Okay, don't be mad. I admit this one isn't that well written because I was pretty distracted by crying over the end of Season Five—again. So I apologize in advance, but hopefully you guys will love it anyway.

Oh, and the things in italics (besides this, of course) are flashbacks, from Dean's POV. This may be confusing, since Cas is the one actually telling the story. To explain, I wanted the flashbacks to be in Dean's POV so we could see both sides to the story.

Chapter Twelve

Dean jumped up from where he was sitting on the bad and practically lunged for Gabriel. To his surprise, Cas got in his way.

"Dean, no!" he yelled, putting his hand on Dean's shoulder.

Before he could shake off the touch of that stupid angel, that stupid heartbreaking angel, they had been zapped. To who knows where, really.

"What the hell, Cas?" Dean demanded, almost yelling.

"We had to go somewhere I could explain. Without you going all," he made his trademarked air quotations, "'darkside' on me."

Dean wanted so badly to yell, to throw something, to throw a tantrum. The only problem was, when he looked into those eyes he couldn't. His anger melted away. And he tried to avoid those piercing blue eyes. He tried to look anywhere else. He couldn't. And when he did gaze up at them, he could tell Cas was sorry, was guilty. Dean couldn't forgive him, though. But the least he could do was hear Cas out.

"Let me tell you my story, Dean. Let me tell you everything."

They were sitting on the ground, and Dean felt like two girls at a middle school sleepover. He kept looking around to make sure that no one would see him like this, but then he would realize that they were in some field, and probably not even in the same country as before, knowing Cas.

"Dean, you must know that I never expected you to reveal your emotions. I had read you very well up until then, and your personality had shown no signs that the particular event would come to pass."

Dean interrupted at that point, even though he had told Castiel just moments before that he wouldn't, "Wait a sec—you knew how I felt about you?"

"Of course, Dean. I'm an angel. We…" Castiel paused, trying to figure out a way to put it into human words, "…sense things."

"Oh great, just what I needed. Another ESP kid," he responded, just barely loud enough for Castiel to hear, even with his "sensing" ears.

"I don't understand that reference, Dean," said Castiel in exasperation, "As I was saying, when you told me, it came as quite a shock. If I had expected it, I would have reacted in a more…poised manner. Unfortunately, I had not seen it coming."

"Cas, get your feathery ass down here. It's big. End of the world big. Life or death big. Et cetera, et cetera. Oh, and hurry the hell up!"

Dean was very drunk at the time, but that didn't change things. He still needed to tell Cas, he still needed to get it off his back. And if it took lying to get him down here, who cared. Castiel would understand soon enough, anyway. He wouldn't want anything to do with them soon. He would be so scared by Dean that he would go back to Heaven and never come back. They would never see him again. And did Dean care about that? Of course he—

Wait. Yes he did. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He should have listened to Sammy. He shouldn't have gotten drunk. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

Just as he was about to tell Castiel, wherever the hell he was, that on he probably shouldn't come, he heard the signature sound of wings flapping. He felt the air make that little whoosh that Dean had grown to love. He knew, without even seeing, that if he turned around Castiel would be standing there, trenchcoat and all.

"Dean, what is it?"

Was that worry in his voice? Angels didn't worry. Had Dean not been as drunk as he was, he probably would have over-analyzed that statement like a little girl with her first crush.

"Oh, you're here," Dean slurred out.

"Of course I am here. I always come when you call. Now what is it? Are you hurt? Where is Sam?"

"He's not here. And…you should leave too! Yeah! Just get out!"

"I don't understand. You called," Castiel said, in genuine confusion. Dean didn't blame him. Anyone, angel or not, would be confused by this. He sure was.

"Fine, don't. I don't care," he retorted, his voice revealing the extent of his alcohol intake. Even if Castiel was an ignorant angel, he could register when Dean was drunk. He decided that sitting down would be the best way to seem unthreatening at a time such as this.

"It seems you are drunk, Dean," he stated simply.

"Yeah, and?"

Castiel didn't know what to say, so he was silent. He looked at Dean and Dean looked back. It felt as though he was being studied, but he didn't mind. He was used to Castiel's strange behavior by now. To anyone else, that silence might have seemed uncomfortable, but even drunk Dean was content to just sit there with Cas and say nothing.

Finally he regained the power of speech, and formulated what he wanted to say in his mind. Being Dean, this wasn't going to be easy, but better now than never. Which, as Sam pointed out, would ultimately lead to drowning his sorrows in alcohol and probably getting STDs from the whores that he would feel the sick need to sleep with. He could always count on Sammy to have his back.

"Cas, I guess I did bring you here for a reason, sorta I guess."

Had he just said 'I guess' twice in one sentence? He really should not have gotten drunk. Cursing himself for his ill decisions, he tried to regain his composure and continue, despite Castiel's quizzical gaze.

"I just wanted to tell you…Well you might already know, so... Well I just wanted to tell you…I mean…"

This was not going at all how he wanted it to. He was supposed to just say it, and then Castiel would react. Dean didn't even care how Cas reacted anymore, as long as he got out what he was trying to say without sounding like a complete jackass.

"Dean, it's okay."

Dean returned a weak smile to that. Castiel didn't even know what the hell was going on, and yet he still tried to comfort him. He was so kind, and yet so dangerously insensitive. He was one big contradiction, but Dean didn't care. Cas was amazing. Cas was his angel. Why couldn't he just put that into words and explain it to Castiel?

"Cas, you're my angel."

'Oh shit, did I say that out loud? I did, didn't I? Oh shit. Goddammit. This isn't good. So far from good. Bad. Bad bad bad bad,' thought Dean. He tended to repeat himself a lot when he was drunk. He at least prided himself on not doing things he would regret the next morning, though. Well, he could take that off the list of things he was proud of now.

"I'm…what?"

Dean didn't even know how to begin explaining himself. He tried hard to come up with a good explanation. He really did think about it. And that resulted in him staying silent for a very long time, and this time the silence was chock full of tension.

"Dean, what do you mean 'You're my angel'?"

He didn't know what to say, so he might as well say the truth.

"I…love you…" replied Dean very quietly, almost as if it were a question.

Dead silence.

Dean had wanted to get it out there, no matter what the reaction. Now he wasn't so sure he made the right choice. Anything would be better than no reaction. If something didn't happen soon he was going to—

Something was on him, something big. Hunter instinct took over, as it usually did for him. His eyes were closed, but his hand swung around and collided with a body. A very hard body. There was a pain in his fist that he recognized from punching Castiel one time before.

Wondering what had happened that caused Castiel to be thrown on top of him, he opened his eyes. He had been expecting demons, maybe some enemy angels that had found them. But he opened his eyes just in time to see Cas lean down and kiss him.

It was not how he had expected a kiss from Castiel, an angel of the lord. It embodied nothing about a soldier, showed none of his hardened, malevolent, insensitive nature. In fact, it was the opposite.

Castiel pushed his lips against Dean's and they were gentle, caring. They were shy, yet passionate. Dean vaguely wondered where he had learned to kiss like that, but he didn't care. The fact of the matter was, Castiel had kissed him. Castiel had learned Dean's real feelings and he hadn't run away, he had kissed him.

He was elated, floating on the world, and it had nothing to do with the alcohol. To tell the truth, he didn't even feel a hint of alcohol in his body. He just felt joy. But he broke away from Cas, and he looked at him. He looked at him deep in those blue eyes that would always make him melt, that he could never be mad at. He said nothing, but tilted his head.

Castiel understood, though. In response, he nodded. In that single gesture, he answered Dean's unspoken question. He had said, "Yes, it's always been this way. Yes, I'm sure I love you too."

Dean snapped out of his reverie to find that Cas was talking. Who knows how long he had been talking for, actually. Dean was in his own little world, his memory world. Lately, he had been going there quite a bit. Well, before the whole Gabriel ordeal, that is.

"I was not at all unhappy that it had happened though," Castiel explained, "In fact, I was joyful. Which is an emotion that not many angels get the privilege of experiencing, sadly. I was so surprised that you had chosen to tell me."

Dean interrupted again, this time not even feeling the least bit guilty, "Well if you felt the same way, why the hell did you never tell me?"

"For your own good, Dean. You and Sam, your love is so beautiful. And it seemed there was little room in your heart for anyone but your brother."

At that Dean opened his mouth to protest, but Castiel continued talking quickly, as if to clarify.

"I didn't mind, though. If there was anything I had learned in my time on earth, it was loss. I would have never told you, because it would have only burdened you."

"And although it felt in that moment with you as though everything in my life became complete, perfect even, it seemed as if we were doomed from the start."

"We weren't doomed, Cas. You made a choice."

Dean knew that it was a low blow, but he didn't even care anymore. He had been played one too many times by the angels, and he didn't think he could trust any of them now.

Castiel cringed at the statement, but he recovered quickly. Once he was done explaining, Dean would understand. Once he was done explaining, Dean would forgive him.

He just needed Dean to listen to the whole story.

Sorry, I said that would explain everything and I know it didn't really. Don't worry, I promise by this time tomorrow (if not sooner)!