Spock was lost. Not physically, but mentally.
He felt as though he had been set adrift from everything that held him bound and safe and he could not bear it. Uhura was acting so different, McCoy was behaving strangely, and Jim…Jim seemed so far away and he didn't know why.
Out of everything that had changed it was Jim's reaction that worried him the most. He'd never been close to McCoy and as much as he hated to admit it he could live his life quite happily without Uhura, but Jim was irreplaceable.
Jim had been his dearest friend since the start of their mission together and now the most precious relationship he'd ever had with someone other than his mother was in jeopardy.
Spock stopped mid step as a thought struck him.
What he felt now was almost the same as when he had lost his mother, but different.
When Amanda had been lost he'd felt like he'd lost something more precious than anything. He'd felt the place where his mind was connected to hers snap and the ever steady of stream of love that he'd felt from her since the day he was born disappear.
It felt like that. Like a broken bond. Like a source of unquestioned love had been taken from him.
But as he searched his mind he could not find such a bond or even the remnant of one. Had such a bond existed there would be some proof in his mind…..Wouldn't there?
Just as the memories what had happened were completely erased, could he have lost a whole bond? A connection so profound that someone who had never experienced one could never understand, a loss so deep that it left scars forever after.
He had no scars in his mind, but his heart…He was sure that the lingering ache in his side was his body's only way of remembering something that important.
He knew he'd lost something, but a bondmate? It seemed so impossible, so illogical.
But at the very thought, his heart ached and he believed it regardless of everything his mind told him.
Someone had to be willing to tell him the truth, someone had to tell him what was missing, why he hurt so much.
No sooner had this thought crossed his mind than he caught sight of an elderly Vulcan woman walking towards him.
He did not recognize her in the least, but as he caught her gaze he knew she knew him. Her dark onyx eyes stared at him with pity and sadness, something he was not used to seeing aimed at him.
"Greetings Spock." She acknowledged with a slight nod.
Spock nodded back but could still not remember the woman before him.
"Forgive me Elder, but I do not believe I know you."
The woman nodded knowingly and motioned for him to follow her. She spoke to him over her shoulder as she led him away.
"I am T'Lou, the one who taught you while you were under the affects of the Utylis's potion. I helped Captain Kirk look after you while you relived your childhood with him."
She stopped at a door and opened it with a code.
"Please don't misunderstand. You were not in my care. I only taught you during the day. The rest of the time you spent with your Captain."
Spock felt an odd surge of warmth fill him at the thought of being a small child again in his Captain's care.
Jim would never have made him feel like he had to be anything other than what he was.
No sooner had he thought that then he felt as though the air around him had cooled even as he stepped into T'Lou's warmer than normal chambers.
T'Lou waved him over to where a table sat cleared and ready for them.
"Come and sit with me Spock. We have much to discuss."
Don't you just love Cliffhangers? You must if you follow me.
Anyway, hope you all like this update. Be sure to read and review!
Yours truly,
Jessica499499