming him only in her PJs this whole thing was well too new and being dressed like for work…well, wasn't the right thing either.
Something dressier was too much and sweatpants and a T-shirt a little too scruffy.
Biting her lip, Kate decided to call Lanie. The ME would kill her if she wouldn't be the first to know about Kate's relationship developments (if you could call them that) and this way Kate would maybe even get something out of it too if Lanie could help her out.
It took her friend a while to finally answer her phone.
"Kate? Do you know what time it is? It's not even eight on a Saturday morn-wait; you wouldn't happen have hot steaming sex with writer boy until now, would you?" Lanie's voice got all girlish and loud and Kate could hear a man's voice (definitely Esposito's) groaning in the background.
"No," she said, biting her lip, trying to repress a smile, "but I might have soon."
"What? Girl, tell me every little thing that happened once we left you two to it last night!"
Kate blushed a little upon remembering some certain minutes in Castle's car somewhere in NYC. "Well…we…he's coming around for breakfast," she said, a bit too self cautious for Lanie's liking.
"That better not be the only thing he's coming around for!"
Fighting a blush, Kate rolled her eyes. "Lanie…"
"What? Kate, seriously, you've been all over each other last night and now you're meeting up for breakfast? What for when you skipped the normal thing that's supposed to come in between."
"To talk," Kate said simply, choosing to ignore Lanie's snarky remarks. "I know now why he's been so distant lately."
"And that might be?"
"Because he knows that I remember."
"Oh dear…well, I don't know why you even lied to him in the first place, but I told you it would end badly if he ever happened to find out."
Kate rolled her eyes again. "Yes, but now we're talking again and he's coming soon and I don't know what to wear. So if you could stop telling me 'I told you so' and actually help me out, I'd be grateful," she said sarcastically.
Lanie sighed at the other end of the line. "Well, something casual, I'd say. I don't know some jeans and a sweatshirt or something. If you want to talk you'll want to be comfortable, right? And sweetie, please don't freak out, alright? This thing between you guys is huge and that man is head over heels in love with you and if you want to know what I think…well, I think he might be exactly what you need. You know, your one and done."
Kate swallowed against the lump in her throat and nodded to herself. Yes, she knew that. She had known for a long time, maybe also a reason why she hadn't told him earlier. Because he actually was her one and done guy, or at least she wanted him to be, and that scared the hell out of her. Who wouldn't be terrified at the prospect of loving someone forever and being loved as long?
"Yeah, I know," she said softly.
"Alright. While remembering that, don't forget that sometimes actions speak louder than words. And don't do anything I wouldn't do," Lanie teased.
"Bye Lanie," Beckett answered annoyed, all herself again.
Throwing her cell on the bed, she decided to get up and ready and with Lanie's words in the back of her mind, she planned on changing her bed sheets, just in case.
In the end the knock on her door came sooner than she'd expected and she felt entirely unprepared for this whole thing.
And yet, when she opened the door he was leaning against the frame and looking so handsome and just hot, that she could just stare at him and smile shyly.
"Hi," he said, his blue eyes twinkling happily, and he waved the bag of bagels in his hand. "Someone in for breakfast?"
"Hi," she greeted back, her heart pounding ridiculously hard in her chest.
Good Lord! How he managed to make her feel like being in high school all over again was beyond her.
Trying to get her act together she moved out of the way and let him in.
Castle was dressed casually too. Wearing dark slacks, a dark blue T-shirt and the checkered shirt she liked very much on him, he really looked ruggedly handsome.
Dropping a quick kiss on her lips (when had this become something they naturally did?), he went past her to put the bagels on the table.
"Did you already make coffee?", he asked and turned back to her.
Beckett nodded. "Yes. I've been up for a while," she said softly, not quite daring to look at him.
"Hey," he said, taking her hand gently in his larger one, "I know this seems really huge, but it's just us, Kate. Just you and me. No need to freak out."
She nodded, letting herself be pulled into his warm, firm chest. Wrapping her slender arms around his waist, she pressed her face in the crook of his neck, feeling him shiver when her breath hit his skin.
At least she wasn't the only one being effected like this.
"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't sleep at all last night," he murmured into her hair and she smiled.
Tightening her arms around him, her voice was muffled by his neck when she whispered: "I know we have to have this talk, but I really don't want to. It's just so nice right now."
He was quite for a moment and she already feared she had said something wrong, when she felt him pressing his lips to her head.
"You know, maybe we shouldn't talk it to death. Let's just have a nice breakfast and afterwards I'll tell you what happened and you give me some answers. Without blaming each other. What do you think?"
She nodded, before pulling away, smiling at him. "Okay."
He smiled back. "Okay." And before heading to the table, he pulled her into his arms one more time, this time pressing his lips against hers.
And Kate enjoyed it.
This whole thing had gone very smoothly so far. They had joked while eating, played footsie under the table and flirted a lot before cleaning up together.
While doing the dishes Kate had started blowing bubbles at him, laughing at his scandalized face, and he had gotten right back at her with wet, slippery hands.
When they both had been almost soaked, Kate had stepped into him, pressing her whole body against his, and kissed him senseless.
And that was what she was still doing.
Moaning, Castle wrapped his arms tighter around her, leaning back against the sink, while stroking her full lips with his tongue. She opened her mouth willingly, feeling hot desire shooting through her veins upon being pressed this close to him.
Her nipples started to harden against his muscular chest and he pressed her closer against his arousal in response.
"You're so damn hot," he groaned, as he moved to suck where the soft skin of her neck met her chest.
"You're pretty damn hot yourself," she breathed huskily, tilting her head to give him better access. She felt him pull away slightly, admiring his work.
"Castle, did you just make me a hickey?"
He grinned sheepishly, before shrugging. "You know boys, always marking their territory."
Castle threw his head back, laughing out loud, while Kate discovered relieved that the hickey was low enough to be covered by a shirt.
When they had both composed themselves a little, they each had grabbed a coffee mug and had moved over to the couch.
Stretching himself and putting his feet on the couch table, Castle wrapped his left arm around Beckett, pulling her into his side, and moved her legs over his own, gently stroking over her jeans-clad calves.
Nuzzling her head against his shoulder, Beckett sighed contently.
Gently tickling her upper arm with his finger tips, up and down, Castle leaned his own head against hers.
"Can I ask you something?", he requested softly and felt her nodding in response.
"Why didn't you tell me you heard me seven months ago?"
Kate's breath hitched again, exactly like it had hours ago before they had almost jumped each other in his car.
She took her time to find the right answer, choosing her words carefully and he didn't push her.
"I guess I just…I felt overwhelmed. So many things had happened during the past months, turning my life upside down and there I was laying on the grass, bleeding out and you finally said those three little words I'd wanted to hear and yet feared for so long.
I suppose a part of me thought you had just told me because I was dying and because you'd had so many other opportunities before and never said anything before.
And then I figured, if you really, really loved me you deserved me to love you back just as much and I couldn't do that back then, because I was too messed up.
I've been seeing a therapist ever since and well, he helps me see things more clearly and sort out some of my issues.
And I've wanted to tell you for months now, but every time I tried something came up or the boys interrupted or whatever.
I'm so sorry, I really am, Rick."
They were both quiet for a while, Castle's grip on her tightening, before he slowly whispered: "Say it, Kate, please. Please say it."
She didn't need to ask what he meant, she knew exactly what. Swallowing against the lump in her throat, she said almost inaudibly: "I love you, Castle."
He let out a relieved breath, before gently turning towards her and tilting her head up with his finger crooked under her chin.
Looking into her eyes he repeated his words from so many months ago before slowly closing the gap between them and catching her lips in a gentle, loving kiss.
Even if they didn't deepen the kiss, Kate felt things she hadn't felt in a long time. He was pouring his love right into their connection, filling her insides with affection, trust and unconditional faith.
A few tears had found their way out of her eyes by the time they separated, and he gently wiped them away.
"I love you so much," she whispered thickly and once more he brushed her lips chastely.
"I love you too, Kate, more than you'll ever know and I'm sorry for being the jackass I've been over the last weeks."
"Will you ever tell me what I did to make you snap like that?"
He nodded slowly, resuming his gentle drawing of small patterns on her arm.
"During the bombing case I heard you tell the kid that you remembered. And I guess…I thought you were just embarrassed, didn't know how to tell me you didn't feel the same and it hurt so much I didn't know how to survive this. So I decided to try to move on, without any success anyway, and I guess a part of me wanted to hurt you too."
"And you did," she said quietly, before moving to straddle him, putting her hands on both sides of his face.
Ignoring the tears which were flowing down her face, she made sure he listened to her, before saying: "I need you to know that this is…I'll never feel anything but love for you, you need to understand that. And I'm so, so sorry for putting you through all this, and I know I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to you and earning back your trust, but I need you to believe me when I say I love you, Rick. Only you, nobody else, always, Rick. You are everything to me."
They were both crying by now and Kate couldn't do anything else than press her lips feverishly against his, trying to make him feel her truth.
God, how could he even think something that ridiculous? As if she could do anything than love him with all her heart!
Moaning, Castle accepted her gesture, letting her kiss and nib at every piece of skin she could find, overflowed with happiness upon realizing that she indeed loved him.
Kate was lost, entirely lost in all that was him. All she could think about was getting closer and more of him and that all of him was hers now and that she didn't want to change that for the world.
She started working on his buttons, trying to move him out of his clothes, to finally touch everything she'd only fantasized about until now.
"Kate," he groaned, gripping her hips harder, trying to stop her from wiggling too much on his lap.
Sucking so hard that it definitely would leave an even larger mark than the one he'd created on her, Kate couldn't slow down.
"Kate, we need to stop," he panted helplessly, before finally finding the strength to push her far enough to make her let go of him.
She looked at him disbelievingly, before growling: "You better not tell me we're too fast because I think after four years of foreplay-"
"No, that's not it," he cut her off, panting heavily, before pulling her hair back out of her face. "That's not the reason. But…before we do all of this, and I mean all, I need to confess something too because I want us to have every card on the table before we do this. Because once we start this, I'm not gonna be able to stop and if you find out the truth and suddenly don't want me anymore, I don't think I…" He broke off, looking almost desperately at her.
Her face turned a little white, before she whispered: "You hid something from me too, didn't you?"
He nodded slowly. "You might want to call me a hypocrite, but yeah, I did."
"What is it?", she asked quietly, moving out of his lap to sit back again.
"I need you to come home with me and let me show it to you. So will you come around for dinner tonight? Can you wait that long?" Can you give me a chance to explain, even I didn't give you the same, his eyes seemed to ask.
She nodded, her throat suddenly dry, and let him get up.
"Okay," he said swallowing, "thank you. Come around six, alright?" He moved to kiss her cheek, a little cautiously and Kate knew this was going to be something rather big.
She only hoped they would be strong enough to survive it.