Disclaimer: Not mine but… I am working on some posters… ya know Wanted Posters… maybe just maybe someone will return them to me… LOL
NoTE#1: Making this extra long since I got side tracked doing girly things with my kid… (marble nails which is really cool BTW) Only, turns out I was the lab rat… We messed up on mine and she got the perfect nails… It's all in the job descrip… taking one for the team… I think fumes from all the different colors of nail polish did me in… enjoy and thanks so much for all the reviews, favs and alerts! Ya'll Rock! (Double Chapter because of the wait, forgive me? BTW, I've went over this a number of times and I think I've corrected all the mistakes but I can't keep my eyes open to go over it again so hopefully I've caught any bloopers)
Chapter 6
Dean looked at Bobby stunned before he leaped over the table after Sammy. "What the hell, man?" Dean snapped as he chased after his little brother. Grabbing him by the arm, he yanked him to a stop as he turned him to face him.
"That's convenient don't you think, D?" Sam snarled at him. He knew Dean was just trying to stall for time. Shit really didn't happen like that!
"What?" Dean asked confused.
"That you found that and it's just over the week I promised to give you." Sam growled at him. "I'm not stupid." he added, crossing his arms.
"That's debatable." Dean retorted. "Did you ever think that maybe just once something is going our way?"
Sam shook his head no, "I'm not waiting Dean." Sam added emphatically. Because this time… this time he was standing his ground!
"The hell you aren't !" Dean snarled, fisting both hands in Sam's jacket and pulling him close.
"Not long ago, you wouldn't have cared." Sam rushed out before he bit his lip… he hadn't meant to say it aloud, even though it still stung. Once again he saw Dean dropping his amulet… them into the trash and walking away. No longer wanting to fix them. No longer wanting to fight with him. Just done.
"Yeah, I dropped the ball… but I found it and picked it back up. Get used to it." He gave Sam a slight shove before he pulled him up nose to nose and said hoarsely, "Cause the only way you're going down is with me." He stared at Sam a few seconds before closing his eyes and letting a tear slip through as he vowed, "I'm not letting you go without a fight, not again… I just can't." and he let go of Sam and stood with his head lowered and his hands fisted at his sides.
"Again?" Sam asked in barely a whisper, his tone confused.
Dean looked up as he whispered, "Before you opened the box…"
Sam looked at him with surprise as he told Dean, "You fought me then too."
Dean looked at him and Sam's heart skipped a beat at the utter despair he saw reflecting in his big brother's eyes.
Sam looked away as he whispered, "You don't deserve…" he turned and took a step away from Dean.
Dean had panic assault him… if Sam walked away he wouldn't be coming back. So he lunged and pinned Sam against the wall. Dean ignored the tears running down Sam's cheeks as he looked away from Dean.
"Dammit look at me!" Dean demanded, adding a little pressure to the arm across Sam's chest as he stuck his face closer to Sam.
Sam shook his head no.
"I can stand here all day, dude." Dean informed him, trying for a slight grin.
Sam sighed as he whispered, still not looking at Dean, "I know you're tired…"
"Of what Sam? What exactly am I tired of?" Dean demanded. He was suddenly getting a pretty good idea of just what Sam thought he was tired of.
"Of me… being responsible for me fucking up all…" Sam started to reply.
Sam's air was suddenly gone as Dean leaned in harder as he ordered Sam, "Shut the fuck up Sam." Sam's eyes lowered to almost closing as he took in a shuddering breath.
Dean felt Sam melt into a defeated position.
Dean sighed as he asked Sam in a soft voice, "What do you want from me?"
"You can't." Sam barely whispered.
"Can't what?" Dean asked as he waited for confirmation from his little brother.
"Forgive me… not really…" He said softly before rushing to say, "and I know I deserve it." He opened his eyes and looked at his big brother, "So… let me do what needs done and you can…" at the look on Dean's face he let the sentence die unfinished as he looked away again.
"Sam, what do you think would happen if I let you jump in the pit?" Dean asked softly.
Silence.
"Answer me." Dean ordered loudly causing Sam to flinch.
"You can get out… it would be over and you can walk away… you've wanted to for awhile and you wouldn't have to worry…" Sam turned to stare at Dean, the intensity radiating from his eyes and boring into Dean.
"Sam, it wouldn't happen that way." Dean said firmly.
"What?" Confused as he asked, "Why?" he asked in a almost whine.
"Because the minute you're done. So am I." Dean informed him.
Sam studied his face awhile before he said, "Dad said…"
Dean punched the wall next to Sam's head as he snarled, "I didn't and I won't."
Sam sighed before he said, "But you regretted it."
"What?" Dean asked, shocked.
"You regretted not…" Sam took another shuddering breath and continued, "not leaving me dead in Cold Oak. Not killing me when Meg… not letting me go after heaven…" Sam said even as he tried to hold back the tears. To stop them. He felt them sting his eyelids as they clung to his lashes waiting for the chance to fall.
Dean shook his head as he told his little… stupid brother, "Sammy… I never regretted those things… I'll admit it… it hurt seeing your heaven…"
Yeah, he kept doing that. Hurting his brother. Over and over again. Sammy shut his eyes, tears finally slid past lashes that clung wetly to his cheeks as he sagged in Dean's arms.
Dean went to the floor with Sam and said softly, "My first memory was dead on what heaven would be for me, but the rest…" Dean stopped as he took in a shuddering breath before he continued, "and yours little brother…"
Sammy looked up at Dean kneeling beside him with something close to hope, "Yours… even if it never included me… I would think there would have at least been Jess there. Sammy, we've been played by both sides and do you want to know why?"
Sam looked at Dean, puppy eyed and red nosed.
Dean shook his head with a smile, "Because they are scared of us together. Divide and conquer and that my brother is the only way either side will win." Dean stated triumphantly.
Sam looked down and shook his head.
"You came back because you were afraid I'd say yes and fuck up more." Sam whispered.
"No, Sam I meant it when I said we kept each other human. I hated what I became without you… I was a real dick."
Sam stared at him for several seconds before he tried to smile, "Was?" he asked.
Dean rolled his eyes before he muttered with a slight grin, "Hilarious, Houdini."
Sam blinked before he said, "Houdini wasn't a comedian."
"No, shit Sherlock." Dean said quickly.
"Then why call me…" Sam stopped in mid sentence as he got it. Disappearing… He sighed Cause yeah, he got it.
"Ok bitch… are we about done with the chick flicks?" Dean asked trying for a joking tone as he stood. He reached out his hand, waiting for Sam to take it.
"Jerk…" Sam whispered but looked away, not taking Dean's hand.
Dean didn't miss the hurt flash through Sam's eyes before he broke eye contact.
Dean shrugged as he knelt again as he said, "Sam…" at Sam's silence Dean placed a hand on Sam's knee and gave it a slight shake.
"What Dean?" He replied without looking at him.
"I mean it, little brother. We have to do what ever we decide to… together. You and me… no more solo acts… agreed?"
Sam looked at him with hope filled eyes before he quickly shuttered it and told Dean, "Whatever you think, D."
Dean studied him before he shook his head, apparently he was going to have to work on that. I can work with that, Dean decided silently as he gave Sam one of his heart melting smiles and stood again, this time pulling Sam up with him.
"Back to work." Dean said as he pushed Sam back the way they'd come only to find Bobby with a beer in one hand and a sandwich in the other as he studied the file that Dean had abandoned.
Bobby looked up and studied them as he took a swig of beer to wash down the bite.
"Find anything?" Dean asked acting like nothing unusual had been going on.
"John mentioned a guy he talked to but that was years ago… and he wasn't very talkative but he believed he knew more than he was saying." Bobby stated as he sat his beer down.
"Why is that not surprising?" Dean asked sarcastically.
Sam sat down and looked at his hands in his lap and waited for someone to talk to him.
A beer smacked down on the table in front of him and sandwich was shoved toward his face. He looked up startled to see Dean smirking at him. Sam was afraid if he opened his mouth to say no it would give Dean an opportunity to shove it in his mouth. So with a sigh he took the sandwich and sat it down in front of him.
"I didn't give you that to look at Sammy, eat up." Dean ordered, then he focused on Bobby once again as he asked, "Find anything new while we were…" His voice faded away as he took a swig of his own long neck.
"Well, yeah…" Bobby said sitting down his sandwich and wiping his hands on his pants leg as he turned back a couple of pages in the file and cleared his throat as he said "Your Daddy mentioned, Today I researched Brigadoon a 1954 MGM film with Gene Kelly and found out it is adapted from a German short story by Frierdich Gerstacker' called Germelhausen. Then he says how he thinks Franklin is a similar town. Disappear, reappear…"
"Okay… I read that part already so what now?" Dean asked and glanced worriedly at Sam who still was sitting quietly beside him.
"Well, I asked Pace about the cuffs and he said he will look in some storage boxes in the barn and see… he thinks he remembers John talking about them, but he said he didn't remember seeing them. He's going to ask his wife. She may have taken them and stored them if he'd been busy when John popped by." Bobby paused and let Dean absorb the information he'd just thrown at him. Under the cover of drinking his beer, Bobby let his gaze slid past Dean to Sam. When Sam had decided to do the pit jump, he'd seemed almost relieved, like weights were lifted and now they seemed back again. He really needed to talk to Dean about Sam's state of mind. He was afraid it was fragile and he was on a balance beam at the moment and that they needed to be vigilant so he didn't fall.
"Okay, then… I'll just run up and help him hunt for those and anything else Dad may have left here." He looked at Sam who was still staring at his sandwich, but had yet to take a bite, "Um, Sam, you want stay here and help Bobby?"
Sam looked up and asked, "Do you want me to?"
Dean frowned and tilted his head as studied his little brother, "Um… it's kinda up to you… that's why I asked you what you wanted to do…" Dean said pointedly.
Sam chewed his bottom lip before finally saying, "I'll look through some more files with Bobby." It seemed weird but when he'd made the decision to pit jump, he had a purpose and a way to redeem himself. Now… he wasn't so sure anymore and he felt overwhelmed with confusion.
"Okay. You change your mind and I'll be upstairs in the barn." Dean said studying his little brother a few seconds longer before standing and looking at Bobby.
Bobby gave a slight nod and Dean gave in return a relieved smile, he wasn't sure what was wrong with Sam. But the kid could over think the simplest things and get lost in the big ones. He took a couple of steps before he turned and walked backwards a couple of more steps as he told Sam, "Eat that while I'm gone, dude."
Sam looked at Dean and smiled as he snarked, "You want to feed it to me too?"
Dean gave a shrug as he spread his arms wide saying, "I will if I have to. Not like I haven't done it before."
Sam chuckled for Dean's benefit as he said, "Just go… Bobby's here to watch me."
"Dude, I never…" Dean stopped starting to protest as he started forward towards them.
"Dean. Go, man. I'll be right here when you get back." Sam ordered with a huff.
Dean ran a hand across his lips as he made up his mind, "Okay… but I'm upstairs if you…"
"Shit, man… just go. I would have to get past you to go anywhere." Sam said throwing a beer cap at Dean bouncing it off his chest.
Dean looked down at his chest and back up at Sam in mock surprise as he rubbed his chest. Dean pointed at Sam as he said in a serious tone, "Dude… I am so kicking your ass for that."
As Sam frowned, Dean added, "When I get back… think you can distract me… eat the damn sandwich or I will feed it to you like I did when you were little." Then he turned and walked away.
Bobby watched as Sam's smile faded and he wilted down into the seat and sat hunched over for several seconds before Bobby cleared his throat.
Sammy looked up at him as if he was worried at what might be coming his way.
"Don't look at me like that." Bobby growled.
"Like what?" Sammy asked softly.
"Like I'm going to kick you while your down." Bobby said with a frown.
"I'm not…" Sam started to argue.
"Sam, you gotta let Dean do this." Bobby informed him softly.
"Why, Bobby?" Sam asked him and then stared at him while he waited for his answer. Cause yeah, he really wanted to know.
"Why?" Bobby repeated, struck with the utter 'I'm so lost' that rang through Sam's question.
"Bobby. " Sammy said with a sigh, "Look… all I seem to be good at is hurting my brother… the ones I love the most. Maybe this is my chance at redemption."
"Redemption?" Bobby repeated as he frowned.
"I did this and I should pay for it, not Dean… not you… not the world." Sam told him frankly.
After a few minutes Bobby took a deep breath and asked, "Do you think you're the only one to fuck up?"
"No… but my… I can't keep doing this to him." Sam whispered.
"How well did you do without him? Hell, how well did he do without you?" Bobby growled.
"It's different now. He won't make another deal. I'm not worth it to him… and I don't want to be… I mean I want him to love me again but not more than himself." Sam hurried through his words, trying to articulate what he meant before Bobby could react.
"You damn idjit. You just can't wrap your head around it can you? He doesn't want to go on without you… you give him this Sam. You give him a chance to fix this. I mean it." Bobby said his voice shaking as he got up, turned and walked away.
TBC