A Tale Of Two Hamsters

Rex sits alone inside Joe Morelli's small living room watching a rerun of SpongeBob Squarepants. Rex loves SpongeBob and Patrick Starfish. He and Stephanie always watch this hilarious cartoon series or whatever cooking and dancing shows together when Ranger is in the wind and the spacious 7th floor apartment suddenly becomes too quiet and too lonely. Vincent received a call from his wife about an hour ago and had to leave in a hurry to save his marriage. And Rex hasn't even touched the boxes of Pop-Tarts and Tastykakes. Rex knows he can make room in his still full stomach for the chocolate cookie dough Pop-Tarts. But when he reached out for his all-time favorite snacks, his hand froze as Ranger's voice sounded in his head:

"That stuff will kill you, babe."

Rex likes Ranger. He bought Rex his hamster ball and the pricey organic hamster treats. He's always so calm and smells so good. He always knows about everything and is always right. And Ranger never ever makes Stephanie cry...Rex simply couldn't bring himself to do what Ranger thinks isn't wise, so he decided to follow Ranger's teaching and regard this adventure as a test of his will power. He will try his best to do the right thing. He will try his best not to surrender to his craving for what's wrong and unhealthy for him. And even though Rex really doesn't like Joe Morelli, he can't and doesn't want to do harm to Morelli's body. He wasn't brought up and raised to be a selfish and inconsiderate hamster, mind you...but maybe he can eat a pack—just a pack, he swears on his precious old glass aquarium—of chocolate cookie dough Pop-Tarts when his tummy is not so full? Surely it won't do any harm to anyone? Right?

RIGHT?

If only his mother hadn't turned her head and looked away. Joe Morelli thinks numbly to himself. If only his mother hadn't pretended everything was perfect and just fine. If only his mother could have had the courage to stand up against her drunk abusive husband and protect her frightened screaming child...if only...if only...Morelli sighs a defeated sigh. No use placing the blame after all these years. No point crying over what can't be undone. And what's wrong with him? why the Hell did he feel angry toward his own mother? Didn't he always wish Stephanie could be just like his mother? A traditional woman. A dutiful housewife. An excellent cook and diligent cleaner. An obedient, uncomplaining wife who never ever says no to her husband...

A cold shiver runs down Joe Morelli's spine. An uneasy feeling then grasps hold of his heart. Is this the reason why he's now trapped inside Rex's body? He clicked on the ad because he wanted to save his lost love, his last chance to happiness. He wanted to marry Stephanie Plum. He wanted her to become a perfect housewife. He wanted her to take care of all his needs. He wanted her to prepare his meals, to make his bed, to clean his house...And Stephanie loves her pet hamster. She takes good care of her pet. She prepares her pet's meals. She makes her pet's bed. And she cleans her pet's cage...

"Ah, I see we have some progress here, Mr. Morelli."

Joe Morelli jumps and squeaks as the black-and-white cat materializes out of nowhere and gives him a small but charming smile that doesn't quite reach his beautiful bright green eyes.

"I trust you remember that I said you had 13 days to accomplish your quest?" The cat's smile deepens and turns into a mischievous, wicked grin as the little hamster nods nervously."Well, I lied."