DISCLAIMER: Don't own any tiny fiber or lock of hair or anything… The big K has that privilege… so sad… but at least he's sweet enough to share, right?

NOTE: I have come to realize (I was told) that I have been in a depression and as much as I tried to deny it… I know deep down it's true… It's been true almost a year. A spiral that spun out of my control, I'm trying to reel it back in now. I had bouts before but this one has… well, never mind… I just owe everyone an apology. Especially V, she has waited with the patience of a Saint! I'm so sorry for the posts being all sporadic…I write a rough draft of the whole story in the beginning and then before each post I go over it and edit it several times until I'm satisfied chapter by chapter at posting. Sometimes it has very few changes and sometimes I end up adding 2 pages… So when I say the story is done. Technically it is. Roughly. But I guess you can say I polish it a chapter at a time. I really really do appreciate you all sticking by me. Thank you very much for reading, reviewing, faving and alerting. Now for the reason you all are here…

Chapter 15

Dean watched Sam as he smiled and then laughed at something Bobby said. As if nothing life threatening was going on… Sam caught the look and gave him a smile as well. Dean looked away causing Sam to frown. He couldn't do it, something so innocent and simple, not even for Sammy. Not right now at least he couldn't. The closer the time came for the showdown the closer he felt to the panic eating away at his gut. He felt that someone should be able to hear his heart pounding… and why the hell couldn't anyone else hear it? He sat through the night, thinking about all they had done. For each other and to each other. At times they had been far from kind. But through it all they remained brothers. He watched Bobby fall asleep and then Sammy as he sat, not able to close his eyes without seeing Sammy pit jump. So he sat awake, quiet and still; and waited…

Dean was sure that someone had suddenly sped up the clock. Maybe a trickster had slipped in because suddenly it was morning. Then noon. The day spun away in a matter of minutes it seemed to Dean. One minute he was talking to Yoxe and the next… they were standing in front of the lodge in just a pair of shorts. The old I don't do shorts dying on his lips as it was clear he was doing shorts. Obviously he was awesome in anything... his mind broke off from that line of thinking as he took in his surroundings.

Two men were standing on each side of the door, looking as if they were guards.

Yoxe cleared his throat as he told them, "These are my sons Frost and River. They will protect the ceremony and assist us when needed. My son Crane will be our Firekeeper. He is waiting just inside the door. The Sweat Lodge is a place of spiritual refuge and mental as well as physical healing, a place to get your answers and guidance by asking spirits for that guidance… the Creator and Mother Earth for the needed wisdom and power."

Dean said nervously, "I don't think spirits will want to help us. What if..." His question dying on his lips before being fully voiced aloud.

Yoxe smiled, "Ours won't hold it against you. They may try to reform you though."

Dean's eyebrows shot up but he remained silent. Reform… echoed in his head… could someone like him be reformed? He kinda doubted it. He started chewing his thumbnail. A habit that was a sure sign he was worried. Sam glanced at him on his way to looking where Yoxe was pointing but his eyes shot back to Dean as it registered Dean's nervous gesture. The tidal wave of worry radiated from his very pores. Sam gave him a sad little smile which Dean caught as he glanced up to locate the eyes he felt on him. He gave a slight grin in return and dropped his hand away as he again focused on Yoxe.

Sam on the other hand was worried about not being aloud to go through with the ceremony because he was basically out right lying to his only big brother. One of only two remaining family members he had left. He wanted to keep both of them and if this is what it took... well, so be it. He was okay with it. Didn't mean he couldn't worry about it, right?

"The entrance to the sweat lodge faces to the East and the sacred fire pit. Each new day for all begins in the East with the rising of Father Sun. It is the source of life… the dawn of wisdom each day. The fire heating the rocks is the undying light of the world… eternity and it is a new spiritual beginning that we seek in the sweat ceremony. Does this make sense to you?" Yoxe asked looking at all three in turn.

Sam nodded immediately following closely by Bobby. Dean was staring unblinking at Yoxe.

Yoxe turned to take a burning mini log of something from Frost who had just came from an alter between the fire and where they stood by the door.

Dean's eyes watered as he asked, "What the hel… what is that?" He asked as his nose scrunched at the smell as he tried to recall where he'd smelt that particular affront to his senses in the past.

"Sage." Crane commented before he continued, "We have to smudge you before you may enter."

"Smudge me? Why?" Dean asked, moving away from the smoldering sage headed his way.

"Boy." Bobby said sternly with a jerk to his head no.

Dean stopped immediately and waited for the sage to move his direction once again. Damn… dang it... He didn't like the smell, never had. He remembered John cleansing a house with it. In fact he was pretty sure they'd smelt it at Missouri's house. Hell, he'd used it himself. His brain seemed to be on vacation. He was rattled. He needed to stop and… Sam said it smelt good. Well, okay… can't think… Sammy's damn nose was broken was all he had to say… think on the matter. He knew his thoughts were a jumbled mess so he just went blank and with a smirk to himself he returned his attention to being smudged.

After they were smudged they moved into the dark lodge, lit only by the doorway.

Just inside the door a pipe was lit. Yoxe informed them it was a chanunpa. Which Sam cheerfully supplied meant peace pipe. Still the geek, Dean noted in his head.

After a quick prayer from Yoxe he told them to crawl sun-wise around the fire pit and then sit cross-legged around the ring.

When they were all seated. Yoxe, Dean and Sammy. Yoxe called out, "Doorkeeper… close the flap." The lodge immediately plunged into darkness and at this point Yoxe announces that all are free to leave the lodge at any time if they cannot endure. If you must leave, speak out "Mitakuye Oyasin."

To which Sammy whispered to Dean, "I think it means, "All my relatives."

Yoxe smiled in the darkness, Sam had been right, that was what it meant. He continued, "I will move so you can leave." After the brief silence Yoxe asks them to pray silently and moves away. The flap is raised, and he calls upon the fire tender to bring in the heated stones from the sacred fire.

Bobby watches as one of the sons pulls rocks from the fire and they are swept clean with a pine bough to remove smoking embers which would cause discomfort in the lodge. One at a time he takes them in and they are placed in the shallow pit inside the sweat lodge, placing first the stone on the west, then one north, east, south, and in the center to Grandfather. Additional stones are then placed to Grandmother and The People. He then goes silently back to the entrance where it is closed and sealed by the Sweat Lodge Keeper, the other brother.

Aglow with the luminance of the red hot stones, the ceremony begins in the lodge. Yoxe sounds a drum and calls forth the spirit guides in prayer from the Four Directions. Yoxe then dips water and pours it onto the hot stones in the pit, producing large amounts of steam… one dipper at a time until he is told by the spirits to stop. After that he begins to pray, sometimes chanting. Dean tried to see what Sammy thought of what was happening. But all he could really see was an outline of Sam's body.

Yoxe began to chant…

"Grandfather, Mysterious One, We search for you along this Great Red Road you have set us on…"

Dean tried to see Yoxe. Did he believe this?

Yoxe continued unaware of Dean's confusion. "We thank you for this world. We thank you for our own existence. We ask only for your blessing and for your instruction."

Dean realized that sweat was rolling down his forehead and swiped at it as Yoxe continued, "Grandfather, Sacred One, Put our feet on the holy path that leads to you, and give us the strength and the will to lead ourselves and our children past the darkness we have entered. Teach us to heal ourselves, to heal each other and to heal the world."

Sammy cleared his throat causing Dean to reach out and find his arm, giving it a squeeze. He felt Sammy return the gesture.

Yoxe finished with, " Let us begin this very day, this very hour, the Great Healing to come. Let us walk the Red Road in Peace."

In the silence Dean could hear the breathing of Sam and Yoxe as well as the guy by the door. He was a little worried about what would happen if he was rejected by them. He couldn't let Sam go in alone.

Dean was shocked when he heard a soft, "But he must. You must allow him that. Only then will you be given the chance to save him."

Dean jumped as he whispered, "Mom?"

She suddenly appeared in front of him, reaching down, her hand brushed his cheek. He jumped and looked frantically at the others. They sat with eyes closed and as if they couldn't hear his mother. She rubbed his cheek again bringing his focus back to her.

She glanced at Sam and then placed a finger to her lips as she motioned for him to follow her. He tried to see the others and then stood, in the blink of an eye he was outside with his mother. The sun was shining and they were standing next to a bubbling creek.

"Dean," she began her expression serious. "I know you're hurt and angry."

Dean started to protest.

She held up her hand to silence him, "Dean… I know that as well as the betrayal you feel at the hands of your brother. But I know you will never forgive him or yourself for what he thinks as his only option to save you and the world."

Dean paled as he whispered, "What?"

"Dean, you boys have to stop sacrificing yourselves for the other." His mother told him softly, gently reaching out to touch his arm.

"What? We have. We're doing this together." Dean argued back.

She stared silently at him as she waited for it to sink in.

When it did the anger was explosive as he cussed and kicked at the ground. He kinda felt maybe Sam was planning something but he wasn't sure. At least he tried to tell himself that.

"Dean. You must listen I don't have a lot of time." His mother interrupted his tirade with a tone that splashed fear over him and silenced his tirade but not the bubbling rage.

"When? When he going to betray me this time?" Dean demanded.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she whispered, "He's trying to save you while still paying for his sins, just like before."

Dean shook his head in denial.

"Son, look past the hurt you feel." She ordered quietly.

Dean closed his eyes and took in measured breaths as he tried to control his anger. When he calmed down slightly he once again opened his eyes. His mother was gone. "Mom?" he spun around seeing nothing of his mother he stopped once again to face the brook.

He heard a deep, "Hello, son." coming from behind him.

Dean spun around to face his dad. "Dad?" his surprise soaked voice managed to squeak out.

John smiled broadly as he gave a slight nod.

"How?" Dean moved up from a squeak to a hoarse whisper.

"I don't know. Now…" John started only to be interrupted by a confused son full of questions.

"Dad, where have you been? Are you… I mean did you…" Dean rattled as he tried to calm his thoughts enough for a clear thought.

"Dean." John held up his hand. Dean stilled instantly and waited.

"You have to trust your instincts." John stated firmly.

"What? How is that…" Dean started once again to interrupt.

"Dean." John snapped.

"Dean…" a different voice echoed in.

"Dean… listen. This is important." John said stepping closer and reached out to grab his son by his upper arms.

"Dean!" a voice Dean's mind registered instantly as belonging to his little brother was his I'm kinda about freak here dude tone.

Dean turned in a circle looking for Sammy.

"Dean!" John snapped causing Dean to focus on him again.

"What? Do you not hear Sammy?" Dean asked John, tilting his head to listen as he stared at his father.

"Dean. Listen. You must not…" John tried to tell him, giving him a shake to get his attention.

"DEAN!" Sammy voice was almost frantic sounding the second time and had Dean spinning away from John to look for Sammy. Suddenly everything was spinning and he was free falling through the ground and into darkness. He jerked as he tried to grab at anything to stop himself from falling even further.

TBC

TiNYNote#1: The sweat lodge ceremony is based mainly on the Osage ceremony. I used different things from different tribes. Used info on the Osage Indians as they are considered "sister tribes" or at least that is my understanding. I was unable to find a lot on the Kaw tribe ceremonies. I did change a few things but it is as much like a sweat ceremony I was able to find in my research. Sweat ceremonies are usually done in stages… as many as four sessions lasting 30 to 45 minutes at a time. For the purpose of my story I only used one session. So I apology if it incorrect for the Kaw nation. I do find the Kaw nation fascinating to read about and again I mean no disrespect.

TINyNOTE#2: "Mitakuye Oyasin," means "All my relatives." in Kaw.