Once again I DO NOT OWN RENT.
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Italics are thoughts and memories.
Chapter Thirteen
With Collins and Angel
Collins and Angel sat in the hospital room enjoying each other's company. Inside Angel could never fully enjoy their time right now. Angel looked down, still plagued by David's memory.
"I really want to get out of here. I hate hospitals."
Collins looked at his lover, noticing how his attitude had changed so quickly. That was happening a lot lately.
"We will babe. Just a few more hours."
Angel sighed. "I hope so."
Collins looked at the clock. "Let me call the loft. Maybe Roger, Mark and Mimi are on their way over here. Will you be alright while daddy's gone?"
Angel smirked at the professor. "Yes daddy I'll be alright."
Collins gave Angel a soft kiss on the lips and walked out the door. Now Angel was left with his thoughts, thoughts of his past. He thought that he had left David's memory behind, but for some reason he just kept thinking of him. He remembered the day he had visited David's grave a few days after he died . . .
The summer breeze that blew against Angel's young face usually would give him comfort, but not today. He walked up to the site of his ex lover's grave, the dirt was still fresh. Angel kneeled down to look at the grave marker.
David James du Maurier
Gone But Not Forgotten
Angel looked at the marker strangely. Why didn't they put the date? Probably Danny's doing, he probably didn't even want people to know how young his brother was. Angel sighed, tears welling into his eyes. Understandably, Angel didn't show up to the funeral. He couldn't bear it. Aaron did call later on that evening to check on Angel, Aaron always did care. The whole day Angel looked at old pictures, letters and paintings that David would paint him. It was something that David never told a soul about, his paintings. He was quite talented and only drew for Angel. Angel felt so proud and honored to know that this one secret of David's he would keep always, but now he wasn't so sure he wanted to keep them. Surely he could make some money selling them they were so good, but Angel wasn't one to do such things.
As Angel stared at the grave marker, he pulled his head down and wept. The warm tears fell down his face and onto the fresh dirt.
"I hope you know what you've done to me." He said. "How could you David? I loved you. How could you?"
He wiped his face, and looked around him. Not a soul was around. "David, I have something to say to you."
Angel stood up and began to sing in Spanish. "Preguntale a las estrellas, si no noche ven llorar, Preguntales si no busco, para adorate la soledad. Preguntale alma so rio si el llanto mio no ve correr, Preguntale a todo el mundo si no es profundo mi padecer. Ya nunca dudes que yo te quiero, Que por ti muero, loco de a more; A nadie amas, a nadie quieres, O ye las quejas, o ye las quejas de mi amor."
(Translation: Go ask of the high stars gleaming if my tears fall not throughout the night. Go ask if I seek not dreaming, for thee till the dawn brings light. Go ask of the murmuring stream-let, if my pale shadowy form goes by. Go ask of all creation if thou art not love, my soul's one cry. Ah! Doubt not dearest, That I adore thee, for thee I perish distraught with love; Thou lovest no one, Thy heart beats coldly, Oh! Hear the pleading, Oh! Hear the pleading of my fond love.)
Tears burned down Angel's face, flowing freely as he continued. "Preguntale a las flores, si mis amores les cuento yo, Cuando la callada noche cierra su brochue, suspiro yo, Preguntale a las a ves, si tu no sabes lo que es amor, Preguntale a todo el prado, si no he luchado con mi dolor. Tu bien compredes, que yo te queiro, que por ti muero solo por ti; Por que to quiero, bien de mi vi da, Solo en el mundo, solo el mundo, te quiero a ti."
(Translation: Go ask of the sweet flowers blooming if my sorrows I told not all. Go ask of the wild birds singing if I sigh when the night doth fall. Go ask of the dewy meadows if they love holds not my heart in thrall. Go ask of all creation if for thee darling, I pine and call. Ah! Hear me dearest, how well I love thee, for thee I perish distraught with love. My only solace is to adore thee. My heart's devotion, my heart's devotion I offer thee.)
After Angel stopped weeping, he laid a necklace that David had given him on the grave marker kissing it.
"I'll see you next life time David. But unlike you, I will move on. I won't make the mistake you did and doubt my love."
Collins saw that Angel was crying and ran over to the bed.
"Baby! Baby what's the matter? You'll get out of here I promise!"
Angel quickly wiped his eyes. "I know baby, it's just that I was watching this novella and it was a good part."
Collins looked up at the television, clearly the channel wasn't a Spanish one. Why did Angel lie to him? "Babe, what is really the matter?"
Angel looked down. He couldn't tell Collins that he was still in love with David. No way, no how. He loved Collins with all his heart, but David was still there. His first love has never left him. "Nothing lover, I'm fine."
"Then why were you crying?"
Before Angel could speak, Collins cut him off. "And tell me the truth this time."
He knew that he should tell him. Collins would love him no matter what. But his cowardliness got the best of him. "I told you love, the novella." Angel looked away, waiting for Collins' response.
Collins was not happy with that answer. Angel was lying to him. What reason did he have to lie? They both were extremely open with one another, what else could Angel be hiding from him? "Angel, I love you. I really do. But if you can't be open with me then what is the point?"
Angel snapped his head up toward the professor. "What do you mean?"
Collins looked at him with sadness in his eyes. "Angel I know something is really bothering you and I want to take it away from you baby." He grabbed his hands. "You mean the world to me girl. You showed me the world when I was locked up in my grief and self-loathing. You've made me happier than I've ever been. I want to be there for you. I want to help you. I can't help unless you let me. Whatever it is, please tell me. I'm asking and I'm begging you to please tell me."
Angel's face saddened. Collins was right. He did need to let go and have someone help him. What Collins had just said proved to him, just an inkling of the love Collins had for Angel. It ran so deep between them, but David was still just in the way. Why couldn't Angel let him go? He didn't know but Collins did need to know. The street drummer stayed quiet for a while, making Collins worry. "Angel?"
No response.
"Angel baby?"
Angel couldn't hold his emotions back any longer, and he cried out. "It's David! It's David! I, I still love him!"
Collins let Angel's hand go. Angel cried into his hands, ashamed. "I can't believe it, after all of this time I still love that asshole!"
The professor looked forlornly at his young lover crying in his hospital bed. "So, you don't love me anymore?"
Angel rose up quickly in his bed. "Of course I do baby! I love you with all of my heart!"
"Then why can't you let him go and start anew with me?"
Angel was sensing Collins' sadness. "Baby I have start anew with you-"
"No you haven't. If you still love David then how can you fully love me? You cannot be truly in love with two people Angel, you of all people should know that!"
"I know I know! God dammit I know!" He wept again.
Collins looked out the window. "Angel, I can truly say that you are my first and only love. No one will replace you. But I want to be your everything, as you are to me."
"Honey you are."
"No, no I'm not. David is still there. He's the reason why you being here in the hospital in the first place. He's the reason why I won't be able to grow old with you. He took that away from me because he had you how he wanted and how long he wanted. I'll never be able to have that, and I accepted that. But I cannot stand having you still love someone else."
Angel looked down, he was not ready for what Collins was about to say. "Angel, maybe you need some time to figure out who you want."
Angel panicked now. "No! You're not doing this to me Tom. I need you, I love you. David's dead! I can't have him even if I wanted to!"
A look of surprise came over his face, but quickly it went back to utter sadness. "So you would if he was still alive?"
"No amor I-"
"You what?"
"Tom, don't do this. You know I love you."
Collins grabbed his coat. "Yeah I know you do, but not like I love you. I'll just give you some time baby and we'll see if you've gotten over him."
Angel began to cry, not caring what he looked like. "Thomas Collins don't you leave me!"
Collins walked over to the door. "Why not?"
"Because I need you, I love you! God dammit! Listen to me! How many times do I have to fucking tell you!"
The professor looked down at his shoes, if Angel cursed he meant it.
"Ang, you're my soul mate. I realize it more and more each day. Do you know that? Am I yours?"
"Yes baby, yes. Te amo, te adoro!" (Translation: I love you, I adore you!)
"Then let him go."
"Tom, it's not that easy."
"Then I'll give you some time. Please know that I'll still be here waiting for you. I'll wait forever for you." Tears rolled down Collins' cheeks as he opened the door.
Angel realized he was leaving and began to scream at the top of his lungs. "TOM! STOP BABY PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU!"
"I love you too Angel, forever."
He left the room. Angel looked out into the empty room, anger burning inside of him. Out of fury he began to throw everything in sight until an alarm came on and the male nurse came in yelling at him to stop. Angel couldn't hear him, all he could feel was sadness and hurt. The nurse called for assistance from the other nurses who came rushing in. Just then nurse Cora Kingley came in and looked at Angel in horror.
"Give me the syringe!"
The other nurse handed her the syringe. "Hold him down!"
It took four nurses to hold Angel down. Nurse Kingley rushed over to him and pierced Angel's skin with the needle quickly releasing a sedative into Angel's body. The drug quickly took affect as Angel's eyes began to glaze over.
"It's alright Angel, it's alright. Go to sleep darlin' go to sleep."
Angel laid his head down, still trying to fight the drug. He wouldn't give up, but the drug finally took over and Angel gave in.
With Joanne
Joanne shook her head in amazement.
Did I really just agree to go back with Maureen? Am I crazy? After all that she did. How could I have been so stupid!
Joanne's hang over seemed like it got worse and worse by the moment. The lawyer hung up the phone and grabbed her head. This was probably one of the worst hang overs she had ever had.
"Maureen hurry."
The lawyer managed to walk toward the bedroom and throw herself on the bed. And before she realized it, she was fast asleep.
With Collins
The professor was in a trance. He just told the love of his life that he was going to give him a break.
What the fuck was I talking about?
Collins felt for some money in his pockets and saw that he had a ten-dollar bill. Just enough for him to get a taxi home. What was he going to do when Angel was able to get out of the hospital? How would living at home be? He'd probably move back in with Mark and Roger until he figured out what the hell to do. Why did he leave Angel in the first place? Jealousy. Was it really jealousy? Could Collins have gone so far as to dump Angel for jealousy?
Collins raised his hand and hopped into the cab. He told the cabbie where and they were off.
Collins was lost. What would he do without Angel? How could he live without Angel? How had he lived all those years without him? That was certainly a place where he didn't want to be, but yet he caused it. Collins knew that David was Angel's first love. Would it have been so hard for Collins to get over Angel? Absolutely not. Collins knew that he would and could never get over Angel. So why couldn't the professor understand that? Surely this would cause even more of an uproar in the group which was something nobody wanted.
Collins got out of the cab and paid the cabby. All he wanted to do was drink himself into oblivion. Maybe he could call Benny, he loved to get drunk. He walked up the stairs of the stoop and fumbled for his keys when he spotted a man looking down at a piece of paper and staring up where Collins and Angel's fire escape was. Collins walked by the man with caution. He didn't look threatening but neither did Angel until you got him pissed enough. Collins was never scared of it, New York was just like that but he honestly didn't feel like having any trouble with anybody today. Collins began to walk toward the apartment.
"Um excuse me sir?" The man was actually quite attractive and clearly wasn't straight. He was dressed pretty nicely for the neighborhood, but not over the top.
Collins looked up at him. "Yes?"
"I was wondering if you knew if an Angel Schunard lives here?"
"Who wants to know?"
"Aaron, Aaron Wilder. Me and Angel go back some years. Are you Collins?"
The professor looked at him strangely. "Yeah I'm Collins. How do you know Angel?"
"Wow. You are handsome. Angel told me about you. I dated Angel's ex's brother Danny."
"What ex?" Collins knew what ex.
The man looked down, he really didn't want to hurt anyone. "Look I don't want to start any trouble between the two of you. But I dated Danny's brother David."
Collins looked away from him, pissed once more. What did David do that made people do and say stupid shit?
"I see, well no Angel's not here. She's in the hospital."
Aaron's face dropped. "Oh my God what happened is she alright?"
Collins grabbed his keys. "Yeah she's fine. Just bumped her head. She'll be out in a few hours."
"Oh thank God."
Collins looked around impatiently. "Do you want to come up so you can let me know what's up and why you're here?"
Aaron looked up at the professor. "Sure."