Kate takes a deep breath, let's it out slow, gathers the tiniest bit of calm about her. Alexis needs the right words now. She stumbles to find them. And then she looks up and Esposito with Lanie in tow are barreling off the elevator. They both head straight for her, flanking her, each providing an arm of support. Their faces, wow. This must be really bad. This spectacle they've created here in the waiting room. It's like what Dad said about last year.
She'd pried the truth of what happened out of her father by telling him Detective Esposito had already spilled the beans. She heard his voice, remembers how he looked. His eyes telling her she must act. They were like three year olds, Katie. Fighting over you. They both love you, you know?
And now here's Rick's daughter, rapidly spiraling down to toddler status. Yelling for the sake of yelling because there is nothing else to do. They can't sit with him for now. Can't even see him. She'd like to be yelling as well. Screaming at the top of her lungs, but instead she stays silent. Ignores the blood dripping from small cuts Alexis has slashed all over her body with her voice, using finely honed blades instead of words. I can do this. Rick believes I can do this.
Castle would never have imagined it'd be like this. Vetting potential boyfriends. Check. A sounding board, steering her clear of trouble. Check. Stepping into a role meant only for a mother? No, no, no. That was never in the deal, but here it is right in front of her. And Kate knows Castle and Alexis both need her to take the deal. Fill the spot left gaping and empty for too long, just as her own silence has created another gaping and empty hole. She must make it right again. And so she let's Alexis continue her tirade. Let's her get out every ounce of anger toward her. If I was the writer, then I would write us a different story. One that begins earlier than the measly handful of years we've had.
Kate focuses back on Alexis as the girl continues to ram through all her defenses, straight through her already compromised heart. She is gorgeous even in her fury. A beautiful bright shining thing that Kate worries she's tarnished in some unknowing way.
"Have you even LOOKED at him recently, Detective Beckett? And you've seen him after he's cleaned himself up a bit. He loves you. Do you not see it? How could you not? Why would you do this to him?"
Alexis becomes a mass of flying red hair, flailing hands, and jerking body. She makes a run at Kate, almost manages a face slap, before Martha and Jenny rein her back. She captures Kate's eyes, though, and bores right through, deep into her soul. Her anger and hurt a physical thing between them. I can fix this, Alexis. I can. Give me the chance.
It's Ryan, stepping in close, all soft words and earnest expression, that has Alexis finally calming down. He waits for her control to settle into stillness, broken only by her soft sobs. Ryan gentles her more with his warm hands on her arms and his fervent words for only her. "Your father is her partner, Alexis. No matter what you believe right now about her. He's her partner and she would do anything for him. Would have done anything to keep him safe. Does everything she can every second he's with her to keep him safe."
Kate uses Espo and Lanie's solid support to take the weight off her torso, dampening the pain flickering across her back. She sees confusion start to cloud Alexis' eyes. Confusion and, oh, yes. Softening. Her eyes are softening now and it's enough to allow Kate to gather her breath and stutter out a coherent thought. "Alexis, your Dad. He expects me to take care of you. He's counting on me to be there for you. I...I want to be there for you. I need to be there...for you."
"You and my Dad...you aren't...I don't understand." Alexis pauses here, letting her head drop, breaking the connection between them. No more words to empty out. She's calmed enough to see reason where there was chaos, though. Kate makes the most of the pause and breaks from Espo and Lanie's grasp to step closer to Alexis, placing a hand on her arm, getting her to look up again, meet her eyes. And when she does, she lets Alexis have what should have been Rick's first. She gives it to his daughter because it's what his daughter needs now. She needs to know.
"I wasn't ready. I...had things I was working out, Alexis. I was trying to figure out how to...how to be with him. And then...then I was afraid. Afraid of losing what we already had."
"He misunderstood something, I think Alexis. We were fine waiting and then he wasn't. There was something I should have told him long before now. And I promise to set him straight the minute he wakes up, okay? I can make this all better, when he wakes up."
"When he wakes up. If he wakes up. There's no guarantee that you'll hang around long enough to figure it all out. Are you telling me you're not going to throw my dad out of your life again?"
Her sharp words cut deeper in Kate, opening fresh wounds. Kate takes them. Accepts them. Owns them. "That is exactly what I'm saying to you. Partners, Alexis. I think even your Dad has forgotten what that means or maybe doesn't quite understand it yet. But I know, Alexis."
She takes Alexis by the shoulders, her awareness of the room and everyone surrounding them a far off thing. Her entire being is focused on Alexis, her most hidden parts laid open and bare in her eyes for the girl to see.
"It's more than marriage, more than family. People divorce. People leave their families. Partners, Alexis? Partners never walk away. They stick together. Always. It's not even a promise, not a solemn oath. It's just the way it is."
Kate is finally able to pull Alexis against her as the girl opens everything to her and Kate sees what she suspected. The way Alexis grabs at her, holds her tight. More than just the fear of losing her father. Kate returns the hug fiercely. Alexis' broken words tumble down her shoulder. "He's going to be okay. He has to be okay."
"He will be okay, Alexis. He will. He always is."
"Yeah, my dad is lucky. In a weird way. But what if his luck's run out, Detective Beckett?"
"Partners make their own family, you know. That includes you. Maybe, if you're done trying to slap me, you might call me Kate?"
"Yeah...I..." Alexis, barely back under control, is interrupted by the doctor entering the waiting area. The doctor, paying no attention to the strange tableau in front of him, drills out his information and heads off again.
"He's stable. Family only for now. I expect Mr. Castle to have a rough night, but based on his numbers now, he's got a good shot at making it through."
Martha moves close again, her arms going around both Kate and Alexis, then she takes Alexis' hand, gently pulling her away from Kate. Martha places her other hand against Kate's cheek for just a moment. Kate grabs hold of her hand and gives it a squeeze before letting it go.
"Give us some time with Richard. Then I'm going to go home for a rest. You'll stay here with Alexis?" Martha looks at her granddaughter. "I know I won't get her home tonight and if I can manage some sleep myself, then I'll be all the better prepared for what tomorrow brings."
Instead of the anger from before in Alexis' eyes, Kate sees her irises widen in stark fear and something so dark and needy, Kate wants to pull her back into a hug. "That would be okay...that would be great actually, if...if you stayed with me...Kate."
Kate feels like she's walking through cotton, talking underwater. Life is so muffled right now. She thinks Alexis might just have gobbled up a piece of her soul a moment ago. "Yeah. Yes. I...yeah, I'm staying. Take all the time you need, Martha. I need to call my dad anyway. Probably should try to eat something, too. I'll bring something up for you, Alexis, okay?"
Alexis shakes her head. "No. I'll take a break. Get something myself when you come back up. Maybe go home with Grams, freshen up a bit then come back."
They stand looking at each other awkwardly. How could they be exchanging all these normal, calm words when just moments ago Alexis wanted to tear Kate Beckett's throat out? Kate had no doubt of the girl's anger, but something else was there. Something that pulled her back to the trauma. The threat. It doesn't matter what they are fighting about. The important thing here is the who. They are in this together.
Alexis is suddenly back in Kate's arms, holding her close, pulling painfully at her raw skin. Kate whispers in the girl's ear, "I love him, too, Alexis. So much. So very much."
When Kate comes back almost an hour later, Martha and Alexis have gone home. Everyone else had left shortly after Alexis' shouting match turned to mutual sob fest. Her partner sleeps quietly for the moment alone in his room. She feels guilty. Just a bit. It's the being able to be here when he couldn't. She imagines him as he must have been last year at this very same hospital. She knew it was touch and go with her for a few days. Her dad thinks he was acting like a child, but she knows now. He was way more under control. The only thing that kept her together today was Alexis. Is that the only thing that's carried you through, Rick?
She pulls a chair snug against his bed and sits, taking a moment to soothe her hands over him. Touching his hair, stroking his face, running her fingers down his arm to meet his hand and catch hold, settling in. Her voice sounds strange to her ears, but she gives it to him. Knows he needs it. She's kept quiet for too long and she's done with that. I will not have another second of misunderstanding between us Richard Castle, so wake the hell up because I need to knock some sense into you.
She breaks then, for just a moment. Her head falling to meet his arm, pressing in just a bit to the firm bicep as her wound screams in protest. She brushes a kiss there before lifting her head once again. Her fingers itch to trace the lines in his face and she lets them. Taking her time, talking softly to him as she does.
"Your daughter got very angry with me tonight, Rick. I think she's been very angry with both of us for a long time. I've got her sorted out for now, but she needs to hear it from you." So wake the hell up and tell her already.
She thinks again about what it must have been like for him. She was out of it for days. He had to wait days before he talked to her. Before he could even see her. And then just briefly. He couldn't even hold her hand. She squeezes his, letting her sobs loose. Maybe if she released her tight control, the racket would jar him awake. She'd let him go right back to sleep. If she could just see his eyes. Know that he's all there. Just wake up for a little bit, Rick.
She stares down at her hand slipped under his, a finger of her other hand tracing letters slowly on the back of his hand. She thinks back to being trapped in the Ferrari, but keeps her mind tightly focused on the sensation of his fingers on her back. Ruthlessly won't let any of the rest invade her memory. Trapped, burning, broken, unable to get to him. To see him. Just keep breathing Castle. Please, breathe.
She had been confused when his fingers first started brushing over her skin in what seemed like strategic movements. Then she felt the zigzag of his W and realized he was carving invisible letters into her skin. Even when he has no breath to speak, he gives her something to hold onto, something to anchor and assure her. They may not be on the same page, exactly, but they both know it's the same story. Their story.
Her letters are slow, dragging across his skin, the pressure like a deep massage more than the ghostly, tickling pressure he gave her. Again, she is so lucky. He's given her the words she needs. She can be here with him. He had no words. No physical connection. What did she do? Send him away?Never, never again. Rick...Rick...I am so sorry. So damn sorry.
She continues tracing, even as pain flares and rages through her bruised body, fire burning across the rawness of her back. She'll have to rest soon, she knows. She won't stay upright in the chair much longer, but for now she stays. Tracing over and over again. The letters mingling into nonsense, having no meaning as individuals. Letters standing alone.
"Rick, don't leave me. Stay with me, okay?" She hears his voice breaking in her memory. Holds the moment, broken and bleeding. A ragged bridge between them. "I need you...I need you with me."
And still he lays still and silent. She barely recognizes his face, so devoid of emotion. She's desperate for him to open his eyes, assure her of his vitality. But later when he does wake, unaware of his surrounding, unseeing, wracked with pain, she'll wish he'd stayed peacefully sleeping through the battle his body wages to find purchase to survive.
She holds his words close against her. A talisman against the dark unknown of the looming night. And she gives his words back to him, over and over again, desperate in the need to maintain even a thread of connection with him. A.l.w.a.y.s.
Author's Note: Dear Reader, you might remember me mentioning how if you liked this story you should think about putting me on Author Alert, so you wouldn't miss a new story from me. Well, I cut a little over 1,000 words out of this chapter. Gave it a life of it's own. You know what to do, if you don't want to miss the story of how Kate and Alexis met for the very first time in my Castleverse. If you'd like to bring me more joy than just your avid attention for a moment, you can always favorite, follow, and/or review. A Tumblr note or a Tweet would be lovely as well! Thank you, McFluffy and PenguinOfTroy for the beta read. If you did not enjoy this chapter, send your complaints their way. ;)
Disclaimer: We all know who owns these characters. May success continue to follow their creator so they will continue to grace our television screens with new stories for years to come.