"The army? Fuck man, that makes everything I've done sound boring!" Mike grins at him as he slides a beer on the table in front of him and a coke for Tina who's just announced that she's pregnant with baby number one. Chang couldn't look happier about it too he thinks as he watches the way she curls into his side almost naturally. He's kind of glad that Mike's so interested in the idea of him being soldier; the way he talks about it makes Puck sound like some kind of superhero, it doesn't matter that all he feels is empty. Tina's giving him these weird glances every now and then though and he's wondering whether she'd going to berate him for disappearing off the face of the earth without telling anyone other than Santana which only serves to remind him of the fact that he did tell someone else. He chose to tell Rachel. And she chose to abandon him. After all that time they'd spent together Senior year he had honestly thought they were friends; she'd been his best friend. Remembering her rejection made his blood turn to ice in his veins and his head swim with the idea that he just hadn't been good enough so instead he took a long swig of his own drink and waited for Tina to spit out whatever she had to say, it didn't take her long either.
Mike had just got up to go to the toilets when she shifts over to sit next to him, her hand reaching out to cover his on the table top.
"Are you ok Puck?" her voice is soft, tentative, almost like she's scared he'll blow up in her face like he'd have done when he was younger. He's different now though, he's realised that he doesn't have to be strong all the time, he's accepted that the broken teenager he used to be is still a part of him which is maybe why he tells her the truth instead of conjuring up some great lie or deflecting the question to a safer subject.
"If you can find me a soldier that's not damaged then, God Tina, if you could do that then I'd give you the moon" he sighs, his shoulders slumping as he stares at his half empty glass. "Fuck, I'm not even sure what I'm fighting for any more. Guys with families and kids go out there and they just…they die. And that's it for them. Guys that become like brothers to me… they just…die. But its…it's what I'm good at. Fighting, it's something I've always been good at I guess. I'd leave, my tours finished, but I don't know what I am if I'm not a soldier" he's never admitted it to anyone because it makes him feel likes he's in high school again, trying to figure out who he is and where he belongs. And that shit was painful, he was this scared little boy hiding behind a wall he erected when his dad abandoned him, watching the girl he thought he loved turn into someone she wasn't for his best friend.
"Oh Puck" that's all the warning he gets before she throws herself into his arms, wrapping her own around his waist and squeezing him tight, her head buried in the crook of his neck surrounded by her mop of curls. He's very surprised when he feels his arms move to hold her as he buries his head in her hair, for the first time feeling less on edge than he had since he'd arrived back in America.
"You do know that baby's coming out Asian right Puckerman!" he hears Mike's voice echo behind him before he moves Tina off his lap and into the space next to him, shocked to find that she was swiping at tears.
"Chill out Chang, I know. S'just been a long time since I've seen you guys. I missed you man!" he grins back up at his friend, trying to stop his legs from shaking as he pushes himself out of his seat and claps his hand on Mikes shoulders, pulling him in for a very manly hug.
The three of them settle back into easy conversation, the way it had been before his outburst although Tina's still shooting him worried glances and he knows that she isn't done with him yet. They sit and joke about old times, remembering stories of the choir room, New York and Chicago, only stopping the laughter to welcome Artie as he rolls up to join their group and with Artie comes more stories.
The noise in the pubs picked up now compared to the faint buzz it had been when they'd first snagged their table in the corner. It's not too rowdy though, Mike had picked a place that was quiet enough for them to be able to catch up. Puck reckons they stick out like a sore thumb though, this group of unusual friends compared to the regular patrons. He feels like it's the first time he hasn't sat there and calculated the easiest exit route or the pieces of furniture that could be used as a weapon, or memorized whose sitting where and doing what, who looks more dangerous. It doesn't matter that he's already done it but that he's not doing it now. He knows there's several old men sipping slowly at glasses of beer as they read papers he's not sure are actually in date and there's several customers scattered around the bar, waiting for the woman behind it, with her dyed red hair and the glasses that sit on her crooked nose, to serve them their usual drinks. He looks at them and all he sees is they guy he didn't want to be when he grew up, stuck in Lima with a wife who can't stand him and kids that were doomed to repeat history so in that way, the army doesn't seem so bad. It's given him a uniform he knows he looks good in, mates he couldn't survive without and finds himself missing more than he thought he would, an honoured profession and a way out of this one horse town he grew up in.
The fact that he's so immersed in studying his surroundings would explain why he misses the tell-tale sign of dangerously high heels tapping against the wood of the floors, drawing nearer to their table. He shouldn't be surprised really, who else is going to wear heels in this place? He finds he is though as he hears her voice shout to the group from a few feet away, her eyes having already zeroed in on Chang.
"How's it going Boy Chang?" he hears the grin in her voice though as she pulls him up from his seat and pulls him into a hug. It's only when she lets him go that she sees Puck himself and her face pales considerably.
"Puck, shit you can't be here! Fuck!"
"Nice to see you too Lopez!" he was expecting a warmer greeting than that he admits, especially since she had been the one friend he'd kept in touch with whilst he was out in Afghanistan. She had actually found time to write to him despite the fact that he knew being a lawyer, especially one as good as she was, kept her busy and short on time to do anything other than work. That had meant a lot to him which is why he can't work out why she's staring at him like he's grown another head. "What's got your panties in a twist San?"
She doesn't get a chance to even open her mouth before his ears pick up on the sound. A soft giggle that he knows couldn't have come from anyone but her. He doesn't think he's ever seen Santana look as panicked as she does now, cursing quietly in Spanish as though she's watching a train wreck about to happen, maybe she is. He turns in his seat to search for the source of the sound, his gaze finally coming to rest on her small frame. Like when he'd seen her in 7/11, he's shocked to see that she doesn't look like the 18 year old girl he remembers. There are no animal sweaters in sight now and her legs are covered by the material of her jeans, granted they're very tight jeans but he still mourns the sight of all the soft, tanned skin. Her hairs still long, it's curlier now that it used to be though, darker too and it seems as though every bone in her body sticks out a little, she's more angular. Her cheek bones are more prominent and her collar bone juts out against her skin, he can see her hip bone sticking out too underneath the sheer material of the blouse she's wearing. It's still her though, he can see it in the confident lilt to her chin and the full lips he was so used to seeing in a pout.
She's looking up at Sam, laughing at something he said he assumes, he notices the blondes arm is slung around her shoulders and she's leaning unto his side. Pucks eyes drop to the floor and he's about to twist back around in his seat, ready to pull Tina into a conversation about her growing baby rather than dwell on the fact that his heart feels like its plummeted all 6 foot and 7 inches of his body and into the ground to be stomped on, when her laughter stops and she utters a single word.
"Noah"
Her eyes are wide, almost frightened, and her left hand has curled into a fish, tangled in the material of Sam's shirt as she clings to him where her feet have faltered and brought the pair to a stop, only a few steps away from the table where the rest of the are still gathered. Sam's looking down at her instead of at Puck, his eyes worriedly searching Rachel's body language for what he assumes is confirmation of whether she's ok or not.
The ice in his veins turns to fire now, coursing through his body as he see's red. She abandoned him! He tried; he really did, to be a better person for her. He went to class, he stuck up for the Gleeks, he graduated high school for fucks sake when all he had wanted to do was fuck cougars and drown his demons in copious amounts of alcohol. It hadn't been good enough for her though, he'd rang her in New York, he'd wanted so desperately for her to know that he was going to make a man out of the jackass that he'd been so that maybe she'd wake up next to Finn one day and wish it was him. He'd waited months for her first letter to come, or for one from his Ma saying she'd finally rang looking for him, spent night after night wishing that he was someone else, someone who would be good enough for her. When he'd finally accepted that he wouldn't ever be worthy of her Afghanistan hadn't seemed far enough and he'd welcomed the adrenaline of war and the new nightmares that began to drown out the old. But if that was the case then why did she look so sad?
"Puck" Santana's hand had come to rest on his shoulder, her long, manicured nails clutching at him. "Finn never told her"
He opened his mouth to argue, to do anything other than listen to the words falling out of Santana's mouth. She's still gripping his shoulder and now he understand that it's in sympathy because she knew how hard it had it had been for him, out of everyone he had chosen to confide in her and now she was the one telling him all that pain had been for nothing. Because of Finn fucking Hudson. The truth starts to sink in, the fog in his mind is clearing and he starts to piece together the story. He'd told Finn to get her to call back; he'd explained everything to Finn whilst Rachel had been in the shower that night.
Rachel was still staring at him wide eyed, her front teeth sunk into her bottom lip and her hand still clutching at Sam. He could see it in her eyes though, the genuine honesty at what Santana was saying. For her, he realised, he had just forgotten about her, that's why Sam hadn't known where he'd been, because she hadn't either. It all made sense now but the hollow space inside him didn't seem to be fading. Instead it was only intensifying until he saw red. Unable to stay calmly in his seat he stormed from the room in desperate need of fresh air, anything that could clear his mind from the anger that he was sure could be directed at rearranging Hudson's face at a later date.
He's sitting on the steps outside, taking deep gulps of the cold night air when she lands next to him, curling her hands up in the space between her knees as though it'll keep her from doing anything rash.
"Noah I…I didn't know." Her voice wavers and he wonders if the last few years have been as hard as they have been for him. The he remembers the bright smile of Lucy, clutching at Rachel's hand and scurrying along after her and Sam. The perfect New York family he thinks bitterly. "Finn didn't…he didn't mention that you rang and I…I waited months for that phone to ring and then when you didn't ring I sent texts, and I emailed and phoned but you don't have mobile phones in the army I guess. Finn said that you'd just forgotten about me and that I should do the same, of course he was too busy finding someone else to replace me" It was her that sounded bitter now, all traces of sorrow had left her voice at the mention of Finn.
"He did huh? Let me guess, he went back to Q?"
"Broke Sam's heart as well as mine" she sighed, leaning back against the steps and staring up at the sky.
"Yeah, well didn't take you guys long to get over it. How olds Lucy? 4? 5?" he can't stop himself from snapping at her and after the words have left his mouth he curses himself for ruining any chance of regaining some kind of friendship because surely insulting her kid is not going to get them anywhere. He couldn't help it though; he'd waited so long for her to notice him once she was over Finn but Sam had just swooped in and snatched her away with that dopey grin of his.
"Luce was 5 last month but what has she got to do with it?" there's confusion laced in her voice and her face is turned to look up at him, eyes searching for the truth in his like they had always done and clearly she didn't like what she found. "You…you think Lucy's mine?"
"Well fuck Rachel, who else does she belong to? Because I know it ain't Q's!"
He watches her face scrunch up at the mention of Quinn, feeling guilty for hurting her and the berating himself silently for letting her get to him. It's almost like they've slipped back into the people they used to be though. Their bodies are close enough that he can feel the heat radiating off her and it's the most they've said to each other in nearly 6 years, typical it'd have to be an argument about another guy, but once again she has his heart in a iron grip and. Definitely not how he pictured this reunion anyway.
"She's Sam's! That's all you need to know!" she all but shrieked at him before composing herself. "Maybe we should just work at trying to be friends again Noah, it's been a long time and we're different people now."
He sighs, for what feels like the hundredth time in the space of half an hour, before pushing himself up off the ground and putting out his hand for her to hold on to as she drags herself up too, swiping at the invisible dirt on her jeans and studying the ground.
"You're right Berry, as usual." It feels natural to slip back into using the nickname he and Santana had begun using during their senior year. "How bout we go back inside before Sam comes out to break my arm and tomorrow we go for coffee? Try 'nd get back to where we were?"
He gets a small, unsure nod of the head, her dark curls bouncing around her face, before he leads her back inside. He's excited by the fact that she doesn't flinch away from the warm hand he places on the small of her back as they weave their way back to the groups table and so he mentally prepares himself for the whirlwind that this reunions going to cause but also for the idea that once it's over she'll go back to New York with Sam and Lucy, whether she's her mother or not, and he'll be left wondering who he is and where he belongs.
Once again, thank you for reading (: there shall be more puckleberry interaction in the next chapter too! And is everyone else as sad about the end of Glee as I am? Kind of happy about the Finchel break up though! And Puck mouthing 'love you' :'). Thanks anyways guys :)