Over the next few days Kanda watched Lavi intentionally avoid him. He thought that having the redhead out of his day to day would be a blessing. He thought it would give him freedom and space to breathe. He thought he wouldn't miss him. If he were honest with himself he'd admit that he was a huge ass and that watching his 'friend' mope was actually a big thorn in his side.
The other 'friends' were starting to ask questions. It wasn't really their business so he never answered. He knew he had to man up and …fix things. But he didn't want to tell the truth. That he was failing his classes, that he was actually crushing on the only person who actually cared about him. That he was actually worried about his future.
He didn't have time for Lavi, for a crush, or to figure out how to be gay. He had to ace his exams or fail. His concentration was gone though, he couldn't focus on anything but how he had intentionally shot the other down like a bird hit with a rock mid-flight. He didn't know what to say that would make it right.
Lavi on the other hand knew exactly what to do.
The days after the realization were hard. At lunch he had to find somewhere else to sit because all of his other friends crowded around Kanda. Who he was trying to avoid. He didn't notice the other man watching him. Didn't notice the spark of regret in his eyes or the way he only moved his food around the styrofoam tray.
Actually Lavi was doing his very best to sit quietly at lunch and let a few cheerful tunes from his ipod lift his spirits. His dirty paint stained fingers tapped at the cafeteria table in time with the music as he ate. The other members of that particular table didn't bother him, but as they simultaneously looked up Lavi's interest piqued. He turned to see Kanda standing behind him, his hands in the pockets of his jacket. For a second it was like Lavi's mind was in hyper drive. He could take out his earbuds and hear what the man had come over for, which would make his chest hurt again. He could also leave his music on and read his lips, pretending that he was keeping his distance. The last option was that he could just turn around and go back to eating, which would be the only option to better himself and his future as, eventually, he would move on from Kanda. In the split second before the dark haired man spoke, Lavi made his decision.
He took out his earbuds and looked up at the other expectantly.
"You can stop pouting now. Come sit with the rest of us, Lenalee wants to tell you about some dumb comic she read," his voice trailed off at the end and eyes were narrowed slightly. Lavi sighed and already knew what to say. He had seen this scenario as a possible occurrence.
"Mn I'm almost done, I'll just go to the library in a sec anyway-" Lavi was interrupted when Kanda stepped forward and reached for him. The hand stopped before touching anything and Kanda hesitated with his words.
"I …I'm fuckin sorry okay? I shouldn't have yelled at you. You can stop beating yourself up and just come back." His teeth were grit together, his hands in loose fists. After a moment of silence he continued, "Shit, okay yeah I said some fucked up stuff to you. I didn't mean it okay? You don't have to sit here like a sad puppy or something."
Lavi's eyebrows furrowed, "did Lenalee make you apologize or somethin'?" Kanda scoffed and took his wrist firmly, pulling him up and dragging him out of the cafeteria. "Hey wait Kanda where are we going? Let go-"
His wrist was released in the empty hall. Kanda took a deep breath.
"I want to be your friend, so stop. I said that shit because I … I'm dealing with other stuff. I was angry and you were there. That's it," he admitted as he stared into Lavi's one eye.
Lavi was skeptical. Well, his mind was. His heart was beating fast and hard. He looked away, twisting a loop on his pants nervously.
"I wish…that you woulda told me somthin' was wrong. I could have helped ya know," the words came on their own. His body was talking for him at this point. "I know you ain't got the best grades right now and I know yer parents are kinda being dicks but you-" he stopped and shook his head. He was going to blame Kanda, say that he shouldn't have taken his anger out on others but that wouldn't get them anywhere. "I can help you. You know, like a tutor."
Kanda scoffed and rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms. His tone was a bit less serious when he spoke. "How come you know about my grades huh?"
Lavi grinned, still hurt inside but wanting so badly to move on, "I was gonna cheat off you last week but your test looked like it was having a crisis." Kanda sighed and moved to fix his pony tail. In the silence that neither of them wanted to break the bell of the school rung viciously loud. Kanda looked up at Lavi and set his usual stony face.
"Come to my house at five if you're going to tutor me. Don't be late." And with that he walked of, hair swishing in time with his saunter.