School is evil.
So is my procrastination.
Understatement of the year, I know.
So yeah, apologies for taking forever and a day to update, but I kind of hit a stint in the writing process for all my stories. All I've really managed to get done these past months are a few chapters of "Eyes Like Mine" and some oneshots. School so far has just been crazy, crazier than a honey badger on marijuana.
Without further delay…
The last chapter.
Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, I probably wouldn't even have to go to school, goshdarn it.
First up is Scaehime!
Ed, you could kind of be considered a weapon, though. And my initial thought wasn't about how you're in the State Alchemist program. When you transform your automail, you're changing what is essentially a part of your body into a weapon.
Edward: Eh… True. I mean, it's actually fairly minor and mainly used to assist close combat, but… I digress. It's like a soldier carrying a dagger or short sword, I think.
Also, Tucker would be a weapon: a toothpick or something equally harmless, or more so.
Tucker: *annoyed look*
Me: *swoops in and uses Tucker as toothpick*
Tucker: *gets shredded by fangs and screams*
Actually, he's not a very good toothpick. He didn't last very long, and then I got gore all over my teeth. *grumpy*
Next up is ZakuroU!
Hughes,
Meet Snazzy Pants-I mean Komui Lee. That is all.
Hughes: Wanna see my pictures of my beautiful daughter Elicia~?
Komui: Only if you look at my pictures of Lenalee!
*the two swap pictures for a few hours*
Komui: She's adorable!
Hughes: She's really pretty (Not nearly as pretty as Gracia)!
Also can I please play with Elysia?
Hughes: Alright, as long as you two play nice! Also, I'll need to take pictures. *pulls out camera and watches intently for Elicia-being-adorable moment*
Elicia: *smiles* Yay!
Hughes: *snaps picture and fawns* Awwww, look at that pretty little smile! And that cute blushie~!
Hey Roy,
Do you like jazz?
Roy: I'm rather fond of it, yes. Madame Christmas used to play jazz in the bar all the time.
I like pretty much any kind of music. And jazz is awesome~
Next up is An Arm and a Leg!
Hughes,
*glomps* Will you be my daddy? I think you're a great dad and I wanna be part of your family and I want Elicia to be my sister and I wanna take pictures of her and see pictures of her and eat Gracia's amazing food and be able to call Gracia my Okaa-san! *looks at hopefully*
Hughes: Hm… I'll have to think about it. I wouldn't want Elicia to get jealous, and I have to check with Gracia…
Sheska,
Sorry for adding you into the parings. You two should go out, though!
Sheska: It's all right, but… *sweatdrops* I mean, we would need to get to know each other first, you know?
Anyways...have you read a book set in China or Italy or Germany or any of the other countries? Cuz that would be pretty funny.
Sheska: Well, there's a library here full of books from both our universes. And yes, I do believe I've read stories set in those areas, along with America, Japan, Tibet, India, Australia, England, Czechoslovakia, France, and Canada, to name a few.
Yoki,
I thought about killing you today, but I couldn't. You're just too...
Yoki: *puffs up* Too awe-inspiring? Incredible? Dazzling? Radiant? Spectacular?
...pathetic.
Yoki: *crumples and is surrounded in gloom*
Tucker,
Y'know what? I'm not gonna kill you today. Neither is Matilda. Swear on the River Styx. (*whispers to Dfire* I have something much worse.)
Tucker: …
Ed,
*faints at being BEAR HUGGED by the FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST*
Mati: Oh, she's out? *eyes sparkle evilly* Then I can-
Me: *wakes up* OH NO YOU DON'T! *pulls Mati back* Okay, so I was wondering: Can I have your coat? I think it's awesome!
Edward: *sweatdrops* Uh… Well, I'm not giving away my jacket, but I can make one just like it. *pulls out red fabric before making jacket just like his own and hands it over*
Mustang,
YOU EEDIOT! You're gonna fight a child of water without gloves that work in water?! *shakes head* You really ARE useless.
Tell ya what: just sing the first four lines and I'll give them to you. Sound good?
Roy: *grumbles* I'll be perfectly fine if we fight in an area with no water… But… *sighs in aggravation before clearing throat* Snap, snap, snap, snap my fingers/Snap, snap, snap, snap my fingers./Who's the man that's gonna be president of all the land? The Flame Alchemist./My dream is to have a miniskirt harem./Who's that hot dude standing in front of the mirror, snapping his fingers, striking a pose?/Uh-huh. That's me. The Flame Alchemist. *finishes*
Everyone: *long silence before erupting into laughter*
Roy: *face goes slightly red and sulks grumpily*
Envy,
DON'T KILL ME! ;-; I'M THE ONLY ONE KEEPING THE MARY SUES AT BAY!
Envy: …While you do offer a strong argument, the reviewers of this story need to learn a lesson about insulting me. *cracks knuckles and growls*
Me: Actually, I can also keep them at bay with my magical writing/typing fanfiction powers…
Envy: Even better. *smirks and turns arms into blades*
Me: ENVY, WE HAVE A FREAKIN AGREEMENT. *pins down* Do not touch the reviewers… Or I'll revert you to your true form for three. Long. Loooooooong. Chapters.
Envy: I never agreed to that!
Me: Yeah you did. Remember the paper you signed? Yeah. You didn't read the ultra-fine print.
Envy: *glares in anger* I will end you.
Me: Well, that's physically impossible, so…
Envy: *glares more*
Tucker,
*hands him a book* Here, read this.
Tucker: *hesitates before glancing at first page*
*waits until he's read the first word* MUAH HA HA HA HA! I've enchanted the book so that once you read even a bit, you can't stop until you've finished it! *shoves into room with a TV and turns the volume up* HAVE FUN READING AND LISTENING TO MY IMMORTAL, THE WORST FANFICTION KNOWN TO MAN!
Tucker: *confused and gagging*
Everyone,
*blinks* Wow. I didn't actually think you guys would do it (by the way, Havoc, THAT'S SO SWEET!). Although Ed's was...eh and ONE COUPLE *glares at Ling and Lan Fan* ran away.
Havoc: *humming*
Edward: *grumpy* I'm not good at that kind of thing. It's the best you're gonna get.
Ling: *shrugs* We're ninjas. Your argument is invalid.
So, uh...
Mati: *takes over* FREE! *cackles insanely* Now it's my turn! I HAVE TURNED THIS INTO AN MPREG FIC! Therefore, one of you guys is now pregnant! *evil smile* If by three updates you have guessed who the lucky male is, I will return everything back to normal! If not...*starts cliché evil laughter* Here's a hint: It isn't Ed, Mustang, Hughes, Al, Greed, or Ling. Good luck!
Everyone: *silence*
Edward: That's physically impossible, since the male human body doesn't contain a uterus or-
Roy: Fullmetal, discussion on the possibility of male pregnancy later. Start guessing. Any of the Homunculi?
Edward: Uh… Scar? Tucker? Havoc?
Scar: …*flat tone* Yoki?
Tucker: *occupied with reading and listening to le fanfiction~*
Havoc: Armstrong, Miles, or Buccaneer?
I never understood the point of Mpreg fanfictions. It's physically impossible, sounds excruciating, is odd, etc.
Male bodies produce sperm. Female bodies produce eggs. That is how nature works. Always. Unless you're talking about bacteria, plants, fungi, or any others in that category because they have weird ways of reproducing. Or unless you're like one of those were-jaguar shamans from ancient Maya. Look it up, I dare ya.
Pointless rant aside, next up is WhenLolzCry05!
Hi! It's me again. I swear, I am not trying to say that this is an alternate universe situation, but this is an alternate universe situation.
Everyone,
Bradley decides to create a very stupid and bloody game. Every year, only people ages 12-18 are chosen. ALL children between these ages are required to sign their death warrants onto a paper. That includes Mei, Edward, Alphonse, and the other teenagers in the age zone. 24 kids get chosen. 12 girls, 12 boys. ALL of the teenagers are required to kill each other until one stands tall as the victor. If any of you kids were forced to join in the game, what will you do? Yes, this is the Hunger Games.
Edward: *angry* I wouldn't let them take Al. I mean screw it; I would take him and the others to another country before going after him myself.
Alphonse: I couldn't kill anyone… *upset*
Mei: N-neither could I… Alkahestry is meant for healing, not killing!
Winry: I'd have to agree with Ed, but taking on the Fuhrer…?
Edward: He could be taken down if we got enough people to support us, including Greed…
Greed: I wouldn't mind joining up for that, especially if Bradley thought he would be able to get away with destroying my possessions.
The adults, what would you do, and what is your reactions?
Roy: I would secretly join the rebel group… In fact, I don't know any person who would agree to this, besides those sniveling generals in their quest for power… *annoyed*
Riza: I agree.
Hughes: Like heck that would continue on my watch! If Elicia or the boys had to be forced to kill… *dark look*
Havoc: We wouldn't take that sitting down. I would fight until the bitter end just to prevent that from happening.
Fuery: Me too!
Breda: We aren't letting our Chief down. Not now, not ever. So we would help as best as we could!
Falman: I might not be a great fighter, but I would do my best to support everyone.
Pinako: I would rather die fighting than let that happen. *huffs*
Olivier: I don't care how high ranked he is, if that were to happen, Bradley's head would roll all the way to Xing when I finished cutting it from his body. It's my duty to protect my country, and killing off innocent adolescents for a mere game is disgusting.
Also, guys, do you know Ed and Al's mother's mother, whose mother's mother is a mother of 2 different mothers?
Edward: …So what you're saying is that our great, great grandmother had two girls, and they had kids. That's actually quite possible, though I don't know for sure.
That took a second for me to figure out… ^^"
Next up is 9foxgrl!
Eren! Levi-heichou! I've discovered the creator of Titans! *points Tucker and Father*
Tucker: Wait no I-
Father: *blank look*
Eren: *freaks out and stabs Tucker in the face with his blades* TITAAAAAAANS
Levi: *remains dignified and stabs one blade in Father's face and the other in his abdomen* I know that's likely not true. But I get the feeling he's caused plenty of grief as is.
General Armstrong,
This is Armin, he has a good strategizing mind and loves nature. He will be interning with you for the week.
Olivier: Fine. Maggot, get to the southern section of the fort. You're on icicle-clearing duty.
Armin: Y-yes sir! *salutes* What is an icicle, sir?
Olivier: A large chunk of ice, but you'll see soon enough.
Edward: *leans over and whispers in Armin's ear* It's not fun at all. And it's life-threatening.
Olivier: *snaps* Elric, would you like to join your little friend?
Edward: N-no s-sir! *runs away*
Miles,
Well I figured so.
Miles: It's rather hard to argue with the general… *gulp*
Everyone,
Who is the worst morning person?
Everyone: *unanimous* Edward.
Edward: Lies.
Alphonse: They're right, Brother…
Edward: Al, not you too!
Alphonse: …Brother, you dented my armor the last time I had to wake you up early.
Edward: Your own fault! I was tired!
Al,
Eren and Ed will be switching places for a week...maybe you can curb his temper. Have fun, you two.
Alphonse: …I'm not sure that's quite the best idea… *sweatdrops* Brother might cause mass anarchy over in that world's government, and I don't know if it's okay to have someone who might turn into a destructive Titan running around over here…
Edward: Hey, I wouldn't cause mass anarchy. Maybe a little, but those lazy-ass government officials need it so they can stay on their toes. I'd be doing the place a favor.
So I finished watching the English dub of SnK the other day, and… Dear god, the government people and military police are lazy jerks.
Next up is SapphireClaw!
Dear Roy,
When you were watching the second to last episode of FMA 03 when Ed was punching Envy, I'm sure you were a little annoyed when Ed punched him while looking like you. Am I right? But I'm sure that changed completely when Envy killed him. It must've been shocking. :3
Roy: *sighs* Yes, I was a bit irked by that little display.
Edward: What can I say; punching you in the face has always been in the back of my mind. And sometimes at the very front and center.
Roy: …Though you, ah… When you died… *at a loss for words*
Edward: …*looks away as sarcastic face falls* Yeah, yeah… I won't let my guard down like that…
Dear everyone (preferably Al, Winry, Riza, and team musty):
How did you react when Edward was killed by envy in FMA 03'?
Seemed like a pretty gruesome way to die, right?
Alphonse: I couldn't even do anything to help Brother… I was just stuck there, and he couldn't do alchemy because he was worried about me, so he couldn't fight back nearly as well… *frustrated*
Edward: It wasn't your fault, Al. I-uh, alternate universe me-messed up and let his guard down. You have nothin' to worry about… Besides, I probably wouldn't have been able to take him down on my own even with alchemy, much as I hate to admit it…
Havoc: Damn straight, Chief. Make sure you're more careful than that.
Breda: I'd rather keep you in this world, in the land of the living, thank you very much. *grumbles*
Fuery: *wincing* That was absolutely terrible…
Falman: I agree. Just be careful, especially when we're not around to help. I know we can't really fight like you, the colonel, or the lieutenant can, but… It just makes me a bit nervous…
Edward: *lowers head and sighs* Thanks, guys. I'll try to be careful.
Riza: *small nod* Good…
Winry: *grumbles while restraining self from crying* You're such an accident-prone idiot…
Edward: Hey! Am not!
Winry: Just be careful, alchemy freak… *huffs and sniffles slightly*
Edward: Win…
Anyone else here read Truth Revealed? Good god, I love that fanfic. If Fallen Crest ever gets around to doing FMA '03 like she mentioned… *faints*
(I'M SUCH A HORRID PERSON. I WOULD ACTUALLY LOOK FORWARD TO ED'S DEATH SCENE. As in I mainly started reading Truth Revealed because I couldn't wait to see the reaction to the Human Transmutation, Ed's impalement, Ed and the other sacrifices getting dragged into those eyes, Roy going blind, and the entire last couple episodes in general…)
Anyways, next up is Digi-fanCapp!
Hey, question for Al, do you like waffles?
Alphonse: Of course I like waffles! Who doesn't?
Winry, what would you do if someone *glances at the raging Ed fan girls* kissed Ed before you?
Winry: …*casually displays massive pile of wrenches* Let's just say that it's a problem soon solved.
Ed, do you like pancakes?
Edward: Yeah, especially if they have vanilla or chocolate chips in them. That stuff is amazing.
Riza, look! *target practice area that has the ability to print out people's faces/outfits onto its dummies*
Riza: …Hm. *gets dummy that looks like Roy before shooting*
Roy: *whimpers*
Riza: *shoots Roy a glare*
Roy: *rushes back to his office to do paperwork*
Roy, do you like French toast?
Roy: Yes, it's rather good. Madame Christmas and the girls taught me how to make it when I was young.
Anyone who now randomly has gained a Digimon partner, go kill Tucker for me! *hides in bomb shelter*
*for the sake of the faint of heart, the epic slaughter of Tucker will not be shown here, as it might cause the heart to explode. However, if you dare try and imagine it, just think of the collateral damage from every Godzilla movie and every Digimon movie in existence, throw it all together, and there you have it*
DO DO-DO DO CAN'T WAIT TO GET A MOUTH FULL!
Everyone: NO.
XD Apologies for the abrupt denial, my dear reviewer. But I can only think of Sonic X when I hear that song (oh YouTube, how you scarred me when it comes to Sonic X...). But aaaaaanywho, next up is lilaclily00!
Hey, uh, guys, in that pocket/rift/whatever in space and time... are you all getting fed? Getting any sleep? Is there a bathroom in there? ;-; You all have been stuck in there for long, I'm getting a little worried...
Edward: Yeah, it's actually pretty nice in here. The food isn't half bad, and there're a few bathrooms, bedrooms, stuff like that. And by the way, we don't stay in here all the time, y'know. Part of why it takes so long for Dfire to update anything is because we stay in our normal universe most of the time and she has to round us up when we're not too busy (and her procrastination issues, plus school). Fortunately, time in our universe stops when we enter this one to answer reviews.
GreedLing, I'm gonna give you a sticker. *slaps a large sticker that says "Great job!" on it*
Greed: Yup. I know. I'm a sexy badass. *grins*
Ling: *takes over and sighs* I thought you were Greed, not Pride.
Greed: Well, I'm better than Pride anyways. *huffs*
*shadow approaches*
Greed: *yelps* OH #$%, RUN!
Ling: *quickly tosses down smoke grenade before fleeing*
Me: *appears out of nowhere* Well, the invisibility spell works… Guys? Greeling? Where'd you go?
*On a topic totally unrelated to the sticker* You are one of my fave characters! :3 I mean, you are two people in one! And both people are pretty awesome! :D Who couldn't love that?
Greed: *still slightly grumpy from near heart attack* Well, I am pretty awesome. And the prince is alright. A bit too uptight at times, which is annoying.
Ling: Just because I don't want you using my body to procreate doesn't make me "uptight", Greed.
Greed: Oh come on! Just once! Or twice. You'll enjoy it.
Karley, I like your hair! XD
Karley: *puffs up chest slightly* Why thank you.
Al, you are awesome! *jumps up to pet top of helmet because, even though I'm not a pipsqueak, you are still pretty dang tall*
Alphonse: *can't quite hold back a laugh* Thank you. And sorry, here… This should help. *kneels*
I think Al is like seven feet tall in the armor (about two meters, for those of you who use the metric system), something like that. And next up is Natdinoalchemist!
Tucker: I hate you, so I'm sending my T-Rex to tear you to bits.
Tucker: Really? Can I have no peace or-
*loud roar pierces the air before a T-rex comes charging in and tears Tucker to shreds*
Me: Sadly, no. But… *slips on black sunglasses of badassery/bad pun alert* …At least you can rest in pieces.
Everyone: …
Me: Oh come on, get it? Because he said "peace", and "piece" is a homonym of "peace", so it was a play on words and… Okay, I'll leave now… *sulks in corner*
Everyone except Homunculus: If you were turned into a Pokémon, which Pokémon would you like to be?
Edward: That's pretty tough… But maybe Charizard or Arcanine. They're badass.
Alphonse: Any of the cat Pokémon would be fine by me. *laughs* It would be so cool.
Roy: Personally, I'm a fan of Talonflame. Or maybe Ninetales.
Riza: Perhaps Pidgeot. Or maybe Staraptor.
Me: Or Kingdra, since it has the Sniper ability… *hums*
Everyone: *points* Go back to the corner.
Me: *sniffles before sulking and being gloomy in corner*
Rose: Well, it looks like it's my turn to move things along, since Dfire is, well… *ahem* Next up is Superrhirhi99!
Ed, I completely and truly apologize, but if the air hockey had gone to seven points, I would've won. AND everyone has their bad days... Or hours... Or minutes... Or seconds... Those just happened to be mine... JUST DON'T BE ANGSTY!
Edward: *grumpy* Why does everyone assume I'm angsty?
Alphonse: …Because you're a teenager, Brother.
Edward: So? You're a teenager too!
Alphonse: Delay on puberty, Ed… *mumbles*
Edward: Oh… Right…
Ed and Al, What would you do if I invited you to my house for lunch? Or Panera... Or Olive Garden...
Edward: Hell yeah, Olive Garden sounds fantastic! Especially the bread. Oh man, that stuff is glorious.
Alphonse: *laughs* I have to agree with Brother on that. It's really good.
To anyone that wants to answer this question, Have you ever had to read two college level textbooks? Because I had to read one for American History, and now I'm reading one for AP World History.
Roy: I remember that Master Hawkeye often had me read alchemy textbooks, ranging in difficulty from beginner level to expert. Would that count?
Edward: Al and I did that all the time as kids, though we didn't really have to… But the textbooks were interesting. Especially the chemical reactions and atomic-level science.
Alphonse: I always liked the life science best, like biology and infrastructure of the human and animal bodies. *hums*
Ed, I've seriously been wondering what the science behind alchemy is. I know there are multiple sciences and all, but can you tell me? It's been bugging me since Choir yesterday... And I'm curious. And when my curiosity comes in, I MUST KNOW!
Edward: *blinks* It's really simple, actually. It's essentially knowing the exact composition of what you're trying to transmute. Then a catalyst has to be introduced in order to manipulate that substance, the catalyst coming in the form of alchemical manipulation. The transformation can be either physical or chemical. Also note the Law of Conservation of Energy plays a huge part of alchemy, since matter can't be created or destroyed. You can't make glass from a solid wood table, for example.
Sheska (Did I spell it right? I think I did...), Do you have any favorite books that you'd recommend? I personally love fantasy, and I must ask if you've read anything by Mercedes Lackey, since she's amazing!
Sheska: *hums* Don't worry, you spelled it right. And ah, I haven't! I've seen her name multiple times, but I haven't gotten around to her books quite yet…
To everyone that got German Chocolate cake (including Dfire), Today's a good day. Today is cookie day! *gestures to a table full of all sorts of cookies* And Gluttony? *Steers over to a room full of all sorts of cookies*
Everyone: *rushes cookie table*
Me: *pounces and takes a few*
Gluttony: Yay! *claps before waddling/running into room, stuffing cookies in mouth hungrily*
Ed, Al, Roy, Ling, Winry, Riza, Mei, Sheska, and Lan Fan, I know people have asked (not all of you, but still) Can I haz hugs? Or a group hug? Be warned... I sneak up on people and hug them... And I'm 5'9, so I engulf people... Yeah.
Edward: Eh… If I have to, I guess…
Alphonse: Oh, Brother, it's fine. It'll only be for a little bit.
Ling: Sure, why not? *hums*
Winry: I don't see why you have to complain so much, Ed, it's just a hug. And sure!
Edward: *grumpy* Because touching isn't my thing.
Riza: *can't help but smile faintly* I'll do it if need be. I'm not exactly a fan of hugs, but…
Mei: Sure, I'm up for a hug!
Sheska: I-well, I don't see why not… So sure. *laughs a bit, flustered*
Lan Fan: If I must. Anyways, I do not mind.
Alphonse: Okay, everyone, on three, then?
Everyone: *nods* One… Two… Three! *group glomp*
Al, I have some friends that have cats, but I'm not sure they'd want them to join... You could also consider going to shelters and adding cats from the shelters to the army. I can't really turn into anything. but I have a special secret. Wanna hear?
Alphonse: *nods* I've already started looking into shelters for more members for the army. And sure, what is it?
I'm a unicorn. So, can unicorns join the army? In Special Forces, at least?
Alphonse: Of course you can join the Special Forces! We'd be glad to have you. *smiles*
Tucker, I still hate you. I've got an idea... *hands him a jar with a fairy in it, just as the sun rises. The fairy turns into an imp*
GET TUCKER! HE TURNED THE FAIRY INTO AN IMP! *fairies begin to attack him, eventually turning him into a walrus*
There. *kicks walrus Tucker over a cliff above lava*
Tucker: *makes shrieking grunts before burning to cinders*\
Me: Well, that escalated quickly. But in a good way. Try acid next time, it makes for a better show.
To anyone that wants to answer, If you were stuck in a school (specifically 8th grade) what would you do? And... You were forced to take classes.
Edward: Ew. School. Boring.
Alphonse: It would depend on if there were any advanced classes, although I get the feeling they still might be too easy…
Roy: It might not be so bad, but I've never had much of an experience with proper school, per se. By the time I had stopped being bounced around foster families, I'd say I was about eleven. And then Madame Christmas would usually tutor me at home before and after bar hours.
Ed, Al, and Winry, Can you guys play any instruments? I play three. Violin, Piano, and the voice. IT COUNTS!
Edward: Eh… I can play some guitar, I guess.
Alphonse: And Brother can sing really well, too. It's incredible. *smiles*
Edward: Well, you sing well too, Al. Really soft and gentle.
Alphonse: *shrugs in embarrassment*
Winry: *laughs* They're both really good. And I can play a little flute and guitar, though I'm not very talented at it. Also, I can't carry a tune to save my life, so…
Truth, what's it like living in that white void that is the Portal of Truth? Yet again, curiosity has gotten the best of me.
Truth: I really don't live there so much as I am a part of it and the rest of the universe. It's hard for humans to comprehend omnipotence, but it's essentially having an acute awareness of everything. Being one with every living and nonliving thing in the universe and all.
I still don't know how you guys feel towards IHOP yet... Will you tell me?
Edward: Eh… Don't really know much about the place, since it's not exactly in our universe (yet, anyway). I do like pancakes and stuff, though, so…
Alphonse: Same as Brother. *slightly sheepish*
Greed: Yeah, yeah, same here. I don't think many of us here-if not none of us-have even been to IHOP.
Gluttony: I have!
Everyone: …What?
Gluttony: I like strawberry syrup. *sucks on thumb and makes happy noises*
Everyone: *slowly turn and glare at the author*
Me: What? He wouldn't stop begging to go.
Everyone, this is my friend AkemiTomoyo.
Akemi: Hey, I'm AkemiTomoyo, visiting from deviantArt. I'm gonna be asking you some questions.
Greed: Isn't deviantArt that porn website?
Edward: No, no, it's that site where there's all that badass fanart of me. *grins*
Winry: Are you guys sure? That's the place where I look up designs for mechanisms…
Me: …It's all of those rolled into one website. Along with many, many other things.
Roy: *grumbles* I tried looking myself up on deviantArt and got a bunch of disturbing fanart of Fullmetal and me.
Edward: Oh, really? *about to reach for computer*
Me: *slaps hand away* Just… No. Ed. Please don't.
Ed, Al, Winry, Roy, Riza, and Ling, if you could play a musical instrument, what one would you play?
Edward: Probably the bass guitar. I always liked it, and I wouldn't mind learning how to play one.
Alphonse: I would want to learn how to play the baritone sax or a piccolo. They're really cool!
Winry: Hm… I like percussion instruments.
Roy: Cello, perhaps.
Riza: I personally enjoy the oboe and clarinet.
Ling: Hm… I really like the armonica (no, not a harmonica, an armonica, look it up) and reed pipes, I believe they're called.
Everyone, what other genre would you consider your anime to be? (Romance, Comedy, etc.)
Edward: Action and tragedy.
Alphonse: Though I have to admit, we do have some humor that goes on in our lives, so…
Edward: But technically, isn't the… the show just every genre? Since, y'know, it follows our lives. We've seen plenty of horror, drama, comedy, romance, action…
Roy: It's also sci-fi to the alternate universe where alchemy is far different than the alchemy we practice here.
Edward: Yeah, and fantasy as well, because of the Homunculi.
Ed, Al, Winry, Roy, Riza, and Ling, if you could do a crossover with any other anime, what anime would it be?
Edward: Eh… I don't know very many, but I think I'd like to check out the Soul Eater universe. Although it doesn't really follow laws of science, it would be pretty cool with the weapon transformations and stuff.
Alphonse: I'd like crossing over with Fruits Basket… I think I would like Tohru a lot, plus she likes cats, too.
Winry: Any show with mechs. I would literally die of excitement. *sighs wistfully*
Roy: Personally? I have no clue.
Riza: I'm a fan of Fruits Basket myself, so I'd say I'm with Alphonse on this one.
AAAND... That's it for Akemi.
Welp, that's all for me! Before I leave however... *ambush hugs Ed, Al, Winry, Roy, Riza, Ling, Mei, Lan Fan, and Sheska. In that order*
Everyone: *grunts at impact of hug*
Also... *whistles, causing Jace Herondale to appear. Also turns Tucker into a Ravener*
Hello Jace.
Jace: Hey.
Can you get that Ravener for me?
Jace: What have I told you? You just call the name of the seraph blade, and you stab it. Like this. *calls name of seraph blade, and stabs Tucker Ravener with it*
Right. I keep on forgetting.
Tucker: *is le dead*
Well, that was an eventful review. Next up is TheKawaiiPatato!
I can't believe you actually put up with the Nullmetal Alchemist cast. I commend you all. It's the funniest parody in the history of ever, but... I wouldn't want to meet them.
Edward: It was… odd, to say the least…
Yeah, Hawkeye, you're probably right. I think she would like the Elric brothers. So... Edward and Alphonse, meet Annabeth Chase.
*five minutes later*
*the three of them are huddled around a table and chattering vigorously about research and science*
Riza: Well, it went about as expected… *faint smile*
Ed, I wanted to let you know that I don't actually think you're that short. When I first was watching the show, when people pointed it out, I was really confused. So don't let people call you short! It's not true! Everyone else is just freakishly tall. ;)
Edward: See? At least some people around here are smart…
Buuuuuuut... before I was claimed, I went to an anime convention, and I decided to get plushies of you guys. Before that sounds weird, I actually plan on collecting the entire cast, so it's not just you two. But... I was trying to pick a between a couple of designs of these 6-inch dolls, and some guy walked up behind me and exclaimed 'And it's his actual size too!'
Edward: Okay, where's the #$%er? He's dying. Tonight.
I might have cracked up... only because I was imagining your reaction to it, though.
Edward: You can't blame a man for reacting negatively to verbal abuse, damnit! I want that guy's head on a wooden stake to serve as a reminder to my enemies! *snarls*
Ed, please don't kill anyone… I am but a penniless reptile and can't afford a lawsuit. Next up is Grim Junior The Young Reaper!
Dear Envy,
Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows! Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows! Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows! *I follow him wherever he goes and I sing this over and over and over and over and...*
Envy: Will you people just shut the hell up and leave me alone?!
Dear You (yes you... no not you, the pretty one!),
Tell me the best qualities of you!
Everyone: *goes quiet for a brief moment*
*fight breaks out*
Garfiel: *pops out of writhing mess of characters fighting* I AM A BEAUTIFUL, THOUGHTFUL, AND WARM-HEARTED SOUL! *gets dragged back into mess*
Dear Mei,
Ahh, I'm just kidding... He wasn't in a relationship with her... Calm yourself, he's all yours.
Mei: *fuming grumpily and sulking* Fine… He'd better not be in a relationship, though…
Alphonse I'm not!
Dear General Armstrong,
Ah! *does a little Tamaki moment, with hearts and rose petals and dreaminess that I totally don't deserve to have but I'm my own writer bitch, sue me* Such a wonderful woman! Beautiful, but is also strong and an independent woman. Who doesn't need a man in her life to be capable of great things! I'm sure you are the object of much affection!
Olivier: …Great, the damned girliness is spreading…
Dear Edward and Alphonse,
STUPID PIPSQUEAK AND HIS TRASHCAN! (I know this is the original but it was too funny!)
Edward: HEY! GET THE HELL OVER HERE, YOU DAMNED SON OF A-
Alphonse: *half-heartedly holds Ed back while glooming* T-trashcan…?
Hehe, I remember that scene! Poor Al… Anyways, next up is Pride the First Homunculus!
Anyone that cares,
What do you think of my extremely long list of favourite characters?
1 Pride
2 Envy
Yeah, that's it. I'd add Kimblee, but he's a human and betrayed Pride, so that cancels it out (although explosions are cool). Tucker, I despise you as much as any other human, but I shall take it out on you! *murders with shadows*
Envy: I'd say that list would look better with just me on it, thanks.
Pride: Envy, hush. You don't even know what you're talking about.
Envy: *about to make rude retort but grudgingly stops* …Fine. Whatever.
Envy,
I HAVE FOUND A PLACE WHERE YOUR KIND ROAM FREELY. NOW, ENJOY. *teleports Envy to island full of palm trees*
Envy: *glances around before growling in irritation* Ha ha, very funny. I'm going to enjoy taking care of your corpse, you #$%er…
Pride,
What would you do if someone WILLINGLY volunteered to be your pawn? Would you be fine with it, or would you be suspicious and make sure they don't betray you? Or just kill them?
Pride: Well, I suppose I would make sure that they were telling the truth… I'd still take them as a pawn anyways, since there's really not much someone alone can do to me. *shrugs*
Ahhh, Pride, still the arrogant jerk as always… Next up is SaiyanWolfAlchemist!
Hated Tucker, -Rides in on a huge wolf- Dinner time my friend! -Wolf eats tucker- Good Bigby! (*cough* reference *cough*)
Tucker: *le in bloody pieces on ground*
Everyone else: Huh.
Me: Oh hey look, Google helped me spot the reference! *that confident dragon pose!*
Everyone else: …*slowly walks away*
Dear Mustang, what if I told you I had a map to the location of a treasure of miniskirts.
Roy: I'm… fine, thanks…?
Dear Ed, Relax for there is a guy a year older than you I know that is shorter.
Edward: You'd better not judge the man for his size.
Dear Envy, HA DUGEN! *kills Envy*
Envy: *regenerates and gives completely unamused look* Hmm, I wonder how slowly I can tear your limbs off…
Dear anyone except the homunculi, tucker, and Yoki, do you want poptarts, and if so what flavor.
Edward: S'mores, 'cause those ones are amazing.
Alphonse: I like cherry!
Roy: I prefer cinnamon, myself.
Riza: I agree with the colonel on that one.
Armstrong: The frosted strawberry ones, now THOSE are DIVINE!
I'll have to stick with Alphonse on that. My favorites are cherry/raspberry… I wish I got Pop-tarts more often! Next up is Artisen!
Dear Ed and Al
How would you react if a girl who looked exactly like Ed appeared, and showed you DNA proof that she is Ed's twin sister and your older sister, Al?
Edward: I'd ask who her mother was, since I don't have any recollection of Hohenheim having any other kids.
Alphonse: Um… It'd be a bit odd, but I suppose I'd be alright with it…?
Dear Riza
What would you do if you found out one day that you were a Homunculus?
Riza: Admittedly, I wouldn't be too pleased. However, I would still use my abilities to assist the colonel and my friends.
Dear Roy
How would you react if the prior question was true?
Roy: I would… be very surprised, to say the least. However, it wouldn't change how I see her; she's still one of my most trustworthy subordinates.
Riza: *grateful look* Thank you, sir.
If Riza was a Homunculus, that would make for an interesting story… Though I know there are fanfictions like that out there, I haven't read one for myself yet. Next up is Erik Graves son of Death!
Hey Roy! Finally figured out how to counteract the effects of water on your flame alchemy. Add a water transmutation circle to the palm of the glove and if the glove gets wet, you can remove the water with the circle! genius! Also Oliver Armstrong is secretly a better Ice Alchemist than that Freezer Burn guy.
Roy: Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work that way. Polar opposites such as water and fire or sun and moon make for a bit of an explosive effect. It would be like lighting hydrogen on fire; you get plenty of fire, a splash of water as chemical byproduct, and some very badly ruined gloves. Trust me when I say that I've attempted it, and that it didn't go well.
Dear ed
Al and winry are being held hostage and you have to drink 5 cartons of milk to get them back otherwise they die. Would you drink the milk or risk your life to save them?
Edward: *sighs* If they were going to die unless I drank the crap-though I don't get why someone would go so far just to make me drink milk-I would choose to drink it. I'd rather they not get hurt over a… dislike of mine.
Dear may
Do you and al have kids in the future? If so, how many?
Mei: Huh, I don't really know! Having just one would be nice, but I also wouldn't mind a big family…~
Alphonse: *blushing furiously* M-Mei…!
Dear al
What's it like to be an uncle?
Alphonse: *smiles* Really great, actually. It's wonderful, just looking at the babies and knowing that, even though they're not exactly your child, you can actually make a big impact on their lives… It's a wonderful feeling, and I really hope I can be a good part of the kids' lives while they're growing up.
Edward: *smiles* Don't worry, Al, they love you already. I'm sure it'll stay that way.
Tucker
I don't care what these mutha***** say, I forgive you! Take this and run! *hands him sword and then trips him up so he falls on it*
Haha sucker tucker *evil grin*
Tucker: *gasps and chokes on blood*
Ah yes, a classic way of death right there. Next up is diamondalchemist!
Dear ed
I remember you begging the truth to bring back your only brother. If you had like 7 brothers and sisters, would you still have given up your arm to save Al's soul?
Also, did you know that Al is basically a ghost because there's nothing in his armour but his soul still takes up it's full capacity like if he was full of water. (Sorry, trying to be all scientific and it probably just doesn't make any sense. )
Edward: I think I still would have given my arm up despite that. Family is important no matter what. And he's not a ghost like what people often imagine when they picture something like that; ghosts are able to roam around without any sort of object acting as their connection to the world, and even if they are attached to an object, they can stay in that object indefinitely. Al can't.
Greed and Ling
I love you guys! *hugs*
Greed: And I love you too, random citizen!
Ling: Oh god, I swear if you start up the movie quotes again, I'll kick you out of my body.
Greed: Eh, whatever. *hugs back*
Ling: *grumbles to himself*
ED!
don't worry, I'm 4"11 too! But my friends takr the mick cos of my height. We should get revenge together *evil cackling*
What would you have done if envy shapeshifted into Al or Trisha when Roy was busy burning him alive?
Edward: Agreed. Whoever makes fun of someone's height is a bastard just waiting for retribution to kick their ass. And if he had turned into one of them… I wouldn't have been there to see it, fortunately… However, I would think it would be impossible for him to shapeshift into either of them, since he's never seen a picture of either of them. I dunno if he could turn into Al's armor, since it's an inorganic compound; it doesn't seem like Envy's capable of turning into nonliving objects.
I dunno, I just thought it made sense that Envy can't turn into inanimate objects and stuff *shrug*
Who knows. Anyways, next up is I'mnotcrying!
Dear Al
When was the last time you got really REALLY angry with Ed and what did he do?
Alphonse: Um… Hm, that's a good question. I don't get that mad at Ed very often… I guess when he nearly let Scar kill him-
Edward: *groans* Al, I apologized for that already
Alphonse: I know, I know, I just… I don't think I've been nearly as mad at you as I was that time. I was really scared…
Edward: *sighs and hugs* Sorry, Al… I know what I did back then was stupid. I was… I don't even know, Al, I'm just sorry.
Alphonse: Yeah… Thanks, Ed. I love you…
Edward: Love you too, little brother.
Dear winry
Same for you
Winry: I guess I got really mad at him last when… I think when he told Granny and I to leave the country, just in case he wouldn't be able to fix things. Like hell I would just leave him alone.
Edward: I thought it was a reasonable thing to say since, you know, I would rather you not have your soul taken if I failed-
Winry: Well, I did get my soul taken for a bit, but you saved the world anyways.
Edward: That wouldn't have happened if you'd just left like I told you to…
Winry: I couldn't just leave the country, Ed. I could never forgive myself if I ran away like that.
Edward: *sighs* You and your sense of pride…
Winry: Oh hush. You'd have done the same. *grumpy*
Dear anyone who wants to answer
If you all went to prom *explains what prom is* who would you vote for prom king and queen? Who would spike the punch? Who would get in a Catfight if someone touched their man or woman? And who would be the responsible one?
Edward: We discussed this pretty thoroughly, and we decided that Mustang and the lieutenant would be king and queen, any one of the Homunculi would spike the punch, Mei would kill anyone that tried even looking at Al, and I, obviously, would be the responsible one-
Everyone: No you wouldn't.
Edward: *sighs* Okay, fine. We actually agreed that really, no one would be responsible. I'd say Teacher, but… I've seen her at a party. *sweats nervously*
Izumi: I can't help being the life of the party, Edward. It's in my blood!
Edward: *sweats more*
There are no extremely responsible adults in FMA, to my knowledge. *poker face* Next up is Random Dawn 14!
Ed,
Do you eat cereal? If yes, how do you do it without milk?
Edward: Sometimes I eat cereal, though I prefer eggs and bacon more than anything. And uh… Pretty easy to eat cereal dry. You just either get a spoon to eat it or you pick up one piece at a time.
Al,
How's your cat army coming? I love kitties so much! Can I help in any way?
Alphonse: It's actually coming along great, you know! And I think we're all set, but thanks for asking!
Lust,
What would you do if your clothes didn't regenerate like your body does? Also, why do they regenerate? Are they a part of your body or something...?
Lust: Yes, my clothing is a part of my body. *shrugs* The clothing is actually part of my skin, like Envy's. However, I can't change my skin like Envy can, so I have to make do. If, on a rare occasion, other clothing is required, I just have to put it on over my 'clothing'.
Tucker,
Don't worry; I'm not going to kill you. This time. Next time I'll think of a creative way to do so. :) In the mean time, have some toast. All toasters toast toast, ya know!
Tucker: *eyes toast warily* Yes, I know…
Gluttony,
I must know: Why did you seem so uncomfortable/embarrassed when Al was poking your belly? One of the most adorable things I've ever seen, by the way. X3. Also, can I have a hug? Please? :3
Gluttony: *twiddles thumbs a bit* U-uh… I guess I'm not used to people poking me, is all… *wraps pudgy arms around you*
Pride,
*slaps* I don't like you. You're a creepy child and you killed Gluttony. But have a muffin because you can be cute sometimes.
Pride: …You're lucky I didn't slice your hand off for that kind of insolence. *irritated*
Pride, it's not nice to cut people's hands off with your shadows! *disapproving click of tongue*
Anyways, the final questions here are from 7he Goddess Din!
First off, Mustang: So we all know that you have a thing for miniskirts. Be honest, were at all, even a little bit, attracted to Envy (because of his miniskirt and somewhat feminine traits)? ADMIT IT!
Mustang: Not really, since the first time I ever saw him, he confessed to killing my best friend.
Mustang, Riza, Scar, and Edward: What would you have done if Envy didn't commit suicide? I know Riza said she had no intention of letting him live... But after Envy just broke down and started crying, you were all looking at him with such pity that... I don't know. Just, what would you have done?
Mustang: To be honest? I would have likely killed him, if the lieutenant wouldn't.
Riza: I would've been able to kill him, but… It would both be a waste of ammunition and something that I wouldn't be entirely comfortable with.
Scar: I doubt he could have lasted long without some kind of care. If we'd just left him in his weakened state, he would've passed on rather soon.
Edward: *frowns a bit* Don't get me wrong, I hate him too, but… It would just be cruel to let anyone-or anything-die like that. Though I doubt he would have lasted long even if he'd come with us, since every moment after that was essentially a huge battle. He would've been easily killed by accident.
Pride: Can I just say that I think you are incredibly awesome! You're such a monster, I love it! Now... How does it make you feel knowing that you were kind of indirectly replaced by a whiny Envy-wannabe in the 2003 FMA? In fact, here he is! *brings in 2003 Wrath* Say hi! Preferably with your shadows!
Pride: Actually, he replaced Bradley as Wrath, and Bradley replaced me as Pride… I don't really feel much outrage about the affairs of a parallel world, to be honest.
Edward: In Gluttony's stomach, you said you would be Envy's best friend if it meant surviving... Would you ever actually consider being friends with Envy? Because I think that would be awesome.
Edward: By best friend, I meant sucking up. Not literally being his best friend. I wouldn't trust the bastard for one second.
Envy: So far, all you've gotten is a bunch of creepy fangirls who want to marry you and a hoard of murderous haters who are under the impression that they own Chuck Norris and Slenderman. So I want to actually pose some real questions to you...
Can I stroke your hair while I ask my serious questions? I know, weird request, but I think you have the coolest hair in the series and I would totally do my hair like that if I could. And coming from someone with long hair, can I just say that people playing with/stroking my hair is one of the most relaxing sensations there is! It feels so good!
Envy: My hair is fantastic, but I'd prefer you not touch me at all.
2. Have you ever had any heart-to-heart moments with anyone, like Lust for example? If so, how did it go / what was it about?
Envy: Nope. I do let my emotions show a little more strongly when I'm with Lust or any of the others besides Pride, Wrath, and Father, but that's because I feel somewhat safer around them.
In Gluttony's stomach, what do you think would have happened if Ed didn't ask about Ishval (which led to you guys fighting, which led to you eating Ed, which led to him figuring a way out)? Would you guys just have sat around the campfire and talked about your feelings or something? I can't imagine you would just kill them for no reason, because then you'd just be stuck there by yourself for ages. So, what do you think?
Envy: We would've wound up fighting about something or another anyways, I'm certain. And I'm also pretty sure we wouldn't be discussing our 'feelings'… Ugh.
Have you ever actually ripped somebody's spine out of their mouth before?
Envy: Let's just say I was in a crappy mood that day.
You always call Ed 'pipsqueak', never by his actual name. But as you were dying, you said, "Goodbye, Edward Elric." ... Why? What inspired the "Edward Elric" rather than the automatic "pipsqueak"?
Envy: *irritated* I was feeling sentimental at the time, alright? It happens when you know you're going to die.
Edward: I think it was perhaps something more than that, don't you think? Since I pretty much figured you out?
Envy: Shut the hell up, runt. No one asked you. And you did not 'figure me out'…
Edward: You didn't even realize it yourself.
Envy: That doesn't-Agh, just shut up already. I already have enough crap to deal with without you adding to it.
Edward: …Aight. Lizard breath.
Envy: Runt.
Answer these honestly, Envy! By the way, you're my favorite!
Envy: There, I think I did a good job. And isn't it just natural that I be a fan favorite? *smirks*
Ah… There we go. It took ages to finish, but… Whew. So I'll try and keep this short, since I'll be saying all the final goodbyes and such in the ending extra chapter.
So in the final, epilogue-ish chapter, I'll be doing a few special surprises that I hope you guys will like! Shh... No telling!
Also, I'll be in California for about a week starting on Friday the 27th (but I'll be working on the chapter while I'm over there) so I should have the chapter finished and posted by Friday or Saturday the 3rd/4th. See you guys then! For now, have a wonderful evening or day, depending on what time zone you're in :)
~Dfire