Okay, so forgive any inaccurate movie dialogue, I'm writing most of this next chunk while house sitting and I don't have access to the DVD to pop it in and, shockingly, sometimes my memory does fail me! As always, thank for all your interest! Also, if you're enjoying this reader insert, let me know. I'm considering branching it out into other fandoms.

Disclaimer: Tolkien owns Tolkien, you own you!

You expect to be bored during the days between the scenes you knew so well. You don't know how much time is supposed to pass before the company to stumbles upon the trolls. It's a delight to discover that none of it matters. You have a wonderful time riding and camping with the company, especially because you had begun to make friends.

It had started with Bilbo and Kili. Fili, trusting his brother's judgment, warmed up to you. Similarly, Bofur honored Bilbo's closeness with you, though you had a feeling Bofur is just too nice to really hate anyone. Then there is Balin, who is always good for a story or chat. You feel utterly accomplished with your veritable posse, but Thorin never fails to remind you of his continued dislike with just one scowl. But you try not to dwell on that.

You spend the traveling days conversing merrily with your friends and the evenings watching the stars before bed. You really glare at the twinkling beacons more than watch them, because despite the pure amazingness of your situation, you can't help but feel a little duped.

It's one such twilight after dinner. The fireside conversation is a pleasant drone against the natural noise of the wild. You're full of astonishingly good cooking given the time passed and lack of refrigeration. Your body has adjusted to the sleeping patterns and conditions. You have only one possible complaint, and that is -

You notice Fili and Kili and several other Dwarves gather their things and rise. "Where're you going?" you ask Kili.

"There's a river nearby," he replies. "We were going to wash."

"A bath?" you gasp joyfully. "I never thought I'd see the day!"

"Ah - you're coming with us?"

"If you are going to where the water is, I am coming with you." You strut past him, a bit thrilled to leave him speechless. Truly, you couldn't care less if you were going to bathe with a bunch of males. You'd never gone this long without a shower. You'd give them a private show if it got you clean.

Your resolve dips slightly once it comes down to stripping, but only slightly. You leave your shirt on until you submerge in the chilly water, then toss it on a rock. The stream, despite its temperature, dissolves the weeks of built up dirt. You groan and sink up to your neck.

Two keen pairs of eyes catch your attention as they glitter mischievously in the new moonlight. "You keep your distance," you warn the boys. "I'll drown you if you touch me."

Fili and Kili laugh and rise further out of the water. "We would not," Fili assures you. "We were taught to respect women regardless of race."

"By your mother, no doubt." You smile at the idea of Dis whacking a disrespectful Fili upside the head with a wooden spoon. "Well, I'm glad it's carried over."

"What do you know of our mother?" Kili inquires, backstroking in a circle around you.

"Not as much as I'd like. I would consider it an honor beyond treasure to meet Lady Dis."

"I'm not sure what she'd think of you, being an elf."

"You've warmed up to me being an elf!"

"Pretty, for an elf..."

"Drowning!" you remind him. "And don't forget, you're betrothed."

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am I destined to find love on this journey?" Fili asks.

"Not that I know of, but you can always make your own destiny," you say suggestively. Kili cackles at his brother's expression of surprise at your forwardness.

Dwalin calls from down river, "Leave the lass alone!"

"Leave her!" Fili exclaims indignantly. "If you heard what she'd just said, you'd tell her to leave us alone!"

You squeal and splash the blond. "Don't give Dwalin a bad opinion of me that I haven't earned!"

This attack leads to a fully fledged water battle that several others are caught in the crossfire of. You eventually call a truce when you feel your toes pruning. You are then faced with the dilemma of getting out of the river with six other men doing the same. You turn your back until you're sure everyone is decent. You tell them that you'll be along. You want privacy for a once-in-a-lifetime streaking party.

You wait another several minutes to ensure you're completely alone, then step out of the river stark naked. You look down at yourself and cackle. You were naked and wet and in the middle of nowhere, and no one could tell you to get dressed. And you didn't intend to - not immediately, anyway. You dance and twirl in the treeline near the water. You fancy yourself a modern Luthien.

A cracking twig freezes you in your tracks. You squint through the darkness but see no sign of life. You suppose it was just an animal, but it's enough to bring an end to your frolicking. Now dry, you collect your clothes and return to camp. The boys tease you about elvish primping. You let them think that; it's less embarrassing than what you were really doing.

The next day the procession halts in a familiar landscape: a dilapidated farmhouse stands just off the road, and there are trees to the left. A tingle of excitement runs through you. It's troll night! That means you'll get your sword the next day, and later arrive at Rivendell! You help make camp with renewed cheer.

As dusk falls, you wonder how best to approach the night's entertainment. You would help Bilbo, but the troll incident was one of the first of many that gains him respect. He should do it alone. Still, you don't fancy being stuffed in a sack. But if Thorin asks you to assist with the rescue, turning him down won't make you look good.

Bofur finally tasks Bilbo with delivering dinner to Fili and Kili. You sigh and fall into step beside him. He looks up at you questioningly and you shake your head.

As expected, you find the boys standing in the clearing with most of the ponies. On a whim, you ask, "What were you doing to make you lose track of the ponies?"

The boys start and look around. Bilbo blinks. "The ponies are missing?"

"Two of them," Fili admits.

"Oh dear! Shouldn't we tell Thorin?"

"Ah, best not to worry him. As our official burglar, we were thinking you could look into it."

You trail after them and tut as they talk Bilbo into investigating the trolls. You say reprovingly, "You really couldn't have given him a harder signal."

"He'll be fine," Kili says confidently.

"No, actually, he's going to need rescuing in a few minutes."

"You know this?"

"Why do people still ask me that?" you wonder aloud. "You don't trust me by now?"

"If he is in danger, we must go!"

"No, not now." You yawn. "Give it a bit. Go ahead and eat first."

Fili regards you. "What's it like to know the future? To be so sure about everything?"

"I'm not sure about everything," you say modestly. "I know some things and I don't know some things."

"Then tell me what's going to happen after we rescue Bilbo."

You don't see any harm in doing so. The events following the troll encounter are not choice based, so giving away prior knowledge won't change them. "After we rescue Bilbo, Gandalf will cook the trolls sunny side up, we'll raid their hoard, and then we'll go to Rivendell."

"There's a mistake right there!" Fili laughs. "Thorin would never seek refuge with the elves of his own free will."

"You wanna bet? I could always use a bit more cash."

Fili puts five gold pieces on it and you prepare to have fifteen gold pieces to your name. Kili shakes his head and says, "I cannot believe you're betting against her."

"Neither can I," you add.

"I cannot believe you'd think Thorin would go to Rivendell," Fili counters.

"You'll see how wrong you are in good time," you say loftily. "And speaking of time, we should probably go get Bilbo."

Fili informs the company of the trouble. You follow Kili and gather sticks and rocks on the way. "I don't have a sword," you explain to his puzzled look. "Not yet, anyway. I'm hoping to find one in the troll hole. So I'll just throw things. Ooh, looks like we're not a moment too soon!"

Kili sees that you are absolutely correct and rushes out to keep Bilbo's toes from being scorched. You wait for the other fighters to join the skirmish before pelting the trolls with your improvised ammo. You drop the rock in your hand when Thorin disarms and allow yourself to be stuffed none too gently into an itchy burlap sack.

It so happens that you're dropped next to the Dwarf-lord himself. He mutters, "A word of warning would have been nice."

You scowl at him. "It must be so dull not to know what's going to happen next."

"I do not need foresight to know what comes after this!"

"Oh, hush. Look, Bilbo's handling it." You nod at the hobbit just in time to hear him mention skinning.

"Handling it?!"

"Shh!"

You happily agree with the parasite infestation once everyone catches on. Finally Gandalf arrives and cracks the boulder, revealing the rising sun and turning the trolls to stone. You're keen on getting out of the uncomfortable sacks and stretching your limbs. You throw Thorin a smug look once he's righted. He glowers back, but you know you've made your point.

You trot along with the Dwarves in search of the troll hoard. You smell it before you see it; an awful stench of rot and decay oozes out of a tunnel in the rock. You retch at the mouth of the cave and have to cover your face just to be able to enter. You follow Thorin, knowing that he's the first to find the stash of swords. He raises an eyebrow at you but doesn't protest.

You smile when he picks up Orcrist. You've always thought the delicately curved elvish blade is a better match for him than his Dwarf-made one. You're sure not to grab Glamdring and instead reach for a pommel that ends in an artful swirl.

"These were forged in Gondolin by the high elves of the First Age," Gandalf murmurs, wiping some of the dust from his new weapon. Thorin begins to replace Orcrist in disgust; Gandalf says sharply, "You could not wish for a finer blade!"

You examine your own sword. It's bright and sharp and seems to be about as big as Sting. You're glad for the length; you have no idea how to use a sword and feel it's better for you to have less of a lethal metal object to brandish than more. You fingers close naturally around the leather grip. An exciting wave of new opportunities washes over you.

You strut out with your new toy and approach Fili and Kili. To Kili, you say brightly, "Got a sword now!"; to Fili, in a more gloating tone: "Two out of three. I'll take my payment later tonight."

"Looks nice," Kili complements. "Show us some moves."

"I can't, I don't know how to use it."

"Then perhaps I'll be keeping my five coins," Fili says slyly.

You gasp in fake hurt. "That's mean, Fili! You think I can't make it a day with a sword?"

"I'm shocked you made it more than a day without one!"

"I'll show you!" you pout. "I'll get someone to teach me!"

"Oh? Like who?"

"Like...Dwalin!"

Both of them laugh. You stick your tongue out at them. You bet you could coax Dwalin into giving you some lessons. He certainly isn't the most friendly type, but he did warn the boys about harassing you, so you figure he has at least a slight care about your well being.

You practice by yourself through Radagast's arrival; it's no news to you, so you needn't pay attention. Anyway, you want to get a feel for the sword before the wargs attack, just in case. You swing and jab like you've seen others do and giggle at how powerful you feel. You could smite entire armies with your gleaming blade, you could conquer lands, you could -

"Was that a wolf?" Bilbo asks nervously after a howl echoes from the distance.

"A wolf? No, that is not a wolf," Bofur responds, raising his hammer.

...You could definitely stay with the group and try not to engage in any one-on-one conflict because you enjoy having all of your limbs.

The warg leaps over the ridge and is killed by Thorin and Dwalin. Ori mentions that the ponies bolted. You make a face. You'd forgotten that detail. Now you're condemned to walking for a long while.

"I'll draw them off," Radagast says, hopping in his sled.

"These are Gundabad wargs. They'll outrun you!"

"These are Rhosgobel rabbits! I'd like to see them try!"

It's your cue to start running. You expect to be huffing and puffing in minutes, but you're elated to find that you can keep up with the company with ease. It's the first test of your new elvish perks, and you can't be more pleased with the results. You fly over the grassy plains, avoiding the wargs that are currently focused on Radagast. It's like a high-stakes version of hide and seek. If you didn't know any better, you'd be terrified; that explains the strained expression on Thorin's face.

You press yourself against the big rock to await Kili's slightly misguided arrow. The warg shrieks and topples to the ground. The Dwarves make short but messy work of it, but it's too late. The pack has been alerted. You retreat with the others, keeping an eye on Gandalf. You see him slip into hidden entrance in the rocks.

The Dwarves back into a tighter circle in the wake of the oncoming wargs. "Where's Gandalf?" Thorin yells.

"He's abandoned us!"

"No he hasn't," you say, feeling a lot like the mother of a rowdy bunch of boys. "Come on, in here!"

You lead them to the cleft in the rock and gesture for them to make their way. You stand on the peak of the oblique stone with Thorin, counting the Dwarves as they pass. After Kili slides down the incline, you look expectantly at Thorin. Your eyes lock for a mere moment, each silently telling the other to proceed. The next second, Thorin all but throws you inside before following.

You grunt as your rub your back, "I'll take that as a complement."

Dwalin calls, "I cannot see where the pathway leads. Do we follow it or no?"

"Follow it, of course!" Bofur replies anxiously.

Gandalf murmur in amusement, "I think that would be wise." You catch his eye and smile, and he winks.

The company proceeds in single file through the narrow pathway. Bombur in particular struggles to inch through the close rock walls. Excitement mounts in your stomach with each step. If there was one place you can't wait to see besides Erebor, it's Rivendell. Other than Lorien, it is unequivocally the most beautiful place in all of Middle Earth. You build up a mental to-do list to complete in the few days you have to rest here.

The path finally opens up into a great valley. The fresh smell of water and pine fills you with bliss. You edge through the crowd to get a first view, and what a first view it is! It's like a Thomas Kinkade painting come to life, full of sweet color and fluid shapes found nowhere in the Wild.

"The Valley of Imladris," Gandalf says grandly. "Here lies the last Homely House east of the sea. In the common tongue, it is known by another name."

"Rivendell," Bilbo says wonderingly.

You lean close to Fili and whisper, "Pay up."