You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

Brand New- The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

Two weeks later, Chuck laid on his bed, looking for something in the dark, something he couldn't find. He sighed and got up, lighting up yet another cigarette and inhaling the smoke while thinking about her. Blair Waldorf. She was so beautiful. He wanted her. And when Chuck Bass wanted something, he had to have it. He knew it was different with her, but he had promised himself never to get too invested in someone. She was just another girl.

The morning came slowly and Chuck just wanted to get wasted and forget about everything. And some drugs would be nice too. He went to get some breakfast, eyeing Blair, sitting in her usual place, looking at her food as if it were her worst enemy. It was, in a way. He sat next to her.

"Where's Jenny?"

"She said she's not hungry."

"She'll get in trouble." Chuck informed.

"She knows." Blair responded, laughing a little. "She refuses to eat though."

"Well, she will have to one day."

"Sometimes I wish I were anorexic." Blair blurted out. Chuck looked at her and raised his eyebrow.

"Why is that?"

"It would be so much easier. Not feeling disgusting for binging and not feeling even more disgusting for purging." She said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I know I sound stupid. But... I don't know."

"It's stupid." She rolled her eyes and started opening her mouth. "But I get it. You get tired of being the way you are. People end up getting tired of you always being sad."

"Did it happen to you? Did they get tired of you?" Blair asked, slowly, a bit scared of Chuck's reaction. Sometimes Nate would snap at her. He even hit her once for asking too much about his family. He apologized later, but still.

"Who did?"

"Your family. Your friends."

"I don't think they cared enough to even notice." Chuck admitted. It was true. No one ever noticed the scars, and even though they cheered while he was snorting some cocaine, no one ever wondered why he was doing drugs in the first plare. No one thought that maybe, just maybe, he was trying to forget about everything. No one thought he was depressed until he swallowed some pills and waited for death to come.

"I'm sorry. Enough of the depressing talk. Did you know my maid is pregnant? I'm happy for her. Dorota is like a mother to me. She raised me. She caught me purging a few times. However, I always manipulated her to never tell my mother. I guess one day, enough was enough." Blair forced a small laugh. "You smell like cigarettes again." She pointed out, simply. He smirked.

"Smelling me now, are we, Waldorf?"

"Ugh. No." She said, faking disgust. "You're so indecent, Chuck."

"Indeed. Some like the charm." He winked. She laughed, a real laugh, not the fake one she only used to pretend she was alright. And she had never been so beautiful to him.

"I can see that." She said, looking at the table where Georgina was sitting, staring at them with a murderous look.

"She'll get over it." Chuck said. "In a few days, she'll be screwing another guy and it'll be like 'Chuck, who?'"

"I don't think anyone says 'Chuck, who?'. You make quite the impression."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You take it however you want to." Blair said, with her usual bitchiness. "I couldn't care less." But her eyes said otherwise. Chuck chose to keep quiet. "I'm sorry for fucking you over with the director."

"I told you I forgave you a while ago." He said, sighing.

"I'm not sure you have." She confessed. "What if you try to get revenge? I'm pretty good at starting wars."

"You're paranoid, that's what it is, Blair. I don't give a damn about the director knowing I fucked someone here, she won't do shit to me. I have her in the palm of my hand."

"Then why were you angry at me?"

"It wasn't about what you told her, it's about betraying me. If you had asked me first, I would have said yes. I would do anything" For you, Chuck thought "to screw Georgina up." He saw the glimpse of disappointment that crossed her face but quickly ignored it.

She finished her croissant and looked at Chuck, searching his face for signs of disgust. But Chuck wasn't disgusted by her. That didn't stop her from being a bit disappointed in herself. Not enough to purge, but she still felt like a failure. She never ate in front of others if she could avoid it.

"Blair. I'm proud of you for eating that. Eating is good." Blair noticed how he'd call her 'Blair' when serious, and 'Waldorf' when joking. She gave him a small smile.

"Thank you, Chuck. Can I have one of your cigarettes?"

"I didn't know you smoked."

"Just sometimes. I'm not addicted like you."

"I'm not addicted!" He whined. She laughed at how adorable he looked. She had never seen Chuck Bass lose his very serious deep voice.

"Of course not, Bass." He took her hand and helped her get up. She followed him out of the cafeteria. However, when getting out, Georgina sutck foot in front of Blair, making her trip. Georgina spilled her juice down Blair's head.

"Chuck is mine, Blair. Until you understand that, I will make your life a living hell."

Chuck ran to Blair, helping her up. "What the fuck, Georgina?" He almost yelled.

"It was an accident." She said, innocently. Blair bit her lip to keep from crying. Chuck pulled her closer to him and Georgina rolled her eyes.

"You've crossed the line. You better watch your back." Chuck warned. "You know between you and I, I always win." Georgina shivered at his cold voice. Chuck got out of the door, Blair next to him. When they got to her dorm, she started crying. Chuck didn't know what to do. He had never comforted anyone. So he took her to his dorm instead.

"I-I need to use your bathroom." She had to feel better. She couldn't let Chuck see her like this.

"No." He said firmly.

"No? But I need to pee."

"No, you don't." He stated. She knew he was right. She just wanted to get rid of the humiliation she'd been through. "You're staying here." She fell down on the floor, trying to disguise her tears. It was barely 11 am and she was already crying. He sat down next to her, took out his lighter, and gave a cigarette to Blair. She took a drag.

"I'm going to make that bitch very sorry. She thinks she can beat me? I'm Blair Waldorf. I'm like Jay Gatsby and she's Tom Buchanan." He laughed. "I'm going to make her life a living hell. I'll make her get thrown out of here." Chuck knew Blair. She was only plotting her revenge so that she could hide her insecurities and pain.

"Blair. Are you okay?"

"I'm fucking fine. But she won't be when she wakes up without an eye."

"Whoah. Calm down, Waldorf. We're not mutilating anyone."

"We?" Blair asked. "I'm sorry. I work solo." He smirked. She inhaled the cigarette smoke and a tear fell from her cheek. Blair furiously wiped it away, hoping that Chuck had not noticed her moment of weakness.

"You could use my help and you know it." He said simply. She didn't argue. All she thought about was how much she hated herself. She didn't hate Georgina. Why would she? Georgina was gorgeous and thin and everything Blair wasn't and Blair was bitter about that, but not hateful.

"I think I'll be fine, Bass." She whispered. She stubbed her cigarette out and took another one, grabbing the lighter.

"You're a quick smoker, Blair." Chuck observed. She shrugged. "Do you smoke regularly?"

"I only smoke when I'm anxious, sad or hungry."

"Which one of you are you?"

"I think all three of them would apply." She said, with a small smile. A nurse opened the door, shocked when seeing two teenagers smoking inside of one of the dorms, breaking two of the rules.

"You know you cannot smoke in here! It's forbidden. And girls can't be in boys' rooms or vice versa." Blair rolled her eyes.

"You didn't see us," she checked her name on her uniform, "Cindy."

"Yes, I did." The nurse looked furious.

"Oh, now did you?" Blair smirked. "Because I'm pretty sure your daddy would not be proud when he knew you had slept with one of your patients..." Cindy blushed.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Please don't tell him. I never saw you two here. I just came here to say lunch was ready." Blair nodded.

"You can get out now." Cindy got out of the door, closing it behind her.

"How did you know?" Chuck asked, surprised.

"I guessed, actually. No girl who isn't a slut shortens her skirt on purpose before entering her patient's, who, if I may add, is a man, unless she has a very strange fetish. And also, she has been trying to get you to look at her boobs this whole time." Blair smirked. "She is desperate. Desperate ones are your type, am I right?"

"Nah. I like a challenge. Otherwise I'll just pay some whores to fuck me." Blair smirked. "We should go have lunch."

"I don't want to." She whispered, looking at her hands. "I'm scared." That's not Blair Waldorf, Chuck thought, Blair Waldorf would never admit weakness. That was someone else. It wasn't Blair Waldorf. It was just Blair.

"I know. But I also know you're hungry. Let's go get Jenny." Blair nodded. "Today is visitors' day."

"Ugh. I don't want to see my mother. Or Serena. Or anyone I know." Chuck nodded. His only visits were from Nathaniel. He was kind of hoping he wouldn't come this time, though. Blair would not be happy to see him.

Blair knocked on her dorm's door.

"Come in!" She heard someone yell. "Unless you're a bitch that isn't my roomate." Blair chuckled.

"Just me and Chuck." She said, opening the door.

"Hi. Sorry for missing breakfast. I'm not feeling well today. I don't think I can eat anything." Jenny lied through her teeth. Blair just shook her head.

"You are going to have lunch with us. No buts." Blair said, dramatically. "And then, we'll lock ourselves in here during visits time and do whatever drugs Chuck has with him."

"I'm not giving you drugs, Blair." Chuck said. "Most of the patients here are drug addicts and I would not like you becoming one of them."

"Oh, come on. Let's get high together to celebrate our bond." She said.

"That's not the Blair I know." Jenny said.

"Well, maybe you don't fucking know me at all." Blair snapped. Chuck knew what was going on. She was trying to be like Serena, again.

"Just because your friend does drugs, it doesn't mean you should too. You are your own person." Blair rolled her eyes. "And you're a bitch that hates drugs because they kill you." Blair opened her mouth. "Are we clear?"

"Ugh, you're unbelievable, Bass! You can't talk much! You're always on drugs or cutting yourself or whatever." The room fell dead quiet. "Chuck, I'm sorry." She said, trying to touch his arm. He got away from her touch.

"I cannot believe you said that. You talk about how Georgina is a bitch, but you're just like her. Even worse, if I dare say. Don't talk to me, Blair Waldorf, ever again." He stormed out of the room and Blair looked blankly at the wall.

"Let's go for lunch." Jenny said, trying- and failing- to be cheerful.

"You go." Blair told the younger girl. "I'm not hungry." Jenny sighed and decided it would be better to leave her roomate alone.

Blair heard the door close as she was lying on her bed, not willing to come out of the room ever again. She knew it was her fault, but she couldn't help but be mad at Chuck. It was easier than being mad at herself. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, failing. Maybe she could find some pills under her mattress. She raised it and smiled at the sight 18 pills. She read them. Anti anxiety meds. She took three of them and smiled, feeling the world get lighter. She closed her eyes and laid against the wall.

She didn't know how long it was until the effect disappeared. She felt empty. A nurse entered the room.

"May I know why you missed lunch?"

"I'm feeling unwell."

"Yes, like your friend Jennifer is." The man said sarcastically. "I've heard a lot of that type of excuse." Blair groaned.

"I'm serious. I think I have a cold." She faked a cough. Since the man didn't have any proof of her being lying, he just rolled his eyes.

"Make sure you show up to dinner. If you don't eat, we'll force feed you."

"I don't think you will." Blair said, smirking. "Do you know who my stepfather is?"

"You could be the daughter of Obama for all I care. We're here to make you better. If you don't accept our help willingly, we'll have to force you." Blair's eyes widened. "Now, if you'll excuse me." He left the room and Blair never wanted to run away as much as she did in that moment.

She missed Chuck and she was so sorry. She walked to his room slowly, a bit scared of his reaction. But she had to apologize, so she knocked on his door.

"Come in." A low voice said. She slowly entered the room. Chuck and... Nate? What the actual fuck?

"Blair?" Nate said, smiling. "How are you feeling?"

"What are you doing here?" She said quietly. Chuck raised his eyebrow.

"He's my best friend. Why wouldn't he be here? The question is, what are you doing here" Blair just ignored him, knowing he was trying to get to her.

"Anyways, how have you been, Blair? Serena has been worried sick."

"Wonder how you know that." Blair smirked. "Actually, we all know how." Nate's face darkened. "What's wrong, Natie?" He walked to her dangerously. She didn't shiver, her smirk remaining painted on her face.

"I will not do this here, Blair."

"I actually think this is the best place to do this."

"I know you're still hurt by me. But it's not my fault." She laughed.

"No? Did she make you put your dick inside of her? Did she make you love her?" Nate didn't say anything and she knew. "You won't even try to deny it? You knew I loved you and you used me."

"You know I didn't use you."

"No? Why did you date me, Nate? You think that I don't know that your father wanted you to be with me so that he could have money to buy his drugs?"

"Blair." Chuck warned. He knew his friend was short tempered. "That's enough."

"You know what, Nate? I actually believed you loved me. That was until I noticed the look in your eyes whenever I mentioned Serena. You're pathetic. You didn't even have the decency to break up with me and then sleep with the whore."

"She's your best friend, Blair." Nate informed. Blair rolled her eyes.

"Not anymore." Blair's voice was cold. "I'm tired of everyone always loving Serena."

"You're jealous of her." Nate noted. No shit, Chuck wanted to say. But he chose not to interfeer. He wanted to see where this was going.

"Of course I'm jealous of her! Have you looked at her?! What a stupid question, of course you have. You made your choice, Nate. And, as usual, you chose Serena. I do not blame you. But you know I don't do friends with my ex-boyfriends. Especially when they are cheating, backstabbing liars." Nate pushed her to the wall.

"Shut. Up." That was when Chuck finally did something. He pushed Nate away from Blair. "Are you in love with her or something?" He laughed. "Oh, silly me. Chuck Bass does not do 'love'. " Chuck pointed to the door.

"Get out." He said, calmly. "We'll see each other in a few days." Nate nodded, knowing he had crossed the line, and got out of the room. He'd fix it later. He'd bring some flowers to Blair and some booze to Chuck or something like that.

Chuck looked at Blair, who was staring numbly at the wall. "Did he ever hit you?" He asked.

"No." Blair lied. It had only happened once. It was not a big deal. Couples have fights all the time. "Nate may not be a caring boyfriend, but he's not violent towards me." Chuck nodded. She felt trapped, but she knew she didn't have anything in her stomach to purge.

"I didn't see you at lunch today."

"I was feeling sick."

"Of course you were. What did you do while Jenny was out?"

"That's a secret." She winked and smiled. "Let's just say I found something really intertaining."

"I see."

"Are you still mad at me?" She asked.

"Are you sorry?" She nodded. He smirked. "I know. I just wanted you to admit it. I'm not sure if I should forgive you. I'm not even sure if I can trust you."

She smiled and kissed his cheek.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out soon."

A/N: Hi. I hope you liked it. Review c: