Chapter Five

After dinner, Dean hailed a cab and opened the door for Castiel. He knew he didn't have to, it wasn't as if Cas was a lady that Dean was trying to woo, but to him it seemed like the right thing to do. He went around and entered the car from the other side.

Cas blushed at this, but tried to hide it by turning away to the window when he spoke. "That was pleasant, Dean."

"Pleasant is my middle name," Dean smirked. What did I just say? he thought to himself. This man was a terrible influence on Dean's usual style and overconfidence. He felt like a middle school girl on her first date. Well not date. You know, rendezvous, or something. This wasn't a date. Dean was practically becoming a nervous wreck with all these conflicting thoughts.

Cas responded with a chuckle, "Well if you're Pleasant, than I'm Charming!"

And so for the rest of the car ride Dean and Cas made a serious of bad jokes. It soon became a competition of who could make the driver laugh the most. It was not an easy task. The driver, or Raphie, was not easily amused. Castiel had never felt much need for comedy or had any flair for it at all, but he tried because Dean seemed to find it extremely entertaining.

Once they got to Dean's apartment the cabbie had laughed seven times and Cas was finally getting the hang of making a joke, much to Dean's amusement. Dean had felt uneasy about Cas spending the night an hour before, but now he was looking forward to that night, and perhaps many more.

They walked side by side into the lobby of the apartment building. Castiel noted that it was very high-end for that town, and wondered how much Dean got paid. Bobby never had anything so extravagant. Thinking of Bobby brought up sharp pangs of guilt, so he pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

About two seconds later, though, the thought could not have been further away. As they were walking, Dean and Castiel's hands snagged. Soon they were in an awkward sort of hand lock, and both of them, as if instructed by some unknown force, immediately stopped walking. They didn't look at each other, both were feeling much to embarrassed, but neither took their hands away.

Cas timidly started to move his hand. Dean took this as a sign that Castiel did not want to be touching him and began to pull his hand away quickly, but was stopped by something. Looking down, he saw a gentle yet surprisingly strong hand grabbing on tight to his, as if there were lives depending on it. Surprised by this new development, he looked up. He saw two bright blue eyes looking back at him, searching his face for a reaction, any reaction.

Dean twisted his hand around so that it was holding onto Castiel's in a perfect connection. Both of them felt as if their hands were meant to be there, together, in that heavenly display of affection. They looked down at how natural their hands being together seemed, and then looked up at each other. Both mouths pulled up into a smile, and both hearts beat like drums.

That accidental touch had turned into the moment that both of them would remember for the rest of their lives. It was their perfect snapshot, their fantasies, everything they could have wanted and more, and it was all wrapped up into thirty seconds and tied with a bow. They didn't want it to end, not ever.

Unfortunately, it did. The doorman came to the door and looked at them quizzically; Dean realized what had just happened. As if he was discovering he was naked in front of a room full of people, he face flushed bright red and he dropped Castiel's hand instantly. He greeted the doorman with his head bowed down and walked through the door quickly, making for the elevator.

Cas hesitated behind him, feeling more than just torn. He had never been so hurt by anything or anybody in his life. He didn't want to follow, but like the good little soldier that his dad had taught him to be, he showed none of it and proceeded with a stoic expression. He attempted a smile at the doorman, but it turned out to be more of a grimace, and trudged to the elevator with a dejected posture. Even the best soldiers have their breaking points.

That elevator ride held the largest amount of emotions that Castiel had ever experienced. Anger, resentment, shame, excitement, love, lust, and denial; and that was just to name a few. Cas couldn't decide whether he wanted to pretend the rejection had not happened and grab Dean's hand, maybe more, or if he wanted to bring it up and hurt Dean the way Dean had hurt him. His choice was decided for him, though, when Dean began to speak.

"Cas, I shouldn't have done that. I mean, I'm not…I'm not ashamed to be with you. You know that, right?"

Dean's tone was hopeful, pleading. Cas wanted so badly to forgive him, to kiss his lips and have everything be forgotten, but he couldn't. What Dean did cut Cas too deep to be forgiven by one simple apology.

Fighting off the oncoming threat of tears, Castiel answered him with emotion unlike anything he had experienced before. "No Dean. I don't know. You are sending me…mixed messages. I didn't know whether this is right or wrong either, but at least I knew what I wanted it to be. You don't seem to."

The elevator had arrived at the floor yet, but neither made any move to get out. They barely noticed; they were far too preoccupied with each other for anything else in the world to take effect on them.

"I didn't mean to…I just don't know what's up or down right now, Cas. Everything has gone to hell right now and I don't know how to deal. The only thing I do know is that I want you with me while I do, alright?"

The tears were coming; Cas could feel them. He had to get out of there fast. He clicked the elevator door for the lobby, and they began to move back down.

"Dean, I don't think I can. I don't know if I can trust you. I don't know the last thing about you. I—"

They arrived at the lobby, and the door opened. Cas looked at Dean sadly, and walked out. Dean didn't know what to do. He had never been in a situation like this before, but what he did know is that under no circumstances could he let Cas leave like this, now.

Almost sprinting to catch up, Dean grabbed hold of Castiel's arm. He spun him around so they were facing each other, Castiel's eyes full of surprise. Then turned around, peering over his shoulder.

"Hey, doorman! Yeah, you! Watch this!" Dean yelled, turning back to Cas, "I don't care if we have only known each other for a day, Cas. Time doesn't matter to me. I know how I feel about you right now, and I know what I want. You."

And with that, Dean grabbed the back of Castiel's head with both hands and pressed their faces together with a hungry lust. He tilted his head and pushed his mouth against Castiel's, pressing his lips into those of Cas until it was as if they had melded together.

The passion only increased, and Castiel slid his tongue into Dean's mouth. He had never kissed a man, and he was surprised to find it felt more natural than with any girl he had met. He glided his tongue over all of Dean's teeth, savoring every moment. Castiel had matched Dean's fervor with his own gentle touch, and Dean had never felt so desperately in love with anyone.

Barely taking breaths, Cas and Dean continued that way in the lobby of Dean's apartment building with a very confused doorman looking on, for almost ten minutes.