Thanks to scotlandnmerica for the prompt!

This is a little JohnRoxy ficlet that just so happens to take place on Valentine's Day. Even though this little diddy isn't all that romantic or Valentine's Day-ish, it was still fun to write and I hope you enjoy it.

Glenn's Gauntlet (John/Roxy)

There were many things that Roxy Lalonde loved about the world post-SBURB. World hunger wasn't a thing, Siberian tigers weren't in danger of going extinct, and you could walk into any bookstore without the fear of finding it to be some stupid coffee-shop-hybrid. No longer would one have to navigate the selves, stepping over fifty or so independent artists strewn across the floor working on their next 'masterpiece' and sipping on their newfangled coffee.

Seriously, why do people do that? Do they think that all the books around them are going to give them some magic writing powers or something? As if! Go home and write, you big old jerk.

Anyways, it was with great pep that Roxy stepped through the front doors of a cozy, little bookshop and escaped the chill of late winter. It was the day before Valentine's Day and she had taken the initiative to find the perfect romantic gift for her boyfriend of six months, the one and only John Egbert.

"Hello there, young miss!" Cheered a kindly old man behind the counter. He was old as shit, with a wiry tuft of white hair atop his head and a set of thick glasses perched on the end of his pointed nose. "What can I do for you today?"

"I'm looking for a gift for V-Day." Explained Roxy excitedly. She tried to peer past the old man towards the many bookshelves as she spoke. "It's for my boyfriend. I'm trying to get him into reading and I reeaaaally want to find something that will hold his interest for longer than twenty minutes."

"Looking for a real attention grabber, eh?" The clerks eyes twinkled and he dove a hand beneath the counter. "I've got just the thing! This here is an old gem, passed down to me by my father and given to him by his own father before that! I'm willing to part with it though, for the right price of course."

He produced a large tome, bound in dark leather and inscribed with a styalized skull symbol on the front cover. It fell with a heavy thunk onto the counter and spewed a puff of dust onto the front of Roxy's sweater.

"What's it about?" She questioned, as she gently prodded the book with a stiff finger. It looked like some serious necronomicon witchcraft mess, the likes of which Rose Lalonde would probably leap at the chance to curl up with in the darkness of her bedroom, surrounded by ethereal incents and a distinct lack of cheer.

"Well, now. Do I look like the type of fella to spoil a good story?" The wizened clerk, who was already grinning like a loon, somehow managed to stretch his smile a fraction of an inch wider. "What say ye, young lass? Do you think this would tickle your beau's fancy?"

"Maybe…" Roxy rubbed at her chin, wished that she had a beard, and stared pointedly at the book in thought. It didn't look like the type of story John would be interested in and Roxy would really dislike to waste her hard-earned money on an over-sized paperweight. However, there was something about this particular book, and the alluring vagueness around it, that piqued her interested…

"How much?" She asked, digging into her wallet.

Later that evening, Roxy lounged on her bed in her crappy studio apartment, barely visible beneath a veritable mountain of plushy stuffed animals and blankets. A flashing gameboy was clutched tightly in her hands and her cell phone sat cradled against her shoulder.

"… and then Dave was all like: 'that's what you get when you let your heart win!'"

"Hahaha." Roxy snorted with laughter. "Fucking got 'em."

"I know, right?" John chuckled along on the other end of the line. "Heh, so anyways enough about me, what did you do today?"

"Nothing much." Roxy looked away from her game long enough to cast a glance towards the end of her bed, where John's new book sat yet to be wrapped. "I did a little shopping, met Jane for lunch, and now I'm kicking some Robotnik ass on planet Mobius."

"Haha. Nice." There was a pause, then John's voice lost it's joking quality. "Hey, I was just thinking, are you sure that you're still free for tomorrow? I know that I kind of sprung this up on you at the last minute and everything, and I really don't want to inconvenience you, but I just seriously want our first Valentine's together to be awesome and..."

"Babe, babe." She cut him off mid-way through his awkward, rambly spiel. "For the last time: I wouldn't miss tomorrow for anything, I promise you that. Lunch in the park and then a intimate screening of 'Drive Angry', come on. That's prime-time for some true love sweet love romancey goodness!"

"You really think so?"

"Yeah! Of course I do. It'll be great and I'll absolutely love it, so stop your worrying."

"Well, fine. If you say so."

"Your damn right." Roxy checked her watch. "Crap, I gotta go. I need to wrap your gift and catch some shut eye. Don't want to be a Sleepy Susan during our date."

"Aw, okay." There was a rustling sound as John adjusted his grip on the phone. "I hope you didn't spend too much money on my gift, Roxy. I told you like a dozen times that I didn't need anything."

"Uh. Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but I was under the impression that we both agreed this was a worry-free zone, Johnny."

"Okay, okay, sorry." He chuckled again, the soft noise bring a smirk to Roxy's lips. "Goodnight, Roxy. Don't let the bed bugs bite!"

"Ditto! I- uh…" Suddenly, Roxy gripped the phone tighter, her game forgotten. "I love you."

There was silence for a moment, then:

"Oh, well… I love you too, Roxy."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"Ttyl."

"Yeah."

Roxy hung up and spent a few seconds staring at her phone, smirking slightly once again and enjoying the pleasantly warm buzz in her chest. She had said it. She had finally said it. It had been spontaneous and thrilling and it was out there and irretrievable and… he had reciprocated.

Mega score for RoLal.

Still giddy, Roxy leapt from her bed to floor, unintentionally jostling her plushies and actually knocking John's gift to the rug.

The book landed on it's spine and tipped open, revealing it's off-white pages to the ceiling. Shaking her head, Roxy stooped the retrieve the book, but before she could so much as touch it all abruptly shit broke loose.

A cloud of black smoke erupted from the book, bolts of red lightening arced across the pages, and as Roxy backed away quickly, a disembodied voice rumbled with the power of a thousand earthquakes, rattling the very ribs in her chest.

"Hahahaha! YEEESSS!" The voice boomed. "My time has finally come at last!"

"Wh- what the fuck?!" Roxy cried, as she pulled her collar up over her nose to protect herself from the acrid smog. "What is this? What the hell is going on?!"

"YOU!" The voice continued, unperturbed. "Human, prepare yourself for an adventure like no other!"

As quickly as the smoke cloud arrived, it disappeared, to reveal that the book was now floating at eye level across from Roxy. It was open still and the yellowing pages were devoid of neigh word nor pictogram.

"This is a joke, right? I mean someone has got to be joshing me. Is this you, Jane? Are you trying to increase the rank of your silly prankster's gambit again?"

"Silence! This is no time for joshing. Instead, prepare yourself for a spectacular tale, one in which you are the main character!"

"Whoa." Roxy squinted at the floating book. "So is this like some 'choose your own adventure' thing?"

"No! It's a life or death quest of majesty!" Corrected the book, with more than a little exasperation. "You will be deciding your own fate with every turn of the page."

"Sounds like a 'choose your own adventure' thing to me."

"No, dammit! This is real! Just- ugh, come on!" Suddenly the pages of the book began to turn rapidly, as if beaten by strong breeze. A tingling sensation started in Roxy's toes and crept up her legs into her chest. The world began to spin, the book began to glow, and a startled shriek tore itself from Roxy's lips as she was quite unexpectedly sucked forward into the book!

The pages stopped turning, the covers snapped shut, and the book fell to the ground.

Roxy was gone.

When she opened her eyes next, Roxy was quick to deduce that she was no longer in her apartment. The walls and floor had turned a dull grey and all of her belongings had disappeared, replaced by empty space. She was in a long corridor now, which stretched far beyond her vision and disappeared into the inky blackness beyond. Torches mounted on the wall lit the immediate area, but other than that, the dungeon was spooky and gross.

"Fuck." Cursed Roxy. "I am waaaaay to sober for this shit."

Suddenly, the mysterious voice of the book returned.

"Still think this is a game, human?" It taunted. "You are my pawn now, a plaything to be pushed through my gauntlet of horrors. I hope you like twisted creatures of darkness, bottomless pits, and pointy things or else you're seriously going to be bummed out by this place."

"Listen, book." Roxy began, folding her arms. "I'm really sorry that I disturbed your eternal slumber or whatever your deal is, but this i just cruel. I had no idea that you were a magic, talking book. I just bought you because… well, because I dunno."

"Well, it's too late now. You've dug your metaphorical grave and now it's time to literally lie in it."

"If you take me back to my apartment I'll…" Roxy wracked her brains. "I'll make it worth your while. D- Do books like money? How about a new bookmark? If you let me out, I'll give you the sickest bookmark I can find, I swear."

"A bookmark? Why, of course! I've always wanted my very own bookmark! I'll let you out right now, just gimme a sec."

"Really?"

"NO! What the hell do you take me for, some kind of schmuck?! You're so racist. Offering a bookmark to a book is like trying to bribe a Canadian with maple syrup. Screw you. You're despicable."

"I'm despicable!? You trapped me in a dungeon, asshole!"

"Yeah, and I won't be letting you out anytime soon!" The book laughed mercilessly. "I've waited a millennia to challenge a young adventurer to my gauntlet and now that the time has finally come, there will be no backing out! Advance, human, and see if you can scrounge victory from the darkness below!"

With a heavy sigh, Roxy realized that there wouldn't be any wise-talking her way out of this mess. Taking one of the torches from it's mounting on the wall, she lifted it above her head and tried to peer further down the mysterious, lengthy corridor. It's end still stretched out of sight though, so Roxy was left with no choice but to venture forward.

"You better not make me late for my date, book." She grumbled as she walked. "I have plans to get to second and a half base with John tomorrow and nothing, not even a stupid runaround of this caliber, is going to get in the way of that."

"Hahaha. Gooooood." The book growled in response. "A sharp mind, genuine impetus, and keen eyes will be needed to escape with your life. The first challenge lies not far ahead. I wish you luck."

Roxy was just about to bite back with a witty response, one that would both demoralize the book and boost her own spirits in one fell swoop, when the ground beneath her feet came to an abrupt end.

"Shit!" Cried Roxy, as she teetered on the edge of a large hole. The tunnel was so dark, she'd almost unwittingly walked right to her death! From the light of her torch, she could see that the bottom of the pit was lined with razor-sharp spikes and that the only way forward was to play a madman's version of hopscotch across a series of wooden poles that shot up from the ground

To any normal guy or gal, this challenge probably would have seemed a little too daunting. Like, come on. Real life plat-forming over a pit of spikes? Pass. I'll just sit here on the ground and starve to death like a smart person.

However, Roxy was neither a normal gal nor guy, she was a SBURB champion and creator of the new world. Jumping on poles over spikes is a cakewalk compared to going toe to toe with the monstrous likes of Lord English. Gritting her teeth, Roxy leapt onto the first pole, then the second, then the third. They peaks were narrow, but as long as she moved quickly, she was sure that she wouldn't lose her balance.

"So, tell me something, book." Roxy said, as she leapt forward again. "Is this actual magic or just some type of smoke and mirrors, puzzle riddleton, Quentin Beck-esque crap?"

"You still doubt my claims?" The book responded coldly. "Even after you've seen my magic for yourself first hand?"

"Well, yeah." Roxy pirouetted high above the spikes once more. She was nearing the end. "You're just a book, right? How did you make any of this stuff?"

"It's all mind power, something you seem to possess very little of. Down here, in this mystical dungeon of enchantment, I can create anything I desire with merely a thought."

With a final, powerful leap, Roxy made it to the opposite side of the pit to solid ground and completed the first trial.

"Are you sure about that?" She dusted off her skirt and paused a moment to inspect the nearest wall. She scratched it lightly with her nails. "A part of me still thinks that this all might be special effects."

"SPECIAL EFFECTS?!" The book was incredulous. "I'll show you special effects!" Suddenly, a portion of the nearby wall slid aside to reveal a hidden passage. From out of the new doorway strode a magnificent pegasus, with golden wings and a wild mane composed entirely out of blue flame. "DO YOU SEE THIS SHIT? THIS IS FANTASY, YOU PUNK-ASS BITCH!"

Roxy had to admit. That was fantasy as hell.

The pegasus walked backwards through the door whence it came and the wall slid back into place, as if it had never moved at all.

"Alright, alright. This is magic. I believe you now." Roxy rolled her eyes as she continued forward. "Can you blame me for being a skeptic though? We as a society have become desensitized to stuff like this. Every aspect of our lives is hyped up to the umpteenth degree to the point where nothing really awes us anymore."

"Oh shut up." The book groaned. "Don't try to turn this into some bullshit social commentary. You were being a stupid jerk. Take your lumps. Keep moving. Complete the trials. That's all you need to think about right now."

"You know. I'm starting to think that I don't like you very much, book."

Further down the hallway Roxy traveled, until she came face to face with the second trial. There, blocking the path ahead, was a stone golem that reminded Roxy of an Easter Island head. The hunk of rock sat there, unmoving, with it's expressionless eyes fixed directly ahead.

"I would like to introduce you to the Riddle Master." Spoke the book from nowhere once more. "You have passed the test of coordination, but now you must face the challenge of wit. I wish you luck again, as knowing you, you're probably going to need it."

Roxy's eyes rolled skyward again, as the stone golem's wide mouth opened and began to speak:

"Answer me this riddle, pilgrim, to continue on your quest." Spoke the golem in a voice like crunching gravel. "What loses its head in the morning and gets it back at night?"

"A pillow." Answered Roxy immediately.

"Uhh…." The golem's jaw went slack. "Th- that's right."

"I know. Can I keep going now?"

"No! I forgot to mention this, but I actually have three riddles for you!" The golem cleared his throat. "What is a man during the day, but turns into a werewolf under the light of the moon?"

"… A werewolf."

"What starts with an 'E' but only has a single letter in it?"

"An envelope."

"Where do…"

"People live in houses."

"Damn it to hell!" The golem ground it's stone teeth viciously. "Did I say that there were three riddles? I meant that there were seventeen riddles!"

"What? No!" Roxy thrust her fists against her hips. "I answered all of your stupid riddles, golem dude. Now let me pass."

"N- No. NO. I have more riddles, I swear. Just gimme a sec…" The golem scrunched up his brow in concentration, but would never get the chance to utter a new riddle. Roxy had finally had enough.

"Super fuck this." She growled and then performed a perfect hurricane kick. Her foot connected with the golems head and it instantly exploded into a million shards of jagged stone.

"Holy shit." Breathed the voice of the book, who was impressed. "You just killed that guy."

"Maybe…" Roxy buffed her nails on her sweater. "But then again, maybe this is all some fever-induced fever dream. I'll find out when I finish the last of these stupid trials. How many more are left?"

"Just one."

"Faaaaantastic." Grinned Roxy confidently and she continued forward once more.

John Egbert checked his wristwatch for the fifth time in as many minutes. He was stood in the town park, with a picnic basket hung in the crook of his arm and a bouquet of a dozen roses clutched dumbly in his hand. Most noticeable though, was the distinct absence of one Roxy Lalonde by his side.

He checked his phone. Zero messages. Zero calls.

Roxy was known to miss an appointment every whence and then, but usually not without sending some kind of warning text. If she was running late, she would have told him. They could have rescheduled or… something.

"She's not coming."

John turned quickly to find that it was a guy sitting on a park bench nearby who had spoken. He too was clutching a wilting bouquet and picnic basket.

"N- No. I'm pretty sure she's coming." John responded, slightly disgruntled by the man's input.

The stranger heaved a heavy sigh and hug his head.

"That's what I said too." He muttered, and then began to sob quietly. John wisely absconded the fuck away from that situation.

Maybe he should call Roxy, just to make sure.

"Heeeeeeey!" Slurred Roxy's voice message when she didn't answer. "If you're trying to sell somethin'… then I ain't buyin'. Hahahaaa. If you're someone important, leave a message, and I'll see if I- *hic* can schedule you in. Hehahe…"

There was a sharp beep and then John snapped his phone shut. He probably should have left a message, in all rationally, but thinking rationally wasn't a thing he planned on doing at the moment. All day, for the past three days, he'd been planning this date and for it to just fizzle out like this really got him worried.

Roxy wouldn't stand him up. It just wasn't something that she did. Hell, just last night she'd said that she loved him. Where was she?

Frantically, John's mind flashed from one horrible scenario after another:

Roxy, slipping on the way out of her apartment and tumbling down the twenty flights of stairs in her building. Or maybe making it outside unscathed, only to get crushed by a falling anvil that someone accidentally dropped from a plane. Or maybe catching a ride on the bus and then the bus driving off the end of an unfinished highway like in the movie 'Speed' to explode in a fiery ball of flame on the hard unforgiving ground and – OH GOD JOHN YOU HAVE TO CHECK IF SHE'S STILL ALIVE RUN YOU IDIOT RUN!

The park was only about ten minutes walking distance from Roxy's building, six maybe if you ran. Regardless, no matter how long it took, it was not quick enough to satiate John's racing heart. He dashed through the lobby, bypassed the elevator, which had been broken for many months, and ascended the stairs two at a time.

Using the spare key bequeathed to him by Roxy herself, John entered her apartment to find that… everything was just exactly how he remembered it. There weren't blood stains splashed up the wall or anything ridiculous, just a dumb old book lying on the ground and a fluffy bed devoid of it's owner.

Where the hell was Roxy?

Turning back towards the door, John was already formulating a plan involving a city-wide search conducted by the entire police force, when he was brought to a grinding halt by a sinister voice that quietly hissed in his ear.

"Reeeeeaad me, pussy." Demanded the voice.

Against his better judgment, John turned to find that there was no one else in the apartment, of course, and that the only reading material immediately available was the spooky-ass book sitting innocuously on the rug.

"Aw, man…" John groaned, as he approached the book. "I am waaaay to wound-up for this shit."

All it took was for one of his fingers to brush the worn leather cover, before the black smoke reappeared with a burst of magic. Looking back, John would later deny the very un-manly shriek that rose from his throat just as he was sucked up into the book as well.

"I'm not a big fan of their new stuff, in all honesty. They just weren't the same after Slash left."

"What the hell are you talking about? Post-Slash GnR is the best GnR."

"What the hell are you talking about, book? There was no GnR after Slash left. The band literally fell apart!"

"No. No. No." The voice of the book was adamant. "That was just a hiatus, idiot. They took off again when Buckethead joined up."

"Buckethead?!" Roxy shook her head in disgust. "I swear to whatever almighty beings books believe in, when I get out of here, I'm going to throw you into the river so that I never have to listen to your stupid opinions ever again. Good riddance."

"You're just too narrow-minded to relate to the contemporary directions taken by true rock and roll artists." Snapped the book with frustration evident in it's deep voice. "But whatever, that's just your own stupid prerogative. The third trial grows closer with every step you take, human, are you ready to face your greatest challenge yet?"

"You bet!" Roxy gripped her torch, the only weapon she had, a little tighter. "You know, it's a little weird that you haven't asked me my name yet."

"Well, you haven't asked me mine either."

"I didn't know books had names…."

"I would expect nothing less from a human of your remarkable character." There was a pause. "That was sarcasm by the way. I was being sarcastic. I actually hate you."

"Yeah, I know. So what is your name?"

"Glenn."

"Glenn? Seriously? It thought it'd be something like Grimstein the Hardback! Or something equally fantastical."

"Well, you can't pick your neighbors or your name so, what are you going to do?" If the book had a body and if it was actually there with Roxy, it probably would have shrugged.

"I suppose you're right. Nice to meet you, Glenn. I'm Roxy!" Quite subconsciously, Roxy gave her bangs a quick flip as she stated her name. It was a nice touch. She'd have to remember to do that from now on whenever she met someone new.

"Alright, Roxy. Here we are, the final trial." The long corridor opened up into a cavernous room. The ceiling was shrouded in shadow and the floor was flat, empty, and boring. "As always, I wish you good luck."

"Uh, what am I supposed to do?" Asked Roxy, as she stepped into the large space.

"Simple… FACE YOUR DARKEST FEARS! Hahaha!"

Another plume of smoke drew Roxy's attention towards the center of the room. From the mist, condensed a solid body, tall, muscular, with skin of green, and eyes like flashing billiard balls. The icy claws of fear gripped Roxy's heart as Lord English materialized right before her, wielding his golden scepter and flanked by an army of skeletal minions.

"Shit on my dick." Breathed the young adventurer. "I'm so fucked."

And it truly appeared as if she was, particularly when Lord English pointed directly towards her with his scepter and silently commanded his skeleton army to charge forward in attack. Thinking quickly, Roxy stabbed forward with her torch and buried the flaming end in the eye socket of the first skeleton. The monster fell immediately, but was quickly replaced by a dozen more.

They reached for her with their gross, bony hands, and she was forced to dodge and weave around them, lest she be ripped apart by the mob. With the skill of a practiced fighter, she created distance between her foes, centered her focus, and then went on the offensive.

Her punches fell skeleton after skeleton and, for a moment, it appeared as if she were gaining the upper hand on the battle. Until….

"EEEEEEEEEEEE!" Cried a feminine voice.

Roxy wheeled around and watched as a familiar, raven-haired young man poofed into existence seemingly from nowhere.

"Roxy?" John asked in confusion, catching sight of his girlfriend.

"John?" Questioned Roxy, equally confused.

"What's happening right now?"

"Uh," Roxy eyed the approaching skeletal horde warily. "It's kind of a long story, but basically I bought you a book for Valentine's Day that turned out to be magic. It sucked me into it's pages, made me complete these stupid challenges, and now I have to defeat these monsters to escape."

"Oh. So like a 'choose your own adventure' thing?"

"Exactly!" Roxy clobbered another skeleton that drew to near. "Lord English is here too somewhere, but I lost sight of him. I could probably use some help here too, bee tee double-u."

"Oh. Okay. No problem!" John leapt by his girlfriend's side and pushed an offending skeleton to the ground. "Uh. I guess I should explain how I got here, huh?"

"I figured that you came looking for me and got sucked into the book, right?"

"Yup!"

"That's weird. It doesn't feel like I've been here all night. Ugh. Listen, babe. I'm really, really sorry that I missed our date." Roxy grabbed John by the collar and pulled him out of the way of a dastardly sneak attack. "I know you put a lot of work into it and you wanted it to be special and I wanted it to be special too, because I really like you and I just wanted to get you a nice gift, one that you'd might think was cool and different and well, you can kind of see where…"

"Roxy, Roxy." John cut her off mid-way through her adorable apologetic chatter. "It's alright! I totally get it. I'm just glad that you're okay! If you can count fighting hundreds of skeletons in a cursed book 'okay' that is, heh."

Try as she might, Roxy couldn't help but grin at that. She spent a precious second leaning in to give him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Thanks, babe. I knew that you'd understand."

"Hmmm." John hummed, blushing slightly from the kiss. "I just wish that I had my hammer right now. That'd make fighting these guys a whole lot easier!"

No sooner were the words out of his mouth then there was small pop and his hammer miraculously appeared in his hands. So surprised was John by the sudden appearance of his gear, that he almost fumbled it. Roxy's eyes grew wide when she saw the weapon and the gears in her head began to churn quickly.

"John, how did you do that?" She asked excitedly.

"I- I dunno. I just thought about it." He used his new hammer to crush two more approaching skeletons. They were beginning to thin the crowd, but the floor of the auditorium-like space was still packed. "Did I do something wrong?"

"NO! You did something awesome." Roxy screwed up her face in concentration as she spoke: "The evil book, who is named Glenn by the way, told me that he could create anything down here as long as he thought about it, I guess that means we can do it too!"

Focusing her mind, Roxy gazed at the floor with all of her might and, with another pop, a giant motorcycle appeared right in front of her.

"Oh my golden rings." Gasped John.

"Climb on!" Commanded Roxy, as she leapt onto the seat. John clambered up behind her and then they were off!

They rode around the cavern, crushing all of the skeletons under their new wheels as Roxy whooped and hollered with glee. From her vantage point atop her bike, she spotted a bald, green head, and made a bee-line right towards it. Lord English barely had time to realize what has happening before Roxy ran him over and pinned him beneath her rear tire.

"Time to burn one." Smirked Roxy, who was now wearing cool guy sunglasses.

Then she peeled out on Lord English's poor body for like two hours.

Eventually, due to physics, Lord English was fired like a bullet out from beneath Roxy's tire. He flew through the air, connected with the far wall, and then exploded into an avalanche of colorful grist. All of the skeletons, that hadn't been crushed by Roxy's wild ride, immediately collapsed in on themselves and died just like all those bullshit drones from the Phantom Menace.

Finally, Roxy had bested the book's dastardly gauntlet and completed her three trials.

"Wow." Said John, who was a little turned-on. "That was… something."

"Are you alright?" Roxy asked.

"Yeah, a little confused, but yeah. I'm good." He cast a glance around the once again empty cavern. "How do we get out of here though?"

"I dunno…" Roxy looked skyward and spoke loudly. "I just always assumed that someone, perhaps a very bookish person, would just let me leave after I finished his stupid gauntlet. You know, like they promised?"

"Alright, alright. I get it." The rumbling voice of the book returned. "You did finish the trials, so yeah I suppose I do have to let you go." A magical swirling portal appeared in front of Roxy and John, opening up into Roxy's apartment. "I- uh… I guess you're going to destroy me now, right?"

"Yup!" Agreed Roxy, as she steered her bike through the portal. "See you around, Glenn, you dirty sonovabitch."

As Roxy and John exited the dungeon and returned back to their new world, the motorcycle disappeared, along with the magic portal. Glenn, the cursed book, fell to the ground once more and did not move again. After the heat and excitement of the skeleton battle, the silence of Roxy's apartment seemed heavy and awkward.

"Sooooooo. Happy Valentine's Day, babe." Said Roxy with a sheepish grin. "I'll er, get you something else later, alright? Something better than a silly book that hopefully won't try to kill us."

"Or maybe not. I mean, you don't have to." John rubbed the back of his neck. "I appreciate the thought and all, but maybe we should skip out on the gift-giving this year."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. That's not what Valentine's Day is about really, at least in my opinion." John chuckled and slid an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders. "Besides, I was under the impression that we had a date in a park to get to."

"Oh, hell yeah, we do." Roxy stooped and grabbed the evil book off the ground. "Let's just make a pit stop by the river real quick on the way, alright?"

"That's probably a good idea, yeah."

Then, with the black tome under one arm and her boyfriend's hand in her other, Roxy led the way out of her apartment, whilst John's words continued to weigh heavily on her mind. He was right, she decided. Gifts were cheap and lazy signs of affection, compared to an afternoon adventure in a cursed book. Regardless, as they sat side by side later under a shady tree in the park, Roxy decided that she would have to make it up to him next year.

Thanks for reading.
- Mike