I know, I know. It's been an eternity since I updated anything, I'm sorry. I'm just recovering from a sickness that literally almost killed me. x-x I had a big update planned before I got sick, but once it happened, I didn't feel like doing anything. e.e Soo, after this ECA test coming up, I'll try and continue that update.
For those who read Change, I am working on that. No need to worry.
Anyway, this chapter goes out to Kyoki o Tanoshima for talking to me and keeping my sanity alive. XD
Onward we go |D
Chapter Title; Emotional Troubles
Word Count; 1,651
Life is Beautiful – Sixx A.M.
"When I came in last night I changed my message to HI, I'M NOT HERE BECAUSE I'M DEAD. I need to change that."'
Looking back now, Shiro never truly understood the meaning of 'beautiful'. 'Beautiful' was always associated with 'pretty' common things like flowers, or a blazing sun resting over aqua blue waters, or the different soft, brightly colored feathers of a parrot. Or, in Shirosaki's case, what he used to describe his fiery, orange-haired lover, Ichigo.
Until now, Shiro would loosely use the term 'beautiful' to describe anything 'appealing to the eye'. But now, the word has a deeper meaning, a personal tragic experience that changed his view of 'beautiful'. After the accidental overdose, the panic-stricken moment when Ichigo's heart stopped, eyes closed, chest ceasing to move, 'beautiful' meant more than a birds feathers or a blooming flower.
Beautiful meant being alive, it meant life. It meant being able to live, to breath, to learn- and to Shiro, it meant being able to hold Ichigo once more. All he had to do is open his eyes, to live, and to realize life itself was beautiful.
Incubus – Pardon Me
"So pardon me while I burn and rise the flame."
On one ever appreciated him. They all walked over him, used him, then threw him away, like a useless bundle of trash. He was there when they needed him, but they were never there for him. They abandoned him, left him to wonder and wander all on his own. Ichigo never had anyone he could count on, anyone he could trust, anyone's shoulder he could lean on. He was always alone, scavenging just to survive. He swore to himself he would one day rise above everyone else, prove them all wrong. And Shiro would be there with him, every step of the way.
Tears Don't Fall – Bullet for my Valentine
"The moments die, I hear no screaming. The visions left inside me are slowly fading. Would she hear me if I called her name? Would she hold me if she knew my shame?"
Ichigo had enough of this. He hated the abuse, the false love, the pretending. He has cried countless times, much like now, his eyes puffy and red, tears staining the side of his face.
He just had enough.
Wriggling out of the king-sized bed, he glanced down at the still snoozing (and probably still drunk) Shiro, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand. "This is goodbye, Shiro," Ichigo whispered, his voice hoarse from crying. There was only one true way to get away from Shiro. The near-albino would chase him to the ends of the earth if he had to, just to find the orange-haired male. No, he could not escape to any place on earth.
He could only seek relief in death.
When Shiro woke some time later, the silence that filtered through the house unnerved him. He barely noticed Ichigo was not next time him, as he should be, but when he did realize, he frowned. It was unusual for him to wake up without the orange-haired male by his side. Shiro sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself up to stand. Stretching lightly, he scrambled out of the room. On his way down, he vaguely heard the sound of the coffee pot's annoying beeping sound and began the trek towards it.
What he saw made him stop dead in his tracks, eyes wide with horror, and reality came crashing down on him, leaving no room for mercy.
There, lying in a puddle of dark, thick red liquid was his Ichi, glassy, dull eyes staring up at him almost accusingly, as if he himself committed the crime (though he pretty much had). Tan hands were still wrapped lightly around the gleaming black pistol Shiro owned, one finger still resting on the trigger. Shiro realized, with a wave of agony and horror, he never took the time to really understand Ichigo, to get to know him well. He didn't realize how much pain he caused the younger.
Not even when his tears crashed around him.
It's Been a While – Staind
"Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do. And it's been awhile, But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you."
Ichigo could remember a past time, the time before Shiro came into his life, that he was addicted to drugs. There was a time when he didn't give a fuck, when he didn't appreciate anything, when he could figure out right from wrong. He knew he couldn't blame it on anybody besides himself, as much as he wanted to, after all, it was his own fault.
Ichigo would drown himself in drugs until he couldn't tell which way was up. Speed, ketamine, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, anything he could get his hands on, even if it meant resorting to benzodiazepines (A/N; sedative drugs, according to the internet XD). But then Shiro came into his life, saved him from himself, and became his shield against the demons lurking in his mind.
Now, fully sober and coherent, Ichigo was ready to truly begin living his life- a life with Shiro.
Don't Walk Away – Sick Puppies
"Don't walk away and leave me without a reason."
"Don't you dare walk away from me," Ichigo whispered in a slight growl. Shiro paused, pale hand wrapped around the gold brass handle, door half open. He glanced over his shoulder, his other hand tightening around the keys as his golden orbs glared back at the tense, angry orange-haired man. "Don't you dare walk out that door. How could you?" Ichigo's voice was rising slightly. "After everything we been through…. Do…D-Do I not love you enough? Do I not make you happy?" Tears began swelling in his eyes, staring at the ground. "Do I really not mean anything to you? Was a just another tool to possess? Just… using me?" He sank to the ground, hands covering his face as he sobbed, shoulders heaving. "I-I-I can g-get better," He continued his voice shaky. "I c-can try harder. Just please… D-Don't leave m-me."
Warm, gentle arms wrapped around Ichigo's shaking form, and he looked up in surprise to Shiro, his eyes sad, expression soft. "I'm willin' ta try," He whispered. "I..I won' leave ya, Ichi."
Back To December – Taylor Swift
" So this is me swallowing my pride, Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night." "
Ichigo sighed, pulling his impossibly long legs to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. Ever since the time he reject Shiro for the Winter Dance, it was all he could think about. He missed everything about the albino; His beautiful golden eyes, his soft, smooth, chalk white skin, the amazing smile, his smooth, the echo of his watery voice. Ichigo regretted that day, regretted turning the older male down. Just remembering the broken look on Shiro's face after he said no still sends waves of pain throughout his body.
If he could, Ichigo would go back in time. He would change what he said and who he was. If he realized how much pain it would bring both him and Shiro, who was ignored him, looked away every time he passed by, he would have said yes. He would have revealed his deepest, darkest secret- that he fell in love with the albino- that night. But he feared what his friends would say, feared the abandonment.
So now, as he sat at the rusty old park bench, he couldn't hold back the tears that had a mind of their own. They tumbled down his face, drenching the material of his pants from where his head rested.
"What's a beautiful thing like yerself doin' out 'ere all alone?" The familiar, quiet, watery voice caused Ichigo to jerk his head up with a surprised gasp, eyes wide. "S-Shiro?" Yes, it was Shiro, eyes not on Ichigo, but looking in his direction. His shoulders we slumped, as if in defeat, as if he feared Ichigo would reject him again.
But to his surprise, Ichigo launched himself at the older, slightly taller male, wrapping his arms around him and sobbing into the skin-tight black t-shirt. "Oh God, it-it really is you," he sobbed into Shiro's shoulder. Shiro returned the favor, lightly rubbing a hand up and down the smaller male's back, who instantly relaxed into his hold. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Ichigo repeated, clutching at his crush, as if the male was his only lifeline. "I'm so, so sorry Shiro, I-"
He was cut off when Shiro tested the waters, pressing his pale lips gently against Ichigo's pink, warm ones. Ichigo instantly responded, kissing him back in a desperate manner. "S'okay, Ichi," the albino whispered when they broke for air, hugging the orange-haired teen close to him. "I… I love you Shiro," Ichigo whispered, his heart soaring with his new lover's next words.
"Yeah, I know, Ichi. I love ya, too."
Hero – Skillet
"Who's gonna fight for the weak? Who's gonna make 'em believe? I've got a hero (I've got a hero)
Livin' in me."
Ichigo was always saving everyone else, always fighting on another's behalf. He never complained, always helping when he could. He made it his own personal job to protect others and lend a hand or two when needed. Until Shiro, Ichigo had no one to take care of him. No shoulder to lean on, no one to lend a hand to him. When the day his hollow truly got to know him, when the truly understood each other, Shiro was able to admit his feelings of the orange-haired substitute Shinigami. Ichigo was able to trust the wild, insane hollow half of himself. Of course, Shiro helped in more ways than one.
Not that Ichigo was going to complain.
A/N;
Wee. The end. x3
Pretty crappy, I know, but I think I might start up a story with the Life Is Beautiful and/or It's Been a While ones. No need to wory about my other stories, I',m working on them. xP I don't plan on quitting any, I just need to get my muse back for them. x3
Anyway, review please? ;u;