Author's Note: Well, I found part of this on my computer the other day and I realized that I had completely forgotten about this fanfic. So, I deeply apologize to anyone who is/was following this for taking so long to update. I have gotten back on track and I've started writing the next chapter, so I can promise you that it will be up soon as well.

WARNING: Not as graphic as the previous chapters, but still has some darkness to it near the end.

TRIGGER WARNING: If you're not triggered by anything in the previous chapters, then you're good to go.

Nicky knew that Lorna's behavior had indicated something of a similar nature, but she couldn't believe that her entire life was basically ruined because some dude couldn't keep it in his pants. She was furious. All it took was one asshole to turn this innocent girl's life into hell and make her live through it everyday, even ten years later.

Everything that Nicky had was given to her. She had been living the life of leisure, and no matter how much she fucked herself over, the luxury was still waiting for her. Whereas everything that Lorna had (her education, self confidence, bright future), she had worked for and achieved by herself. All of that was taken away in an instant. Life wasn't fair.

Nicky was actually afraid to get any closer to Lorna, let alone touch her, at this point. She was at a loss. She didn't know what to do or say. She just sat there staring at the tiny, vulnerable being beside her, trying to process the painful information.

"I'm so weak," Lorna interrupted the silence in a choked, raspy whisper, still staring at her hands.

"You're not," Nicky tried to assure her, "You're stronger than anyone that I know."

Lorna shook her head, "No. I take people down with me. I make them miserable! I did it to Christopher, and I don't want to do it to you, too! You deserve to have a normal life, and that's not possible if you're stuck with me!" Lorna stood up and leaned forward against the stage. She shut her eyes tightly, hoping to stop the tears from falling.

Nicky walked up behind her, "But I'm not Christopher. And my feelings for you aren't a fantasy. You're not bringing me down – you just need to let me pull you back up".

Lorna tilted her head back and took a deep breath.

"You won't tell anyone, will you? Promise me you won't tell anyone!" Although she tried to hide it, there was panic in her voice as she spoke.

"I promise," Nicky replied. She kept her distance, trying not to make Lorna uncomfortable with her presence.

Lorna turned around and her eyes met Nicky's for the first time since she started telling her story.

"Thank you," Lorna whispered and she made her way out of the chapel. Her voice was so tiny, filled with so much pain that made Nicky want to run to her, hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. But it wasn't. Nothing was okay. Lorna's healing process, which should have started ten years ago, would take so much longer now that her fantasy life had been destroyed. As much as Nicky wanted to run after her, she restrained herself. Lorna had just told her darkest secret, and she wanted to respect her privacy.

Nicky dropped the razor off at commissary before the COs would realize that it went missing, and made her way to the bathroom. She yelled, kicking and punching the walls as hard as she could. Tears of anger had flooded her eyes and blurred her vision. She slid down against a wall, teeth clenched and breathing heavily as she tried to regain her composure. She was angry at the world. It wasn't fair that Lorna was the victim yet she was the one stuck in prison, when she should be getting help. Just as Nicky's past had led her to drug addiction, Lorna's was leading her to direct self-destruction. In a weird way, Nicky understood her. The past five weeks were like going through withdrawal and Lorna was desperately looking for a release, finding it in physical pain. However, despite her understanding, it hurt. It hurt to see Lorna in so much pain and to be helpless. She could offer Lorna physical comfort, words of reassurance, but she couldn't make what happened go away.

Nicky washed her face and hurried back to her cube before the COs started their nightly rounds. Lorna was sitting on her bunk, staring at the opposite wall.

"Hey kid, you should be sleeping," Nicky said softly as she sat down beside her.

Lorna nodded, moving her gaze to her hands.

"Um, Nicky, can we… um… I mean… could you… uh… hold me… tonight?"

Nicky was surprised at Lorna's need for closeness – she had expected her to distance herself, but if Lorna needed her, Nicky would be there.

"Of course," she replied.

Lorna faced the wall as Nicky wrapped her arms around her from behind. They lay there for a short while until sleep finally caught up with them.

Nicky awoke to feel Lorna squirming and trying to wriggle out of her embrace, her breath hastening. It was happening again. Nicky managed to turn Lorna around to face her and tried to calm her before the nightmare progressed.

"Lorna, it's me. It's just me. I won't hurt you," She gently caressed Lorna's face as she spoke.

Lorna, still asleep, had calmed down at Nicky's touch and curled up to her.

"Nicky," she slurred, "my Nicky…"

Nicky shifted so that was on her back with Lorna in her arms.

"Yeah kid, I'm all yours," she chuckled.

"I love you…" Lorna whispered into Nicky's chest in her sleep.

Although Nicky had been the first one to say it, Lorna never repeated those three words. She implied them, of course, and Nicky knew that, but it seemed like she was actually afraid of speaking them out loud. As if saying them would somehow make Nicky's love for her disappear.

"I love you, too. More than you know," Nicky replied and drifted back to sleep.

"Hey Nichols," a familiar voice whispered as someone shook her arm.

"Nichols, wake the fuck up before someone sees you!"

Nicky opened her eyes, and looked up to see Alex, in orange, kneeling beside her bed. Or rather, Lorna's bed.

"Vause? What the hell are you doing here? What time is it?" she grumbled.

"Got transferred in and assigned last night. It's almost sunrise."

"Dude, you're totally out of bounds!"

"Oh yeah? Well, so are you," Alex giggled, "The COs must on their way. You'd better skedaddle."

With that, Nicky crawled out from underneath Lorna's arm and made her way to the showers.

She had slept surprisingly well. Despite a bit of tossing and turning, Lorna hadn't screamed that night. Nor had she woken up crying. Nicky wasn't sure if this was because of the cutting, or the confession or the close physical contact they shared throughout the night. She hoped to God it wasn't the first option.

When she returned, Lorna was still sleeping.

"Hey baby, wake up," Nicky whispered as she gently shook her. Lorna yawned and stretched her arms.

"I figured you might wanna shower while the bathroom's still relatively empty," Nicky continued as Lorna sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Yeah," Lorna replied and gathered her things.

After breakfast, as the inmates were headed for their job assignments, Red stopped Nicky when Lorna was out of sight.

"So, did you ask?" the Russian inquired. Nicky simply nodded, not wanting to go into any detail about the previous night.

"And…?" Red urged her to speak.

"I can't tell you," Nicky responded. When Red gave her a questioning look, she explained, "I made a promise. It's some really deep, personal stuff, Red, I'm surprised she even told me."

"Alright, alright," Red backed down, "And how is that ointment working for her?"

"What?"

"You think I'm stupid? I heard some girls freaking out about losing a razor. Then you just so happen to need some antibacterial cream and suddenly Lorna's wearing a bandage on her wrist. I have eyes and a brain, sweetheart. Lorna's in a very fragile state right now, and she is going to need all the support she can get. I'm not asking you to spill the beans. I'm just letting you know that I'm here for you. Both of you. Despite everything, we are still a family. She needs to remember that."

The days and nights continued the same way as they had before, except for Nicky trying to be extra cautious around Lorna (if that was even possible). Nicky realized that if she caught the nightmares relatively early, Lorna's mind would relax and she would sleep soundly through the rest of the night. About a week later, during dinner, Nicky saw that Lorna was in somewhat of a daze, barely touching her food and looking unusually tired. As they were returning to their cube, Nicky was trying to hold a conversation, but Lorna's reactions were suddenly enthusiastic and chirpy – like before the visitation room incident.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Nicky finally asked when they got to their cube.

"Hmm?" Lorna looked at Nicky with a dopey grin, "Why would anything be wrong?"

"You seem kind of… Not yourself…" Nicky said as she studied Lorna's face, noticing that her eyes were bloodshot and her pupils tiny. Then she remembered – Vee's stash. She and Boo had hidden it in the Laundry area in hopes of getting back at Red's attacker, but as of right now, the plan had completely backfired. Nicky's voice rose as realization hit her square in the face, "Jesus, Lorna, are you high?"

"Relax, Nichols," Lorna giggled, "It's all good. It's like I'm dreaming but it's nice this time, you know?"

Nicky knew it too well. Heroin had been everything to her for so many years and also the reason she was in prison. Now that Lorna had become her top priority, it almost seemed like it was creeping back to take her away. Lorna suffering on her own was bad enough, but seeing her start to dig herself into the same hole that Nicky had spent so many years trying to get out of was absolutely agonizing.

"How much did you take?" Nicky tried to keep her voice calm, knowing that she couldn't undo Lorna's actions, but hoped to figure out a way to neutralize them.

"I don't know – but who's keeping track, right?" Lorna giggled again, but was interrupted by an intense wave of nausea and dizziness which caused her body to sway until Nicky caught her and led her to sit on one of the beds.

"I have to puke," Lorna groaned as she leaned her head on her hands.

"Lorna, I need you to listen to me. You're gonna go between euphoria and feeling like crap for the next few hours. Your best option right now is to try and fall asleep –"

"But I don't wanna sleep!" Lorna sounded like a child whining about their bedtime, which made Nicky's heart ache. Of course Lorna didn't want to sleep – staying awake made her physically ill, but sleeping put her back into the nightmare she was trying to escape by causing said physical illness.

"Okay. Do you still need to throw up?" When Lorna nodded, Nicky helped her up and tried to nonchalantly guide her to the bathroom.

Lorna ran to the nearest toilet and started retching, but only brought up bile since she hadn't eaten anything. Nicky was instantly at her side. Once Lorna had finished emptying her stomach of nothingness, she washed up and let Nicky lead her back to their cube.

"Tell me, did you find the damn thing yourself, or did those crackheads offer it to you?" Nicky questioned, although she wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"There was a big bag of it in one of the vents. I only took a little, I swear!" Lorna said defensively.

"Here, take some painkillers, lay down," Nicky tried to hide the anger in her voice but probably came off as annoyed instead, "You're gonna drift in and out of sleep for a while. Try to relax and not think about it. Maybe read something. I'll be back in about an hour or so."

"Where are you going?" Lorna asked.

"Don't worry about it. You're high as a kite and it fucking shows. Just stay here and don't talk to anyone," Nicky replied as she hurried off. She already lost so many good things in her life because of heroin, she wasn't going to loose the most important one. She headed over to Electrical. Luckily, Luschek was still there, about to leave.

"Yo, Luschek!" Nicky called out casually, "One of the dryers in Laundry broke again! I'm gonna go take a stab at fixin' it. I need the tool cart."

"Aren't you usually the first one out of here? Why the sudden desire to actually do work?" Luschek asked sarcastically.

"Well, I heard that my commissary money might be late this month so I need the overtime," Nicky responded quickly.

"What, for 25 cents an hour? You can do it tomorrow Nichols. You'll take Chapman with you and you'll both get paid. I wanna go home, you know."

"Yeah, but what would Caputo say if he found out that some inmates can't get clean uniforms because you wouldn't allow me to fix that dryer?"

"Tomorrow morning, Nichols. I'm outta here. Good day." Luschek said as he exited.

At this point, Nicky had no choice but to go to Red. She went to the kitchen and explained to Red how the heroin was meant to get Vee in trouble and now it's just sitting there and needs to be removed.

"Why are you telling me this now? You couldn't come to me with this earlier?" Red was obviously upset, but also willing to help.

"Well, to be honest, I kinda forgot about it…" Nicky confessed.

"Until Lorna found it, right?" Red guessed, "Oh, you are so easy to read, my girl. Fine, go grab a butter knife and unscrew that vent. I'll come by with a kitchen cart in about 15 minutes. Oh, and get Boo to make sure the bathroom is empty. Tell her I'll get her something sweet in return. Go!"

Nicky did as she was told. She and Red loaded the heroin onto the cart, covered it with food items, moved it to the bathroom and flushed every ounce of it down the toilet. For the first time in her life, Nicky didn't feel any regret when she saw the brown powder dissolving and disappearing into the drains.

After everything, Nicky earned a smack on the head from Red.

"Don't ever do anything this stupid again," Red told her sternly, "I'm proud of you, but we could have all been sent to max for this kind of thing. Now, go make sure Lorna's okay."

Nicky saw that Lorna had fallen asleep while she was away, but had to wake her for final count, which was coming up pretty soon. Lorna was still out of it from the drugs, but managed to change into her nightclothes and stand still for count. She crashed immediately afterwards, though, as did Nicky.

The night ended up uneventful, for which Nicky was thankful. She didn't want Lorna to feel bad for her slip-up, so Nicky didn't mention it, and started the day as if it hadn't happened. Besides, the heroin was gone, so she knew it wouldn't happen again.

Lorna felt horrible that morning. Not because of the major headache she was having, but because she disappointed Nicky in a way that was, in her eyes, unforgivable. She was so ashamed that she couldn't even look her in the eyes. She couldn't keep doing this. She wasn't a child anymore, so she had to take care of her own issues.

After breakfast, Nicky stopped Lorna before they headed off to work.

"You feeling better?" She asked, concerned.

"Yeah," Lorna nodded, "um, thanks."

"You sure?" Nicky continued when she realized that Lorna was avoiding eye contact.

"I'm sure, Nicky. I'm so sorry. I, uh, have to go."

"Alright, then. I'll see you at dinner."

"Yeah," Lorna said as she turned to go to Laundry. Except that wasn't where she was headed.

Nicky arrived in Electrical a few minutes late, as usual.

"Nichols!" Luschek called, "Go to Laundry to fix that broken dryer. I'd tell Chapman to go with you, but she ain't here, so you got a solo. Take your time. But get back before 4:00, I don't wanna babysit you any longer than I have to."

Nicky had completely forgotten about yesterday's little lie. No matter, at least she had an excuse to check on Lorna, who seemed more out of it today than she had last night.

"Yo, so which dryer is broken?" Nicky asked when she arrived, obviously knowing the answer.

"Nothing's broken," a husky voice answered. It looked like the COs were quick with reassigning Vause back to Laundry.

"Hey! They left you alone in here on your first day?" Nicky asked.

"Oh, yeah. Well, apparently Pennsatucky was reassigned elsewhere a few days ago, cuz she wasn't playing nice, the two crackheads left when they saw me arrive, and Lorna never showed. I assumed she was with you, but – uh – I guess not. So you two are back together?"

"Something like that," Nicky confirmed, "Look, ask Chapman to fill you in. I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta return this tool belt to Luschek, so if there's no broken dryer, I'll be on my way. And if anyone asks, I totally fixed it, a'ight?"

"Yeah, no worries. I got plenty of company in here!" Alex called after Nicky as she made her way out.

Goddammit Lorna, not again! Nicky thought as she made her way to their cube. Of course, it was empty. This sent shivers down Nicky's spine. She wouldn't forgive herself if she found Lorna in the same state as last time. She went to look in the bathroom. She was relieved when she found it completely vacant, but at the same time this worried her even more. Going back to her cube to temporarily drop off her tool belt, she made a mental note of Lorna's possible whereabouts. As she sat down on her bunk, Nicky noticed a piece of paper sticking out from under her pillow. She pulled it out, unfolded it and froze as she read the handwritten note addressed to her.

Dear Nicky,

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dragged you down with me.
You deserve so much better. I want to thank you for
putting up with me this whole time. I've only known
you for a couple of years, but you have been more
understanding and patient with me than anyone else.
I wish I could keep going. I wish I could laugh with you
about some silly old thing without being reminded of
that time. I wanted to get through this. But I can't.
I can't because whenever I try, I always screw up and
end up hurting you. I don't want to hurt you anymore.

You've been so good to me. Too good. I wish I could
return that, but all I do is hurt you. I want you to
save that goodness for someone who truly deserves it.
Someone normal. Someone who won't keep you up at
night for the wrong reasons. Someone who will make
you shed tears of joy instead of sadness and frustration.
Someone who won't destroy you like I will.

This was the last time. I'll never hurt you again.

I love you.

Lorna

T.B.C.

Author's Note: I hate to leave it on a cliff-hanger, but this is to ensure that the next chapter is posted within a reasonable amount of time. Probably some time before next weekend.