Of dinners and heartbeats

Because you motivated me make 3/3 out of it

"Jesus, dad! I seriously thought this episode was finally over," Alexis exclaimed upon seeing her father as she came closer.

The girl hadn't seen her father this morning, so considering the rather large hickey on his neck, he'd apparently had an eventful night.

Castle looked confused at her scandalized face and Alexis rolled her eyes, before pointing to his neck.

"Dad! Really. Even I think this is embarrassing and I'm as half as old as you."

Castle at least had the tendency to look a tad bit embarrassed. "Yeah, let's talk about something else, okay?"

Alexis shrugged. "I just don't understand this, daddy. I understand that you're angry at Beckett because of what she did but I think showing off that thing takes it a little bit far."

Now he didn't quite know what to say. Part of him really wanted to tell his daughter everything, but then again…if things with Beckett wouldn't work out tonight…

The girl had obviously seen something in her father's face, because she suddenly gasped before saying: "This was Beckett, wasn't she?"

Castle nodded sheepishly, before finally deciding to tell Alexis about his morning. A happy smile bloomed on his face.
"She and I had a talk and breakfast together."

Alexis grinned cheekily. "Obviously it was a little more than talking."

"Alexis!", Castle shrieked horrified.

Laughing, the girl padded her father's cheek. "I'm glad, dad."

"Well…she's coming around for dinner tonight."

"Dad…," Alexis said slowly, biting her lip hesitantly, "does she know about the murder board?"

Swallowing against the sudden lump in his throat, he shook his head. "No. I'm gonna tell her tonight."

She grimaced rather pitifully. "Oh…"

"Yeah."

"Do you think…"

"I don't know." And he really didn't. Kate's reaction could be…well, he had imagined many different scenarios, regarding her reaction. She could yell and cry and never speak to him again. Or let him explain, like he hoped she would, and see that all he ever wanted to do was protect her and forgive him.
Or she could just turn around and ignore him for the rest of their lives.

"Do you want me and grams to be out tonight?", Alexis asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Would you mind?" He knew it might a bit much to ask both his daughter and his mother to give him and Kate some space tonight, throwing them out of their own home, but…

"Now, grams wanted me to go seeing that Broadway movie anyways."

"Thanks," he murmured, pulling his daughter into his arms. He only hoped, with everything he had, this whole thing between him and Kate would work out tonight.

Knowing Kate wasn't the kind of woman who'd be mollified by being cooked for by the man, who was about to break her heart, so he didn't see the point is creating something extraordinary. If everything worked out he would try to impress her with his breakfast skills…not to mention his bedtime skills (he had to grin at that, even if he really didn't feel like it right now).
For now he settled on pasta with his really amazing, self-made tomato sauce and some good wine.

His heart pounded wildly in his chest, when he heard her characteristic knock on the door. Inhaling deeply for one last time, he made his way over to the door and opened.

She was breathtaking, wearing one of her hyper-tight jeans, killer heels and something greenish as a top that made her beautiful eyes even shinier.

"Hey," she said, biting her lip while trying to hide her smile upon his dumbfounded reaction towards her appearance.

"Hi," he stuttered and was even more surprised, when she pulled herself up and kissed his lips gently, before making her way into his home.

Wow.

"Alexis and Martha not home?"

"No, they went to see some Broadway musical or something mother decided was entirely necessary for Alexis' education or something."

The way he said that, made Beckett grin. "Are you afraid Alexis will turn out like her if she continues dragging her to this kind of stuff?"

Castle's eyes widened in horror upon that idea, but Kate knew that he loved his mother deeply.

Chuckling at his face, she turned around. "So what are you feeding me?"

"Pasta with the world renowned Sauce a la Castle."

Laughing, she rolled her eyes. "I bet it just some tomato sauce from the supermarket."

Now he looked actually offended and she laughed even harder.

Castle was still feeling rather perplexed. After he had told her he'd have to tell her something too, he had expected her to be less touchy and flirty and more…well, cautious and closed up or something. But she wasn't and this was concerning him a little because he didn't know how to deal with this side of Beckett.

Trying to get his act together he started to set their meal on the table.

Because he didn't want her tipsy for their talk, he decided that after her third glass of wine, he had to come forward with his secret, no matter how nice the evening had been until now.

When he took the glass out of her hand and she saw the serious expression of his face, she knew it was time to discover his secret.

Swallowing, she followed him when he slowly headed towards his study. He stopped at his desk, turning around, towards her.

He felt the thick lump in his throat, wasn't really able to form a sentence and his heart felt like it was about to break.

He remembered all those dreams he had about her terrible reactions to his confession.

She looked a little bit afraid herself by now, obviously freaked by his deathly expression.

Inhaling deeply, he pushed the button to activate the thing which would destroy the most precious relationship he'd ever had.

Beckett, ever being the exceptional cop, instantly understood what she was looking at, her eyes widening, her face pale and emotionless.

"A few weeks after you've been shot a man called me. Said he was a friend of Montgomery's, who had sent him a few files regarding your mother's murder the night before he'd been killed. He said he had information which, being held hidden, insured yours and Roy's family's security. He told me that I had to make you stop looking into her murder in order to keep you safe, so I did."

He saw her eyes glistening, pain combined with anger and hurt, betrayal and fear, before a few tears made their way down her cheeks.

Of all scenarios Castle had imagined this was probably the worst, because Beckett just turned around and fled. He heard a door slam shut and he knew she'd left.

He closed his eyes, pain almost knocking him over. He had hoped, prayed so hard for her to…react differently, let him explain, let him make it up to her, but she'd just turned her back on him and left him.

Tears made their way out of his closed eyes and not caring to wipe them away he grabbed a bottle of his most expensive whiskey, hoping to numb the pain.
Before taking the first gulp, he thanked Alexis mentally for getting herself and his mother out of their home tonight.

When he woke up, it was dark outside and he felt like hell. His body was stiff, considering his rather awkward position (plumped in his chair, his head resting on his keyboard), his head was spinning (alcohol, the devil) and the first thing he thought about was Kate.

Groaning, he pressed his eyes close, trying to make the pain more bearable, before deciding he needed a shower before heading to bed.

Trying to regain some balance, he slowly got up and made his way into his bathroom, avoiding looking into the mirror, really not needing to see himself right now.

Turning on the hot water, he stripped out of his clothes, getting into the shower.

Even if he still felt like shit, the hot water made it a little better.

Had it been right to tell her everything? Or should he have held everything back? He knew he never could have started a relationship with her while hiding this from her, but telling her had made everything worse.

Clenching his fist until his knuckles turned white, he forced himself to stop thinking about this. He needed to, otherwise he'd probably drown himself in his shower or something.

Rubbing his face, he stayed under the spray for a few more minutes before turning off the water and getting out.

His room was completely dark, considering he hadn't bothered to turn on the light and since he hadn't rolled up the blinds when he had woken up in the morning, not even the moon was lightening the room.
Not that he cared, he felt better in the darkness.

Clad only in his boxers he made his way into his bed and that's where he froze.

Froze and stared.

Until his heart started beating madly.

There was someone laying in his bed. And there was only one person who could that be.

Kate Beckett was in his bed.

And then everything happened in a blur, because emotions took over and he just acted.

"Kate," he choked, before getting into bed and gathering her into his arms, pressing her tightly against his chest, while he let his tears flow down his cheeks, almost sobbing and crying out her name over and over again.

A sleepy murmured "Castle?" was all she said before melting into his body, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her face into his warm skin.

His heart pounded painfully in his chest and he couldn't believe this was actually happening. Kate was in his bed, she hadn't run, at least not physically and if her touch was any indication, neither emotionally.

"It's gonna be alright," she murmured into his skin, her voice husky and raspy, evidence of her crying from hours ago.

"Kate, oh god, you're here," he sobbed, "Kate, god, you're here. You're here," he whispered over and over again.

"Castle," she said softly, pressing her lips against his neck, "I couldn't leave. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

"Thank you." While tears continued to stream down his cheeks, she started catching them with her lips, kisses like balm for his broken heart.
And somewhere in the middle of wiping his tears, her lips found his and suddenly everything was spinning and happening at once.

His gripping hands started roaming her body and they rolled over until Kate was on top of him, her hands in his hair, her lips fused to his.

He didn't go slow when he started undressing her, everything in a haze, and soon they were both naked, joined and panting heavily when the spinning suddenly stopped, turning into something much deeper, more intense.

She stilled over him, pressing her forehead against his, before she began rocking her body.

Groaning, Castle's hands found her neck, pulling her down to meet his lips again and she obliged happily, before sucking her way down to his nipples, torturing him until he hissed heavily.

Deciding he needed to swap position because otherwise he definitely wouldn't last any longer, Castle rolled them over again, hovering over her, before starting treasuring her body. It didn't take very long before both of them lost themselves, not just in each other, but in complete bliss as well, pushing each other into oblivion.

When Castle woke up, it wasn't as dark anymore, but he was cold.
Kate, all snuggled up to him, trying to seek his warmth, wasn't much warmer either.
While trying to pull up the sheets they obviously had kicked out of the bed during their lovemaking, he happened to brush her and she stirred.

"Shh, keep on sleeping," he murmured before wrapping them both up in his bed sheets, and she snuggled deeper into him, her more than well-shaped but pressing into his groin, reminding him of their spent hours before.

She had intertwined their fingers in sleep and she still couldn't believe his luck and how well everything had turned to play out.
He knew they had to talk about things, had to explain their reasons and behavior, but most importantly, Kate was laying (naked !) in his arms and he still felt like waking up any second.

Noticing he wasn't too tired anymore, he decided to use this opportunity to look at her.
She was beautiful, always had been, but now she had a soft glow around her face, a gentle smile, his smile grazing her lips, but he could still make out the dark bags under her eyes. It was obvious she hadn't slept well the last couple of nights and he knew a big part of her insomnia was his fault.
And despite everything, despite how much he'd hurt her, she hadn't run. Castle was still amazed. Kate Beckett hadn't run, had changed into one of his shirt instead and had climbed into his bed, hiding, but never actually leaving.
He couldn't help but lean over and press his lips softly against hers, hoping not to wake her at the same time. She really needed the rest.

"Castle," she mumbled softly, rubbing her cheek against his in her sleep.

He smiled amazed, wrapping his arms securely around her before deciding to try on sleeping again.

Next time he woke up, he instantly started panicking because she wasn't there anymore. Obviously woken up, finding herself naked in bed with him, remembering everything had happened, had scared her to hell and she'd run faster than he could even imagine.
His heart squeezed painfully in his chest, tears already forming in blue eyes, he was flown by disappointment.
Throwing himself back, his eyes caught sight of definitely feminine, Kate's clothes and hope stirred again, because she wouldn't have fled naked, right?

Squinting around, he noticed his shirt, the one he'd been wearing yesterday, was gone and then he suddenly heard voices, female voices, he would recognize between million others.

"Oh, detective Beckett, this smells amazing," his daughter called out, sounding happily surprised and with the blink of an eye, Castle was out of bed, wearing boxers and running into his kitchen.

He wanted to freeze the picture of Kate Beckett, wearing nothing but his shirt, bare legs, standing in front of his stove, making pancakes, while Alexis, still in her PJs, was sitting at the counter, chatting happily with her grandmother who was currently making coffee.

"Moring darling," she greeted, noticing him first and threw him a sly, knowing look, but he had only eyes for Kate, turning around, eying him almost shyly, biting her lower lip nervously.

He decided then and there that he was definitely never going to let her go. He would marry her someday, even if it took him another four years to persuade her.

He smiled back at her, moving his somewhat weak legs to walk to her. Feeling his daughter's and mother's gaze in his back (he really couldn't have cared less), he grabbed Beckett's wrist, pulling her right into his arms before giving her an eights caliber good morning kiss.

When he pulled back, her lips were swollen again and she was blushing scarlet and Castle couldn't help but feel a little proud of himself.

"Well, now that you didn't actually eat her alive maybe we could finally start on eating some real, delicious breakfast," Alexis said, a little exasperated, and both, Beckett and Castle, blushed this time.

"Uh…yeah, great idea, pumpkin," he mumbled embarrassed.

However, it didn't stop him from holding her hand under the table.

When he had showered and came back into his bedroom, Kate was wrapped up in the bed sheets again, obviously waiting for him.

"Hey," she smiled and he couldn't help but crawl onto the bed, closer to her, and press his lips against hers.

Touching her hand gently to his cheek, she kissed him back, but pulled away sooner than he would've liked.

"We need to talk," she said quietly and his smile faded. He knew they needed to, obviously, but he'd somehow hoped their problem would solve itself.

He nodded and moved to sit beside her and then she surprised him (yet again during those last three days) by climbing in between his legs, leaning against his muscular chest, and he wrapped his arms happily around her waist.

Leaning down, he pressed his lips against her neck, enjoying the shiver that went through her, before whispering softly: "Thank you for not running and giving me a chance."

"You're welcome," she said quietly, intertwining their fingers on her stomach. "Why would you keep that from me, knowing how much it means?"

"Because I wanted to protect you. You died on me once, Kate, and I as sure as hell am never going to let that happen again." His voice was thick with emotion, choking on the middle part of his sentence and Kate squeezed his hands, reassuring him that she was safe, right here in his arms.

"Will you tell me what happened?", she asked quietly.

He was silent for a moment, but then decided to just blurt it out already. He would have to tell her anyway, so he might as well get done with it. Obviously, he had told her some things last night, but apparently, she hadn't paid attention, and he really couldn't blame her.

"A man called me. He said he was a friend of Montgomery's who had sent him some files regarding your mother's and your own case now. And if I wanted to keep you alive, because they wouldn't miss a second time, I had to make sure you stopped trying.
But knowing what this means to you, I decided to look into it myself, hoping to find some answer, but I didn't get too far."

They were quiet again, their hearts beating faster than before, his out of fear, hers out of a lot more than one emotion.

"You need to stop, Rick," she whispered, almost inaudibly. "You need to stop. I don't want Alexis to go through the same pain I had to and I wouldn't survive losing you, too. Please, Castle, please stop, let it rest, and someday we'll find another way, all those answers and the people responsible for all this." She had turned around in his lap, framing his face with her hands while a few tears made down their way of her cheeks.

"Kate," he choked out, not quite believing what she was actually hearing, but she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and cried into his shoulder.

In the evening, when every card was on the table, they met with Ryan, Esposito and Lanie at the Old Haunt, doing some catching up.

Being the good detectives they were, the boys noticed instantly the change in their friends' relationship and grinned knowingly at them.

And Castle, being the guy who was always wearing his heart on his sleeve, didn't even try to hide it and kissed her right then and there in front of their friends before he made his way to the bar, getting their drinks.

He watched her from there, grinning at her slightly embarrassed face upon being teased by their friends.
Man, how much he loved her. And damn it, the best was she loved him too.
He still couldn't believe how much pain they had caused each other, how many misunderstandings there had been because of their miscommunication.
Getting their drinks and heading back to the booth, he vowed to himself to never let this happen again, before he plopped down next to Kate, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her tightly against his chest, right were his heart beat.

And the best thing was, her heart was beating in exact sync with his.

Fin

A/N: Sorry it took me forever and a half to finish this, but I really had some trouble with this last chapter. I would love some reviews nonetheless ;)