esper myrellis-verilla. 19.

october, 88 add.

afternoon.

"Grilled cheese okay for dinner?" Esper asked.

"Yeah," Rhylee answered.

"Great. Should be ready in a couple minutes," Esper said. "Do you mind grabbing Ryden?"

Rhylee nodded and headed upstairs, returning alone a minute later. "He'll be down in a sec," she said, sitting down at the counter.

"Good." Esper returned to the stove. "How did that math test go, by the way?"

"It was fine," she said. "I felt… okay about it."

"Was it harder than you expected?"

"No," she sighed. "I expected it to be bad, and it was."

"You know, if you need any help-"

"I know," she interrupted. "It's just hard. I'm trying."

"I know you are," Esper said, flipping a sandwich with a spatula. He looked at her over his shoulder. "Just keep at it, okay?"

She nodded, resting her chin on her hand. Ryden walked in and sat next to her, opening a book and burying his head in it.

"Hi, bud," Esper said.

"Hi," Ryden said, still engrossed by his book.

"What are you reading?"

"Studying."

"Oh, okay."

"For the invitational?" Rhylee asked him.

"Yeah."

"For the what?" Esper asked.

"I have Science Olympiad on Friday."

Esper shifted the grilled cheese onto a plate. "Hold on," he said. "You didn't tell me you made the team."

"I thought I did," Ryden said, finally looking up from his book.

"I don't think so."

"You told me," Rhylee said.

"You said you wanted to try out," Esper said. "But that was like… a month ago."

"Oh."

"Is that where you've been after school on Tuesdays?"

"Yeah."

"Then why did you say you were just studying?"

Ryden shrugged. "I mean, I was. Studying is part of it."

Esper passed Rhylee the sandwich. "Okay, okay," he said. "I, uh, I would have liked an update."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," Esper said, pulling out two more slices of bread. "So the invitational is Friday?"

"Yeah."

"Do people usually, like… go?"

Ryden shrugged. "Sometimes."

"Should we go?"

"If you want."

"Why wouldn't we want to?"

Ryden shrugged again. "If you're busy."

"I'm not," Esper said. He flipped another sandwich. "What time is it?"

"Right after school."

"Great. I'll be there."

"Okay."

"I can't," Rhylee said. "I'll be at the next one, though."

"That's okay."

"How many people usually go?" Esper asked.

"There's three other schools coming. So probably a lot."

"Gotcha." Esper slid the grilled cheese onto a plate. "I'm looking forward to it," he said, turning and passing Ryden the plate.

Ryden nodded, but didn't make eye contact. "Sounds good."

friday morning.

"Same time after class?" Townes asked.

"I can't," Esper said.

"Actually?"

"Yes, actually," he said. "I'm busy."

"With what?"

"How is this any of your business, exactly?"

"Because you're canceling on me," Townes replied. "What are you doing?"

"My brother has an invitational for his Science Olympiad stuff today-"

"Wait, really?"

"Yes."

"Which division is he in?"

"Middle school."

Townes nodded. "Okay. Nice."

"What, you're big into Science Olympiad all of a sudden?"

"Not all of a sudden," Townes said. "I thought you said you did your research on me, stalker."

"You did a million extracurriculars. How was I supposed to keep track of them all?"

"Extracurriculars are what get you into college, genius."

"I thought that was your father's money."

"No, it wasn't, Honda Civic."

"Shut up."

"For the record, I was pretty damn good at Science Olympiad," Townes said. "It was fun."

"I couldn't care less."

"And I don't have plans anymore."

"You- what?"

Townes rubbed his hands together. "My afternoon is wide open now…"

"No. No. Absolutely not."

"You canceled on me!"

"You're not fucking this up for me," Esper said. "Or for him."

"I'm not gonna do that-"

"You're not listening to me," Esper said. "This is my line. You don't get to pull any of your tabloid bullshit and ruin this for him- it's his first year- he needs this to go well- I need this to go well-"

"I won't!" Townes said, putting his hands up in mock surrender. "I'm just here for some good old-fashioned Science Olympiad."

"You're not coming."

"How are you planning to stop me, then?"

"This is important."

"I'll be so quiet and respectful and not call Benz or Rolly or anyone else," Townes said.

Esper pinched the bridge of his nose. "Anything but this-"

"Oh, relax."

"Why do you even want to go?"

"Because I like Science Olympiad," Townes said.

Esper gave him a long look. "You're serious."

"And because I was looking forward to pissing you off this afternoon, and now you've robbed me of that," he said.

"Wait wait wait. You were looking forward to spending time with me?"

"Are you sure you're not fully deaf? Because that's not what I just said."

Esper raised his eyebrows. "I don't know… I'm pretty sure that's what you're implying…"

"No, it's not," Townes insisted.

"Okay… if you say so…"

"If you want to be delusional, that's on you," Townes said.

"Oh, I'm the delusional one here?"

"Yeah, obviously."

"You're ridiculous."

"No, you're-"

"Welcome back, class," the professor interrupted. "We've almost made it through the week! But before the weekend, let's get back to this textbook, shall we?"

"You're not coming," Esper muttered.

Townes simply grinned in reply.

after class.

afternoon.

"You're not coming," Esper repeated, walking as quickly as he could down the hall.

Townes matched his pace. "Then what am I doing right now?"

"Harassing me."

"The answer I was looking for was 'attending a public event,' actually," Townes said.

"It can be both."

"Then stop me," Townes said. "Convince me not to go."

"If you go, I'll… I'll… fuck up my half of the paper for Thursday," Esper said.

Townes snorted. "No, you won't."

"I will."

They left the building, heading towards a bus stop. "You're not going to fuck up your own grades for this," Townes said. "Nice try."

"For my brother?" Esper said. "Anything."

"I'm not convinced."

"You watched the Games, didn't you?" he said. "If you want to know how far I'll go for him, the answer is right there."

"As if. That was all about you."

"If it was all about me," Esper retaliated, "I would be dead."

"That doesn't even make sense."

(But it did. If it had only been his life on the line, Esper doubted he would have sacrificed so much of himself. He was struggling to put himself back together, the ashes of who he once was slipping through his fingers, the fire that had once burned so brightly snuffed out. He didn't know how to relight it, and he didn't know how much longer he could go on like this.

But for them, he would do anything. For them he would figure it out.)

But he knew Townes would never understand that, so instead of arguing, Esper watched the bus pull up in front of them in silence. Unfortunately for him, there were two open seats on board right next to each other, and he quickly found himself shoulder to shoulder with Townes Zamoras.

"Where are we going again?" Townes asked.

"My brother's school," Esper said.

"Thanks for the specifics."

"Welcome." Esper glanced at him. "Uncomfortable?"

"I'm fine."

"I wasn't sure you'd been on a bus before."

"What?"

"You know," Esper said. "I just sort of assumed you rode around in limos all the time. Or at least a private car."

"I don't," Townes said. "No one does."

"Not even your dad?"

Townes hesitated. "I don't ride with him."

"So that's a yes, then."

"He's busy. It's easier for him to use private transportation."

"Do his voters know that?"

"His opponent has mentioned it."

"But he hasn't."

"Could we not talk about this?"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not supposed to."

"Oh?"

"There's sort of an election coming up, if you hadn't noticed, and I'm not really supposed to be commenting on this stuff right now."

"What, did you just break your confidentiality or something?"

"No. I'm trying not to."

"Whatever." If Townes didn't want to talk, he wouldn't. He leaned his head against the window, letting his eyes drift shut for a moment. He'd actually slept okay the night before, hadn't had one of the dreams since the week prior, but the paranoia of possibly slipping into another one was getting to him. When he fell asleep, Esper never knew what- or who- was waiting for him, and it made him not want to sleep at all. He tried to make up for it with small moments like these.

It wasn't a long ride from Cahill to Ryden's school, and they got off the bus a few stops later.

"Which events is he doing?" Townes asked as he followed Esper inside.

"Apparently everyone is only doing one event for the invitational," Esper answered. "He said he was building a bridge."

"Oh, I love that one," Townes said. "I was really good at it."

"Did you really."

"It was fun!" Townes said. "We did this one a few years ago where every team had to build a bridge on the spot, and then weights were added, and whichever bridge broke last won. Which was my team's, by the way."

"Congratulations."

"I'm pretty sure you don't mean that, but thanks."

"I don't."

They followed the signs to the gymnasium- Ryden was in seventh grade now, and Esper had been to his school once or twice for conferences, so it wasn't totally unfamiliar. He hadn't been in the gym, though. The old bleachers had been pulled down for the audience, and the judge's table was off to the side. The gym floor, wooden and a bit creaky, was covered in a big tarp and plastic bins and supplies, and teachers and students were everywhere. They were a few minutes early.

"Where is he?" Townes asked.

"Over there," Esper said, spotting him close to the center. "I'm gonna go sit down."

"Holy shit."

"What?"

"He looks just like you. Are you sure you didn't clone yourself or something?"

"You think I cloned myself?"

"He's like a mini version of you! It's weird!"

Esper rolled his eyes and started making his way up the bleachers. "You do know what siblings are, right?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't have any," Townes said.

"That explains a lot." Esper found a spot to sit, pulling off his backpack and tucking it by his feet.

To his irritation, Townes sat down next to him. "Look- he even walks the same way… what the fuck… he's literally you!"

"He's definitely not," Esper replied. He found Ryden in the crowd again- he was talking to a teacher, nodding and gesturing with his hands as he spoke. It was the most animated Esper had seen him in a while.

"Are we talking about the same person?"

"He's his own kid, okay?"

"I mean, he does still have both of his ears."

"He does," Esper said, reaching to twist a piece of hair with his left hand, trying to make the gesture look unrelated to Townes' comment. "He's got that going for him."

Down on the gym floor, a teacher stepped up to a microphone. "For today's invitational, the Technology and Engineering category is running two events: Wheeled Vehicle, which has been built by each team in advance, and Bridge Building, which will occur now. Teams will have thirty minutes to construct their bridge with the given materials, and the bridge able to bear the greatest weight will win the competition. Building will start in three… two… one!"

The old basketball timer hanging on the wall lit up and began counting down from 30:00. On the gym floor, the teams set to work, and the room quickly filled with noise. Next to him, Townes lit up.

"Bridge Building!" he said. "Like I told you about!"

"I remember."

"Good for an invitational, too, since it doesn't count for actual points."

"It doesn't?"

"No. An invitational is more for practice than anything else." Townes looked over at him. "Were you not a Science Olympiad kid?"

"No, I never did it."

"Why not?"

Esper gave him a look. "Because not everyone has the resources for this kind of stuff."

Townes furrowed his brow. "It's free to participate in."

"It takes up a lot of time. I looked into it."

"What, you were busy with all your other extracurriculars?"

"I had to be home, you idiot."

"Oh, so you've never been fun."

"I'd rather make sure my siblings are fed, and safe, and my parents aren't around fucking everything up, than make you think I'm fun."

"How old are they again?"

"Twelve and fourteen."

"So, like, way younger."

"By a bit, yeah."

"What about your parents?"

"First of all, none of your business. Second of all, not getting into that here of all places."

"Fair enough."

Esper raised his eyebrows. "Never thought I'd see the day where you minded your own business."

"I'm full of surprises," Townes replied.

"Yeah, you're full of lots of things."

"Good looks, talent, intelligence, charisma…"

"Not what I was thinking."

"You didn't disagree."

"I do, actually."

"Too late. I already know you agree with me about how incredible I am."

"And you called me delusional…"

Only two bridges were still standing, and one of them was Ryden's.

"I still think it's a bit unfair to use bricks," Townes muttered, "because how do you know they all weigh exactly the same-"

"Shut up," Esper hissed, leaning forward in his seat.

"Brick twelve!" the judge shouted. "Place it on your bridges in three, two, one-!"

Ryden's teacher, wearing safety goggles, put the brick on the structure. So did the other teacher.

"Oh shit," Townes whispered. "Look. That thing's toast."

Esper had been focusing on Ryden's team. He glanced over at the other bridge, which was beginning to sag precariously in the middle. "Oh, wow."

"Wait for it…"

Ryden's teacher reached for another brick, but there was no need. The other team's bridge collapsed, the bricks crashing to the floor, and the meager audience started clapping for the winner as Ryden's team exchanged high fives. Ryden's smile was so big that Esper couldn't help but smile himself, because when had he last seen Ryden like this?

Eventually, once the judges had handed out ribbons, they were able to make their way to him.

"Congratulations," Esper said. "That was great!"

"Thanks," Ryden said, ducking his head.

"You should keep me updated on this stuff," Esper said. "I'd love to come watch you again."

Ryden glanced up. "Really?"

"Yeah, of course."

His gaze shifted to Townes, who was a few paces behind. "Who's that?"

Esper sighed as Townes stepped up. "Townes Zamoras," he said, extending a hand. Ryden shook it, his eyes big. "Congrats on the win."

"...No way."

Townes tilted his head. "Have we met before?"

Esper looked from Ryden to Townes and back to Ryden. "Don't tell me you've been reading those tabloids," he said to Ryden.

Ryden shook his head. "My coach talked about you," he told Townes. "Since you won the high school division last time they did it."

"You're kidding."

Townes grinned at Esper. "I told you I was good at Science Olympiad."

"Actually?" Esper asked.

"All the time," Ryden said.

"I thought some of those techniques looked familiar," Townes said. He proceeded to launch into a discussion of the event with Ryden, and Esper watched as Ryden once again started nodding and gesturing, fully engaged in the conversation.

(How the fuck was Townes better at talking to Ryden than Esper was? Esper had known Ryden his entire life, had practically raised him most of that time, and ever since getting back hadn't been able to get more than a few words out of him at a time. But Townes got entire sentences? Townes got an entire conversation? Esper wasn't even sure how to feel about it- happy that he was finally opening up to someone? Hurt that it wasn't him? Annoyed that it was Townes, of all people?

But no matter how Esper felt about Townes, he was making Ryden happy, and Esper was not going to ruin that.)

He waited, trying his best to be patient, trying to focus on his brother's excitement. He didn't have much to contribute, so he held back.

Eventually, as the teams and organizers began to pack up the materials for reuse, the discussion began to wind down.

"No, it was really great," Townes said. "But if you bolstered that beam a little more, I think you could have made it to fifteen, no problem. Next time, honestly, you should keep going and see what the limit is."

"But then it would break."

"And then you could rebuild it even better."

Ryden nodded. "I'll tell my teacher next week."

Esper looked at Ryden. "Ready to head out?"

"One more thing," Townes said.

"Yeah?" Ryden asked.

"You," Townes said, "are way cooler than your brother."

"Townes-"

"And if you ever want to talk more about Science Olympiad, tell him, and make sure he tells me," Townes continued.

"Really?" Ryden asked.

"Yeah. He doesn't really get what the hype is about, so don't take no for an answer."

"The hype about what?" Esper asked.

"Me, obviously. But Ryden gets it."

"Okay," Ryden said. "I will."

"Perfect." Townes turned to Esper. "When did you want to reschedule for, by the way?"

Esper sighed. "Monday? Same time?"

Townes nodded. "Cool. I'll see you later, Ryden. Congrats again."

"Thanks!"

"See you Monday," he told Esper. He gave Ryden a little salute, and then he turned and left the gymnasium.

Ryden watched him go. "You never said you knew him," he said.

Esper shook his head. "I didn't know you knew him."

"You never asked."

"Neither did you."

"Well, that's on both of us, then," Esper said. "Come on. Let's go show Rhylee your ribbon."

Ryden smiled. "Okay."

(And it wasn't lost on Esper that as he said it, his brother made eye contact for the first time in weeks.)