Disclaimer: I do not own anything – Oh how sad.

A/N: One-Shot!

Lunch Is Always Crazy

"Could you pass the ketchup?" Tony asks sticking his hand out to retrieve the bottle. "Thanks, Zee-vah," sending her a sly smile. When he takes a bite of his burger then starts saying something in the middle of chewing, it reminds Ziva of what a backed up garbage disposal sounds like.

"Tony, swallow, then talk." She emphasizes as though she were talking to a child.

"Oh, I'm sorry was my chewing bothering you?"

She puts down her falafel and turns to him. "Yes."

He nods after she's already turned her head. After several seconds of peaceful silence she can see him pick up his drink and slowly put the straw in his mouth. He just holds it there for a second before taking a quick sip, purposely making an obnoxious suction sound with the straw.

"Tony." She says out of warning. He knows from her tone that's she's about one step away from shoving that straw up his nose, among other places. The break room is empty except for them. It figures that they wouldn't be able to go on their lunch break until they got all their paperwork done which wasn't until 2:30. Gibbs was in a more…generous mood so he gave them five extra minutes to eat.

There's a ring of condensation on the table where his cup sat. Ziva stares at it intently as if it was Tony's naked body she was staring at. He's watching her while she's doing this and wonders what she finds so fascinating. He scoots his chair back causing it to make a screeching sound. Without getting out of the chair he leans over reaching for the napkin dispenser. He can't reach it but refuses to get out of his seat. He's grunting and breathing heavy and is almost tempted to undo a notch on his belt. Ziva makes a loud huff, finally tearing her eyes away from the spot on the table and looks back at her struggling partner. With one final try at reaching the napkins he gets a hold of one between the tips of his pointer and middle fingers. "Oh yeah, I got it!" He shouts triumphantly raising a fist in the air. That move throws him off balance causing the chair to slide across the floor bringing Tony down with it.

Ziva smacks her hand down on the table in laughter. "How very Tony of you, Tony. Only you would put so much effort into reaching something from your seat when it would have been easier and less painful to just get up and grab it in the first place."

"Ha ha, that was very funny. Now will you help me up?"

She chuckles and shakes her head at him. "You're the one on the floor. It was your fault that you got there."

He sits partially up, rubbing his back and grimacing at the pain there as well as the pain in his ass. He looks at Ziva, the other pain in my ass, he can't help but think at this moment. When Ziva turns around to take a sip of her drink he gets an idea. "Hey Ziva."

"Hmm?" She asks turning to face him, soda still in her hand. He grips her chair with his foot and kicks it out from under her. She shrieks when her ice cold beverage slips out of her grip and fly's back in her face when she hits the ground. His laughter makes her turn to watch him roll around on the floor. She knows her glare is basically useless cause there's no way anyone would find her intimidating covered in sticky soda with a plastic straw stuck in her hair, but she knows him and he knows her. He knows what she's capable of and when Ziva crushes a soda can like it was a wade of toilet paper, Tony thinks it might be time for him to get off the floor and get the hell out of there.

He's about to pull a McGeek and say he's, "Just gonna go grab a Nutter Butter," when he remembers he's already in the break room.

"Damn it, there's no way out," he says out loud.

"Tony, Tony, Tony," Ziva says shaking her head while reaching over grabbing his hamburger.

"Ziva, Ziva, Ziva," he copies, watching her closely. His eyes dart back and forth between her and the burger. He watches her as she raises it to her mouth like she's about to take a bite. "Zee-vah." It's his turn to warn now.

"Yes Tony?" She asks sweetly.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. You know how I feel about my food." She's opened her mouth now and he wonders why he's still talking. "That burger cost me twenty bucks. You know that's not kosher." His partner just nods. Tony decides he's had enough. "Alright, that's it." He marches over to her, grabbing her falafel and shoves half of it into his mouth. "Ugh, what on earth did you put in that thing?" asked the man using his teeth as a tongue scraper. His eyes are watering and his mouth is on fire.

She smirks and reply's, "Oh just my homemade hot sauce."

"Remind me to never come over for dinner again."

Looking around it's no surprise that they've made a mess. "Look, we only have the five extra minutes Gibbs so graciously gave us left, so we should probably clean this mess up." Tony says, thinking he finally settled it.

"Alright." They stand there doing nothing for a minute before Ziva goes over to the sink, grabbing some sponges and soap. "There does not appear to be any spray so we're just going to have to use soap and water." They both crouch down on the floor and start scrubbing away the left over soda stains. The trail of the sticky substance leads them under the table and Tony bangs his head on the bottom of it.

"Ow."

"Ooh, let me see," Ziva says.

"No your probably just gonna hurt it even more."

"I will not," she yanks his head down so she can examine it, ignoring his protests.

They fail to hear the footsteps of the person making their way into the break room. "Um…guys, Gibbs needs you to um…" McGee trails off when he hears laughing and what sounds like Ziva saying, "It's not that big," from under the table. "Uh, I'm just gonna…yeah." He slurs and then runs out of the room quickly.

"You really don't think so?" asked Tony after McGee's departure.

"No Tony, your bald spots not that big." Ziva reply's smiling at him and they go back to cleaning up their mess.

I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading.

P.S. – Reviews would be wonderful