CHAPTER 6

Nearly a week had passed since the search of Garden, and nobody had fallen victim to the kunai-killer since. Nobody had been reported missing either. Everything seemed so peaceful in their home. The SeeDs had either driven the killer out, or at least spooked them significantly enough that they were hesitant to kill again. But not all was going so well. The second SeeD squad that had been sent into the Training Centre had still not returned. Along with Zell's group, the number of missing personnel now totalled thirty-five. There had still been no contact from anyone within the Training Centre, and nobody in Garden could be expected to ignore this fact, or the huge list of missing persons that still hung over Squall's head. Nobody was at ease yet, and Squall least of all.

Ever since the first report of one of those mutated monsters, he could not remember having a peaceful night's sleep. And this night was no different. As he lay in his quarters, on his bed which might as well have been made from solid rock judging by his inability to get comfortable on it, he turned over and over, unable to steady his racing thoughts.

Where were they? They had been gone for so long now, and it hurt Squall to know that he could have done something about it earlier, and still had the opportunity to do so, but couldn't, thanks to the burden of his responsibility as leader of SeeD. Like chains, it shackled him to a place far away from the Training Centre, where he wanted to be.

He couldn't help feeling that if he had gone in there already, he would have stopped the killings and the disappearances both – that is, if his suspicions were true, and all the incidents were connected. He could see no other explanation, but he couldn't figure out how or why they were linked. And with his only clue being a weapon that no one in Garden wielded, he was even more at a loss than ever.

In the darkness, he lay on his back and whispered into the still of the night. "Rinoa…? What should I do?"

He remained stoic, hardly daring to breathe in case he missed something, a message from his love, perhaps. After a few moments, he let out a heavy breath, realising no advice was coming to him. He had become so used to being guided by Rinoa's voice over the years, it seemed like instinct now to seek her help whenever he was lost. She had always led him through his hard times when she was alive, why should it be any different now?

But of course it was different. She was dead, no longer within the reach of his voice. The only thing that answered him was perpetual darkness, and the despair of his own mind.

"Please, Rinoa, I don't want to be alone in this. I want to go, but… can I? There's so many other people relying on me right now, and it's not just about what I want any more. And yet here I am, wanting to go."

What am I doing? He thought, rolling over on to his side with a groan of frustration.

There are some things that people need to learn to do for themselves. You, Squall… you need to follow your heart.

A brief smile crossed over his face as he heard Rinoa's voice speaking out to him. From where, he did not know. It felt as if it was coming from the darkness itself, but at the same time, it felt like it came from deep inside himself. "My heart tells me to go, but what would Cid think? And the others?"

With a jolt, he realised what he had just said. What others think…

He remembered a time some seventeen years ago, distant, like a passing dream. Rinoa had still been alive, but unconscious, knocked into a coma by the power of Ultimecia when she first received her sorceress powers. Squall had been so worried, and swore to take her to Esthar to get her some help. The problem was, he had been stuck in Fisherman's Horizon, with no trains running between there and the huge, technological city of Esthar. Only an enormous bridge linked the two places, and Squall had got himself so worked up that he actually picked up Rinoa and carried her the miles that it took to cross the bridge and reach the Esthar continent. Along the way, he had spoken to Rinoa, just as he was doing now. Although she was comatose, it didn't stop him spilling his heart to her – which, as he remembered, was the first time he had ever done so in his life. He recalled telling her something: a deep, hidden secret inside of him. It was about the part of himself that he hated, that made him so afraid to trust in others in case they might find it. That side of him was too caring, but not in a good way. He cared about the wrong things, particularly what people thought of him.

When he took off from the others without saying goodbye, Rinoa on his back, he thought everyone would have been laughing at him for his actions. He had told the unconscious Rinoa this too. But it turned out they were all behind him, willing to help him every step of the way, just like true friends should. He had been wrong about how his friends felt, and he experienced an over-whelming sense of guilt that he underestimated, yet again, the opinions of those he cared about.

This memory was the one that made him stop and consider what he had just said aloud. He was doing it again, making decisions based on what he imagined people would think about him after he had made them. With a strong surge of resentment towards himself, he pushed himself off his bed and towards his door. As he reached it, he stopped, looked back into the darkness, and said into it, "Thank you." With a blink of his ice-blue eyes in the blackness, he took his gunblade from its case, and left the room.

It was midday in Balamb, and Lianne was heading to the main hall to meet Leali and Alix. She had a weird sensation about her as she walked. She could feel people giving her uneasy glances as she passed them, which did nothing but unnerve her. And as she caught sight of her friends, the expressions on their faces did nothing for the knot in her stomach.

They both looked stony and blank, almost unable to speak. But as she neared them, Leali did manage to form some words in a wavering, apologetic voice. "I'm sorry, Lianne. I feel really sorry for you. It's okay, I understand how you must feel, and me and Alix are here to talk if you need to." She had her hands clasped together she was rocking backwards and forwards on her feet, as if it was all she could to stop herself dashing forward to hug her best friend.

Lianne gave her a puzzled look. "Um… Centra to Leali? What are you talking about?"

Leali gave Alix a nervous look, and Alix sighed. "You mean you haven't heard?"

"Heard what? What are you talking about, guys?" She paused for a moment, the sorrow in their eyes striking fear into her. "Oh no… something bad has happened, hasn't it?"

"Your dad… he went into the Training Centre this morning," Alix said, softly.

"What…?" This was all Lianne could utter as Alix's words washed over her like a wave. She wondered if she had misheard him, or if this was just some terrible nightmare she might wake up from if she pinched herself hard enough. She closed her eyes as tears threatened. She felt someone's arms wrap gently around her body, and heard this same somebody sobbing along with her. She blinked through the film of tears to see Leali hugging her, and crying for her.

Lianne wanted to hold her friend too, she needed the comfort, but she found herself unable to even lift her arms, the shock seeping around her soul. Everyone else had gone into that Training Centre and never been heard from again, all of them trained and experienced SeeDs, whole squads of them. If her dad had gone in there too, alone... She couldn't imagine what was in there, lying in wait for him. As much as she believed in her father's skills, she couldn't unknot the twisted rope of feelings in her stomach.

She was only just beginning to realise, but one of her greatest fears in life was for her dad's safety. Having lost her mother at such a young age, her dad had been all that was left for her in the world. She knew how painful it had been to lose her mother, and she couldn't even begin to think about how hard it would be to lose her father too. She knew she wouldn't be able to bear it. Her thoughts seemed to soak into her heart as though it were a hungry, sorrowful sponge. Everything seemed lost as her mind raced and raced, and the world began to spin around her, still blurry from her tears.

Soon, it became too much for her to take, and she collapsed, sobbing, into Leali's arms. "But why did he go?" she asked, feebly. "I thought everything was okay now! I thought the killings and disappearances had stopped?"

Alix watched her, and the feelings in Lianne's heart rang in his own too, and he could feel her pain just as well as she could. He rested a hand upon her back, that was moving raggedly between her heavy breaths. He felt useless. "I think he was worried about the SeeDs that have vanished in there. Besides… the killings might not have anything to do with the Training Centre, Lianne. Squall's a good man. He's just worried and wants to help."

"But why did he have to put himself in danger?" Lianne cried, her voice wavering with tears. People passing them in the corridor were beginning to stop and stare.

Leali noticed this and, holding her best friend closer, said, "Come on, let's get you to your dorm."

Alix had been pacing the corridor outside Lianne's room for only a short while now, but already, he felt impatient.

He had been ushered out of the room by Leali while she helped Lianne change. She insisted that Lianne needed to sleep, and though Alix agreed with her, he was frustrated at being left outside, while she was inside, fighting with tears. It was almost a relief when Leali opened the dorm door, slipped out, and gently closed it behind her. He stopped his pacing. "Is she-?" Alix started to ask, but she interrupted him.

"Fast asleep, yeah. She'll be fine once she's gotten over the shock."

Although this wasn't quite the answer Alix was hoping for, he nodded anyway, deciding to just accept Leali's interpretation of his question. "Can I-?"

Leali was shaking her head. "No, better let her rest."

Alix sighed, but he nodded. "Well, I guess I'll be off then…"

"Okay. See you later!" she said, as Alix began to walk away. "Oh, and Alix! Honestly, don't worry about her. She's sleeping like a baby."

"Thanks, Leali," he said, forcing a smile. "See you."

As the two friends left in opposite directions, Lianne lay inside, having far from the peaceful rest her friends believed she was. She was lying in her bed, brown eyes flecked out by the small stream of light floating in through the gap in her curtains, tears still threatening. She didn't want to sleep. More important, she couldn't sleep, not with her dad so desperately in danger. But the most horrible thing was that she couldn't even imagine what he was having to endure inside the Training Centre.

She sat up, still wiping the remnants of tear-tracks from her face. She hugged her knees as ideas began to fill her mind.

What am I doing here? She thought to herself. Why am I sitting in my dorm crying when Dad is in there?

The thoughts turned over and over in her mind, a guilty conscience starting to rear its ugly head. She threw herself back on to her bed, her head falling straight back into the feathered pillow. She pulled the blanket over her head, fresh tears starting with this new wave of emotions. And, lying there in her own despair, she cried herself to sleep.