Behind a subtle genjutsu, a certain pseudo-girl was snoring. Rather loudly at that.
Shikaku tuned it out through practice and the fact his wife was much louder when she was yelling at him. He really enjoyed the fact that Yoruichi was the one stuck next to him during these meetings rather than that ass Fugaku. At least she was considerate enough to bring pillows so his neck didn't have a cramp in it!
However the subject at the moment had him kicking her awake, if only to disguise the fact she had been catching some much needed sleep from her shifts at the hospital.
"Hwa...?"
"Some idiot's trying to blame Naruto for stealing again," said Shikaku.
Which meant someone would have to wake her anyway, since as his legal guardian she had to pay them for anything he broke or stole.
Instead of telling Naruto to tone down the pranks, Yoru told him that if he was going to continue being a known menace, then he damn well better not get caught. Since then Naruto had improved his pranks by leaps and bounds, and his speed had increased exponentially since Yoru bought those special weights after asking Gai where he bought his.
Yes, they made moving a pain in the ass, but the training factor she got from them more than made up for it. Now she could say she was training even while working her shift at the hospital!
Yoru stretched, causing her rather impressive bust to peek through her shirt and several muscles to pop. She subtly dropped the genjutsu to listen in, before she rolled her eyes.
"Let me get this straight. You're claiming Naruto caused a scene at your grocery store and destroyed several thousands worth of product around six last week?" she said annoyed.
The civilian huffed in anger, but that was the general gist of it.
"And the fact that Naruto has been picked up by Shizune-sempai along with my little brother after Academy hours so Tsunade-sensei can give them extra training that usually lasts till eight, not to mention the fact Shizune and I have been doing all the grocery shopping since the last time you and the other grocers tried to overcharge Naruto is just a complete coincidence, isn't it?" said Yoruichi, glaring.
Naruto wasn't allowed to shop for food. He was often overcharged to the point where he could only by instant ramen. While Yoruichi did allow for him to have it in the apartment, she had put her foot down on him eating it all the time. It was mostly a quick meal when none of the girls were available to cook. Sasuke was allowed to shop, but he had trouble finding the good stuff. Tsunade was out, because she had a bad habit of buying mostly sake and booze.
Which left Shizune and Yoru to do most of the shopping.
The civilian looked decidedly nervous, while the Hokage looked pissed.
With the absence of Danzo, some of the animosity towards Naruto either dropped or went away completely. But not all of it.
"ANBU, take this man to Ibiki. It looks like we have another bunch of idiots trying to dip into the 'Prankster Fund' again."
After one too many demands for payment for pranks, damages or other incidents, the Hokage had set up a special "Prankster Fund" to pay people back. Since Yoruichi took over for Fugaku, and Danzo's death, they had come to learn that several civilians had been trying to take advantage of the fund by claiming Naruto had done something for free cash.
The Hokage was furious to learn that the civilians had come up with this conspiracy solely because they wanted the shinobi to remain in their debt after the Kyuubi attack. It was well known that once they were paid back the number of representatives from the civilian clans would drop to a bare minimum.
He had his people go back to when the sudden demand for funds had started and had told those who were never actually hit by Naruto or his pranks that they either pay back the money they stole or they would be kicked out and their property seized.
Yoru was pleased that this kind of thinking lead to four different clans leaving Konoha, some with only the clothing on their backs and whatever things they could carry, and that the number of mobs that formed against Naruto had dropped like a stone.
Naruto was just happy he didn't have to deal with the birthday mob ever again.
"Now is that all?" asked the Hokage. No one said anything. "Then I call this meeting of the Konoha council adjourned."
Yoruichi resealed the pillows, and headed out. It was a good nap.
"Dammit!"
"What happened this time?" asked Yoru.
"Stupid freaking clone jutsu! Those jerk instructors said it had to be the standard clone, even though Kiba and Shino were allowed to do a bug and animal clone!" seethed Naruto.
"What about you?"
"Second I heard the teachers fail him deliberately, I waited until break before I blew up the school library. They said I wasn't mature enough for the headband once they found out I did it," said Sasuke proudly.
"To be fair, it probably needed to be redone anyway. The standards from when I took the test have dropped to the point where it's beyond ridiculous. We can probably get the Hokage to revamp the Academy if we do it right," said Yoru.
Seeing the gleam of chaos in the eyes of the boys, Tsunade lightly bopped her on the head.
"You are not blowing up the Academy just to change a few things."
Yoru, instead of trying to convince her, handed her Sasuke's textbooks.
"I dare you to try and find any mention of the Uzumaki clan outside of vague references. Succeed and I'll distract Shizune-sempai so you can go out drinking with Anko-chan. Fail and you're helping us convince the Hokage to revamp the Academy, or at least bring back the old standards."
Tsunade snorted.
"Challenge accepted brat. I win, and you're paying for my drinks."
"Fair enough."
Three hours later, and Tsunade became disgusted.
"They go on and on about my grandfather and your clan, but don't mention the Uzumaki outside of a single sentence as our allies. This isn't just ridiculous, it's beyond pathetic. If the old man doesn't bring the standards back up I'll help you blow that place to kingdom come," said Tsunade.
The two students cheered.
Sarutobi looked amused.
"I'll bring back the old curriculum on one condition. Yoru, you will have to act as the Academy Nurse until the boys graduate or you become clan head."
"Deal. Do I at least get to train in between healing the kids?"
"No leaving Academy grounds or letting the children find Kinjutsu by leaving the scroll around. That includes the one you got from the Land of Ogres."
After the wildly successful use of the transformation jutsu, the Hokage put it in the Forbidden Scroll with the addendum that only those who could convince the current Hokage that it was for personal use only and with the agreement of their acting doctor could take it from the scroll.
"Meh. I could always take them out of the Uchiha family library."
One shadow clone and she would be able to help with the kiddies. Not like they could do anything that would force her to actually heal them beyond a few scrapes or broken bones, right?
One Month Later...
"Everyone, the Hokage has decreed that the Academy will be going back to the older standards. So you'll be issued new books for now. Also, our school nurse was given an extended vacation, so the current acting head of the Uchiha clan has graciously agreed to act as the new one. She has also agreed to come in and help teach. Now isn't that nice?" said Iruka.
Mizuki was originally his assistant teacher. He had been transferred to the hospital for a month after almost having a nervous breakdown.
Thankfully Yoruichi had volunteered to be his new assistant until his return.
Iruka would leave the classroom that day in shock. Not a single student misbehaved, and for once he was able to get through the day without using his trademark "Big-Head no Jutsu" on them.
All it had taken was a mysterious smile and a look from his assistant, and any scuffles died down within seconds.
He must know her secret.
Sasuke and Naruto were snickering. It was hard not to.
Upon realizing the odd hold she had on the children, Iruka had taken to hanging out with Yoru often. He claimed he wanted to know how she kept order in the chaotic Academy without having to raise her voice, but she just smiled and changed the subject.
Sasuke, Naruto, Tsunade and Shizune were all holding a rather wide betting ring with the Hokage, his staff, a good chunk of the ANBU and hospital workers that Iruka had a crush on her, and was trying to court her without being obvious about it.
The odds were five-to-three that Iruka was trying to date Yoruichi, and whether or not he would still be interested if he knew who she actually was.
At this point Naruto could honestly say he had no problems with his favorite teacher dating his 'Yoru-nee-chan', because to be honest the look of shock would be totally worth it. Sasuke also had no problems with it, because Iruka was one of the few men that Yoru hadn't caught using the peep-hole in the hot springs at least once.
Considering the only other person who showed that kind of interest was currently dating Kakashi after the broken fence incident (Anko) they were honestly rooting for him.
Mizuki, when he was finally cleared to return, took one look at the budding relationship (not that Yoru would call it that...she was having far too much fun giving Iruka the run-around to how she got the children to behave) and promptly asked to be assigned to a different class.
He was not getting in the way of that. Not after a good chunk of the students looked ready to use him as target practice or maul him. Particularly the girls.
Never underestimate the devious minds of children, for they are monsters who have not yet grown the fangs and muscles they need to defend themselves with, and have still managed to survive.
Yoru ended up being stuck as the one to drag Tsunade out of whatever bar she had gotten lost in, and had run into Kakashi.
Kakashi, who was in on the odd betting ring around Yoru's love life, finally asked the same question Iruka was so desperate to find the answer for.
"How do you do it? Get the kids to behave?"
"One, I radiate an aura similar to a mother and add disapproval. Two, I have been subtly lacing the class with a genjutsu geared towards fearing retribution. Three, and this is most important, I have both bribe/threatened them."
"Huh?"
Yoru smirked, knowing she had the full attention of most of the jounin.
"I bribe them with jutsu available mostly to genin, while threatening to unleash the full creativity of Naruto on coffee and far too much candy on them. Considering the fact most of them are aware of what Naruto's like when he's actually bored, they were willing to keep their traps shut. I bribed Naruto with extra training and ramen. In exchange they behave or else," she explained.
"That is devious and absolutely cruel," said Anko grinning.
"And profitable," said Yoru.
"How so?"
"You didn't think I was completely oblivious to the betting rings, did you?" she shot back, before continuing to look for Tsunade.
"Dammit, should have known she'd find a way to rig the bets," said Kakashi. Itachi had gone out of his way to rig the ANBU betting rings back when he was still a boy once he knew of them. He had almost forgotten about that little fact.
He would also have a word with Yoru later to find out how she had rigged the bets, so that he could join her. If only to come out with cash at the end.
Tsunade had already done something similar when Yoru mentioned this habit...and, in an effort to actually win money and hopefully improve her crappy luck, had promptly bet on the same subjects said girl had chosen to manipulate for her own gain.
They both gleefully did not inform the Hokage of this fact, as he had bet against them. He would not learn of this until after it was already too late to change his bet.