DISCLAIMER: See Chapter One.
A/N: Hey everyone! I'm positively thrilled with the reviews, favorites, and alerts I'm getting for this story. Thanks for the response. I hope the next chapter will live up to your expectations! Don't worry, letters from Hermione are coming in abundance. :)
Quick shout out to my new Beta, Stephanie O! Thanks a ton for the last-minute help. Making stupid mistakes in writing is rather a specialty of mine, and it's really nice to have someone who can catch them. :)
Okay, I'm gonna stop babbling...Read and review, please! :)
Smile, Harry!
Chapter Two: Ginny
Dear Miss Ginevra,
What's this? An attempt to befriend Harry Potter? What, exactly, do you think you're doing?
Because of this rather disturbing development, we here at the Memory Trigger Team found it necessary to contact you with our concerns. Perhaps you are in need of a brief reminder of the disastrous events of your first year? (And we're not even speaking of the Chamber of Secrets! Yet...) No, we are referring to the mortifying mess that you were loathe to call your crush on one Harry James Potter. Do you, perhaps, recall that butter dish? How about that heinous singing Valentine?
We do.
With regards, and the suggestion that you rethink your actions before stumbling headfirst into another embarrassing fiasco,
The Memory Trigger Team
Ginny Weasley, Dearest,
What's this we hear about a blossoming friendship with a Mr. H. J. Potter? Excellent, we say, simply excellent! We're quite proud that you've finally dug your silly girlish head out of all those silly girlish ideas involving diamond rings, fairytale weddings, and ickle red-haired green-eyed children running amok. However, before you dive into this (it is a big step, after all) we feel the need to lay some ground rules.
First of all, no blushing. It really isn't attractive to have a face the same shade as your hair. In fact, we'd prefer you avoid it at all costs.
Second, no dropping things or running off whenever he enters a room. The poor dear doesn't know what to make of such behavior.
Third, no squeaking or stuttering. He needs to be able to understand what you're saying to carry on a conversation properly, Ginevra.
Fourth, if you ever again find yourself with your elbow slathered in butter rather than your toast, you know you're a hopeless case.
And lastly, no falling back in love with him. You just got yourself out of said predicament.
All the best,
Handy Hints on How to Make Friends
Harry,
While I'm rather pleased to hear back from you, I reckon your letter proved just how little we know about each other.
For instance, I am not, under any circumstances, to be referred to as just "Ron's sister". I have an identity, you know.
I suppose this once is forgivable, but if it happens again, you'll find yourself wondering why in the bloody hell your hair turned pink overnight, and how your undergarments got replaced with those scraps of lace Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown call underwear, all in Slytherin colors, no less.
Second, Potter, my name is Ginevra, and if I ever catch you using it, I'll sic the twins and their untested products on you. Just the fact that you actually called me Virginia is proof that you are often an oblivious, idiotic git.
As for the rest of your lovely letter...
Snuffles is doing okay, judging by what I can pick up through the twins' newest invention, Extendable Ears. I reckon he's bored, though. Dumbledore isn't about to let him run off with the others on their missions. He is still technically a wanted criminal.
The current Minister of Magic is being a prat, to put it bluntly. Haven't you been getting the Daily Prophet? His work is all over the news. (Please don't get worked up when you read it, Harry. Just try to remember that we all love you and you aren't alone is this by any means!) He's scared, Harry. Everyone is, but he doesn't know how to deal with an evil warlord intent upon destroying our civilization as we know it. Nothing he's saying is reasonable, and now he's got the Wizarding world bickering amongst themselves about who is right and who is wrong. In short, he has panicked and attempted to defame Dumbledore and yourself.
I'm not allowed to say anything about what Dumbledore is doing right now. I'm so sorry Harry. I'll try to get you information any way I know how. And, yes, Dumbledore made them promise. So don't get mad at them.
As for what happened with Percy...Harry, I don't know how to say this gently, but he doesn't believe you. You see, Fudge promoted him. Percy was surprised, but he thought Dad would be real pleased.
Well...Dad wasn't pleased. He says Fudge is trying to get information on Dumbledore, because it's well known that us Weasleys support both him and you. Percy didn't take that well. He packed up his things and left. Mum even tried visiting him in the flat he bought in London, but he just slammed the door in her face! It's been bad, Harry. Mum didn't take kindly to more or less losing a son. She's been crying a lot.
On a lighter note, yeah, right! You wouldn't have the guts to call them "Idiot and Einstein" to their faces. Hermione wouldn't be too pleased, you know...As for when they'll figure it out, well, as the twins enjoy pointing out, Ron has all the sense, subtlety, and romantic nature of a speeding Bludger. (If they don't stop using that analogy soon, I'm going to be forced into some creative means to get them to belt up about it. You'd think, being prodigies in the world of pranks, they'd at least have enough creativity to not have to reuse old material!)
Are you going to explain this mystery of what you did for the twins any time soon, or am I going to have to get it out of you the hard way?
Gee, it's too bad about the Dursleys. If you ever need any help, there are magical ways to intimidate without actually using illegal magic, you know...
You wallow, Potter. And brood, and sulk, and you can't even give decent puppy eyes. (Smile, Harry!)
Your friend,
Ginny
P.S. Well, Colin Creevey can be annoying sometimes, and he may stalk you, but he certainly isn't bad at photography, is he? (Wow! An entire Galleon? We'll be richer than the twins are getting in a pinch!)
Ginny Darling,
Nasty little liar! His puppy eyes make you melt in two seconds flat, and you know it. Adorable, isn't he?
The Young Romance Society
Ms. Weasley,
We do believe you're due for a REALITY CHECK!
Guess what, Ginny? The boy pities you. He wrote back because he's a polite little bugger. He wrote back so that you'll leave him alone.
And now that it's fairly clear that you won't, he's not going to even bother replying. He himself called you his best mate's sister. That's all you are, child.
Strongly suggesting that you get over yourself,
THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION
GINNY, DEAR! OVER HERE, ON THE KITCHEN TABLE!
Can you read this now? Good.
Your father has left for work. I will be in Ottery St. Catchpole doing errands, and I'll be out for the afternoon. Breakfast is under a Warming Charm on the counter. Enjoy the pancakes and bangers, and make sure you each get a healthy portion. (And by healthy, I do not mean Ronald eating until he bursts, Fred and George dropping their latest invention into the pumpkin juice, and you ending up shouting yourself hoarse!)
De-gnome the garden after you're finished, please, and make the boys help you. They're completely out of hand again. I'll be having a discussion with your father about encouraging the pests.
In an emergency, Floo the Lovegoods.
Your loving mother
P.S. Oh, I almost forgot darling, there's a letter on the coffee table for you. Mind you get to it before the boys do.
Dear Ginny,
He wrote back. HE WROTE BACK.
Do you know what this means?
HARRY JAMES POTTER HAS OFFICIALLY WRITTEN TO YOU THIS SUMMER MORE TIMES THAN HE HAS TO RON!
Do try and control yourself, though. Perhaps THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION is correct in their warnings.
...BUT HE WROTE BACK!
Yours ecstatically,
Anxious But Also Extremely Excited, Inc.
MUM! ON DAD'S MUGGLE THING THAT SPITS OUT BURNT BREAD WHEN YOU PUT SLICES OF IT IN THE LITTLE SLITS!
Is it supposed to do that anyway? I thought he called it a toaster, but this rubbish it puts out isn't toasted bread, it's bits of charcoal.
Well, in any case, your sons did attempt to eat all the pancakes on me, however I stole the last banger off Ron's plate, and foiled the twins' attempts to prank me, so I reckon we're fairly even.
(Speaking of Ron, he's in the living room holding a quill and parchment, staring at the ceiling with a dreamy look on his face. He's drooling, too, Mum. Charming, right? Seeing as the ceiling can't look all that appetizing even to The Amazing Bottomless Iron Stomach over there, I'd say he's thinking about writing to Hermione. Can I please lock them in a broom cupboard when she gets here? There's always a chance they'll snog before the attempts to murder each other start...)
We de-gnomed the garden - Well, actually, Fred and George tortured all the gnomes Ron and I caught, then tossed them over the fence. Look on the bright side, Mum! Perhaps now they'll think twice about coming back.
Well, now that that's all done, I'll be in my bedroom, tackling the astonishing amount of homework Snape managed to load on us poor soon-to-be fourth years. Didn't you say that Dumbledore trusts all our current Professors not to try and murder us? Because Snape is certainly putting in a valiant effort.
Your wonderful and responsible daughter (who thinks she might have earned a broom of her own...),
Ginny
P.S. Yeah, I got the letter. Ron isn't too happy, though. By the way, Harry's starving again. Do you think we could send him some of those meat pies you made last night?
Dear Ginny,
Yes, I do believe that is perfectly clear. No sister rubbish, and absolutely no calling you by your full name. Which is NOT Virginia. (You know, I'm not one to beg, but please not the Slytherin-colored lace! I don't think I could handle that.)
Thanks for all the information. Do you think you could try to keep me updated? Oh, and I'm really sorry about Percy. I hope he sees sense before it's too late. You know I never wanted any of your family to be in danger or anything.
Wanna bet, Weasley? You plant a "Kick Me" sign on Snape if I manage to use the "Idiot and Einstein" line to their faces by the time the Hogwarts Express pulls into Hogsmeade Station. I plant the sign if I fail.
Admit it, Gin, it's a good analogy. Ron Weasley - the speeding Bludger in the room. You don't reckon the Terrible Two can do anything with that idea, do you?
As for what I did for the aforementioned Daunting Duo...Seeing as you clearly don't plan on letting me off easy for anything any time soon, I reckon I should take what I can get in the area of potential bribery. So, yes, I suppose you will have to do this the hard way. (Ha!)
I'm intrigued, Weasley. What sort of magical-yet-non-incriminating schemes have you got up the sleeves of your robes?
Excuse me while I go writhe in mortal agony because my puppy eyes aren't good enough for the Queen of Innocent Looks.
Howling, positively HOWLING with mirth,
Harry
P.S. I suppose I ought to thank Colin now, eh? Well, at least we get rich!
Ginevra,
Who would've thought, Harry Potter can actually be rather funny when he puts his mind to it? Simply shocking.
Now all you have to do is make sure you don't bore the boy to death.
Skeptical about your ability to do so,
The Society of Talented and Interesting Correspondents
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