Author's Note: I've decided to add little mini chapters throughout the story. They aren't moving plot or anything, but giving a little more depth. They will be labeled #.b (like this is 4.b). Also, thanks for reviews/alerts/favorites, but especially reviews! It helps to know what you guys think. :) Enjoy :)

Chapter 4.b

Kakashi couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, trying to get comfortable; flipped his pillow every which way to find just the right spot, and yet he still couldn't even get close. From his side of the room, he could hear the gentle breathing of the fast asleep Hiroshi, who practically passed out as soon as they walked in the door. He closed his eyes and was taken back to a time that felt like so long ago, but could've been yesterday.

They were lying in Akahana's bed in her apartment after a night of "festivities". Usually they both passed out, exhausted from a day of work, but for some reason tonight, they were both wired, so instead of lying there awkwardly, pretending to be asleep, they had one of those chats that one can only have extremely late at night.

"I've always wanted to ask," Kakashi started while he stared at Akahana's wooden ceiling, "why did you become a shinobi? You've mentioned before how no one in your family is."

Akahana sighed, stretching her arms and putting them behind her head. "Oh I don't know. I think I thought that I would be making a difference by protecting people. I guess we do that, but… it isn't how I thought it'd be…. What about you?"

"My dad was a shinobi, so I became one," he said with a shrug. "And, I'm not going to lie; I'm good at it, so there's that too."

"Sounds like good enough reasons," she said, rolling over on her side to face the shinobi. Kakashi looked at her, enjoying seeing her actual face since it's normally hidden behind a mask that covers more than his does. Her normally concealed blonde hair lay loose and free and her big blue eyes stared at him tiredly. He figured she would be falling asleep soon, so he waited, closing his eyes and hoping sleep would come, then he was struck with another question.

"What do you think about marriage?" he asked, completely out of the blue. At first, he thought that she'd definitely fallen asleep, which he would've been grateful for because that sounded like a weird question, but she sat up a few seconds later, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Not for me," she said with a hint of sadness in her voice. "You?"

"I don't know… I don't see the point in it," Kakashi admitted. "I mean, I understand civilians getting married and having families but…"

"Everyone dies when you're a shinobi," she said, finishing his thought. "All of our friends will probably die before they become old. We pretty much only associate with shinobi, so we would probably marry a shinobi who could die before we do. Some families are all shinobi and die off…."

"Exactly," Kakashi said. "And here we are, finally that age where you're supposed to think about whether you want a family or want to get married and all of our friends are pairing off and talking about marriage and kids and everything… And you sit there and think that they're complete idiots because it'll only do more harm than good."

"Right," Akahana agreed. "Besides, marriage implies motherhood, and I'm not built for that." Kakashi shot her a confused look as she got up out of bed. "If I do something, it's the only thing I do, but I do a damn good job at it. For example, if I wanted to be a ballerina," she stood up on her tippy toes, holding her arms in a circle above her head, "I'd be the best damn ballerina on the entire planet. Or, if I wanted to be a teacher, I'd be the best," she got off her toes and hopped back onto the bed. "So you see, I wouldn't be able to do my job well if I had a family. My focus would be divided! I'd be worried about my husband if he was off on a mission or my kids. It just wouldn't work. I mean, I worry enough as it is about all of my friends and family and you and…"

"You shouldn't worry about me," Kakashi said as her voice trailed off.

"That doesn't mean I don't. I… I really care about you Kakashi. More than I should. And… that's why we can't be together anymore once you go back to Konoha… I can't let myself…"

"I get it," Kakashi said, actually understanding and not just saying what she wanted him to say. She crawled back under the blankets, snuggling up close to Kakashi.

"So I'm just going to enjoy every minute of this before it's all just a memory."

Kakashi got up from bed and started pacing the floor. That was one of the last times he talked to Akahana. They both decided against saying goodbye, since they knew it'd be hard. It was better just to make a clean cut. But, now, more than ever, he missed her. She was his good friend and he could say that he loved her; maybe not the way lovers should, but definitely in the way friends do. He knew in the back of his mind that if she had told him about Hiroshi, he would've stayed. They would've made it work. But she didn't… and the more he thought about it, the more he understood it.

She knew that he'd quit his job and come live with them. Whether he was good at his job or not, Kakashi knew what it was like to grow up without a father and how hard it was. Hell, he knew what it was like to be raised by one shinobi parent, and that was no walk in the park either. Maybe that's why he understands Hiroshi so much. They both share the bond of losing that person who was your superhero; the person who you thought could do anything.

"I need to stop thinking," Kakashi whispered to himself as he lay back down in bed. He still couldn't sleep, but now he knew why.