Author's Note: I didn't really expect to get reviews and followers, so thank you! You're going to hate me after this chapter. This is my version of Lorna's backstory, written as a flashback. I tried to incorporate some of what was in the show, but there wasn't really much to go on. It wasn't supposed to be this long but I got a little too caught up in the details, and damn it, writing is ADDICTING. Also, I was originally going to make it more brutal, but it's already pretty awful and I hate myself for writing this, but here it is.

WARNING: Graphic, brutal, dark, violent and brutal.

TRIGGER WARNING/SPOILER: Contains graphic descriptions of rape/non-con and bulimia.

Flashback

Lorna Morello's life was never really "normal". She was always a little weird, but it was a good kind of weird. She was a bit of a geeky, girly tomboy, and had her own close group of friends that she felt comfortable being around. She enjoyed dressing up, playing video games and chatting with her friends. A tad chubby – not fat or overweight, but had a little meat on her bones. Overall, she was a healthy, happy girl.

When she was sixteen, Lorna's mother had become ill and permanently bedridden, and Lorna had to get a part-time job if she wanted to keep up with the latest trends. Since then, she had been buying her own clothes (consisting mostly of plaid shirts and skinny jeans) and personal items. Her father didn't feel the need to babysit the kids. He provided them with a roof over their heads and food on the table, so as long as they stayed out of trouble, he didn't care what they were up to. Lorna had no connection whatsoever with her brother, Mikey, and her sister, Franny, had graduated from high school a year earlier, and was always working or partying, so they barely saw each other.

Although Lorna's life at home wasn't ideal, she made up for it by having a half-decent social life. She didn't party much, but hung out with her friends whenever her job permitted.

That had all changed in Lorna's senior year. Mikey was constantly in-between minimum wage jobs, either in his room, listening to music, or watching some television program with their dad. Franny was 21 and dating her sixth (or seventh – Lorna had lost count) boyfriend in the last two years. Lorna realized that if she wanted to get away from this kind of lifestyle, she had to act quickly. She secretly applied to a few colleges and had already saved enough money to pay for half of her first year. Considering the Morellos' low household income, Lorna could probably rely on government loans and grants to help her pay the rest. She wasn't an excellent student. Her grades were a bit above average, which would help with admission, but not really scholarship-worthy.

When her admission letter from NYU came in the mail, she decided to share the news with her family.

"You gotta be kidding," her father said, eyes fixed on the TV, "and who do you think is gonna pay for your little 'college adventure'? You know that money's tight, and your mother's medication isn't exactly getting any cheaper."

"I will," Lorna chirped, "I've been saving. I'll still work part-time during the year and full-time summers. And I can live at home since it's a 30-minute subway ride. Plus, I think I'm be eligible for financial aid, so you don't have to worry about the money."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," her father said, not really listening to Lorna. But she wouldn't let that bring her down. She was going to get an education, a well-paying job, and she would prove them wrong.

"Hey," Franny said, as Lorna was preparing dinner one night, "I just wanted to say, congratulations. I know I haven't been a great sister and all, but I'm really proud of you. A Morello is off to college. Who would have thought?" Lorna smiled. She was going to have to work her butt off, but it was only for four years. She could manage that.

"Hey, just be careful of the 'Freshman Fifteen,' " Franny warned her.

"The what?" Lorna asked with a confused look on her face.

"Basically, everyone gains fifteen pounds in their first year of college," Franny explained, "It's no joke, I've seen it myself! And quite frankly, you yourself look like you could shed about five or ten."

"Hey!" Lorna yelled, pretending to take offense. She hadn't really given her appearance too much thought. After all, she always believed that her success wouldn't be related to looks.

After graduation, Lorna started working full-time in order to make the most of her summer. She had parted with most of her friends. Some of them were going to study out-of-state, while others decided to pursue different paths in life. She only knew two other people that were also going to NYU, but they were in different programs and it would be difficult to stay in touch on a regular basis.

By the time September rolled by, Lorna had turned 18, paid her tuition fees for that year in full, bought out all her books and supplies and still had some pocket money left over. She made friends rather quickly and immediately fell into the college student lifestyle. Lorna was happier than ever walking around the large university campus located in the heart of New York City. It wasn't that she had never been downtown, but for the first time in a long time, she felt like she really belonged somewhere – like she was something more than just a speck of dust in the universe, but part of something bigger. She mattered, and her confidence grew with everyday that she set foot on campus.

But it wasn't easy. Just like Lorna had promised herself, she continued to work as she studied, which took away all of her free time, and then some. She would often skip meals in order to stuff study time into her breaks. Lorna usually left early in the morning and came home exhausted after ten at night, finding herself surrounded by piles of papers and books that she had to read. Some nights, especially when there was a midterm or assignment due, she would spend the night in the university library, or at a friend's dorm, saving herself precious commute time the next morning. Lorna wasn't giving up though. She was ambitious and determined, and nothing was going to stop her from achieving her goals.

Classes ended mid-December and Lorna had exams for the rest of that week. She ended up finishing the semester with a GPA of 3.7 and couldn't be happier. She could now fully enjoy her winter/Christmas break.

"Look at you!" Franny exclaimed when she actually got to see her sister without having her run off to work or study. The family was preparing for Christmas so the two were finally getting to spend some time together. "This college thing really did you some good," Franny remarked, "If you weren't so short, I'd tell you to consider modeling!" Lorna had been so preoccupied with everything that she hadn't even noticed her own weight loss. Now that she thought about it, she did start wearing belts with all her pants recently.

Christmas Eve came rather quickly, and everyone gathered upstairs in Mrs. Morello's bedroom. They had always done so during major holidays. The fact that Lorna's mother was unable to move, wasn't going to prevent her from spending quality time with her family. They talked about everything that Lorna had missed in the past few months. Mikey got another job. He had been working for the local tire mechanic for two months now, and it was getting pretty serious. Franny had moved on to boyfriend number eight (Travis?) shortly before Thanksgiving and claimed that this one was "a keeper". When they had finished eating, Franny stood up, with a big grin on her face.

"As some of you may have noticed, I haven't been drinking lately," she started, looking mostly at her father and brother, "Well, that's because I've decided to start taking better care of myself –"

"Let's see how long it lasts this time," Mikey responded sarcastically. Franny glared at him.

"As I was saying," she continued, "I will be continuing my healthy diet for at least the next nine months," she paused, hoping that someone understood what she meant. Looking at the blank faces in front of her, she sighed, "I'm pregnant!"

An awkward silence followed.

"Franny, don't you think it's a little too soon?" Lorna asked, trying to sound reasonable. At that point her father stood and looked Franny straight in the eyes.

"That idiot boyfriend of yours better be paying fucking child support when he breaks up with you," he said, surprisingly calm, but serious, almost making Lorna wish that he was yelling instead, "I'm not gonna support you any longer, or that future bastard child of yours. You better start contributing to this household if you wanna continue to live here, instead of spending all your money on booze, clothes and gasoline! Look at your sister – she wanted something – she's working her ass off for it! I suggest you start adopting the same attitude, or you're gonna end up in a bad place." Franny stormed out and locked herself in her room. Lorna and Mikey cleared the table and washed the dishes in silence. Once they finished, Lorna went upstairs and knocked on Franny's door. Franny opened it and let her sister in.

Lorna noticed a half-packed suitcase in the middle of the bedroom.

"You're not leaving, are you?" she asked, genuinely concerned, "Come on, you know how dad is. He's mad now, but he'll get over it soon enough. I mean – it is Christmas."

"Yeah, you're right," Franny agreed as she walked over to her dresser and pulled out a package and handed it to Lorna, "Here. I was gonna give it to you tomorrow, but whatever. Open it!" Lorna opened the package and pulled out a black dress in her size.

"Franny, you didn't have to," she said, "it's wonderful."

"A nice change to all that tartan you're constantly wearing, huh? Listen, Trevor's having a New Year's Eve party, and you're coming with me," Franny stated, not giving Lorna the choice to do otherwise, "I always see you either rushing to get to school or work, or you're locked in your room studying. You need to get out more, sis."

"But I thought you couldn't – "

"What, party?" Franny laughed, "Just 'cause I can't drink doesn't mean I'm gonna be missing out on the rest of the fun."

By New Year's Eve, Mr. Morello and Franny had discussed her near future in greater detail. He wouldn't kick his own daughter out, but she had to step up her game and learn some responsibility.

At around eight o'clock, Lorna and Franny left for Trevor's party. Franny had done Lorna's makeup – light but sexy. Lorna felt a little nervous. The new dress was tight, showing off her new figure, and wearing something other than her usual loose-fitting checker-print outfits was definitely boosting her confidence. When they arrived, the party had already started. Loud music was coming from speakers that were mounted high on the walls. Trevor's place was huge. The living room alone seemed to be half the size of the Morellos' entire home. The light maple wood floor contrasted nicely with the dark leather couches that were strategically placed in the corners of the room. A buffet table was pushed against one of the walls to create as much dance space as possible. To top it off, five crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, reflecting light in various directions. To Lorna, it looked more like a VIP lounge than a living room.

"His parents are pretty high up in the mafia hierarchy," Franny explained, "They spend most of their time in Europe just 'cause they can afford it. Trevor prefers to stay in one spot, though. Oh, there he is! Hey Trevor!" Franny called to her boyfriend from across the room, and motioned for him to come over to them. He was tall, well built, handsome, and the Italian features were very prominent on his face. He looked older than Franny, but not by much.

"This is my sister, Lorna. Lorna, this is Trevor," Franny introduced them. They shook hands.

"Well, the genes really are strong in your family!" Trevor remarked.

"Yeah, I used to be the hot one, until this one started college," Franny joked, "Come on, I'll introduce you to the rest of the crowd!"

The "crowd" consisted of about 50 people, so Lorna mostly sat with whomever Franny and Trevor were sitting with. She felt out of place – everyone was older than her and she wasn't even considered legal yet. She had been holding on to the same beer bottle for over an hour now, unable to chug it down. When midnight neared, Trevor pulled out a rack of expensive champagne bottles, and handed them all to a bunch of guys to open. When the New Year's countdown reached zero, the sound of about 15 champagne bottles being opened simultaneously filled the room. Lorna gasped when she saw one of the corks hit a chandelier, earning herself a comment from her sister, "Geez Lorna, you really gotta chill out! Have some champagne, and I'll ask Trev to make you something stronger later."

After her second glass of champagne, Trevor brought Lorna a glass of Pepsi with vodka. Actually, it was more like vodka with Pepsi, because she started getting dizzy after her second sip. By the time she finished her drink, Franny was off chatting with some her girlfriends, and most people had gone back to dancing to the psychedelic rock music blasting through the speakers. She and Trevor were the only ones left sitting on the couch.

"Hey, I wanna show you something," Trevor said as he stood up and extended his arm towards Lorna. She took it and followed him, attempting walk in a straight line and look sober.

Trevor led Lorna upstairs and into a smaller room. He sat her on the bed.

"You're not looking so good," he said, handing her a glass with water, "I thought, maybe, you'd prefer to get away from the noise for a while. Don't want your sister thinking you can't hold your own. First time drinking?" Lorna nodded as she gulped down the liquid. He seemed nice. Nicer than Franny's other boyfriends. It made her wonder what he saw in her sister. Sure, she was good-looking, but also poor and had already been with so many other guys.

"Did Franny tell you about the…?" he started.

"The baby?" Lorna said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, "Yeah, she did. Last week."

"She's really serious about it, huh? Healthy diet, no drinking. That's takes a lot of willpower."

"Yeah, it's very unlike her, but she's willing to make the sacrifice. I think she'll make a great mom," Lorna always spoke well of her sister. Although she didn't always agree with her, she would never say a bad word about Franny to anyone.

Trevor sat down beside her.

"You know, it's difficult for me too," he whispered into Lorna's ear as he placed his hand on her knee. Despite her inebriated state, she felt extremely uncomfortable.

"W-What do you mean?" she asked, looking down at the still half-full glass of water in her hands, trying to focus her eyes onto something and dreading the answer that was coming. Trevor took the glass from her and placed it on the bedside table. He took her chin in his hand, and gently moved her face up towards his while running his other hand up and down her thigh.

"You know what I mean," he said with a sinister look in his eyes, "I haven't gotten laid in almost a month, and it's not gonna happen any time soon, unless…" he licked his lips and moved closer to Lorna, putting his arm around her shoulders and moving his hand up her dress, "You're hot. Hotter than your sister – she even said so herself. While we're here we could have a little fun. She doesn't have to know." Lorna's body tensed. She was more terrified than she had ever been in her life. She wanted to get up and run. But she was so dizzy, she could barely move. She kept shaking her head.

"N-No – I can't – I never – I'm – "

"A virgin?" Trevor chuckled, "Even better. I'll teach you." He started pulling down the straps of her dress. Lorna's instinctual defense mechanism kicked in. She slapped away Trevor's hand and darted for the door.

She felt his strong arms pull her backwards and her lack of balance caused her to fall against him. He picked her up with ease and threw her roughly onto the bed. Lorna kicked and screamed, trying to get away, and he slapped her face, hard enough to cut her lip.

"Don't you fucking do that again, bitch," he hissed as he covered her mouth, "You can try to scream all you want, but nobody's going to hear you," he said as he trapped her body underneath his.

Trevor used his free hand to undo his pants and pull down Lorna's underwear. When he pulled out his erect manhood, Lorna's eyes widened and she started trying to fight again. But he was too strong. Her tiny body was completely enveloped by his, and her muffled screams only weakened her more. He spread her legs and entered her swiftly and forcefully, inciting another voiceless cry from the defenseless girl under him. The pain tore through her entire body and tears spilled from her eyes as she shook her head violently, hoping to will him away, hoping to wake up from whatever awful dream she was having. Her vision was blurred from the alcohol and tears, but she wasn't able drift away from reality. Not when the pain she felt was so strong and continued to magnify with each thrust.

Radiohead's Creep could softly be heard from behind the closed door to the bedroom.

"You're not gonna tell Franny what happened here tonight," Trevor ordered Lorna as he slid his pants back up, "Unless you want your future niece or nephew growing up as a bastard child" She was lying on the bed, curled up and sobbing into a pillow. He walked over to the bed and traced a line with his finger from her shoulder down to her hip. Lorna winced at his touch.

"The bathroom's behind you," he added as he slapped her bottom and left, taking the half-empty glass of water with him.

Lorna still couldn't see or think straight. She was nauseous and the room was spinning around her. Blood and semen were still pooling between her legs, and it made her sick to her stomach. She hated herself.

Once she gathered enough strength to stand up, she walked into the bathroom and leaned over the toilet. She retched, but nothing came up. Without thinking, Lorna stuck two fingers down her throat. It took a few tries, but eventually, she succeeded in emptying her stomach of its contents. The nausea went away. She proceeded to walk over to the sink to clean up her face. She looked in the mirror to find that her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks covered in tear tracks, and her bottom lip swollen. Her shiny dark locks were now matted and in tangles. She splashed water on her face, washing away the smeared makeup and dried blood. She ran her fingers through her hair, hoping to make it look at least half-decent. Lorna got into the bathtub to quickly rinse off and then got dressed. She went downstairs to find Franny.

"Hey, Lorna," Franny ran towards her, "Trevor told me you felt sick and had to lie down. You okay?"

"Yeah," Lorna lied, "I think I had bit too much to drink. Could we go home?"

"Of course," Franny agreed, seeing that her sister was clearly done for the night, "How about you get in the car, and I'll tell Trev that we're leaving?" Lorna nodded, taking the keys from Franny. She put on her jacket got into the car, resting her head on the cold window. She pretended to sleep in order to avoid talking to her sister on the way back.

When they got home, it was almost three. Lorna headed straight for the shower. She had to wash him away. She ached all over, but she had to get him off of her body. After a long shower, she put on her pajamas and passed out the moment her head hit the pillow.

However, Lorna couldn't escape him. Not even in her dreams. Everywhere she turned, anything she did, he was there – in the back of her mind – just waiting to haunt her. She couldn't tell Franny. She would ruin everything if she did. She couldn't tell anyone.

Lorna found comfort in food. She could stuff her feelings down by eating ridiculous amounts of almost anything. Her binge episodes were always followed by a visit to the bathroom, sticking her fingers down her throat and letting everything go. She felt relief. It was painful, but it let her forget for a short while.

When the next semester started, Lorna couldn't concentrate. She had her student medical insurance, so she went to the doctor to make sure she wasn't pregnant and hadn't gotten any STDs. Soon, she had started spending most of her money on binge-food (cookies, chips and other snacks) and keeping it under her bed. She only had time to do her "ritual" at night, so she constantly missed precious hours of sleep. She was always tired and often fell asleep during lectures. But it wasn't enough. Eventually Lorna found herself stuffing her face and throwing up in a public bathroom stall. She essentially memorized the entire university's bathroom schedule – which bathrooms were the least busy and during which times. She couldn't help it. If the nearest empty bathroom was on the opposite side of campus, Lorna would go there, backpack stuffed with food, and do what she had to do. As if that wasn't bad enough, she would categorize her food by how easy it was to purge and how bad or good it tasted coming back up. Her grades dropped and her work performance decreased. She got fired. She lost weight. A lot of weight. Her family started to worry and Franny had once commented that she was starting to look like a walking bag of bones.

"Well, at least I'm not the one getting fatter!" Lorna snapped at her sister. Her stress levels were over the roof, and even the slightest provocation would cause an outburst. She was on her exam break but instead of studying she would eat, puke and sleep.

She ended up failing all but two of her courses that semester. She had to quit. Or at least take a year off. Her family would be disappointed, but she couldn't continue. Not like this. That summer, she found a different job. One that she could do during the day, and not have to think about when she got home. It allowed her to focus her free time on "forgetting".

When Franny went into labor, she saw him again, for the first time since that night. He was chatting with Mikey and their father, but winked at Lorna when their eyes met. She quickly looked away and turned to leave, but the doctor came out and informed them that Franny wanted her boyfriend and sister to enter the maternity ward. She had given birth to a healthy little boy, and told Lorna to pick him up.

"He's beautiful, Franny," Lorna said, holding the little being in her arms carefully, not to disturb his slumber.

"Handsome, just like his daddy," Franny pointed out, smiling at Trevor.

"So when do I get to hold my son?" Trevor asked, almost directing his question at Lorna. She handed him the baby, whilst trying to minimize the amount of physical contact they had to share in order to do so. She stepped back immediately when she was sure the little guy was safe.

"So Lorna, Trevor and I were thinking, and we've decided that we want you to be the godmother!" Franny beamed. She was so excited, that Lorna would feel like a complete asshole if she did anything even potentially offensive.

"I'd be honored," she said, feigning a smile.

Now that the baby was born, Trevor was the one visiting Franny instead of the other way around. They had decided to live separately because Franny felt "more comfortable in her own home and it was better for the baby". Lorna dreaded every day that Trevor came over, but put up with it in her own way. For Franny's sake. Her sister had a man who willing to take care of her and her child. Or so she thought.

Shortly after the baby's first birthday, she heard Trevor storm out of their home following a heated argument with Franny. Her sister was in tears. But they were tears of anger, rather than sadness.

"He's not coming back," Franny told Lorna, "I don't want him back. Not after what he did." Lorna froze. Did she know?

"That asshole didn't want me moving in with him so he could invite his little fuck buddies over," she continued, "He thought I'd never find out. How could I be so blind?"

Lorna felt awful about it, but was glad that she wasn't the reason Trevor was out of Franny's life. She started taking better care of herself. Instead of buying comfort food all the time, she started spending her money on clothes, makeup and other beauty products. She went out more and hung out with people she met at work. Sometimes, she found something she really enjoyed and became totally obsessed with it. She would collect posters and cutouts of various things and stick them on her wall. Her bulimic behaviors continued, but they were lessening, and slowly becoming replaced with clothes. Pretty soon, Lorna realized that clothes are much more expensive than food, and she didn't exactly have a high-paying job. So she started buying online, and pretending that the things she ordered never arrived in order to get her money back. How good it felt to live beyond her means. Of course, Lorna's past still haunted her. If she didn't buy a new designer shirt, she still had to get her release through food in order to forget. Then she met him – Christopher – the man of her dreams. He was everything she ever wanted in a man – handsome, gentle and protective. Yes, he could protect her from anything. She tried so hard to make herself believe that and, as if by magic, all the bad memories went away. Lorna didn't need her food anymore. It was as if Trevor never existed. Her delusions continued and she made everyone around her believe her fantasy. Even when it started getting out of hand, she held on to it for dear life. It felt like this was the only thing keeping her sane. It was easier in prison, where nobody knew her. At least in here they still believed her. Until she remembered. He made her remember. She wasn't supposed to be happy and he made her realize it. She was living a lie.

End flashback

Author's Note: I already said that I'm an awful person, but I'd like to repeat myself. Ironically, this was actually somewhat easier to write than the previous chapter, since teenage Lorna is closer to my age. So I (VERY) loosely based her off of myself, mostly in terms of style, the search for identity and extreme lack of life experience. I'm not actually a sadomasochistic freak, I swear!