Author's Note: Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed :)
Unfortunately I'm a very irresponsible person and I don't save my work while writing. So, the battery on my computer decided to run out of power and I lost my whole chapter (*cries*). Well, I rewrote it, it took a while, but here it is. Enjoy!

Nicky felt as if her heart had been stabbed multiple times. What had just happened? She thought Lorna was doing better – they were communicating. They loved each other – why would she do this?

Nicky was frozen in place as parts of the letter echoed in her mind:

Too Good.
No one could be too good for Lorna. She was worth so much more than she gave herself credit for. Why couldn't she believe it?

Someone normal.
Nicky didn't want 'normal'. No matter how fucked up their situation was, she would choose Lorna over anyone else any day.

This was the last time.
That one hurt the most. Lorna had said the same thing the last time they had sex. She kept her word then. Except then, the sex was replaceable. Lorna wasn't. Sex was no longer necessary for Nicky since they had revealed their love for each other, and especially after learning about Lorna's past. Just the thought of her being gone tore Nicky's heart to pieces. She bolted from her cube in search for her friend.

Making her way around the prison, she frantically asked other inmates if they had seen Lorna. Some were able to provide a general direction of her whereabouts. Nicky ended up in the east hallway. She checked everywhere, looked around every corner, until she stood in front of the door to the cleaning supply closet. She prayed to God that Lorna had forgotten the time Nicky taught her how to pick a lock. Fearing the worst, she reached for the knob and turned it. The door opened.

Nicky took in the scene before her. Lorna was on the ground, whimpering and doubled over in pain. A half empty bottle of bleach sat close to her, with some of the liquid on the floor.

"No…" Lorna whispered as she looked at Nicky with guilt in her eyes.

The redhead then produced the loudest blood-curdling scream ever heard by the prison walls with which her knees gave out.

Correctional officers and inmates came rushing in almost immediately.

"We need an ambulance. East corridor cleaning supply closet. Toxic poisoning. Looks like a suicide attempt," Bell said into her radio while O'Neill attempted to keep the other inmates out.

"Jesus, kid, what did you do?" Nicky sobbed as she crawled towards Lorna, who was now throwing up.

The paramedics arrived within the next five minutes.

"Inmate! Get out of the way!" Bell instructed Nicky.

They strapped Lorna onto a stretcher, and carried her out.

"You have to save her! Please, save her! Please!" Nicky yelled, running after them.

"Make sure you chain her to the bed," Caputo's voice could be heard directing another CO and security guard, "and if she makes it, I want her sent to the Psychiatric Unit."

The hall was still filled with other prisoners whispering amongst each other.

"Inmate!" Caputo pointed at Nicky, "Come with me."

They went to his office and took a seat.

"I'm going to assign you mandatory psychiatric help starting tomorrow –"

"I don't need a shrink," Nicky interrupted him, still furious at his previous order. Although her red cheeks and smeared eye makeup didn't make her look too convincing.

"Think of it as therapy. Now, you can either agree to this, or I can send you to the Psych Unit along with your friend. I'm only doing what I should have done weeks ago," he added seeing Nicky's expression, "Your first appointment is tomorrow at four. Your presence will indicate your decision. You may go."

Nicky left. She hated this situation. She hated shrinks. But, if she was in Psych, not only would she not see Lorna, but there was also no way of finding out how she was doing. At least in the prison, she could ask a CO or have Red pull some strings to get some information.

Nicky must have looked like a zombie walking around the prison, because upon seeing her, Red immediately took her aside.

"I heard what happened," the older woman said, "Nicky, I'm so sorry."

Nicky looked up at Red and broke down.

"I don't want her to die!" she sobbed into Red's shoulder. The scene bore a strong resemblance to the time Nicky was going through her heroin withdrawal.

"I know, honey," Red soothed her, "But we have to stay strong. There's nothing more we can do right now, is there? Just think positive thoughts. The doctors are doing their best – they don't want another negative statistic on their record. They'll save her."

Red wasn't so sure of her own words, but tried to sound convincing, for Nicky's sake.

"Now, you should get cleaned up and get back to work. Luschek is probably looking for you," she tried to sound stern but not uncaring. Creating a neutral atmosphere for Nicky was absolutely crucial in avoiding a mental breakdown.

Lorna screamed in pain as the paramedics took her away. Her heart sank when she heard Nicky's desperate pleas to keep her alive. However, as much as it hurt her now, it was only temporary, Lorna thought. She felt that she was like an open wound of Nicky's that just kept getting infected. Killing herself would be the equivalent of pouring antiseptic on it – painful at first, but practical and necessary in the long run. It needed to be done.

When they carried her into the ambulance, Lorna noticed one of the paramedics take out a large syringe and some tubing. They were going to pump her stomach. She couldn't allow it. She was so close and they were going to take this away from her.

"Ma'am, hold still, please," she heard someone say.

"You can't do this to me!" Lorna yelled, shaking her head from side to side, "Please don't do this!"

"Get the anesthetic!" another voice called.

"No!" Lorna screamed again as they injected her with something, "I don't consent!"
Everything became blurry and the voices around her were muffled. The pain was going away. Was it over?

"Just let me die…" she slurred and her mind drifted to sleep.

Nicky couldn't sleep that night. She tossed and turned as negative thoughts clouded her mind. She managed to get through the day by keeping herself busy. But now, in silence and darkness, she couldn't help but play out the worst possible scenarios in her head. How could she let this happen? What did she miss? She swore to herself that if Lorna didn't make it, she would follow. Life just wouldn't be worth living anymore.

Nicky took Lorna's pillow from her bed and hugged it tightly. It smelled like her. The pillow that had absorbed so many of Lorna's tears throughout the past few weeks was now wet with Nicky's as she silently cried for her best friend.

Lorna woke up the next morning in the hospital. She was hooked up to an I.V. and her left arm was chained to the bed. Other than that, the room she was in was empty. Suicide prevention, she thought. There were two doors – one leading to the bathroom, the other to the hallway – and no windows. The next thing Lorna noticed was that her throat felt like it was on fire. It hurt to swallow. And breathe.

She then saw the door open and a doctor came in.

"Oh, you're awake!" He said upon entering the room, "Lorna Morello is it? Well, you're quite lucky. The paramedics were able to prevent any sort of permanent damage to your internal organs. Of course, your esophagus suffered some pretty severe burns, as did your stomach, but I've prescribed antibiotics so you should be healed up in a couple of weeks. Do you have any questions?"

Lorna shook her head.

"Alright, then. We've put you on a special diet to quicken the healing process," the doctor added, "I understand it's difficult to speak right now, so if you need anything, just push the button on the side of the bed. A mental health specialist will be with you shortly to discuss a few things. I'll check in later today."

With that, he left. Lorna hadn't really been listening to anything past the first few sentences. She didn't feel lucky at all. In fact, she felt the quite opposite – completely miserable. She couldn't do anything right – not even kill herself – and now she was stuck here with the consequences of her failure.

The mental health specialist entered the room.

"I'm going to be very blunt with you," he started. His tone was very monotonous, unlike the previous doctor, "You have been put on suicide watch. You have the right to speak with a psychologist during your stay at the hospital, if you wish. However, once your wounds heal, you will be sent to Litchfield's Psychiatric Unit."

Lorna wasn't surprised. They should have sent her to Psych a while ago. Though she was already so broken that there was no way in hell they were going to fix her. But maybe Nicky would see that Lorna was unfixable and she would stop caring about her so much because it was hopeless? She was a lost cause. Nicky had to see that. Maybe then she could move on.

"Do you understand?" the monotonous voice interrupted Lorna's thoughts and she automatically nodded her head.

"Good," the specialist said and left. Lorna was now alone in this big empty room. She had to keep telling herself that this was what she wanted. She wanted Nicky to move on so she had to get through it. Why did love always have to hurt so much?

After work, Nicky went to see her new 'therapist'. She hated shrinks. Her mother had made her talk to about a dozen when she was a teenager. Clearly, none of them had actually helped since she still ended up in prison. This, in turn, meant that she could probably bullshit her way through this stupid meeting that Caputo had set up. He would see that there wasn't anything wrong with her.

When she opened the door, she saw a desk with a stack of papers on it and two chairs on either side. A lady – probably around Red's age – was sitting on one of the chairs and looking at a folder in her hands.

"Oh, come in, come in! Sit down," she said when she saw Nicky walk in, "You must be Nicole. My name is Cathy." The lady extended her hand, and Nicky shook it.

"Now, I understand you're here involuntarily. I get it. No one really ever wants to see a psychologist. But, I don't want my opinion of you to be based on what I can find in these," Cathy said, pointing at the folders, "So how about we pretend we're just two random strangers meeting for the first time, hmm? I'll just let you know that anything you tell me is strictly confidential."

"First off, it's Nicky. I hate Nicole," Nicky retorted, "second, it's kinda hard to just pretend when you're writing down everything I say in that little notepad of yours."

"Okay," Cathy replied. She gathered the papers on the table, put them in her bag, and promptly moved the bag to the other side of the room.

"No papers, no notes," she announced, "So, how about it, Nicky?"

"Whatever," Nicky crossed her arms around her chest.

"You're not gonna budge, are you?" Cathy smiled at Nicky, "What if I told you that I know a few things about your friend Lorna?"

From there, the rest of the conversation went pretty smoothly. An hour later, Caputo came in and asked how they were doing.

"I'd like to see Nicky every other day for an hour or so," Cathy informed him, "I think we did pretty well for our first visit."

"That's good," Caputo responded, "I'm happy with your decision, Nichols."

After dinner, Nicky's first reaction was to go to Red's bunk. She sat on the bed and waited for her to come back from kitchen duty.

"She's alive!" Nicky announced when Red walked in.

"Oh, thank God!" Red exclaimed with a sigh of relief, sitting beside her, "How do you know?"

"The shrink lady told me. She figured out that bribing me with information would get me talking about my feelings or whatever. She told me to keep it on the down low though, so –"

"My lips are sealed," Red assured her, "Did she tell you anything else?"

"Yeah. She said that they had to sedate her to pump her stomach because she wouldn't cooperate. Then she –" Nicky swallowed to get rid of the lump forming in her throat, "– she kept on yelling that she wanted them to just let her die. Her insides are burned pretty badly, and there was some internal bleeding, but no permanent damage. They're gonna send her to Psych the moment her wounds heal."

"Well, it's better to know than to be unaware, right?" Red stated, "Although I don't understand why she'd want to take her life – "

"She thinks she doesn't deserve to be loved. She feels like she's a burden to me because she knows I'd do anything for her. Although, if I went through the crap that she did, I probably would have killed myself a long time ago…" Nicky said automatically, earning herself a confused gaze from Red. She sighed, realizing that she owed the woman an explanation, "it's a long story…"

"We have time." Red said, preparing herself for one of the most tragic tales she'd ever heard.

The days went by and Nicky attended every meeting with her therapist, if only to find out how Lorna was doing. She knew that her wounds were healing pretty quickly and she was no longer in physical pain.

After about two weeks, Cathy informed her that Lorna was sent to the Psychiatric Unit, and she no longer had access to any more information.

"What do you mean?" Nicky asked, surprised, "I thought you all knew each other and shit. Can't you get in somehow?"

"I'm sorry Nicky, but everything in the Psychiatric Unit is top secret. If I knew anything, I probably wouldn't be allowed to be here."

"So what is this, some kind of game? You got me fooled, making all this stuff up just to get me talking. Now, at the most important stage you suddenly don't have any more access? I don't trust you anymore."

"Everything I've told you up to now was true. All the details, every bit. I didn't lie to you, Nicky. I wouldn't play with your feelings like that. I can't get any information on Lorna, but I can make sure that she has these same sessions with me, maybe even all three of us, once she returns to Litchfield –"

"And when will that be?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then I'm done with this shit!" Nicky yelled as she made her way for the door.

"Nicky, wait!" Cathy yelled after her, "Listen to me for a minute. You're angry right now. You're acting on impulse. I've noticed that you're doing a lot better, mentally. How about, instead of quitting, we have fewer meetings. Like, twice a week. I'm pretty sure Mr. Caputo would get suspicious if you just quit."

Damn, this lady was convincing. Of course, these meetings were mandatory, and Nicky could just as well get her ass sent to Psych without any hesitation on Caputo's part. She hated that she was wrong, but it seemed that Cathy really did care about her. At least, more than any other psychologist she'd seen.

"Fine," Nicky agreed, her anger subsiding. Two times a week was half the amount of time she had been seeing Cathy, so Caputo probably wouldn't question the change.

The security guards at the hospital escorted Lorna to the Psychiatric Unit. Upon noticing the scars on her wrists, the doctors had put her in a straitjacket. She had her first confrontation with a psychologist from inside a cell.

"The jacket is temporary, until we can be sure that you won't harm yourself again," he assured her.

"With what?" Lorna asked, not really expecting an answer.

"People find ways."

"What am I going to do – chew my hand off? Forget it, you can't fix me anyway!"

Lorna's memories flashed through her mind. She couldn't bear to tell some stranger – especially a man – about her past. She shut her eyes tightly in an attempt to will the thoughts away.

"Not with that attitude," the psychologist said, "we can only help you as much as you want to be helped. Unfortunately, you can't be released from here until we consider you stable so it's in your best interest that you start talking."

"I have nothing to tell you," Lorna remarked, her voice now shaking, as she avoided eye contact.

The psychologist could sense from Lorna's behavior and body language, that she was getting extremely uncomfortable.

"Look, we can take this one step at a time. There's no rush. You set the pace."

She shook her head, still looking away. He wouldn't understand.

"Do you feel you'd be more comfortable talking to a female?" he asked.

Lorna paused. She hadn't thought about, but it did seem like it would be easier to talk to a woman. Could she handle it, though? Why was she even considering it? What if they could fix her? Did she want it bad enough? She wanted Nicky to be happy. If she was normal again, maybe they could be together. Lorna hadn't realized the possibility of actually getting better. She could try. Maybe she'd fail, but there was a slight chance of success. She wanted to be with Nicky more than she had ever wanted anything else, but she couldn't hurt her anymore. She would take the chance. She was stuck here anyways, so why not?

"Yes, I think so," Lorna nodded, "I hope so…"

"I'll edit your file, then," the psychologist said, and gave her a smile, "Don't worry, if you want it enough, we'll fix you."

Any free time that Nicky had would be spent looking out the window towards the prison entrance. Every time she saw a white van pull in, she would feel a flash of hope, which would disappear as quickly as it came when she realized that Lorna wasn't among the inmates that were being brought in.

"This isn't healthy," Red told her, as she walked by one day.

"I can't miss her," Nicky replied without looking away from the yard.

Red knew that, given Lorna's past, her arrival wasn't going to be too quick. She wouldn't say that to Nicky, though. If the girl was holding on to something, it was best to just let her be.

Nicky's meetings with Cathy no longer had the same effect, but she didn't stop attending them. At least it got Caputo off her ass, and she had an excuse for Luschek for skipping work. She would wait there by the window forever, if she had to. Heck, if she was willing to die for Lorna, she was willing to extend her sentence just to see Lorna's beautiful face again. No matter how long it took.

Lorna's new psychologist had prescribed her anti-depressants and some other medication that would let her sleep without much disturbance. She was out of the straitjacket after about a week. Sometimes, the loneliness made her feel like she was in SHU, even though she was interacting with someone everyday. It wasn't a good experience, and she despised being there, although she did start feeling like her burden was being taken off her shoulders. It wasn't instant, but as the previous therapist had told her, one step at a time. She just couldn't wait to get out of there. She knew Nicky was waiting. She was, too. That gave her enough motivation to stay strong.