Answer: A STAPLER! –pouts- but someone spoiled it earlier than I expected. –shrugs- oh well!

I found a really funny fanfic on Darren Shan! Its called The Chatroom by Darth Vyper ! You should check it out after you read this chapter!

Chapter 14

Darren's eye fluttered and he sat up with a groan, rubbing his temples.

"Ow…headache from hell…. must have stayed up too late last night" Darren ran his fingers through his brown hair and stood up.

Reaching his hands into the air he cracked his back and yawned. Rotating his shoulders, he did his routine stretches and walked out of the common room. Light streamed in from the colourful windowpanes.

Darren stood on one of the stone staircases as it moved through thin air.

Glancing over the side and down the long column to where the students of Hogwarts were going to breakfast.

'That would be fun to jump down.' The image of Mr. Crepsley falling to his death on stakes ablaze with fire popped into his brain.

Darren shook his head as everything around that image blurred then righted itself. He blinked and sighed, stepping off the staircase and descending to the main floor where he found Harry, Ron and Hermione chatting happily.

He sat beside Ron and tucked his hands into his sleeves, listening to their conversation.

"Oh! Hi Darren! Better hurry up and eat, class starts in a few minutes." Said Hermione brightly, a bit too brightly for his tastes.

Darren shook his head "No thanks, I'm not hungry."

Hermione frowned "Darren! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! You have to have something." She piled some eggs on his plate.

Darren looked at the eggs and his stomach turned. He sat back a bit further and frowned "No thank you. I'm fine, really."

Quickly changing the subject Darren said, "Where do we go for first class?"

Hermione looked at him disapprovingly but answered "Outside in the courtyard, but don't think I'm going to forget about this Darren." She stood and waited for them to finish before they headed out to the courtyard.

There was already an excited crowd gathered in the courtyard, eager to get going. Unfortunately for them, this class was a Slytherin/Gryffindor class and the day was already looking hot. Hot, competitive, cranky Slytherins and Gryffindors were not a good combination. Already there looked to be some spats, Gryffindors on one side and Slytherins on the other.

The four of them walked over to where Neville and Seamus were standing.

"Hey guys, got here early too?" greeted Neville.

"Yeah. Can't wait to see this place! Just think, a muggle school!" Ron exclaimed and Harry looked at him shrewdly.

"You just sounded like your dad."

Ron frowned "No I didn't."

"Yes you did" Harry smiled mockingly.

Ron's ears turned red "No I didn't!"

"Yes you did."

"No."

"Yes"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"N-"

They were cut off when Professor Tom walked in. They had hired him specially for he had a career as a teacher in a Muggle school, even though he was a wizard. He had spiky brown hair and was rather tall, with twinkling blue eyes; Hermione swooned as he walked in.

"Hello everyone!" his American accent evident "I will be your new P.E. teacher! You can call me Tom. Has everyone turned in their sheets?"

All the students nodded their heads; if they had signed up they had to get a parent signature to go. Darren had swindled Dumbledore to sign for both Harry and himself.

"Great! Now, can all of you pick a random portkey from the far table. You will be transported to a large room. Do not leave the room. I repeat, do not leave the room. You'll scare the muggles even before they see you in gym strip if they see you in robes. That, or you'll be laughed at till the end of the year. "

They stared at him strangely before making their way to a long table with various knick-knacks on it.

Harry reached out and grasped a feather, holding it out to the others; he looked on the table where the words 'Turntable' were written.

"Ok, hold onto this and don't let go." He told Darren, as he had never traveled by portkey before.

Darren eyed it but held on anyways "Why?"

Harry smiled "Because if you don't, you could end up somewhere else!"

Darren gripped the feather a little harder; he had only been gently resting his fingers on it before. Rona and Hermione reached forward and grasped the feather as Harry said "Turntable."

The world dissolved into swirls of colour as they went flying into the air.

Darren's eyes widened as Hermione frowned "We must be going somewhere far away! It usually doesn't take this long!" she shouted over the wind.

They landed in a large room with wood floors with lines running across them. A large blue bee was in the middle as well as on the walls. Large blue doors were situated all around the room and noises ranging from yells and laughter to crashes and droning of teachers.

They looked around while the rest of their classmates showed up.

Hermione scowled at the scuffmarks on the floor and graffiti on the chalkboard that wrote "Welcome to Spring Valley!" with doodles on it.

"Not very respectful of their school are they?"

Harry shook his head "My school was worse."

As Mr. Tom appeared, he clapped "Ok, does anyone here know how to transfigure his or her robes into gym strip?"

Hermione waved her hand in the air while everyone else kept his or her down.

Mr. Tom pointed to her "Great! You can help me give everyone gymstrip! Ok everyone! Take off you robes and put them at your feet!" he walked off to the Slytherin side and started to change their clothes into white T-shirts and green shorts.

Hermione took out her wand and started to change their clothes into white T-shirts with red shorts as not to be like the Slytherins.

She walked over to Darren and motioned for his cloak. Darren moved to remove it when he remembered all his weapons under his cloak. Before leaving, he had equipped himself with his favorite sword (which was conveniently shrunk and put on a necklace for him by Dumbledore for him to carry around) multiple throwing knives and shurikens (gifts from Vancha), and vials of human blood for emergencies. It surprised him that he didn't jingle when he walked.

Hermione raised an eyebrow "Darren? Your cloak please?"

Darren shook his head "I will not be participating today."

She frowned "But-" Darren cut her off.

"Sorry Hermione."

She shook her head and sighed "Well, it's your problem when Mr. Tom sees you…"

An indignant yell was heard and they looked over to Malfoy who was wearing a gold T-shirt and red shorts with a joker hat the had a little sign coming out of it advertising "Gryffindor rules!"

"What was that for!" he yelled at Mr. Tom, the sign bobbing on his head.

Tom raised an eyebrow and smiled mischievously "Oh! Did you say Gryffindor sucks? I'm sorry, I was just trying to help you with advertising you opinion." He fixed the gymstrip and walked away, whistling.

He stopped when he saw Darren, sticking out like a sore thumb in the sea of white and red.

"Why don't you have gym strip Mr…..?"

"Darren Shan, I will not be participating in P.E. this year, I have a medical problem and it would endanger my health if I engaged in physical activities." He echoed, Dumbledore and himself had gone over this many time and agreed on this excuse for his in-activity.

"I still don't know…"

"Here is a letter from the Headmaster." He handed Mr. Tom the letter and he quickly skimmed over it before nodding and handing it back.

"Very well, you should sit over there on those benches then and watch since your going to be here anyways."

Darren walked over to the bench and sat down, crossing his arms and leaning back against the beige wall.

"Alright, now that you are all properly furnished, you will now have to suffer through the rules!" everyone groaned. "Ya, well, you have to have them, even though I wish I didn't have to do tell you this rubbish, although I would happily give up my job and live as a hobo for the rest of my life for your entertainment, id prefer not. Rule number one! You cannot use your wands under ANY circumstances, well, unless you're about to be killed by Death Eaters…Rule Number two! Same rules apply as at school so I shouldn't have to say them again because your teachers obviously already pounded them into your brain. So, Rule number two!" he points and stares at them all seriously. "You have to have fun. Ah!" holds up his hand, cutting off Hermione "It's a must! You MUST have fun and you MUST…" he smiles "Show these Muggles that even though your 'out of town poor folk' you can still kick some can."

The Gryffindors cheered and the Slytherins beamed slightly in pride.

"You will always be in the same class as the people your about to meet, so, try to be nice." The Slytherins sneered at the thought of being nice to a Muggle.

He picked up a walkie-talkie and said "I'm ready for you guys now. Bring 'em in!"

One of the far doors opened and kids their age piled in, chatting, some looking at them curiously but otherwise they were quite lax about there being almost fifty new students in their gym.

A medium sized man walked through them as they sat down on the opposite side of the Bee on the floor, opposite side of where the Hogwarts students were standing uncomfortably as they hadn't been in something that shows this much skin a in a long time.

Mr. Tom motioned for them to sit as he turned to the other P.E. Teacher.

"Garter!" they exchanged a manly hug and the man in front of Mr. Tom smiled. He had sandy blonde hair and even bluer eyes than Mr. Tom. He was as tall as most of the students and had on the long Shorts and baggy T-shirt that his students had on.

Garter picked up the whistle around his neck and gave it a short blast. The students quieted and looked up at them, a group of girls were still chattering away. Tom and Garter stared at them till they froze and looked over their shoulders timidly.

"Thankyou. Now, I would like to welcome the students of Hogwarts to Spring Valley High." He lifted his hands in a flourish and the room remained silent. He looked over his shoulder and gave his class a look.

The Spring Valley group cheered and whooped.

"First thing today! Garter Ball!" he announced and more loud cheering from the Spring Valley side, this time louder and more excited.

Garter turned to his class and stage whispered "Take it easy on them guys. Remember, they have never played this before."

The spring Valley group grinned evily, some even chuckled before Garter continued.

"Garter ball was named after a very special person," a girl shook her head and a boy rolled his eyes at their teacher "So it's a very special game."

"Garter!" one of the girls on the Spring Valley side yelled out.

Garter held out his hands in surrender "Ok Ok! Its Dodge Ball with a twist to it. Any one ever played Dodge Ball before?" the Hogwarts side remained silent but some hands went up, including Harry and Hermione's.

'If you count your cousin throwing balls at you in grade two and calling it Dodge Ball as playing it before…' Harry thought sourly.

"Ok, so this is new for most of you. There are separate equal teams that throw rubber balls at each other, or in our case, vinyl filled with cotton. You cant pass this line, " he points to the blue line on the floor separating the Gym in half "or you have to go to the wall" he points to the two walls on either side. "When you get hit this means your out and you have to go to the wall. If someone catches a ball, they can choose someone from the wall to come back into play. If your out you cant get anyone else out. But if you get hit in the face or below the belt "many boys on the Spring Valley side grimaced "your still in the game. But this is where it's different from Dodge Ball; there are three balls on each side with cones balanced on top. Your goal is to knock them off before the other team does; first one to knock all the opposite teams cones off the balls wins. Simple as that. There is also nets that are in the middle, you cant move then further back than this red line." he points to red lines on either side of the blue line. "Any questions?"

Hermione's hand went up "What if you accidentally walk into your own cone?"

Garter smiled "Than its down, you cant touch it once its down."

The Spring Valley side grumbled.

Garter looked around "Any more questions? None? Good. Lets get started! Spring Valley! Go get the cones, nets, the balls!"

The Spring Valley group stood and some ran over to one of the doors, going in and grabbing the said objects while some stood in groups while walking towards one of the walls. Yellow balls were poured in the center and the nets and cones were set up.

Tom pointed to one of the walls opposite of the one the Spring Valley students were leaning against "That's our wall. Go and line up against the wall, at least one part of you must be touching the wall. Do Hogwarts proud guys!"

Some of the Hogwarts students looked nervous while some, like Ron, looked anxious.

Garter walked over to where Darren was sitting and reached up to a panel Darren had just noticed. Unlocking it, he opened the panel and inside was a stereo system, he put his finger on play and his other hand held the whistle up.

"Everyone ready?" he yelled.

He blew the whistle and pressed play.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Yay! Chappie done! I was reading HPATV for reference when I noticed that I said that my headphones weren't working. I got new ones like a month ago! So I got on it and busted my butt to get this one out. Since someone guess my riddle last time and said that I should check to see if someone had already heard that one before I'm going to put two!

Riddles:

Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of a boat?

How many letters in the Alphabet?

-Neko-