Okeedokee, I'm back! Thank you so much to the people who reviewed, it really means a lot! I love you guys!

So, I'm hoping this chapter clears things up for those of you who have no idea what the heck is going on. The flashbacks are now more Cas oriented, sorry. I just love playing with his learning of emotions. It's a crisis. Enjoy!

Chapter Thirteen

"When we told Sam, well you know. Sam is Sam, it didn't change anything. But it didn't matter. Our lives were so…are so…" Castiel searched for the right word to describe his life since he met Dean.

"Fucked up," Dean finished.

Castiel was taken aback at this harsh phrasing.

"Well, I wasn't going to say…"

"Face it, Cas. Since you 'raised me from perdition,'" Dean said in a low, mocking voice that cut Cas deeply, "everything has gone to shit. I used to be awesome, man. Now I'm just some...gay angel-banger."

"A what?" Cas practically yelped. He had no idea what that meant, but he knew from Dean's tone of voice that it couldn't be good.

"A gay—nevermind. The point is, you pretty much ruined everything I was proud of about myself. I mean, thanks for bringing me out of Hell and all, but did you have to go and be so goddamn attractive?"

Despite the seriousness of Dean's tone, Castiel couldn't help but smile. It was so odd to hear Dean express such emotions. He supposed it was just one of the many developments in their lives since that first time they kissed.

But Castiel didn't mean to hurt Dean. He would never mean to hurt him. He was Castiel's soulmate. And sure, the other angels objected, said it was disgusting, even. Your soulmate wasn't supposed to be a human, a dirty hairless ape. His was, though. And there was nothing he could do about it. Suddenly, his guilt hit him like a tsunami.

"It wasn't all bad, was it?" he asked quietly.

Dean was silent. There were so many ways he could answer that question. He could get mad, he could scream. He could tell Cas that they had nothing together anymore, that he didn't feel anything anymore. But it wasn't true. It wasn't all bad. It was far from all bad.

When he thought about Cas, he thought about all the looks they had before they had told each other. All of those stolen glances that both of them had taken, he lingering touches that were passed off as worry for the other. And when then they told each other, and everything was even better. They shared kisses, even when they knew people were watching. They sat in the park and Castiel would tell Dean about his long life. Sam started driving Baby so Dean could sit in the back with Cas.

They had really loved each other, and it was so amazing. They both felt it was so incredibly right that nothing could ever go wrong.

But they hadn't anticipated just how "disgusting" the other angels actually thought it was.

Dean and Cas were sitting at the park and Castiel was explaining his job in both Heaven and on Earth. He explained how he had been stationed there to watch over the humans, and how boring it could really get. They were so predictable, so repetitious. But he had been fascinated by them, and being on Earth was something he loved.

"The other angels never understood. To them, humans were just a life form that we kept around because our Father told us we should. But to me it was different. Sometimes, I even wanted to be able to experience the emotions that came so easily to you. When Anna fell, I knew that I would never be able to, though."

Dean grabbed Castiel's hand, which was hugging his chest, and looked up into the bright blue eyes. A tilt of the head, Dean's way of asking questions without ruining Castiel's storytelling mood.

"By doing that, she had become the lowest form of life that one could possibly be. She had possessed a Grace, and she gave it up willingly. She was hunted for that. I knew the consequences, but when I met you, all the practicalities flew out the window."

He squeezed Dean's hand in response to the worried green eyes. He knew that if he didn't clarify what he meant, Dean would blame himself for every problem Castiel now had with his family. If Cas had learned anything in his time with him, it was that Dean always tried to blame other people's faults on himself.

"It was a loss of control, but a good one. All I wanted was to be able to feel the way you felt, experience the emotions that you and Sam did. I thought that I would have to become human for that, but I was wrong. You taught me I could still feel."

Castiel decided then and there it was time to tell Dean the truth about their relationship, about soulmates.

"Dean, you are my sou—"

Suddenly, Castiel as cut off midsentence with his fingers in Dean's hair by the sound of wings flapping. It had been weeks since they first "came out" to each other, and they had no qualms about public displays of affection anymore. But when they saw who it was that had interrupted them, they separated in record time.

"Castiel. You should not be with the Winchester. We warned you."

Dean was gaping at this sudden turn of events, and was more than confused why the angels cared about him and Cas being together. And if they had warned him about something like this, why hadn't Cas told him? If Cas was at all surprised by their appearance, his face didn't show it.

"And I told you I didn't care, Hester," Cas responded. Dean could sense Castiel's anger rolling off his words. It was his calm and threatening voice that made everyone want to run and hide. Everyone except this chick, apparently.

Hester, apparently the name of the angel dressed in a black pantsuit, was speaking in a severely monotone voice, "Cease this at once, so we don't have to call Uriel. He will not be pleased."

"Let him come, it won't change anything."

Hester paused, and it seemed as though she was actually sad about what she was going to do next.

"Uriel, he's here," she called, not even bothering to take her eyes off of Castiel, suspicious that he would leave, perhaps.

Another sound of flapping wings came from a little ways behind Dean. Everyone turned to see Uriel, looking angrier than ever.

"I told you how it was supposed to be, Castiel. You should have listened, for you will not like the punishment."

Dean was suddenly very worried. What did they mean, 'punishment'. Were they taking Castiel somewhere? Why? And if so, why wasn't Castiel fighting back? Should he be killing someone right now? Dean had no idea how to react to this situation, seeing as he had no idea what was actually happening.

And then Cas was right there, his forehead pressed against Dean, Castiel's hands grabbing tight onto his arms. Dean could tell by that display of fear, something Castiel would never usually show, that something was very wrong.

"Dean, look at me, this is important. Remember this, okay?" Dean nodded, and Castiel continued in a frantic voice, "I love you, Dean. I always will love you."

Blue eye looked at green, and Castiel did a quick nod, as if to say everything was going to be alright. But when Uriel put a rough hand on Castiel's shoulder and ripped him away from Dean, he could tell it was far from that.

Dean had heard this kind of talk before. Dean had heard this tone of voice too many times to count. It was the voice of someone saying goodbye. Both his dad and his brother had used it, and both times his heart splintered. If Castiel did it too, he didn't think that he would be able to recover.

"No. No! You can't do this! Cas!"

But Cas, and the rest of the angels, were gone.

"CAS!" he screamed, not caring about the looks he was drawing to himself.

Then his heart finally gave out with the weight of his loss, and he collapsed.

"You left me, Cas. You left me, and you shattered everything about me. So tell me, Mr. ESP angel, was I not already bad enough at trusting people without your goddamn betrayal to add to the list?"

Castiel had been keeping a good hold on his temper until then. It wasn't Dean's fault hie didn't know the whole story, after all. But this comment made him snap. After all they had been through, how could Dean actually think Cas had betrayed him?

"I didn't betray you, Dean!" he yelled.

Dean looked as shocked by the outburst as Cas felt. Shaking his head, he tried to recompose himself.

"So you didn't disappear for over six months without any trace? So you didn't leave me after telling me you never would? Because as far as I remember, you did. And that's betrayal, Cas. It doesn't matter what fucking species you are, it just is!"

"You don't understand. I just need to explain," Cas said quietly.

"Fine, Cas. Enlighten me," Dean conceded, but Cas could still feel the anger and fury seeping out of him.

"When I said that the angels 'did not approve' of us, I was understating things a bit…"

"Oh, big surprise. You lied."

"I only bent the tru—it doesn't matter. The fact is, they were what caused it all to go wrong."

Castiel had been called in to talk to Uriel, his current superior. He had no idea what the reason could be, and he was more than a little nervous. He had recently raised Dean Winchester from Hell—his first big task. He prayed to God that nothing went wrong as he walked into the room.

"Sir?" Cas called hesitantly, his voice being absorbed by the room. It had the smell of cigars, though Castiel knew that Uriel did not smoke. Angels didn't smoke, for it had no effect on them anyway. The chairs were a deep mahogany with leather-clad cushions. Uriel looked up from some papers on his polished wood desk and motioned for Castiel to sit down.

"Do you know why you are here, Castiel?" he asked, as Castiel took a seat obediently.

"I do not."

"In that case, it is about the Winchesters."

"What is it? Did something go wrong? Were there complications? I did exactly what was instructed of me, Sir."

Uriel could tell that the angel had no idea what he was getting at. He pitied the poor boy. Not in the way one would feel sad for a little brother, though Castiel was his kin, but rather the way someone pities a bug before they crush it with their foot.

"The angels are afraid that you are…becoming too involved with the Winchesters."

Castiel stiffened. Did they know the extent of his involvement? Did they know yet that the brothers had taught him to doubt? Did they know his emotions for Dean? They couldn't know, he reassured himself. He had taken precautions not to let it show.

"I don't understand what you mean, Sir," he retorted, his face showing no emotion.

"Castiel, do not lie to me. It is of no use. We are aware of your," he paused, as if in disgust, "feelings for the elder brother. We are warning you now, and you will only be warned once, it must stop. If you do not stop it, we will."

Uriel stared at Castiel intently, waiting for an answer. Castiel only nodded in response, and walked out of the room silently. He didn't come the next time the Winchesters called.

"It wasn't because I was scared of their punishments that I didn't come, although an angel's torture is by all means terrifying. It was because I didn't want you to get hurt. I was protecting you, Dean. You have to understand, everything I did, I did it for you."

As Dean looked into the sincere blue eyes, he wanted so badly to believe him. But he couldn't. He had been betrayed at a much deeper level than just Castiel leaving. It was what happened six months later, when Castiel came back, that hurt the most.

"Really, Cas? Because I'd say that trying to stab me isn't really too good for my wellbeing."

Castiel gulped. This one was going to be harder to explain.