Do No Harm

Rating: "T"

Branson's declaration of love causes Sybil to question her own feelings and to encourage Branson not to flee Downton before she fully knows her heart. Takes place between the first and second episode of the second season.

As in all my fanfics, characters' thoughts are in italics. In this fic, the letters are as well.

Disclaimer: In case it's not obvious, I don't own anything related to Downton Abbey.

November 1916

Sybil carried her bags to her assigned bed. She went through the motions of unpacking and forced herself to at least look like she was paying attention to the directions given by the instructor on nursing students' expectations during orientation, but her heart and a good part of her mind were otherwise occupied. It wasn't until evening that she was able to devote all of her thoughts to Branson's moving declaration of love.

Is it love, though? She asked herself this question as parts of his speech echoed through her head.

"I'll make something of myself, I promise."

"Bet on me."

"If your family casts you off, it won't be forever. They'll come around."

"Until they do, I promise to devote every waking minute to your happiness."

"It's cost me all I've got to say these things."

He didn't actually say "I love you" or "I'm in love with you," but she knew he did. Never in her life had a man stood before her, hat in hand, pouring out his innermost thoughts and feelings. Sybil couldn't decide what stirred her more – his well-chosen words through which he bared his soul or the intensity of his gaze as he said them. Those blue eyes that grew dark when he was angry or distressed were as clear and captivating as a still pond on a cloudless and sunny spring day while he spoke to her. As she reflected on their exchange, she hated how empty her words must have sounded, especially "I'm terribly flattered."

Really, Sybil? That's the best you could do under the circumstances?

In truth, she didn't quite know her heart when it came to him. She felt something, and she knew it ran deeper than friendship, but forever was daunting at 19. She'd had crushes, and men flatter her at parties and balls, and even letters full of carefully constructed compliments, but those men were well-practiced at the art of flirtation. Branson's speech was different, and in a good way. It was bold, sincere and highly potent.

He could still resign. He could still leave Downton while I'm gone. I'm not going to be able to concentrate on my studies if I don't say something to him. I need to prevent him from acting rashly, but I can't make such profound declarations in return.

Moving to a window so the moon would provide sufficient light to write, Sybil resolved to write two letters: one to Branson, and one to Anna.

Dear Anna:

I need to ask an unusual favor of you. When Branson dropped me off, I may have failed to make myself unclear about something I said and I want to make sure I clarify my meaning. If I don't, I'm afraid it could cause him some distress. If you could please deliver the enclosed sealed note to him, I'd be most grateful.

Sincerely yours,

Lady Sybil

She then went through several drafts of her letter to Branson, but as she completed the fifth one, she decided it was the one that would best communicate her sentiments. She signed and sealed it in its own envelope, and then placed the letter to Anna along with the smaller envelope inside of a larger envelope.

Several days later, when Anna received the letter, she was taken aback that Lady Sybil would feel concerned about offending a servant. Most employers didn't give consideration to how their words or their actions might be interpreted by staff. However, Lady Sybil was a lady in every sense of the word and showed kindness to nearly everyone. Anna also thought about how ever since the incident at the counting of the votes in Ripon how Lady Sybil and Branson seemed a bit closer than most servants and employers. Anna pushed the fleeting thought out of her mind that maybe something deeper was happening between them. In some matters, she decided, ignorance is bliss.

The day after she received the letter, Anna made sure to grab Lord Grantham's newspaper before Branson did. She folded it into quarters, and tucked the letter inside the fold but at the edge facing Branson when she gave it to him.

"Mr. Branson," she called as she entered the servants' hall. He was pouring himself a cup of tea. They were the only two there, as it was a busy part of the day for most of the servants.

"Yes, Anna? Oh, you have the paper! You aren't, by any chance finished with it, are you?"

Anna could see why if Lady Sybil did have a crush that it would be on Mr. Branson. He was well-mannered, handsome, and usually upbeat.

"Actually, I am. There's a piece that's particularly noteworthy towards the center of the paper that might pique your interest," Anna said while directing Branson's attention with her eyes to the carefully concealed envelope. Branson immediately caught her meaning and saw it.

"I see. I'll be sure to give it extra attention."

"It's the kind of thing you want to take your time reading – perhaps when you have time alone."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Anna."

She offered him a small but warm smile before she started on her next task. Luckily for Branson, he was now alone in the servants' hall. He sat down with his cup of tea and unfolded the paper to reveal the envelope in her neat handwriting addressed to "Mr. Branson." She never called him that when she was home, but figured she'd erred to the side of formality to deter possible prying eyes, to put some emotional distance between them, or both.

It wasn't until he read and reread the contents that he fully understood why she had addressed the outside of the envelope in that manner. She needed to disguise what was inside.

Dear Tom:

First of all, I wanted to apologize for my flat response to what you told me as you dropped me off for nurse's training. Initially, I was taken aback by your declaration. No man has ever opened his heart to me that way, and it touched me deeply. I can't imagine what it took for you to summon the courage to share your deepest feelings with me. You know I don't put store by social status, but we live in a world that does. Our differences – to the outside world, in that regard – make your sentiments even more dangerous. It makes what you said even more meaningful to me.

Taking this step outside of the cocoon that is Downton is the greatest risk I've taken thus far. I wasn't prepared to take an even greater risk with my heart. You must know that I care for you a great deal, Tom – far more than my family or friends would like if they were ever to discover it. I cannot say with certainty that I feel as strongly as you do. I have deep respect for you (particularly your keen mind and your sensitivity towards those in difficult circumstances), as well as great affection. I just feel that, right now, I don't know enough about life or the world to know if what I'm feeling is the love I've read about in novels or seen between my parents in stolen moments when they thought no one else was near. I care for you far too much to toy with your heart, so I don't want to promise you mine. It's not mine to promise until I know it better.

Please don't leave Downton. Two months will pass before we know it, and when I return, as we talk more and as more time passes, perhaps I will be able to give you the answers we both seek. It would cause me grief to know that you felt compelled to leave because I don't know my feelings as well as you do. Please don't punish us both. Stay – for both of our sakes.

If you do have time, and you feel comfortable doing so, please write to me. It would mean so much to me if I heard from you. The address is on the back of this letter. Please don't address it to "Lady Sybil," but rather "Nurse Sybil Crawley." I hope to prove myself through the quality of my work rather that get by on my family's place on the social register.

Your good friend,

Sybil

After the third time Branson read the letter, he felt pleased that she appreciated the effort it took for him to share what he felt for her and that she held him in high regard. He was also touched that she called herself his "good friend" and that she signed it without her title. Although he had hoped she would declare her undying love for him, he was heartened that she told him that she had "deep respect" and "great affection" for him.

She cares enough about me not to play games with me and to tell me the truth. She also urged me to stay so she can figure out if she feels something more.

It wasn't what he'd hoped for, but under the circumstances, it was probably the best he could get at this point in time.

Later that evening, when he was alone in his cottage, Branson wrote her back.

Dear Sybil:

While you may not be able to say you feel everything I do, I am grateful you've thought about it and that you're honest with me. I will not send you a deluge of letters repeating the sentiments I've already expressed, but I will write when I have time on our mutually shared interests. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you learn the skills you will need. You already have the compassionate heart necessary to comfort the injured and afflicted. I know that will carry you and drive you to succeed.

Thank you again for sharing what you do know you feel. I will be here when you return. If I'm very lucky, I'll be the one to return you home.

Your good friend,

Tom

When Sybil read his reply a few days later, she felt relief and her affection for Tom grow a bit more. She could now completely focus on her studies. For the time being, all was well.