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Disclaimer: All shows/ books/ video games/ songs that are mentioned in this chapter are all © to their respective owners, I don't own them.
After a delicious meal in the kitchen and a nice, long shower, Donna wanted nothing more than to curl up with a good book next to a fireplace. Did the TARDIS even have a fireplace for that matter? 'Then again,' thought Donna, 'if a space-ship could travel through time and space, was bigger on the inside, and seemed to go on forever in any direction, it was bound to have a fireplace of some sort...probably.'
The trouble was finding said fireplace or a book at the very least. It might've been more prudent to just give up the search as a lost cause and attempt to find her own room before it got too late, but if Donna was one thing, it was stubborn and very stubborn at that. And also, because she was Donna, she did find the library, after a good bit of searching. Donna's first impression of it was cavernous; simply massive. The British Library, the largest library in the world, probably didn't have smidgen of the amount of books in this library.
Donna wondered if this was the largest library in the Universe, and, if not, what was? She vowed to ask the Doctor that later after scoping out this one. Surely, he wouldn't mind if she snooped around a bit, found a couple of good mystery books or, ironically, some sci-fi novels.
Donna snorted, aliens, reading sci-fi books, they were probably stuck between laughing and being insulted.
Knowing the Doctor, they were a comedy to him, good for a laugh as he tore the theories apart. She could hear him now, "Wrong, wrong, wrong...Ooh, a bit right but mostly wrong...Hey, I started that line of thinking ages ago..."
Stifling her laughter, Donna made her way to the science fiction section of the library as denoted by a very large and very helpful sign. Scanning through the volume titles, she wondered which book she should offer to him to read. She also wondered how long it would take him to realize he was reading a sci-fi book if she switched its removable sleeves with that of a mystery book.
Thump!
Donna jumped and whirled around, arms up as if to punch the lights out of any nearby attacker. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on whether you were the attacker or Donna, there was nothing there but a book that had appeared to have fallen from one the shelves. Still, Donna peered around suspiciously before shaking the event off as nothing extraordinary. Maybe the TARDIS was helping her pick out a book, the Doctor did say something about it being telepathic.
'Thanks, I guess,' Donna thought, trying to broadcast her thoughts to the sentient ship. 'Next time, though, try not to kill me with fright, took about ten years off of my life.' Curious as to the TARDIS's taste in books, Donna picked it up, only to just about drop it again in surprise at the title: 'Doctor Who: Rose.'
"What on Earth…" Donna muttered, eyes scanning the front briefly before flipping it over to read the description on the back.
'Rose Tyler is just an ordinary shop worker living an ordinary life in 21st century Britain. But that life is turned upside down when a strange man calling himself The Doctor drags her into an alien invasion attempt!'
"Now, I wonder why that sounds familiar?" Donna quipped sarcastically. "He didn't tell me he was famous enough to end up in a book. I wonder what year it was published in, let's see…" The sound of ruffling pages could be heard as Donna opened the book and he page with all the publisher information. After a quick search, Donna was stunned to find the date-
"2010?" She cried in disbelief. "This was published not too far away from my time, and I never even noticed? Better yet, he never even said anything? A certain space-man has got a lot of explaining to do… Being famous and not saying anything..." Abandoning her previous goals of a curling up with a good book next to the fire and tricking the Doctor to read a sci-fi book, Donna exited the library, determined to get some answers, and maybe ask for an autograph as a laugh.
She wandered the halls, getting more and more hopelessly lost. Fed up, she hollered out, "Doctor? Doctor! ...Oi, Space-man! You should install a map in here or something. It's like labyrinth in here." Still, she got no answer from her wayward pilot. There was, however, a sound of something shifting and moving. Curious, she followed the sound and peek around the corridor.
Before her very eyes, the hallways shifted and moved until they became one straight hallway. If she listened, Donna could hear the sound of music playing loudly down the newly created hallway. "Well that explains some things. Shifting hallways, it's as bad as Hogwarts castle in here. No wonder why there aren't any maps in here. They wouldn't be of any use!"
Now confident of her destination, Donna jogged down the hallway to the console room. She found the Doctor underneath the console, tinkering away to some loud music that was blaring. She could spot his trainer-clad feet waving side to side in time with the tune. His voice was cheerfully joining in chorus, "We can go when we want to. The night is young and so am I. And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet, and surprise 'em with the victory cry-"
"-Doctor," Donna interrupted, trying to gain his attention.
The Doctor didn't hear her. "Say, we can act if we want to. If we don't, nobody will. And you can act real rude and totally removed. And I can act like an imbecile-"
"-Oi, Space-man!"
He jumped, knocking his head and letting out a loud groan, curling up slightly, "Ow! That hurt!" Scooting out from under the control panel and flicking a button that turned off the music, he peered up at her, "Alright there, Donna?"
"I could ask you the same thing! Didn't hit your head too hard, did you?" She asked bending down slightly.
"Nah," he waved her concern off. "It's fine."
"Yeah, I suppose. You're a bit thick sometimes, it would take a tad more than that, wouldn't it?"
"Hey, I'm not that bad...usually."
"Ha, right, Space-man. Anyway, what do you make of this?" Donna handed him the book she found in the library, watching his reaction closely, more than ready to jokingly ask him for that autograph. The Doctor wiped out his glasses and slipped them on, peering at the book. Eyebrows raised, he flipped it over to read that back.
Rather abruptly, the slightly amused expression he had been wearing froze and slipped from his face completely. Hurriedly, he checked the publisher information as he scrambled to his feet. "Donna, this is very important. I need you to tell me how you found this book."
"I didn't find it, it found me! I was in the library, looking for something to read in the science fiction section when that fell from a shelf." Donna shrugged.
"For no reason?" He persisted, eyes gazing at her intently, eyes alternating between glancing at the book, the console he was fiddling with, and her.
"None that I could see. Also, you need to get a map. If the TARDIS hadn't rearranged the hallways, it would've taken me ages longer to get here. It's a bloody maze in there."
"The TARDIS rearranging the hallways? A book about my past randomly falling from a shelf? ...And now a random date close to the one in the book already set up for us to go to," the Doctor mused out loud. "I think the Old Girl is trying to tell us something."
"A brilliant deduction, Sherlock," Donna said flatly.
"Why, thank you, Watson," the Doctor volleyed back. "Allonse-y!"
"So you're saying that this book isn't supposed to exist?" Donna asked.
"Nope!" The Doctor answered airily.
"And you're saying if we don't find out who's publishing these books, it could endanger the timelines?"
"Yep," he answered, popping the 'p.'
"...And you're just going to hack into the US records for the author, find out their address, and go investigate this person before removing all records of these books online?"
"Yep, the books are only online so far in May 2009 where we're headed. This book that you found doesn't get published until a year and two months later in July. I'm going to put this virus," he waved a cd between his thumb and forefinger, drawing attention to it. "In a computer as soon as we step outside, and it will remove all records of me everywhere."
Donna chewed on that for a bit as the Doctor continued to type away. "Alright, alright...that's fine and all, but won't that, oh, I don't know, mess up your timelines still?"
"What do you mean?" He finally looked up at her.
"Well, if you erase it, it won't have existed, so we'd have never found out about it. Then it wouldn't have been published as a book, and I wouldn't be able to tell you then. And-"
"Whoa there, Donna, that's an easy fix," the Doctor assured her.
"How do you mean?"
"I go get a book made to look exactly like this," the Doctor waved the book side to side, continuing, "And then put it in the TARDIS library. I think I got a Duplicator Ray Gun somewhere… What? What's that look for?"
"A Duplicator Ray Gun?" Donna asked in disbelief.
"I didn't come up with the name," he defended himself. "The DRG is still pretty brilliant, no need to knock it."
"You know what? Forget it. So who's the author and where does he or she live? Also, what are we going to do about 'em?"
"The author is Penelope Elaine Carter, ooh, I like that, Penelope Elaine Carter. Kind of rolls off the tongue doesn't it?" At Donna's look, he cleared his throat, "Right, well, I don't really know what we're going to do yet, Donna, but this needs to stop, regardless. Anyway, according to this, Penelope Elaine Carter lives in...Oh."
"Oh? Oh, what?" Donna asked, alarmed. "She's not dead is she?"
"What? No! It's just that, well…"
"Well, what? Just spit it out!"
"She lives at Fergus Falls Community Behavioral Health Hospital."
"Meaning?"
"Penelope Elaine Carter is in a mental institution."
"Oh."
"Hello, I'm the Doctor!" Said Doctor pleasantly greeted the reception desk, only to get a flat look from the lady manning it and suspicious glances from a nurse that was off-duty.
"The Doctor?" She asked carefully, finger discreetly hovering over the panic button.
Quickly realizing his mistake, the Doctor continued, "Yes, the one who came all the way across the pond to see one Penelope Elaine Carter. I'm Dr. Smith, the new psychiatrist that she was transferred to. I work for the Cygnet Hospital Harrogate in Yorkshire. We specialize with cases like Penelope's, and it is to both her benefit and ours that we've come here to help."
The suspicious looks died away and the nurse manning the desk was a bit more forthcoming. "Oh, I see. In that case, please let me see your credentials and transfer documentation."
Internally sighing in relief, the Doctor handed over the forged documentation to the woman before looking at Donna with both eyebrows raised and a relieved grin. Donna returned the grin with a smile of her own, before looking back at the nurse behind the desk. "Chief Physician Smith, everything seems to be in order. I'm sure you'll want to meet with our Chief Physician, Dr. Kowalski, and Penny's current psychiatrist, Dr. Dogers, before bringing her with you back to England."
"That would be brilliant. Also, my assistant, Miss Noble here, would like to have all of Penelope's files on her case, to help decide the best courses of action and treatments necessary," the Doctor added, giving a meaningful look to Donna that basically told her to just go snoop around and maybe find Penelope.
"This way, Dr. Smith," the nurse, who had been leaning against the wall before, beckoned.
"Follow me, Miss Noble, to the file rooms. They aren't too far away, so I can leave the desk for a bit just to show you where they are. The files are sorted alphabetically by last name…" The woman's voice faded away as the Doctor followed his escort down the hallway to Chief Physician Kowalski's office. Hopefully, he could bluff his way through the whole thing and find out just what Penelope Elaine Carter knew and, more importantly, how she knew exactly.
The Doctor had his theories, but for everyone's sake, he hoped he was wrong. The world didn't need another psychic that was as accurate as this one was, down to the last word even! Penelope could be dangerous in the wrong hands, he couldn't leave her here. She was bound to the catch the attention of UNIT or Torchwood the moment she started publishing books out in print. And with how much she knew, it would be not good. It would be very not good, indeed.
"Come in," a man said after the door to his office was knocked. They entered, the Doctor not too far behind the nurse. "Yes? Who's this?"
"Dr. Kowalski, sir, this is the Chief Physician of a hospital in, uh, Yorkshire, England. His name is Dr. Smith. He's here in regards to a transfer of one of our patients."
"Oh, well then, come in, come in, have a seat, Dr. Smith," Dr. Kowalski beckoned. The Doctor took a seat in one of the chairs in front of the man, casually looking around the office. The nurse excused herself, presumably to go get Dr. Dogers. "So you're here to transfer one of our patients is that right?"
The Doctor had to suppress a groan, he wasn't one for small talk, but this meeting required precision; he had to be careful, delicate, and very, very lucky. "One Penelope Elaine Carter is going to be transferred to our facilities at the Cygnet Hospital Harrogate in Yorkshire. She has gained our interest as a case study in schizophrenia, as we are a researched-based facility and are hoping to learn more about the mental disorder."
"But why go overseas? I'm sure there are plenty of patients in England who are just as good of a case study as Penny," Kowalski threw out, trying to play the Devil's Advocate. The Doctor only saw it as a poor vie at a power-play, the chief Physician didn't really care whether or not Penelope got transferred in the end, not really, unless it came as a disadvantage to his hospital, which was part of the reason for his question. What would his hospital lose that some other hospital in Europe would gain?
The Doctor wanted to be disgusted or upset, but in the end, he couldn't blame Kowalski for this mindset. There must've been over a hundred patients in this particular hospital and not all of them stayed very long. This man most likely will never meet over three fifths of the patients and probably only remember a handful of them. It didn't really pay to remember each one of those people as a person. That wasn't Kowalski's job as Chief Physician, rather is was how to keep this hospital running at optimum strength. He was the perfect business man.
The Doctor carefully considered the question while maintaining an outward appearance of ease. "True, but Penelope has complete dependence on the government. According to her files, she has no known family and is considered to be a long-term, possibly for life, patient. She fits our criteria perfectly, as we've been looking for a case that we can observe for the long-run. Also, her case already has a solid base to start with, six years worth of data! She would be a great asset in helping us find new possibilities in terms of treatment."
Kowalski's carefully veiled expression told the Doctor all he need to know that he had won the man over. Long-term patients were usually the bane of hospitals if they were dependent on the government. It was much harder to bill the government than it was families or guardians. In the end, it would benefit Kowalski more to open up a space in his hospital, since if he was able to commit more patients, he might get more income. This was not including the favor this hospital in Europe would owe him.
Kowalski finally nodded, "I accept the transfer request. We only need to have Dr. Dogers's input on the matter and his thoughts, but I'm sure he'll agree. And, if not, a good explanation and reasoning that we hopefully can come to a compromise with."
"Sir?" A deep voice came behind the Doctor, and he turned, expect anything but the twitchy, waif of a man behind him. "You wanted to see me about Penny?"
"Dr. Dogers, yes, I did. More specifically, I wanted to see you about her transfer to Cygnet Hospital in Yorkshire."
"Yes, the Cygnet Hospital Harrogate would like to have Penelope be admitted to their research program in terms of new treatment," the Doctor said, not so mildly correcting Kowalski.
Dr. Dogers frowned, "Why was I not informed sooner? When do you plan to take her with you?"
"Today, if possible. You see, we also have other patients that are also being transferred into our care, and we want them to have time to meet and get to know each other, since this is going to be a mixture of group and individual therapy," the Doctor fibbed smoothly, knowing that this doctor would be the hardest to convince, since this one seemed to have formed a bond of some sort with Penelope.
"Today? Penny has no warning of this at all, she doesn't do well with change," Dogers exclaimed, aghast.
"She hasn't had a change of environment since she had been admitted into this hospital," the Doctor pointed out drily. "And surely you can't be referring to small changes in routine?"
"No, but-"
"-Dr. Dogers, Penelope has been here for close to four years now, with little to no signs of improvement," Kowalski interrupted. "It would be to her benefit if she had a change in therapy, she might actually improve."
"She also might regress," Dogers stubbornly refuted. "Sir, this is so sudden and with no warning. Why haven't we been informed sooner? This man comes from nowhere, claiming to be part of a program that transfers patients from hospitals on one side of the planet to other. I'm a little skeptical."
Trouble was starting to brew, the Doctor could feel it. He had to stop this line of thought before it got any further, now. "Actually, it has been discussed before. If only in terms of paperwork."
"What?" Both men asked, turning to face the Doctor.
"Chief Physician Kowalski, you've signed this transfer request yourself close to half a year ago, see?" The Doctor pulled out a replicated form that he printed out and forged the signature of Dr. Kowalski that he found by hacking into the hospital's data banks. Kowalski wouldn't be able to tell the difference between his signature and the Doctor's forged one.
The man looked slightly embarrassed, obviously not a remembering an event that had never happened in the first place, but unwilling to admit that he didn't recall signing a document that turned out to be very important. With Kowalski's silence, the Doctor knew he had won the right to take Penny with him. The chief physician obviously signed many documents before that had requested transfers, he just didn't remember who the patients were or where they were going, often being unable to remember the exact details by the end of the day, let alone six months later.
'Got you,' he sing-songed mentally, hiding a grin behind a faux confused look. "Don't tell me you forgot such a crucial matter, Dr. Kowalski."
"Oh, it must've slipped my mind between all the other forms I've signed, my apologies, Dr. Smith," Dr. Kowalski said, fretting over the Doctor's response. He turned to Dr. Dogers, "Through no fault of Dr. Smith's, I've neglected to tell you about the upcoming transfer. You will excuse this slight inconvenience, right, Dogers?"
The slighter man looked like he wanted dearly to protest, but knew in the end that his opinion didn't matter at all and that nothing he could say would change anything. "Yes, sir."
"Good, good, then show Dr. Smith to his new patient and inform Penny of the news of her transfer. Have a good day gentlemen, and I hope you'll remain in contact, Dr. Smith." Kowalski reached out to shake the Doctor's hand.
"Yes, likewise," the Doctor said, grinning and not quite specifying which part of the statement he was agreeing to.
The Doctor had been hoping that Dr. Dogers would at least try to be civil about the whole thing, but the man took it upon himself to pretend that the Doctor didn't even exist. 'Fair enough,' the Time Lord thought. 'I'm taking away your patient, leaving you with little chance to say goodbye.' Still, the man could've been a bit more professional about the whole thing.
While they were walking down the halls, the Doctor noticed someone up ahead, a girl who couldn't have been older than her teens was looking at them with something akin to fear. He felt a stab of pity for her, obviously a patient in this hospital with those clothes and heavily drugged with some sort of antipsychotic drug, if her posture and appearance were any indicators. The Doctor didn't like having anyone look at him so fearfully, let alone someone who he had never met before.
"Hello," he greeted kindly with a smile and a wave, hoping to both diffuse the fear in her eyes and make Dogers finally acknowledge his existence, if only to snap at him.
His actions only seemed to scare her even more, for she started screaming in terror, "You-You don't exist, le-leave me alone! Go away, go away, go away!"
"Penny!" Dr. Dogers said in shock. "It's me, Dogers, your psychiatrist, don't you recognize me?"
Her eyes briefly moved slightly to the side, fixing on the man, before moving back to their original position. The Doctor realized, with a start, that the girl had been looking at him, personally, the whole time and she was the Penelope he was looking for.
"St-Stop, not one st-step closer! I won't l-let you torment me any-anymore, you ap-p-parition! Th-They said you d-don't exist, s-so get! Leave this in-instance!" She pointed a shaking finger out in a random direction, trying to put on a brave front in the face of her fear.
"Oh, Penny," Dogers sighed, "I didn't realize that it had gotten this bad for you. This man next to me is, in fact, real. His name is Dr. Smith, he's here to-"
"D-Don't believe h-him, it's j-just an alias! His-His real name is the-the-the Doctor, just the Doctor! N-Not John Smith or Dr. John Sm-Smith, just the Doctor!" Penny admonished, eyes oscillating between the two of them. "And-And even then, tha-that's just his T-Time Lord title!"
The Doctor froze. No, there was no way that she could know his true name, could there? The look in her eyes, though, she had seen his momentary look of panic and hope started to fill them. She open her mouth to say something, and right then, the Doctor knew that he couldn't risk it. "Penelope Elaine Carter," he intoned, his voice thick and deep. "I am real, and I do exist. I also don't appreciate you saying things that you have no right to say."
The girl trembled under the weight of his words, unable to talk any longer. Instead, she did the only thing she could do, run. The Doctor was quick to chase after her, unwilling to let her get away so easily.
The last thing I had been expecting while walking away from the chapel was the face of someone that I had been assured repeatedly was merely a delusion of mine. That the person whose actor had never existed here or any of his incarnations' actors ever existed. A person who was merely a work of fiction of my creation. Someone who shouldn't exist, at all, and was walking next to my psychiatrist towards my direction.
I think I was justified in freaking out, if only just a little.
The must-be-hallucination noticed me first. "Hello," he said charmingly, and why wouldn't he? He was a hallucination, they're probably all charming, aren't they? I wouldn't know, this was the first one that I had experienced that was interfering with my real life, was actually talking to me specifically, and was humanoid. He waved at me with a smile and Dr. Dogers didn't even seem to notice him, not even when he got close to clipping Dogers in the face. So I did what any sane (well, metaphorically speaking) person would do.
I screamed.
I screamed him that he wasn't real and that he needed to leave immediately. I was dismayed that Dr. Dogers was so quick to defend him, though. Didn't he see that the Doctor wasn't real and needed to leave immediately? Didn't he realise that just because the Doctor used alias that sounded real and legit, it didn't make him real? I tried to warn Dogers, really, I did, but he just didn't understand, he didn't believe.
I was on my own, I had to get the Doctor away, he couldn't stay. I almost felt for him, since he was always alone, with so many others leaving or dying, but he couldn't stay here with me. He wasn't even the right Doctor! Maybe this was a sign that I had to hurry up and finish up writing about him. I only had written six out of the fifty-six episodes I knew about, though! I would snap before then, if I hadn't snapped now.
Wait! There, right there, he had recoiled when I said something about his real name! I didn't actually know it, no one did except for a select few. Maybe I could bluff and scare him away. Maybe once I did that, the delusions and visions wouldn't torment me anymore. Maybe I'll finally feel normal again! It was worth a try.
I opened my mouth to say something, but the apparition of the tenth Doctor beat me to the punch. "Penelope Elaine Carter," he said, his voice deep and compelling, freezing the words in my throat, choking on them.
"I am real, and I do exist."
I believed him.
"I also don't appreciate you saying things you have no right to say."
And, oh, how I feared him.
Donna's day was just getting stranger and stranger. First, there was a woman in a mental institution who somehow was intimate with the knowledge of the Doctor's past, down to the exact dialogue, even. Then, there was the woman's file. Apparently, 'Penelope Elaine Carter' was under the impression that she was from the year 2013 and continued to believe that the actual date was ten years in the future. She also had fearsome delusions and hallucinations about "imaginary" monsters.
Some of them, to Donna's dismay, actually sounded familiar, meaning that Penelope wasn't crazy at all, but was actually ripped from her time and stuck in her own past. The Doctor needed to see this file immediately, but he was in that meeting… So, Donna decided to go see the unfortunate woman and tell her the truth. There was only one problem with that idea.
Donna had no clue where Penelope's room was.
Nowhere in the file did it list her room number, and Donna forgot exactly which hallway the nurse led her down earlier. However, she wasn't going just stand there and do nothing. The Doctor said to go investigate and that was exactly what she was going to do. Besides, maybe she would get lucky and find someone to help locate the woman's room.
Donna straightened her suit top and confidently strode out of the file room, holding Penelope's files in one arm. The best way to get around anywhere, as Donna learned from the Doctor, was to act as if you belonged.
I ran away from him. It was all I could do, run. Always running, never able to stay still and look behind me, for there lay madness. All I remembered from my past were lies and delusions, I couldn't remember what was real and what wasn't. In my state of mind, they were one and the same. The only things I could trust to be true were my Faith and my love of running.
I ran, because I was made for running, because when you run, you could be anyone. You hone yourself into a body, nothing more, nothing less, than that body. You respond as a body to a body. If I am racing to win, I have no thoughts but the body's thoughts, no goals but the body's goals. I obliterate myself, my sense of myself, in the name of speed. I negate myself to pass that finish line, whatever line that may be.
And if it's the finish line of sanity, of me, then so be it, if it makes me acceptable to those I care for.
But even now, though, the joy of running is dissipating, it's losing the magic it once held for me. So, I stopped running. Not immediately, because you can never just simply stop running, but rather, I do it less and less, hoping if it became something rare, a treat for me, I would be able to retain that joy.
I was wrong, the joy didn't stay.
And I worried that my Faith would be next, that I would lose the joy in that too. So, I finally gave up running, it was competition for my joy, so I decided to cease. My writing and my meditating became my life, hoping that it would bring me answers, some solace from this nightmare. It was working, I thought, it was helping, the visions weren't too hard to manage now, I could feel when they were coming. I could force myself to continue functioning as if nothing happened except just me being caught up in my thoughts or simply day dreaming again, just like my perceived 'old times.'
They were more frequent though, more common, since I had less to distract me. Dr. Dogers caught me reciting numbers and formulas more and more, muttering to myself about nonsense constantly. I lied to him, saying that reciting numbers of pi or math formulas calmed me down, that I was just thinking of ideas for my stories, passed it off as normal. Once again, my life was turning out to be one, big lie.
I felt trapped, but not so more trapped as I felt now.
My first thought was heading back to the chapel, finding some place to hide in there, but I had already passed the chapel some time back, as it was so close to where I encountered him. Besides, the altar was made of stone and the back of it was part of the wall, also there were only five pews. No places to hide in that chapel and locking the door would do nothing. I only had my speed, wits, and knowledge of the place around me.
And, apparently, negligent janitors.
There, in the hallway I just turned into, was a janitor's cart, a cleaning trolley, abandoned on the side of the corridor. Not missing a beat, I gripped the side of it with my hand and vaulted myself into the large, yellow, vinyl cleaning bag. I pulled the lid shut and buried myself underneath the wet, brown paper towels that people used to wash their hands in bathrooms. Fearfully, I listened for my pursuer.
I could hear the slaps of his converse hitting the floor as he turned into the hallway and raced past me. I heard him skid to a stop as he decided which direction to take after he reached the end of the hall. I held my breath until I could, once again, hear him running, apparently choosing a direction to go. Still, I waited and was rewarded with hearing my psychiatrist, Dr. Dogers, run past too, huffing and puffing in hot pursuit. Sure that it was safe for the moment, I opened the lid, cautiously peeking out of my hiding place and sighed in relief.
"Hey!" A voice barked.
Heart in my throat, I whipped my head around to see the missing janitor walking towards my direction. But that wasn't what scared me, behind him was a red-headed woman who couldn't have been anyone else but the tenth Doctor's best companion, Donna Noble. Quickly, I shoved my weight against the side of the trolley, tipping it over onto the floor, and fled the scene, apologizing for the mess under my breath.
Where could she have gone? The Doctor wondered as he ran through the hallways. He had been right behind her and slowly gaining, but the moment she turned into a different hallway, he lost her. Oh, she was good, the Doctor would give her that. And she could leg it like no tomorrow, but if she hadn't disappeared like she had, the Doctor would've caught her.
But now he lost her and had no idea where she could possibly be.
The Doctor came to a stop, breathing hard, upset at the turn of events. He stood there, cursing, as Dr. Dogers came up behind him, panting hard from the exertion. "Wha-What…were…you…thinking?! Penny is in…no state…of mind to…be chased…around like…that," he scolded between large gulps of air.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," the Doctor apologized. "But she thought I was a delusion, a figment of her imagination. Her case is worse than I imagined…How could you have let it get this far?" The last part the Doctor had directed at himself, but Dr. Dogers assumed that the Time Lord had meant him.
"I-I didn't realize…I believed her when…I caught her mumbling…nonsense and complex…theorems and long strings…of-of numbers…She-she told me it… it was a way to calm herself…To keep things straight…Penny is guileless, like a…a child. She can't…lie, not really."
"Ever heard of 'half-truths?'" The Doctor drily directed at the man standing beside him.
Dr. Dogers sighed, "This is beyond me now…I don't think I can help her…anymore. Maybe it is time for…for her to move on and…and go with you, Dr. Smith…Maybe you can help where…where I cannot."
"Maybe," the Doctor agreed, looking away from the saddened old man beside him. "But I've lost her, I don't know where she could've gone."
Dr. Dogers gave a sad little smile, "Then it's a good thing I do…Come on."
'How strange,' Donna thought, 'Are all the patients like that? She looked so scared. Are they being mistreated or something?' Donna's eyes narrowed in suspicion. She had heard some of the horror stories of how mentally disturbed patients were treated in the past, but she had thought that everyone had moved beyond acting like they were from the Dark Ages.
'Apparently not, though…'
Donna opened her mouth to scold the janitor for not telling someone if the patients were being abused, but said janitor beat her to the punch. "You were looking for Penny, right? Well, that was her. It's kind of odd, though, she doesn't always look that twitchy or scared. Something must've spooked her, she's never done this before, knocking over carts without reason after hiding in them of all things."
"What do you mean, 'twitchy?'" Donna asked sharply.
"The girl's deluded, paranoid about her own monsters she writes about, and it hasn't helped with all the news reports about monsters in Britain, which, no offense, sounds like a bunch of baloney to me."
"…None taken," Donna said absent-mindedly. She must've misread the whole situation, but even still, if she saw one, tiny hint of anything untoward happening to any one of the patients, she was calling the cops. "Which way was Penelope's room again?"
It was dark and quiet under my bed as I prayed to myself, trying to soothe the fear I felt. "In-Increase my Faith, deepen my c-commitment to do wh-what is right," I breathed. "H-Help me to forget self, by keeping my mind and eyes on…on You, I may have that…that perfect love that c-casts out all fear."
I shuddered, jittery from the adrenalin, and moved myself deeper into the shadows of my little twin bed, hoping that it was enough to hide me. I was tired, so very tired, I wondered if I could just fall asleep under there, but still, I knew that sleep would be impossible with all my nervous energy. "The-The Lord is my sh-shepherd, there's n-nothing I shall want," I mumbled under my breath.
Footsteps could be heard outside my door and voices, I tensed, huddling further underneath my bed, deeper into the shadows, pressed against the wall. 'Fresh and green are the pastures of faithfulness and truth,' I continued silently. 'Near the restful waters He leads me, to revive my drooping spirit.'
The door to my room opened and in stepped Dr. Dogers and the Doctor-no, the apparition. Of course, an apparition would claim it was real, wouldn't it? And in they walked, the apparition said, "She's not here, are you sure she would go to her own bedroom? I'm sure there are more, I don't know, less obvious places a person could hide would be? She can't be that predictable…"
'Spot on,' I thought, 'On both counts.' It was true, I was that predictable, but I also knew the less obvious places to hide…like under the bed.
"You would be surprised, Dr. Smith. Just wait here, I'll go to the chapel. It's the only other place that she would go to for a sense of security…" Dr. Dogers left and the apparition sighed, closing the door behind my psychiatrist.
The apparition began to walk towards my bed and I panicked, praying, 'If ever I shall walk in the valley of darkness, no evil shall I fear…'
It stopped not four feet from me, and I closed my eyes, scared, 'He guides me with the crook of His staff, of whom shall I fear?'
"Well, what do we have here?" It said, and my eyes flew open, expecting to see the apparition looking back at me. Instead, it was farther away from me on the other side of the room, presumably looking at my sketches that I taped to the wall. My guess was proven correct when I heard the sound of tape being peeled off the wall and paper being crinkled slightly. The sound repeated several times and I realized he was taking them down from the wall. Upset, I bit my tongue, half-wanting to say something, but knowing that it would be better if I didn't.
"These schematics are exact, how did she…?" Its voice trailed away and suddenly it stormed over to my desk, riffling through my things. Indignant, I had to clench my teeth shut to keep quiet and focus on not grinding them, since doing that ruins teeth. "This doesn't make any sense, is she a future companion? But that still doesn't explain how she knows all of this…!" It unexpectedly cleared off my desk, sending my papers, books, journals, and supplies to the floor. One of my small paint containers fell to the floor near the bed, splattering my face with blue paint. I jumped at the unexpected move and cacophony of sound, the small noise I made was covered up by the others.
"How is this possible…?" It asked rhetorically, pacing around the room. I watched its feet, having no other choice at the moment, as it continued to mutter to itself. Long minutes passed as it made no change to its habit other than switching the direction it paced occasionally. Finally confident that I was secure in my hiding place for a while, I closed my eyes, intent on doing the Divine Mercy, hoping that praying would calm my nerves and deliver me from this situation.
'In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit…'
When Donna opened the door to Penny's perceived room, she didn't expect to see the mess inside. "Doctor!" She exclaimed, stunned. "What's all this for, then?"
"Oh, Donna, you're here, brilliant!" He whipped around with a grin on his face, "Do you have her files? I need to examine them."
"Well, yeah, I do, but what's all of this-this mess for? Did you get into a row with someone or something?"
"Nah, I just got a bit…frustrated."
"And so, like a child having a fit, you threw everything on the floor," Donna sighed, shaking her head.
"Not all of it," the Doctor defended weakly as he took the files from his companion. "Just…most of it, besides, I'll clean it up later once we erase all of the evidence."
"Erase all the evidence? Evidence of what?"
"My existence, Donna, I can't have people knowing about my past, even if it's mostly perceived as fiction. It's not just me who would be in danger, but everyone I've come in contact with mentioned in Penelope's stories. Not to mention, once UNIT catches wind of this, and I imagine they have, they will swoop in, kidnap our little friend, and take any scrap of information she knows by use of any and all means…not all of them nice." The Doctor answered seriously, morosely, as he started to leaf through the file, eyes flying across the pages.
"We can't leave her to that, then," she exclaimed, alarmed.
"I don't plan to," he said, eyes finally looking up at her, finished reading. "I can't possibly leave someone who has somehow managed to survive going through the void completely unprotected and without any technology whatsoever. Not to mention all the impossible information she has."
"But Doctor, it's just-"
"No, Donna, it's not just information on me. She knows things that nothing but Time-Aware species would know, complex mathematical formulas and knowledge."
"So?"
"So, she should be dead. Her mind should've burned out, overloaded with all that information, and, according to these x-rays, it almost did." The Doctor displayed them in front of Donna, who had saw them earlier but didn't understand the significance then. "But somehow, her brain was able to make it recede from her conscious mind into her subconscious. It's brilliant, beautiful, even…" He gazed off into space, voice trailing off in thought.
"Doctor, Earth to Doctor," Donna intoned. "Wake up, Space-man! This is no time to be fantasizing about her mind! What we need to worry about is if she's alright or if her mind will blow up any second!"
"Who said anything about her mind blowing up?"
"You did, Dumbo!"
"No, I said that it would burn up, not blow up!"
"I don't think it really matters in the end if she's dead, Doctor."
"Hmm, point taken," he conceded. "But the thing is, if her mind was going to burn up, she would be dead by now. I can't be sure until I do some scans, because the medication they've given her might only be keeping it at bay."
"Medication?"
"Yes, neuroleptics, they're meant to calm her down, reduce her symptoms," the Doctor said flippantly. "But we can worry about that later, we've got to find Penny first and get her to the TARDIS."
"And you thought the best way to do that was to lurk in her room, prowling about like a lion on the hunt for some zebra?" Donna crossed her arms, unimpressed.
"Am not!" The Doctor protested, "I am not lurking or prowling, I'm just waiting in the most likely place that she'll return to, according to Dr. Dogers, her psychiatrist."
"And where is he?"
"In the second most likely place, the chapel."
"Do you really believe that?"
"Not at first, no, but after having a peek at her files, yes, I do now."
"And why is that, Space-man?" Donna asked, arms still crossed and weight shifted onto one hip, looking very much like a mother waiting for her son's excuses to why he didn't do his chores.
"She's been reduced to the mentality of a child. She thinks like a child and acts like one. My guess is that it's a coping mechanism to keep whatever sanity she has left, since she's been told that the 'real' Penelope Elaine Carter is ten years her junior. Even though they both are Penelope, just ten years in the past for one and in the present for the other. Right now, we're dealing with a child."
"A child," Donna repeated flatly.
"Yes, a child," the Doctor confirmed.
"Doctor, do you know what children do when they get scared? They hide. Penelope hid, and she did it right under your nose!"
"What?" The Doctor asked, startled at the turn of events.
"Didn't you, Sweetheart?" Donna asked, her voice taking on a more sympathetic tone, as she got on her knees and looked under the bed.
"What?" The Doctor quickly joined Donna and also looked under the bed, taking out his sonic screwdriver to provide some light. Startled and fearful brown eyes peered back him. "What?!"
I cringed, there wasn't much else I could do in the limited space under the bed. Somehow, the hallucination of Donna Noble found out exactly where I was, but I didn't find it too surprising then. They were a part of my mind, devoted only to terrorizing me and tormenting me, of course they wouldn't leave me in peace for long. I wanted to cry, to scream, to run, all at the same time, but instead, I let out a choked whimper and pressed myself against the wall farther.
"Oh, Sweetheart, we're not here to harm you, I swear, only to help. Everything you've written about, it's all true, all of it! You don't deserve to be locked up here, you're not crazy. Come on out, so we can help you," she cajoled.
I tried to ignore her, mumbling another decade of the Divine Mercy, "...F-For the sake of His s-sorrowful passion, have m-mercy on us and-and on the whole world. For the s-sake of His sorrowful p-passion, have m-mercy on us and-and on the whole world. For the-the sake of His…"
The light of the sonic screwdriver that belonged to the apparition of the Doctor turned off, and he crawled out from his spot partially underneath my bed. The hallucination of Donna Noble followed.
"Donna, do you think you can coax her out, or do you want me to try? I'd rather she come with us of her own will, but if I have to, I will take her out of here by other means," he sounded resigned.
"And what's that supposed to mean? Are you suggesting that you're going to drag her out of here kicking and screaming?" She sounded appalled by the idea.
"No!" He hastily denied loudly. A brief pause followed where he presumably calmed himself down before he repeated in a quieter tone, "No, not like that. I would rather...not, but if it becomes necessary, I'll put her in a light hypnotic trance, she'll listen to my...suggestions and follow us without a word."
There was a pregnant pause before Donna spoke, voice low and serious, "Doctor, what is it you're not telling me? Be straight with me, Space-man." The nickname seemed almost like a warning, a threat.
He sighed, "When I was younger, I used hypnotisms all the time, carelessly, without regard to the one being hypnotized, as did most of my people. I realized...I learned over time that it would be far better if I didn't, at least, not like I used to. I'm old, Donna, older than I used to be, my mind is much more powerful at the age. The human mind, in comparison to a Time Lord's, is much weaker, more delicate. The type of hypnotic trance I would need to put Penny in, if Penny isn't willing, could be scary and majorly unpleasant."
"But I was hypnotized before, and it wasn't that bad."
"That's because another human was hypnotizing you, for it to work, it must be consensual when they do it and the person being hypnotized must be completely relaxed. When a Time Lord does it...when I do it, it doesn't matter. Nothing a human can do can break the trance, not really. They could convince me to break it by making it miserable for me to do it, but it's only by my will that it's broken. The person is trapped in their own minds, Donna, this is the type of trance that I'll be forced to use on her."
She was silent for a long time, but finally, she said, "Then I better try to convince her then. I would rather you not, but...I think we're losing her anyway, Doctor. Her eyes, they don't...focus on me directly, like they're looking through me. She's suffering more by staying here, being told her life is a lie, being here for six years, completely sane but being told that she's not…it must be maddening. It would be better if you didn't have to, but if I can't convince her…" She swallowed, "Be gentle with her, Space-man. Don't hurt her or you'll have to answer to me. I'd never forgive you or...or myself."
He stepped closer, possibly putting a hand on her shoulder. "Only if necessary," he promised.
"Only if necessary," she repeated faintly.
The Doctor was uneasy with his promise. He wasn't joking or mucking about when he said that the experience would be scary and unpleasant for Penny, but he wasn't being completely honest either. The type of hypnosis he was going to do, was basically the broadcasting of his will unto others, oppressive and complete, his will unto theirs. He would have almost complete and utter control over Penny, like a puppeteer in control of her strings. The idea made him feel dirty.
In the past, he didn't mind as much, younger and arrogant and ignorant. He had learned from his people, used to telepathic mind-touches constantly. It was used as a way of greeting someone back on Gallifrey, it was so common, so everyday, normal. He was far from the best or the strongest when it came to matters of the mind, that was the Master's forte, but the Doctor most certainly wasn't the weakest. He was no lightweight in Time Lord Society, and compared to humans, he was a monster, a behemoth, capable of crushing their simple minds without too much effort on his part, if he really, truly wanted to.
As he got older, the Doctor found it less and less necessary to use hypnosis to get around guards or staff, as psychic paper worked just as well. In fact, after the Time War, he only used hypnosis once and refused to touch another being's mind, refused to share something so intimate with another, until he met Madame de Pompadour. Oh, she was a special one, her mind so open and accepting. He never found another quite like it, and he never had another being be able to enter his mind so easily, not without help or prompting. The Doctor wouldn't admit it, but there was a special place in one of his hearts reserved just for her, a place desperate for his other companions or loves, like Rose Tyler or Sarah Jane Smith, because none of them could compare! Not one of them…
Surface touches, like hypnotism, was all he did now, putting people into the lowest possible trance, usually when telling them to trust him, making eye and physical contact and changing the pitch of his voice was all that was normally needed. This time, however, the Doctor knew that a deeper trance was required, that he would need to impose his will upon her, control her. Sometimes, he disgusted himself, but it was necessary. Maybe he could make it so she really was in a trance, numb the fear, just until she was in the TARDIS and they had taken off. Then she could automatically snap out of it, her obligation to his will complete.
Yes, that would be best, that way she wouldn't be too aware of what was happening around her, less fear but maybe a bit more confusion. He could work with that, pacify her with an explanation that he would come up with once he got to that point. Besides, even Donna said herself that Penelope was a bit out of it, it wouldn't be too much different, not really…
He hoped that Donna could convince Penelope to join them.
Donna sighed, she thought that she had gotten through to Penny when the girl didn't immediately withdraw when she placed a hand on Penelope's arm. It turned out that the only reason this was, because Penelope had no more room to withdraw. The Doctor had picked up everything off the floor and placed them in his bigger-on-the-inside pockets, Donna was out of time. Penelope would not be swayed this way.
"Right, well, grab an end," he said.
"What?" Donna asked, startled.
"This will need eye contact to be effective. We need to be able to see each other's eyes, so the bed must be moved," the Doctor explained grimly, business-like. Donna wisely didn't comment but, instead, assisted him in the task. The girl looked at them, brown eyes wide in terror, as her hiding place was rendered useless and was taken. Donna felt her heart break just a little more for the younger woman.
"It's okay, it's okay, just look at me. Look at me," the Doctor coaxed, voice soft and imploring. "Look at me, Penelope Elaine Carter. When you've thought of me before, when you've imagined me, pictured me in your mind, never have I been this detailed, have I? Maybe a bit fuzzy, perhaps a bit blurry? I'm really here, and you know it, you're just too scared to believe, aren't you?" The girl shook her head furiously left and right, refusing to look at him, in denial, afraid that he might be right.
"Yes, you are, because you know it, you fear it. You're scared that I am real, because then, if I, who once was fiction, became true, reality, then what else is real and what is false? It's terrifying, isn't it? You're staring into the chasm of madness, on the edge, the tip, about to fall over." Penny's head tentatively angled towards the Doctor, eyes still adverted.
"But answer me this, Penelope, what are you going to do? Hide? I'm not going away, regardless, if I'm real or not, I'm not leaving. You know this, you know it. What happened to the woman, the girl from before who was vehemently denying my existence, eh? The girl who looked me in the eyes, trembling, and told me to leave, to leave and never return, where is she? Eh? Where did she go, because let me tell you, she scared me. She looked me in the eyes, even though she was so afraid and told me, no, ordered me to leave, where did she go?" Finally, Penny looked at him, not in the eyes but at him, listening closely.
"Because I was intimidated by that woman, but I admired her too, that wonderful, brilliant woman who stood up to her own fears. You're afraid now, I realize that, but can you be strong and look at me? Yes, like that, look into my eyes… I see you, Penelope Elaine Carter of Underwood, and I need you to trust me."
Donna wasn't even the person who the words were directed at, and she still felt their draw, the underlying power within them, and the power that seemed to hang in the air after their passing. She tried to give herself a good shake but found that she still could not turn away from the scene. The Doctor hadn't been lying about the strength of his hypnotism. It was alarming how powerful his words could be, Donna felt uncomfortable unleashing this seemingly unstoppable force on someone else, even though it was necessary in the long run. She just hoped that Penny wouldn't get hurt.
Those eyes of his, they frightened me. No, frightened isn't the right word (although, they certainly frightened me too), they...troubled me. They looked so-so old. With that age, came a power to rattle me to my core with merely a look.
The previous statement sounds like it came out of a cheesy love story, I know, but they weren't "smoldering with undying love" (gag, by the way). Their only desire was knowledge and answers and compliance, for the cold, hard facts and my complete obedience in giving them. Those eyes had seen so much, more than I ever had during my miniscule, by comparison, twenty-four years of life. On the other hand, while those eyes had the power to render me helpless, they offered much comfort.
My brothers and Grandpa had brown eyes similar to the shade staring back at me, those eyes were familiar and, therefore, comforting. For a moment, I could just pretend I was staring into the eyes of one of my brothers as an adult or my grandpa when he was younger. Who else would know me so well? Who else would be able to guess my feelings and thoughts so accurately? At that moment, I was nervous but agreeable.
Until he said my name.
"I see you, Penelope Elaine Carter of Underwood."
My vision tunneled until his face was the only thing I could see, the pre-existing fog turning a dark and murky color and covering everything else. My focus narrowed, I lost awareness of the rest of my body, as if it was left in the darkness that had suddenly appeared in the fog. It felt disconnected, like it had fallen asleep, tingly and warm, muffled and slow, ears ringing and hearing limited to only the sound of his voice. I lost all control of my body and my mind drifted.
It was a chore to vocalize my assent when he asked if I would do as he asked of me, but I managed. I couldn't think, thoughts harder to grasp than dust motes in the sunlight, My mind floated like them too, all I wanted to do, all I could do was listen and comply to his requests, his orders, his commands. His will became my will, nothing else mattered.
Distantly, there was alarm, fear, confusion, and horror in my thoughts, but they were so far away, detached. It was so much easier to just comply, I felt so airy and light as I followed behind him and next to her. I remember being distantly concerned over the extent of my control over my own body, but I had none, it disappeared. It was like trying to move in a giant pool of thick chocolate or caramel (which, by the way, isn't as fun as it sounds), useless and tiring, completely futile. I gave up on the attempt as impossible or too hard to really be worth it, as it zapped my energy so quickly and so readily.
I remember thinking, 'I can't control my body, what happened? Where did it all go? Why can't I move myself? Oh Lord, please, help me, I'm being possessed! I can't move! Help! Help! I need-'
It was like someone had pulled a plug, my panicked thoughts had gotten cut off so quickly and abruptly. And my awareness faded even more, black spots danced in front of my tunnel vision and I felt the same hot flash I would get, if I stood up too quickly, like when I almost pass out because of my low blood pressure. Distantly, my panicked thoughts returned, but sounded so far away, as if I was hearing only an echo, 'Why? Why would you do this to me, Doctor?'
And then I was lost to the darkness of the fog.
It was so easy to put her in the trance, the Doctor reflected, feeling slightly guilty, but he attributed this to the drugs lowering her mental defenses. He really didn't mean to, but he caught her surface thoughts. Her brother, she likened him to her brother, but she thought his eyes looked more like her grandfather's, but the face didn't match the eyes. She thought it was strange and unnerving that eyes could look old, since she had never noticed any differences in other eyes before. She liked him, thought he was familiar, and had even started to trust him, naturally trust him, not just giving him the benefit of the doubt but actually trusting him, all because of his eyes.
'Guileless,' he thought, 'Dr. Dogers was right, her thoughts are so simple, innocent. The medication has done worse with her mental state than I previously thought. Oh, Penelope, I'm so, so sorry.' He felt uncomfortable doing this to what was, essentially, a small child's mind, but he believed it was necessary and pushed through the task. Using her true name, the power of it was immediate. His hearts felt heavy while he watched her clouded eyes dull even more, trance complete.
He helped Penelope stand and assured Donna once more that the girl would be alright, just a bit out of it until they reached the TARDIS. Pacified but doubtful, Donna insisted on staying beside Penelope in case something unexpected happened. The Doctor almost told her it was unnecessary, because the body wouldn't show any visible reactions that she would see, only the mind would have the surprises. He stopped himself though, knowing that it would just make his companion more distressed.
Things were going just fine until he heard the first surges of fear and panic begin to radiate through her mind. Abruptly, the Doctor turned around, startling Donna, and put his hands near her temples, deciding that it would be best if he put her conscious mind to rest, since suppressing her panic wouldn't work for long. It would eventually overflow the mental dam he built. His hearts sank even further as he heard her last thought ask him why he was doing this in the horrified tone of a little girl who realized that her fears were real. Gritting his teeth, he removed his fingers from her temples, task done.
"What the hell was that, Space-man?" Donna demanded, unnerved.
"Making sure that nothing was wrong with her," he muttered. Louder, he continued, "We need to make a quick stop in the stockroom, Donna."
"Why? What's in there?" She asked, still eying Penelope with concern but was relieved when the girl started wandering along without any noticeable differences from before.
"Penelope's medication," the Doctor answered flatly, loathing the idea of giving Penelope any more of the antipsychotics, even though it was necessary. Earth medicine, what a laugh.
"What?!" Donna fairly exploded.
Stressed, the Doctor rounded on her, "Listen to me, Donna Noble, I need you to take Penelope to the TARDIS. You can tell me exactly what you're thinking then, but now is not the place or the time, clear?"
Donna momentarily looked stunned before her face clouded with displeasure and indignation. Miffed, she turned to the girl beside her, "Come on, Penny. Let's go to the TARDIS, while the Doctor does something surprisingly stupid of him." The Doctor ignored the jab, knowing that Donna was only trying to get a rise out of him. As he said earlier, this was not the time or the place, he would explain exactly why he needed to get the drugs later. He only hoped that Donna would listen to reason.
"You can't just do that to her, Doctor! She was unstable because of that crap they put in her, giving her more won't help!" Donna bellowed, finally jolting me out of the half-trance I was in.
"Donna," the Doctor tried, voice chilling even.
"You saw what she was like! Scared of her own shadow, I saw her hiding in a janitor's trolley of all things! Leaving her on that medication is going to make thing worse, not better," Donna continued stubbornly. They were arguing about me, I realized then with a growing horror, nostalgia of the worst kind started to wash over me, I was simultaneously saddened and frightened.
"No, Donna, I'm not leaving her on it. I'm going to slowly take her off of it-"
Donna interrupted, "Slowly isn't going to cut it, Doctor. She needs to be taken off it right now, what you're doing isn't must better than what those people were doing on that planet. Leaving her on those drugs is like cutting out that hind-brain and suppressing the third brain of the Oods, it's killing her, Doctor! It's killing the person she used to be, her sense of self, it's gone! She's barely here, barely even alive, and you want things to continue that way?! Who are you and what have you done with the Doctor, huh?!"
My nose started to wiggle, a habit I had developed to stop tears from coming. When my nose started to tickle, a sign of on-coming tears, I wiggled it until the tickling sensation stopped. Sometimes though, wiggling my nose didn't stop the tears, and when they came, they wouldn't stop. My throat tightened as they continued, it seemed to get smaller and smaller until it was nothing but a dense rubber ball stuck inside my neck.
"He's still here!" The Doctor roared. "You can't just take her off it, you got to wean her, put her through rehab! If I just take her off it, cold turkey, she'll go through a relapse, gain a dependency on it like an addict because of the hell withdrawals can be!" Closing my eyes, all I can see are exploding pin-pricks of light. I wonder if my brain is disintegrating behind my eyes. Everything else around me is falling apart, why wouldn't my brain?
"Addicts can stop if there are people to help them through with it! There are people who have been able to stop cocaine addiction, and she has no way to get the medicine, so she won't be able to rebound!" I try to hold back the memories, the pain, from my life before coming back to the surface, but it's like fighting the ocean's tide, futile.
"You can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't move right, always jumpy, always nervous, always feeling sick! It's physically affecting her, Donna, she can't just grit her teeth and bare it, no one can! It's a drug and she's addicted, even if she doesn't know it yet!"
My eyes swell up with tears, a memory plays before me:
"Stop crying!" Dad barked at me, furious, "And look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you, you little-"
My nose start wiggling hard, trying to hold them back, but the tickling sensation in my nose only got worse.
"If she just-"
"Donna, there's a disorder for it, Antipsychotic Discontinuation Syndrome. It's harmful and it's painful, would you rather she suffered?!" He thundered. "Answer me!"
A phantom pain blooms in my cheek, tingling ominously, as my nose starts wiggling on overdrive. It's not enough to stop the tears as I stifle my sobs, shoulders shaking.
"No crying…"
I look forward, staring at the groove in the wall through my tears and try to imagine myself sliding into it, disappearing completely. That's all I want, to disappear, to hide. The groove stretched wider and before my eyes became a small door which opened with nary a sound. I felt a pressure in the back of my head, a nudging sensation that seemed to say, "Go ahead, go on, run."
I hesitated for a second but the continued shouting made my decision for me. With hardly a glance back, I scurried over to the newly made door and slipped inside. The door closed behind me and I looked forward to see a long stretch of hallway. The nudge came again in my mind and I heeded its advice, running as fast as my unstable legs could carry me.
To Be Continued...
Edits:Combined chapters four and five, because it seemed that chapter four should be longer. Fixed typos and the smallest smidgen of dialogue. Nothing major.
Translations:
* Allonse-y ~ Let's go.
Explanations:
* Remember, Penny is only an online author, currently. She would have written up to 'The Empty Child' online in the year 2009. She won't start publishing in print until 2010 with the first book: 'Doctor Who: Rose.' That book was how the Doctor found out in the first place, so it needs to be in the library, permanently (I figured that there would be the first time that a book would be duplicated. The next time the Doctor finds the book, he'll see a note to himself in it saying, 'this a duplicate, put it back and prevent a real one popping up in print' or something like that). The only thing the Doctor is preventing, is the books being published in print, because if he went back in time before they were written, Penny wouldn't remember her time in the mental institution. Plus, he's going to the date that the TARDIS preset for him, much the same way that the TARDIS drags the Doctor to other places, locations, and times.
* The song the Doctor is singing along to is called 'The Safety Dance' by Men Without Hats.
* There is Cygnet Hospital Harrogate in Yorkshire that specializes in schizophrenia, but everything else was made up, as far as I am aware of.
* One of the Doctor's many talents is being able to do a flawless forgery from memory.
* Another one of this talent is his "voice magic," basically hypnotism with his voice. I will go into great depth with this next chapter.
* Yes, Penny is insane, this was the last straw for her. She will slowly gain back fractures and pieces of the person she once was, but in the end she will be someone completely different than the person she was before the void. In other words, I can't truly call her a self-insert, since she no longer retains all the faucets of my personality. Just bits and pieces of an extreme end of the spectrum of me.
* The "Faith" that Penelope keeps mentioning is her belief as a Roman Catholic.
* Yes, you really can hide in those janitor carts, some of them are big enough.
* The first prayer was one that my grandma taught me, you will be seeing a lot more of it, since it fits the story so well. The second is actually a psalm.
* I have under gone a hypnotic trance before, really, truly experienced one. And let me tell you, it is in no way like Holly wood makes it out to be. For starters you don't because zombie-like, not too much anyway. This is because you can BREAK THE TRANCE, it's easy. If you test the boundaries of the trance too hard, you break them. You are aware the whole time and you can remember most of what had been said, but you perception of time is way off. What felt like five minutes turned out to be forty-five.
* Most of this hypnotism thing that Penny experiences from the Doctor in what I so fondly call the "Time Lord Trance" is a mixture of my actual experience from hypnotism and what I experienced under the influence of laughing gas. There is a bit of cannon mixed in through the conjecture and interpretation of mine.
* Antipsychotic Discontinuation Syndrome really does exist and you will experience all the symptoms he listed if you try to go cold turkey on strong medicine that your is used to since you've been taking it for years. Get a professional to help you through this decision and process.
* Yes, Penny has issues from her previous life back in her own universe that's coming back to haunt her. Don't expect her old life to pop up too often though, she has started to forget bits and pieces of it herself.
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TITLE: Changing the Equation
AUTHOR: JustStandingHere
ID: 8534985
SUMMARY: Jenna Quigley never imagined her Saturday to end up like this, sealing up a tear in reality and stowing away on the TARDIS. Beats sitting on the couch with a bag of popcorn. Doctor and OC friendship fic.
OPINION: FINALLY, a fan fiction where the original character isn't in any way romantically involved with the Doctor or any of the characters in the Who-verse. It's kind of what I'm trying to go for in this story, friendship/platonic stuff. It also has some semblance of a plot, and a story that begins close to the end, trying to catch the audience up to speed. Good stuff.
TITLE: Starlight
AUTHOR: Writless
ID: 7817227
SUMMARY: Thanks to the Doctor, the Master has survived the fall of Gallifrey. But without the constant beating of the drums, he finds himself lost. In his search for the Doctor, he discovers Fitz instead. An idiotic, infuriating girl with something troubling around her neck. A time lord. And if he can't find a way to help her, it'll kill her. Master/OC Part one of Starlight series.
OPINION: I enjoyed it, I seriously, completely enjoyed it. The witty banter is hilarious and the Master is completely believable. Pretty good for a Drumless!Master, he stayed in character, had the same personality we all look for.
Thought Process:
All right, once again, thank emptyvoices for being utterly fantastic. Seriously, without her, there would probably be only one chapter and you would still be waiting for the second one.
Okay, I've got serious business to talk about.
I moved out of my parents' house two months early. I got into a row with my step-dad who has got major issues and I'm currently living with my grandparents. I wasn't planning to move out until after graduation, but here we are...
So! What that means for you readers is a slower update time so that I can devote a major of my time to my studies to prove to my mom that I can graduate, even if I'm living an hour away from my school. This will be the last update until sometime later next week, most likely, yeah...
On the bright side, we'll be heading for cannon waters in two more chapters or so after this one. On chapter six will be starting with Atmos and the Sontarans. Yay, we get to meet Martha! :D
So, yeah, and you will notice that I have done some major and not-so major edits. There's nothing too crazy done, just combining some chapters and having parallel-Penny be kidnapped instead of dead by drowning. You'll find out why later. ;)
Thought Process 2:
Okay, right, so, brutal weather up here in Minnesota, brrr... And, I made the 2014 Senior Walk List, this means I will be walking up to get my diploma, yay!
Right, so, random fact, the other day, there was a Blizzado/Tornard in South Dakota. Basically, a winter storm and a giant whirl wind's love child, scary stuff. Just when you thought you were safe from tornados in the winter, this happens. It's unlikely, but very possible.
Just like sunshowers, I love me a good sunshower, so pretty!
No promises when chapter eight will show up, but hopefully sometime next week, maybe. We'll see.
Happy Friday,
FFA, the Fan Fictional Authoress
Old Chapter 4 Date Submitted: Friday, March 28, 2014.
Old Chapter 5 Date Submitted: Friday, April 4, 2014.
Date Updated: Tuesday, September 9, 2014.