Spock took the offered seat and sat stiffly across from his apparently former teacher.
"No one aboard the ship has been very forthcoming about what occurred over the course of the 18 weeks of my de-agement. If you would enlighten me to what transpired I would be very grateful."
T'Lou nodded and scooted in closer to the table.
"I am not surprised by their reluctance to tell you. Some of what occurred was not pleasant."
T'Lou held out her hand in the meld formation and offered it to Spock.
"Words would not do it justice. May I show you?"
Spock hesitated a moment before nodding. He would normally never allow a stranger into his mind, but he had to know what had happened. Why he ached.
T'Lou's wrinkled hand touched his meld point gently as she whispered.
"My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts."
Darkness filled Spock's mind for a moment before it was connected to T'Lou's.
He could hear her ancient voice in his mind as images began to flicker in front of him.
He saw himself as a child, no more than seven years old, standing behind Jim's legs in a hiding manner. Jim reaching down and ruffling his hair gently, causing a hesitant smile to appear on his face.
He saw himself walking the halls at different ages with Jim at his side. Always growing older, always smiling up at Jim.
But it was not all sunshine and roses.
He saw himself fighting with Uhura, scowling at her as she ordered him around.
He saw himself slipping into Pan Farr.
Lastly he saw the scene in Sickbay. He heard Uhura's biting words and Jim's heartfelt pledge of love.
His proclamation of them being T'hy'la.
Spock thought that it was over when one last image filled his mind.
He was talking to T'Lou in this very seat as an 18 year old with only hours left.
"You have been very helpful and kind to me T'Lou, but I fear I must ask one more favor of you."
T'Lou looked back at him so understandingly.
"You may ask anything of me Spock. I will do what I can."
Spock gave her a melancholy smile as he made his last request.
"I fear that my request might test your willingness to help T'Lou. I love Jim too dearly to leave him alone in this cruel world. My consciousness will not survive the night T'Lou unless I take…. alternative measures."
"What would you purpose Spock?"
Spock looked away.
"I have read of Vulcan mothers who have lost their children as infants taking on the memories of their children just before they die so as to remember them better….My life span would be considered infantile to most species. I only have 18 weeks worth of memories, not even half a year. I came to ask if you would be willing to store my memories inside you as a Vulcan mother would her young…"
Spock could not keep the grief from his face.
"I cannot give Jim the gift of my memories because he is human and unable to handle such mental stress, but perhaps one day the older me will see reason and want to know how life could be if he accepted Jim's love. If my existence can serve any purpose at all I want it to be to give Jim all the happiness in the universe.
So I beg you T'Lou to take my memories and offer them to the older Spock when I am gone. Let him know what Jim did for me and would do for him in a heartbeat. Jim and I faced the fire together, even if this mind will not recall it. This heart and soul belong to Jim Kirk and the older me should know it."
Spock looked deep into T"Lou's eyes, as though knowing that she would show older Spock this memory and he wanted to talk to his older self directly.
"I will never meet him nor he me, but we share the same Katra. We are apart of each other and Jim is half of us. We cannot be whole without him. Please remind Spock of this before it is too late."
The memory flickered and hazed until the space around him was once again dark. Spock stared into the darkness and tried to gather his thoughts.
It all made sense now, why Uhura, Doctor McCoy and Jim were all acting so strangely.
Why his heart ached so.
He had bonded to someone.
He had bonded to James Tiberius Kirk, his friend, his Captain….His T'hy'la?
How could he forget something like that? The flames of Pon Farr, the bonding of minds, and the joining of them together as one in all ways?
No wonder Jim was avoiding him. The pain of a broken bond was hard enough to deal with alone without the sight of his lost love consorting with another.
Spock couldn't begin to describe his feelings of guilt at having put Jim through something like that.
He was only seconds away from breaking the meld and rushing to Jim's side when a light in the distance caught his attention.
Spock followed the glow and came upon what looked like himself as a toddler curled up into a ball sleeping.
Spock knew on sight it was the embodiment of his former life and memories and didn't hesitate to reach out and wake the slumbering boy.
The tot opened it's eyes sleepily and looked around until his gaze landed on Spock.
The two stared at each other for a long moment before the younger's eyes began to water.
"Where is Jim?" He asked softly.
Spock felt irreparable sorrow at his younger self's plight and opened his arms to him.
"Do not cry. I will take you to him."
The younger Spock blinked up at him with trusting eyes and nodded before floating into Spock's arms.
The darkness that surrounded them previously dissipated as the boy in his arms began to glow and become one with his elder self.
Spock could feel month's worth of memories and moments filling his mind and becoming his again.
It was so much more than what he had seen in T'Lou's mind.
Now he could remember ever gentle caress and muttered word. Every single kiss and declaration of love.
It surrounded him and filled him to the brim as he remembered what it was like to be reared and loved by his captain.
How Jim had seen him through the fires of Pon Farr. How he'd cared for him and treated Spock like he was his own flesh and blood.
Even how he'd sat at his side till the end with his brimming eyes and a loving smile.
All that was absent now was the bond that he and Jim had so carefully forged in the heat of their love making during his Pon Farr. In it's place was the broken and sharp edges of a bond severed without the consent of either party. The force of the pain from it made him recoil and with a deep gasp of breath as Spock broke away for the meld to find T'Lou's smiling eyes looking right at him.
"Do you understand now young one?" She asked softly.
Spock nodded wordlessly before rushing to his feet.
"Forgive me elder, but I must speak with Jim immediately."
T'Lou nodded and waved him to the door.
"Do not waste a moment with him Spock. Life is too short."
Spock nodded his agreement before practically sprinting out the door and to his love's quarters.
I made this extra long for my one and only BFF Bramblerose4!
Hope you all liked this chapter! There won't be many more!
Be sure to read, review and tell others about Our Chances!
Yours truly,
Jessica499499