Harry tried really hard not to look Ginny straight in the eyes. The good thing was that there were a lot of guests arriving for Bill and Fluer's wedding, so they were never alone. The bad thing was Harry couldn't stop himself from looking her way, or to stop himself from being too helpful whenever Ginny was around. Also, he had to be careful so that Ron wouldn't find out that he's still not over Ginny.
" You really didn't need to break up with her, you know?" Finally, after seeing Harry in such a struggling situation, Hermione decided to step in. They were setting up the table for dinner, and Ron was in another room helping Mr. Weasley with the wedding invitations. "You're human. You have feelings. You can have a normal relationship."
"Yeah, but I'm not NORMAL, am I?" Harry snapped back. His scar was hurting again. It hurt for the whole day yesterday actually. He was pretty upset already, and the hot weather and Hermione's talking just made him feel a lot worse.
Hermione looked hurt.
" I'm just trying to help." She glared, and set the plates down so hard that Harry thought they might shatter into pieces. " Don't think you're the only one who's upset about the breakup. Ron told me Ginny's been crying for weeks."
Harry felt something inside him missing. He lifted his head and saw Ginny sitting on the couch in the living room, reading magazines. Her hair covered most of her face, but Harry could still see her left eye. It was red and puffy.
A sudden rage rose within him. It was not to Ginny but to himself. Why, did he always let people down? People who cared so much for him, who loved him so much…
He had to do something. He turned around to find Ron, who was being preoccupied in sorting socks.
Harry stood up abruptly and walked up to Ginny, grabbed her at the wrist and took her out of the house. Ginny walked silently behind him until they were out of sight.
The sun was hiding itself behind the hills, and the sky darkened. For a long time, neither of them said anything.
" Em…Harry? We should go back…dinner…"
" Dinner can wait." Harry answered, and finally turned around to face Ginny. " I've been so selfish." He said suddenly.
"What? You're not! You've done so much for us. For the whole Wizarding world!" Ginny shook her head and said.
" I mean to us. To Ron and Hermione." Harry replied.
" What are you saying? You're not selfish." She sounded a bit confused.
" I am. Especially to the ones who care for me, who love me. Especially to you." He touched her face gently, looking into her eyes. " I never asked you. I never thought about how much harm I could cause you when I said those words on the funeral. I never asked you how you felt."
" It doesn't matter. I understand." Ginny looked away, trying hard to steady her voice. " I know what you are going through."
Harry ignored her and took a step closer.
" How do YOU feel? Ginny? When I broke up with you?"
Ginny didn't answer. She closed her eyes. Even through darkness, Harry could see a teardrop falling.
" Ginny, you can tell me. You don't need to be strong in front of me."
" Would it make a difference then? If I'd told you how I felt?" She asked suddenly.
Harry frowned and answered,
" No."
" So there's really no need to bother you with those things. You've got enough on your mind already."
" But I want to be bother by those things!" Harry said without thinking. " I know this sounds stupid, but being with you makes me feel normal. And I...I like normal."
There was another silence. Then Ginny faced Harry and said,
" I felt….angry, upset, and worry. Desperate, anxious, and restless. I felt a lot of emotions that day, but mostly I was worried. Worried that I might never see you again after summer." Ginny was moving closer, and now, she was whispering. Harry could see tears falling down from her cheeks.
" Ginny, I couldn't ask you to wait for me. I couldn't promise that I would return." Harry hold Ginny tightly, so tight that they could hear each other's heartbeat and breath, " But I can promise that, because of you, I would try my best to come back alive. And if I do come back alive, will you become Mrs. Potter?"
Ginny couldn't help but smile.
" What makes you think that I would want to marry you? No one proposes when they're 17." She joked.
" Well, they're not us. Times like this makes me don't want to miss a thing in my life. Makes me want to capture every moment. And I want you in the picture. In my picture."
Ginny kissed slightly on his lips, and the corner of her mouth twitched up just a bit.
" I won't answer that question for now. Cause that way, you have one more reason to come back alive." Ginny winked and took Harry's hand, walking towards the house. " And now, we should get back to dinner. You don't want Ron bugging you all night and ask you about what we just talked about, do you?"
" No. Definitely not. If he knew I just proposed, I guess I'll become one of the gnomes he threw out of the backyard today."
And they laughed like they'd never laughed before.
" Ginny?" Neville tapped Ginny on the shoulder and called.
She was looking into the fire, even if it hurt her eyes to do so. She looked into it as if Harry's face would appear any minute. She had looked into the fireplace every night after doing homework, with no particular reasons.
" Ginny!" Neville called again.
"Ah….Neville." Ginny said like she had just woken up in the middle of the night, her voice hoarse. " What is it?"
" It's time. Snape's not in Hogwarts. It's now or never." Neville said.
"Ok." Ginny answered, taking out her wand. " Tell everyone that we'll meet in the Room of Requirement in 5 minutes."
to be continued...