DISCLAIMER: See Chapter One.
A/N: Well, if you're still here, you're either as stubborn as a Weasley, as stupid as a Death Eater, or as loony as Luna Lovegood. In any case, I'm glad you're still reading. (Or, at least, I hope someone out there is still following this story...)
IMPORTANT: Some of you might notice that there is a slight difference in Harry's letter to Hermione in this chapter compared to the letter to Hermione in the second chapter of Cheers, Ron!. My Beta pointed out a continuity error, and Luna-Moonberry-Lovegood and I realized that something was also askew with what J.K.R. said in OotP. (Both having to do with whether or not Harry got the Daily Prophet that summer...he did, but he just skimmed the front page.) So I've changed the letter a bit (Luna-Moonberry-Lovegood wrote it in the first place), and she'll be editing her second chapter to fix said error (and she'll be posting her third chapter) soon. I hope this note avoids any confusion!
Oh, and I just want to acknowledge my Beta, Stephanie O...Thanks again for all your help!
Anyway...Enjoy the third installment, and sorry if it's a bit short.
Key: Letters, Notes, Notes from "Associations"
Smile, Harry!
Chapter Three: Harry
Harry Potter,
We saw that.
We watched, grimaces twisting our faces, as you stumbled out of bed, got the sheets tangled around your ankles, and ever-so-gracefully landed flat on your face. (Honestly, it's a wonder you still only have one scar on that thick head of yours!)
We saw you shove your glasses on and rip that piece of parchment out of that poor owl's talons.
We registered your expression of giddy glee when you realized that the letter was, in fact, from Ginny.
And we advise you to - as our name says - think twice.
You see, Potter, Ginny is, in fact, a girl. And as we recall, the last time your stomach did those funny flippy things over a girl, it didn't end well. (We doubt Cho Chang will spare you a second look, unless it's one of disgust and loathing, after you saw her boyfriend die last June.)
So. No more stomach-flippy things, unless you really are looking for trouble. Might we remind you that, on top of your previous experience with members of the opposite sex, this particular member of said group has six brothers. (Well, five, if you consider the fact that Percy is currently estranged from the family, but you might as well count Bill twice.)
Irritated at your continued obliviousness,
The Always Think Twice Before you Do Or Feel Anything At All Association (In close association with The Memory Trigger Team and THE COLD HARD TRUTH SOCIETY)
HARRY JAMES POTTER, YOU GREAT PRAT!
You'd better be grateful. Here I am, risking life and limb to write to you while I still have Snape's essay loitering on my desk with approximately three sentences as opposed to the three rolls of parchment the great git is expecting. (Though, on second thought, I don't think "...I give up. I'll do it when Hermione gets here. Snape, you stupid prat of a professor!" really fits the topic. Any ideas on how I can tie that into the uses of Unicorn Hair in potion making? I thought not.)
As for the Slytherin-colored lace...we'll see.
You're welcome for the information, and of course I'll try to keep you in the loop. Nothing really worthy of notice has happened, but Mum has us packing up for our move to wherever-the-bloody-hell we're going, and Professor Lupin stopped by yesterday. The adults put Impenetrable and Imperturbable Charms on the door of the Den, so we couldn't even use Extendable Ears. A whole lot of muffled whispering and a few loud (but completely indecipherable) arguments from Mum later, Lupin said goodbye to us kids and left.
You're on, Potter. I'm winning this bet, though. Not only are you not Gryffindor enough to call your two best friends by a couple of ridiculous nicknames, but you're often about as stealthy as Crabbe and Goyle, the witless wonders themselves. Thus, there is no doubt in my (brilliant, extraordinary) mind that you will be entirely unable to succeed in pulling the agreed-upon prank on Snape. Have fun in detention with our least-favorite Professor!
I thought the twins were supposed to be the pair of human Bludgers? I'll take Operation Ron: The Speeding Bludger up with them, but I can't guarantee anything.
Well Harry, there's this thing called a Howler...I'm sure you remember (in excruciating detail) the one that Mum may have sent Ronnie in your second year? At breakfast? Involving a certain flying Ford Anglia that may currently be running wild in the Forbidden Forest due to a few unmentionable events? Yes, a Howler to the Dursleys would be quite amusing, would it not?
You couldn't feign innocence to Ron if you tried, and he's quite possibly the most oblivious human being on the face of the earth. For Merlin's sake, the boy only figured out that Hermione is a girl last year! Bow at my feet, Potter, and fear my grace and eloquence in the art of feigned innocence.
Howling, are you? Do you want all your appendages in proper working order or not?
Your ill-tempered friend with the (still!) unfinished essay,
Ginny
P.S. Or perhaps you shouldn't thank him. It might just give poor Colin a heart attack, and that would be an unfortunate, untimely, and highly avoidable death, now, wouldn't it?
Harry,
Sorry. I reckon it must be hard. Hey, I'll have Mum send you some food, okay?
...Never mind. Ginny's already done that. Speaking of which, you've written to my little sister more than you have to me this summer! What's up with that?
Anyway, sorry we can't tell you anything, security and all that. You'll be with us soon, though. Have you heard from Hermione yet? I reckon she's still a bit put out with me.
I dunno what you mean, mate! What betting pool?
Snuffles is fine, by the way. I thought you'd like you know. And Percy's still a great big prat.
Ron
Ron,
Nah, it's okay. It's me who should be apologizing. I was a bit of a prat in my last letter.
Well, sorry. We're friends. I'll write to you more often if you write to me more often, you great git! What, are you skimping on parchment now?
No, I haven't heard from her. Strange, really, I was expecting rolls and rolls of parchment on how to grieve properly and such rubbish. And where's the admonitions on not doing my homework? I dunno about you mate, but I'm beginning to worry.
Oh, really? Then why is it Ginny's managed to slip me bits of information? Yeah, great ruddy security. Why do I have to be stuck here anyway? And don't give me that "It's-the-safest-place-for-you-Harry!" rubbish. I'm not a complete idiot, despite what seems to be popular belief.
No comment, Ron. You'll have to figure this one out yourself.
Good, I just got a letter from Snuffles. Haven't read it yet. Yeah, Ginny told me. I was sort of hoping I'd be hearing that he'd swallowed his pride and come crawling back by now. Let me know when that miracle happens!
Harry
P.S. Tell your Mum thanks for the food. It was fantastic, as usual.
Dear Hermione,
I know your parents are dentists, not world renowned chefs, BUT I NEED SOME FOOD OTHER THAN GRAPEFRUIT! Dudley's on a horrid diet, and they think that if for some reason he eats more citrus than an elephant, he'll get "healthy." Maybe you have some edible toothpaste?
But other than that... how's your summer? I'm surprised; I haven't had a single letter yet from you... Perhaps you're back in cahoots with Dobby? Refusing to talk to me until I agree danger is at Hogwarts, and that elves deserve freedom? The latter is their decision, but I'm pretty convinced about the first, so tell him to lay off.
Also, I have a rule: Ron's already been a bit of a git, so I'm starting off blunt. I do not want to talk about Cedric. I don't want to hear that you're sorry, that it wasn't my fault, that you're sure next year will be hard, but we'll make it, or that you weren't going to say anything about it. Other than sticking to it, I don't want you to give me any sign of acknowledgment. I just want to forget a little.
I will, however, listen obnoxiously to anything I can get on the news. WHAT IS GOING ON? Ron didn't mention a thing. Hagrid hasn't sent me a single letter, or horrid pastry, which I could use right now.
Anyway, I don't have much more to talk about, so give me a little something please... Counting the lack of owls flying to my window is getting boring.
Your tired, over-fruited friend,
Harry
Dear Harry,
That's horrible, citrus is the worst thing to eat too much of, it will ruin your enamel, and it's not substantial at all! Luckily, I have the perfect paste for that, just make sure you use it nightly. Maybe I can have Mum make some scones, and I can send those... It's just about the only thing she can bake. Everything else comes out like something of Hagrid's.
Also, sorry that I haven't written, I've just been barren of time, or things to say. I just can't think of anything. My mind is... blank. My summer, though happy, has been a bit of a bore. The Prophet hasn't been helpful, there isn't anything to tell. Maybe something interesting will come up soon. In the meantime, we should talk to Ron about meeting at the Burrow.
Anyway, write back! I hope things get better. You know they will.
Love, your light, sympathetic, frothy friend,
Hermione
Harry,
How are you doing? I'm sorry I couldn't write sooner, but Dumbledore's been in quite a frenzy, trying to organize the Light now that Voldemort is a very real threat, especially since the Ministry won't acknowledge it.
We're all keeping safe, and I expect you to do the same. Just stay calm, keep your nose clean, and be ready to change locations at a moment's notice.
I know those Muggles are right gits, but don't do anything drastic.
I love you kid,
Snuffles
BOY! UNDER YOUR DOOR!
How many times do I have to tell you to keep that WRETCHED BIRD quiet? Shut the damn thing up and get down here to make breakfast. Dudley is hungry and I have to get to work in an hour.
GET A MOVE ON!
Vernon
Uncle Vernon,
Of course. Just let me finish this letter to my godfather, and I'll be right down.
Have a wonderful day,
Harry
Dear Snuffles,
I hope you're all right, wherever you are. Ron and Gin reckon you're doing just fine, so I suppose I'll take their word for it.
The Ministry isn't doing anything, then? Ginny told me it's all over the Prophet. I've been getting it, but I reckoned anything important would be front-page news. She seemed worried I'd be upset. Why isn't Voldemort making his move yet?
I haven't done anything drastic! Why does everyone seem to think I'm going to do something stupid?
So, in other words, do as you say, not as you do? Don't worry about me. I'll be on my guard, and I won't hex anyone.
Love,
Harry
A/N: So what did you think? Look forward to Luna in the next chapter, along with more Weasley sibling craziness! Aaaand...Review!