Disclaimer: I have no affiliation to Criminal Minds or its characters. This is fiction pure and simple.

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Till Death

Chapter 5: The Long Road Home

Reid exited the old church, the taste of stale cookies and flat lemonade resting heavy in his mouth. "You didn't have to come with me."

"I wanted to."

"You wanted to spend a Saturday night in a church basement at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting when you could be with your son?" He glanced sideways at their fearless leader. Hotch was the last person he'd expected to find on his doorstep when he'd heard the steady knocking earlier that evening.

"Jack's six. It's way past his bedtime."

Reid stopped abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk causing a ripple in the foot traffic around them. "You know what I mean."

"He's worried about you."

One of the worst things about his breakup with Morgan was the pity. Everybody looked at him with big sad eyes just like Hotch was looking at him now. It would have mattered but he was too far from dignity at this point to care. "He's so worried that he can't be here himself?"

"I don't know what happened between the two of you and I don't need to know." Hotch began to lead him down the street again. "But you look like you've been through hell. It physically hurts to look at you so I'm going to do anything I can to make this even a little bit better. Even give up a Saturday night."

Reid pulled him to a stop again. "I screwed up."

'Then you fix it."

"I already tried." A grizzled old woman threw him a venomous look as she struggled past them dragging a heavy cart.

"Okay. Listen to me." He followed Hotch to the relative privacy of an empty stoop. "When you end up alone late at night dwelling on this turning the end over and over in your mind like you surely will, wondering what you could have done different, better. The only thing that will bring you even a shred of comfort is knowing that you did everything you could to hold on to him. So try again. And if that doesn't work you try again!"

Reid nodded in silent contemplation. "But what if…"

"But nothing." Hotch interrupted. "He still loves you he wouldn't have asked me to look out for you if he no longer cared."

xxXxx

Dark and smoky, the inside of the Blue Room hid a dozen lonely souls each one hugged their table lost in thought, grief etched on every brow. Morgan held the chill tumbler up to his head sloshing the amber liquid, he straddled the bar stool looking just as desperately lost as every man in there.

"This place was aptly named. I think any desire I ever had to off myself just went up like a thousand degrees."

Morgan turned and squinted at Rossi. This is the last thing he needed. "You can leave cos I think my desire to kill you also went up about a thousand."

Instead the Italian settled on the stool next to him and signaled the bartender. "Double Scotch." Grabbing Morgan's arm when he tried to leave. "Drinking's a lot more fun when you've got company."

"Only if it's the right company."

"Ouch. Since I can't grow a pair of cans or turn into Reid maybe you can find it in your heart to indulge a tired old man."

"Tired? Old" Morgan scoffed at him. "Is that how you got all those women to marry you?"

"You are breaking my heart."

Unable to resist Morgan grinned at him. "Fine. Say what you need to say."

Rossi took his time reaching for his wallet pulling out a twenty and sliding it across the bar. "Go home."

"Go home? That's it! You know I don't live here right?"

"You know what I mean. Whatever happened or didn't happen, whoever's fault it was you aren't making it better by sitting here in this sad den of iniquity. So unless you want to spend the rest of your life in a dozen places like this sobbing in your beer like that poor bastard in the corner, I suggest you go home."

" I did nothing wrong. Why should I just give in?"

"Take it from me when it comes to relationships sometimes you can be happy or you can be right, you can't be both." Rossi raised his glass to him before tossing down the contents. "Don't be an idiot. Go home to Reid."

Like a crotchety Yoda he shuffled off leaving Morgan to his thoughts. Crotchety Yoda! Reid would have liked that reference. He missed his laugh the way it exploded out of him at the oddest of times, setting his eyes afire. Afire! Great now I'm spouting bad poetry. He mulled over the older man's words but still he remained glued to his seat nursing his drink deep into the night.

xxXxx

Reid leaned his forehead on the cabinet. The tan wood and tiled floors of the BAU break room provided an odd sanctuary for his weary heart; the slow drip of the coffee maker vaguely hypnotic soothing the pounding headache he couldn't seem to get rid of. He was exhausted from trying to act normal. Garcia's wounded eyes haunted him; he wanted to apologize but had no idea what to say. 'Sorry I had sex with you while I was in love with your best friend who you also have feelings for then tried to force you to hide it from him' wasn't the kind of thing Hallmark covered.

Leaning over he reached for the sugar elbow slamming into a warm body. He whirled around words falling from his lips unspoken when he saw Morgan. He gaped at him for a while. "Sorry..um no..I'll move." If it was possible to slide through the floor like a warm knife through butter he'd be gone by now. As it was he was pressed so tight against the countertop it was sure to leave an impression on his unblemished skin.

Reid stared down unable to look Morgan in the eye so deep was his shame and regret. He focused so hard on the powerful thighs encased in deep blue denim he could count off each individual thread. Every breath he took flooded his senses with the familiar evocative aftershave and still they waited in a brutal standoff. Why isn't he saying anything?

Reid peeked up at him through thick brown lashes dreading the words that were sure to mirror that stormy expression.

"You never lie to me again."

"I – uh-yes!" Reid's head bobbed frantically, a familiar prickling starting in his eyes. The soft thud of the break room door was the only sign that Morgan had been and gone. He was in shock that meant what he thought it meant right? Maybe he just meant they could be friends again. It was far less than what he wanted but still better than nothing. He looked up when the door swished open once again.

Morgan's lips met his in a rush of heat. Reid whimpered in need wrapping his long arms tightly around Derek's neck. They invaded each other, warm and moist, sucking on tongues and biting on lips. Slowly savoring and relearning as they went, hands found familiar nooks and crannies stroking, calming. They burned down the past; building up again till they fused stronger, better than they'd been before. It felt familiar and brand new. It felt like coming home.