The first time Jiraiya meet Yoruichi while spying on the girls in the public hot springs, he got the shock of his life.
For a short time, he thought Kushina had come back to life as a raven-haired girl.
This belief was further compounded by the fact that the moment the girl realized someone else was trying to spy through the hole in the fence, she promptly drew her leg back...and kicked it down to the shock of the women who were quick to scramble with their towels.
The second they saw Jiraiya, they realized why she broke the fence, and proceeded to maul him.
Coincidentally, when some of the girls got a good, unobstructed view of a few of the off-duty shinobi, they quickly found themselves with girlfriends. Kakashi included, to his surprise.
Jiraiya was not included among this number.
"Girl's got one hell of a right hook," said Jiraiya to his former sensei.
Sarutobi was trying very, very hard not to laugh his ass off. If only Jiraiya knew.
"Ero-sannin, I have your medication," said the nurse sweetly.
The Hokage about cracked a rib laughing.
"Who came up with that one?" he asked Yoru.
"Naruto, when he asked if it was true I broke the wall at the hot spring because of a pervert. I told him about Jiraiya, and he promptly came up with the name Ero-sannin," said Yoru unrepentant.
Jiraiya stared. Up close, and unhindered by the fence, the resemblance to Kushina was impossible to miss. The only problem being that the girl was clearly an Uchiha with those looks, not an Uzumaki.
"If you don't quit leering at me, I'll have the female doctors schedule a check of your colon with you still awake with the most unattractive male doctors we have...without clothes," she threatened.
"Or you could tell him who you really are," suggested the Hokage, his grin almost splitting his face. The look on the super-pervert's face would almost be worth it.
"Why not wait for the maximum impact?" she said.
Like if she ever caught him ogling her ass or breasts.
The Hokage's grin said volumes.
Tsunade was coming home. Not because she had gotten over her issues, or that she cared to, but because the Hokage's last message (via Jiraiya) said that he had a test subject she might find fascinating that would be very interested in learning her ways as a medic nin who wouldn't complain about her habit of using them to get her sake or as target practice.
She was aware that the land of Ogres had a jutsu which supposedly created a perfect body double in the event the priestess or priest needed on. A permanent transformation that was irreversible. However using it generally went hand in hand as being used as a scape goat, so no one was sure if it really was permanent or how thorough the transformation actually was. Mainly because the person who used it ended up dead within a week, if less.
Besides, her old teacher said he would pay half her debt if she came back.
Walking into Konoha, Tsunade winced as memories of her life here came back. She did not want to be here dammit.
"Come on Shizune. Let's head to the hot spring after we see sensei," said Tsunade.
"Hai, Tsunade-sama."
It was actually at the hot spring (after saying hello to her former teacher) that she found the 'test subject/student' her sensei was talking about.
The girl could pass for Kushina at that age, though the hair and eyes were wrong.
The girl was doing something that Kushina likely would have done as a joke. She was using Jiraiya's hole to spy on the guys.
"What are you doing?" asked Shizune, openly curious.
"Giving the guys a taste of their own damn medicine. If Jiraiya is going to peep on us, then why shouldn't we do the same to them?" she replied instantly.
Tsunade snorted.
"What's your name girl?"
"Uchiha Yoruichi, level three iryonin and a regular at the Konoha hospital, Tsunade-sama," she replied, once she saw who was asking.
"Level three? Impressive for a girl your age," said Tsunade. And she meant it.
The two spent a pleasant few hours discussing medical jutsu, before Tsunade waited in a sealed room for the girl the Hokage had mentioned.
And surprise, surprise, it was the same one she had just spent hours talking to.
"Oh good, you've already met her."
"What's this about sensei?"
"Tsunade, may I introduce the 'former' heir of the Uchiha clan, Itachi?"
Tsunade's jaw dropped.
"You are, of course, joking. Even I know Itachi Uchiha is a male."
"Not anymore I'm not," said Yoru, grinning very much like Kushina after a successful prank.
"Explain. And someone bring me sake, because I have the feeling I'm going to need it!"
Sarutobi handed her a bottle.
Tsunade looked at the girl expectantly.
"It all started as a revenge prank against Fugaku, my father..." said Yoru.
By the time the seals were undone, Tsunade didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or put the demi-girl under an extensive exam.
Because now she could understand why her sensei called her in. Itachi...no, Yoruichi's case was absolutely fascinating from a medical standpoint.
Then a thought struck her.
"Does Jiraiya know?"
"Nope," said Yoru, popping the 'P' sound. "Caught him spying on the girl's side, kicked a nice, big hole in the fence to expose him, and then made sure his stay at the hospital was unpleasant. Personally we're waiting for him to start trying to chat me up like every other attractive female he's come across before we break the news to him."
Tsunade's grin turned evil.
"I might just stick around the village...just so I can see the look on his face when he realizes he's leering at what could only be described as a very successful and thorough transvestite," said Tsunade evilly.
Yoru actually snickered.
"You know that's the first time I've actually heard that term to describe it?"
"You were once a guy, but lost your bits to become a girl. By that very definition you're a transvestite, though one that at least is able to still reproduce."
Yoru had a strange expression on her face.
"I wonder if I could offer to sell copies of the jutsu to the shinobi who are uncomfortable with their own gender?"
The Hokage choked. There was some things he didn't need to know about his shinobi force. This was one of those things.
"Does this mean I can drag the girl off for a full examination?"
"By all means. I had a feeling she would pique your interest enough that you would come back."
"You know I would feel horribly violated by this, but the sad fact is I trust her the most out of the three," said Yoru amused. The Hokage snorted.
Considering the way his two male students turned out, he knew the girl wasn't exaggerating. One became a traitor, the other a super pervert. Considering that, what Tsunade chose to do to compensate for her loss was rather tame.
"Nee-san! Where were you?" asked Sasuke.
Yoru looked exhausted beyond belief.
She picked up both ten year olds, walked out the door, and to a training field.
"Tsunade-sama, meet your extra target practice. Boys, you have one job, and one job only. Dodge like hell or I get extra practice at healing chakra," she told them flatly.
She asked Tsunade what she could do to get a break from having boulders thrown at her. Tsunade's joking response was for her to produce someone else she could 'train'. Yoru had gone home and retrieved her brothers.
"Do you think she was joking?" asked Sasuke to Naruto.
"NO!" yelped Naruto as he pushed Sasuke out of the way.
And so began an hour long dodge-boulder session. It increased their stamina, pain tolerance, and gave Yoru a break.
It would also spark a major prank war the likes even the Hokage had never seen when he found out why Naruto and Sasuke were giving their beloved big sister the stink eye for a week.
Tsunade decided that Yoruichi was interesting enough to stick around, to Shizune's relief. While she staunchly refused to even look at the Hokage's hat because of the memories associated with it, she did revamp the hospital.
Yoruichi ended up becoming her secondary apprentice. Mostly because she showed an intuitive knack towards the art...and because she never complained about Tsunade's demands like most would.
Hard to believe any child of Fugaku Uchiha could be that talented a medic. The best part, the absolutely best part in Tsunade's opinion, was the fact that Yoruichi didn't let that damn doujutsu give her a god complex like practically every Uchiha she had ever met. If she needed to learn a jutsu quickly, for emergencies, then yes, she used the eyes. But afterward she always practiced it until she could use the technique with only half the seals.
It was more than any Sharingan user did. Kakashi included.
Another benefit was that Tsunade was well acquainted with Kushina. She had plenty of stories of her cousin to tell the boys. Some even Yoru had never heard of.
"So boys, excited for the graduation exam?" asked Tsunade.
Since she decided to stick around for a while, she opted to rent the apartment close to the kids.
"Not really. If we graduate now, then we'll get stuck with a fan girl," shuddered Sasuke.
The fan girl horde. The curse of every Uchiha male, even Itachi. Yoru was pleased she had gotten rid of that nonsense by becoming female herself. And fan boys had to beat her in a proper sparring match before she would even consider letting them near her.
Since most of her admirers were hormonal chunin, they didn't stand a chance. And that was before she broke out the big guns.
The one time someone tried to grab her ass, she broke his arm in three places...then proceeded to make his life hell while he recovered until Tsunade took over.
"Yeah, not to mention the fact that last time those asshole teachers gave me the wrong one," said Naruto sourly.
Yoru carefully schooled her expression.
"I've had a...word...with the ones responsible for that mess. They won't try it a second time," said Yoru.
To be more specific, she had gone down to the Academy and threatened to trap them in a world full of naked Might Gai in provocative positions trying to jump them for three days if they tried it a second time.
Even Kakashi, once he heard the threat, shuddered at the thought of it. Needless to say they took the warning seriously.
"You're not allowed to threaten the Academy teachers. However, sensei never said anything about me having a word with them," said Tsunade.
The two boys brightened at that. Tsunade was like a grandmother to them both, even Naruto called her Tsunade-baa-chan.
"Speaking of upcoming events, there's a council meeting tomorrow," said Shizune.
Yoru groaned. Despite the fact she was quite happy to have left the name Itachi (and everything that was associated with the Uchiha prodigy) behind, she still had to go to those boring meetings as the oldest Uchiha. She was still designated clan heir, and would likely remain that way until she either turned 18, which was the civilian age where they were considered adults, married (not happening any time soon), became a mother or was raised to jounin rank.
Either way she was stuck going to those boring as hell council meetings once a month as the Uchiha representative. At least with the death of Danzo, most of the more irritating factions had taken to infighting until the void left by his absence was filled.
She still had to answer for the 'misdeeds' of Naruto though, considering she was his guardian.
About the only thing she used that time for was some much needed sleep. Working at the hospital meant she got very little of it, even if she was becoming a noted doctor and iryonin. Shikaku, the head of the Nara clan, loved the fact she usually sat next to him (there wasn't an arranged seating, outside of separating the civilian from the shinobi) because she had a habit of bringing pillows and using a subtle genjutsu to hide the fact they were both sleeping while the meeting went on.
Needless to say the Hokage was both amused and slightly jealous. They at least got to ignore listening to the same crap over and over again.
And with that, the group went about their day. Tomorrow was going to be hectic, that was for sure.