A Valentine's Day Story Part I
February 14th, 1976
Her parents' arguing was a normal occurrence in the household, but that still didn't explain why her head was pounding. And, if she was honest to herself, it had been for a while but she just couldn't recollect when exactly it started.
Bob and Midge were at it yet again, but this was one of those 'trying to be nice' arguments where everything they said to one another were sarcastic compliments. And, deep down, sometimes she wondered if the Forman's were like that. Did Red ever wake up and to tell his wife, "Gee, just the way I love my toast. Well. Done. And, the crust is barely visible!" And did Kitty ever respond by straining a smile, showing her gums, and clenching her teeth as she replied crisply, "Only the best for a man who doesn't even bother to put the toilet seat down when he does his business!"
Was that what marriage was? Fake smiles, tense conversations, space lingering in the air for a minute after your spouse leaves, and the human body stiffening at the insensitive touch of a man who only wanted you for your body?
Donna tried not to think of it as she rolled out of bed, just in time to hear her mother shout loudly about something her father did thirteen years ago. For the life of her she couldn't comprehend how they could fight in the kitchen and she could still be able to hear them perfectly in her bedroom.
She paused for a moment, taking in the air around her to soothe her screaming mind. She took in another deep breath, this time her head falling between her knees as her hands cupped her ears. She just wanted them to stop arguing. She wanted them to smile at each other the way they used to, hold hands in public, and chase each other around the house playfully, and for them to fall asleep watching TV on Friday nights, like they used to when she was little. Where were those parents? Where did they go?
She concentrated on the yellow fibers of her carpet, muffling out the sounds of whatever it was they were fighting about this time. Her toes crinkled on top of the carpet, absorbing the texture. And for a moment, she felt alive. Like a real human being. That is until the pounding of her headache returned with a sudden force on her frontal lobe, causing her hands to fly to her head as she cringed in absolute pain.
"Uggnnn." She groaned, forcing her legs to stand her body up.
She walked to her personal restroom, something she had always been thankful for but never said it out loud, and shut the door as soon as she was safely inside. Her hands held her body up from the rim of her sink as she stared at her reflection in the glossy, bathroom mirror.
The first thing she noticed was her skin tone. It was much paler than usual. The next thing were her eyes. They were so red and puffy…had she been crying? She didn't know. She didn't remember it. She sniffed the air around her once, then wiped her nose thoughtlessly. Her freckles were gone. How long had they been gone? 2 months? 2 years? 12 years? How could she not notice that?
She closed her eyes, saying in a throaty voice to herself, "Donna, get a grip. You're losing it. Don't lose it. Don't get sick…not today. Today is the day every writer dreams of writing about."
Valentine's Day
:::::
He didn't want to be in the basement again. What if Jackie swooped in and tried to make him a prince again? That was revolting.
Instead he was perfectly happy where he was at- the Forman's driveway, sitting on the patio and eating a sandwich Mrs. Forman happily made for him earlier. Sitting there, chewing and taking in the scenery of the 'All-American Neighborhood; he just couldn't help but wish he lived there with them. Maybe it would've been fun having a sister like Laurie or a brother like…
He stopped right there. If he was meant to have a brother and sister, he would have a brother and sister. But he doesn't, so he wasn't, so his dumb thoughts just didn't matter. And one had to be careful of how they controlled their thoughts, otherwise they'd wind up like Jackie- always living in some stupid fantasy.
He swallowed both the sandwich and the lump in his throat as Donna approached from her side of the red picket fence. As he watched her sway over to him, he couldn't help but wish once again he lived at the Forman's. So many reasons and none of them mattered.
With his right leg he kicked out a patio chair for her to take a seat in, nodding, "Happy Saturday."
Donna knew what he was doing. He was avoiding saying the word 'Valentine'. And she couldn't help but smirk. That was so much like Hyde.
She shook her head, repressing a giggle in her throat as she plopped herself down in the seat right next to him.
"Oh, Hyde." She mused, "You are such a character."
"Am I?" He asked her, taking off his shades and adjusting his body to be facing her, "I hadn't noticed." He then pointed his sandwich at her, saying, "Wanna bite?"
Her green eyes danced in amusement, and for a moment it really looked like she was going to take it, but then she shook her head. With her hand running down her strands of her hair, she told him, "Maybe some other time."
"You look hungry." He told her, "And a little…tired. Another midnight romp or was it a rant this time?"
She knew he was referring to her parents. He knew better than most. Maybe, even better than Eric.
"Rant." She answered, her eyes darting away as if ashamed of her admittance.
When she looked up, he was taking another bite out of his sandwich, nodding. She couldn't understand it. He was slouching, he was eating, and he was scratching his chin. Everything about his body language screamed rudeness and inconsiderateness, but she knew he was doing the opposite at that moment. All his attention was focused on her. And he knew she knew that. In fact, she knew better than most. Maybe even more so than Eric.
He sighed, sitting up gruffly, "It's tough. It's not right, having to watch them bicker and hurt each other, but you gotta remember Donna, it's not your fault. There's nothing you can do short of losing it, and whatever you do, if you do lose it, never show it."
She found herself wondering, comfortable with Hyde, "Is that what's waiting on the other side, Hyde? Like, is the other side of life is settling for someone who makes you feel safe? Then, what? I get to wake up years later with a husband I'm not sure about, kids, and a mortgage to pay? And that husband…" She looked up earnestly, very confused, "What if I'm not really in love with him? What if I'm only with him because it's convenient. He's safe. And with a guy like that, I hope I won't become my mother but ironically in hooking up with my High School crush like she did, I'm becoming her exactly?" She then looked over to her house on the other side of the fence, her face twisted in doubt, "I know marriage, Hyde. I know what it results in. Fights. Arguments. Giving up your dreams. And big responsibilities." She turned back to him, "I'm not cut out for it, Hyde. But I think, if we get involved with him, he's going to want me to be. And I'm not a dutiful little wife. I'm not a mothering type. And I just don't want to let him down when he realizes it."
Hyde finished off his sandwich, nodding, "What you really mean, is that you're not a Mrs. Forman."
Donna sighed, her eyes panning down the driveway while she stated sadly, "I'm not Mrs. Forman." The way she said it, so pitifully, as if she almost wished she could be a dutiful wife and mother.
"For what it's worth Donna, yer no Midge Pinciotti either."
Donna nodded slowly, changing the subject as she played with a loose string on her blue jeans, "Thanks, Hyde. So what is a young, rebellious bachelor such as yourself doing this Valentine's?"
Hyde licked the crumbs off his fingers, smirking devilishly, "Why? You asking me out?"
Donna's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she jumped, "No! I-I-" Her cheeks soon rivaled her hair in color as she explained, "I was just curious about your plans. There was no ulterior motive- I swear!"
He cringed inside. He would by lying to himself if he didn't confess he wanted to go out with her. He would love nothing more than to touch her, caress her body in way that the scrawny little neighbor boy could never do, and run away with her. Because, in his heart he knew, he would never leave Donna. He would always be there for her, forever. But that wasn't the million dollar question. The question was- would she be there for him?
He smirked, telling her as casually as he could, "Relax Donna. It was a joke."
She seemed relieved. She directed a stiff smile his way, "Good one. You really got me there."
"So," He asked her, "What're yer plans? Crush on Forman all afternoon and hope he picks up a signal? Or go home. Watch the box. See if Donahue comes on and comforts you."
"I don't know." Her answer was honest enough.
Soon the sliding door opened and Red and Kitty came out. Red didn't even notice the kids as he groaned, making his way over to the garage, "No Kitty. Absolutely not. No way in hell." Kitty stayed by the patio, right in front of Donna and Hyde, "Oh Red, it's not that bad! Bob and Midge are having some marital trouble and all they want is a double date tonight- to soothe the tensions!"
Red, in the garage, pointed a wrench at his wife, "I would rather have dinner with a goddamn communist than sit and break bread with those screwballs." He then put down the wrench, saying angrily, "Did you know Bob asked me how to change a tire last month? What grown man doesn't know how to change a simple tire? In fact, I had better luck teaching his daughter than him!"
Kitty moved toward him, insisting, "Oh Red, you leave them alone this instant. Now, now I know they're…they're not exactly what we would consider normal, and they may be a little eccentric and more open than we would be comfortable with, but they are still are neighbors. They are still our friends. And friends stick by one another in tough times. What they don't do is run to their garages and mutter how much everyone is a dumbass and a screwball."
Red looked down for a moment, like a child getting reprimanded, until he looked back up and nodded, "Thank you for reminding me- they are dumbasses too."
Kitty threw up her arms, "Oh Red! Will you stop it?"
He groaned, leaning against the wall of the garage, "Fine. Fine, we'll go have dinner with the Looney Tunes, but if Porky and wife bring up their role playing adventures again- I'm out."
Kitty nodded, wiping her hands on her skirt, "Okay, okay. That's fair." And then she noticed the kids sitting quietly on the patio. She could only say one word, "Donna!" Almost immediately Kitty began to fidget, "How-how long have you been there? Listening. To-to Mr. Forman and I?"
Donna shrugged, her eyes glazing away from the nervous older woman, "It's okay, Mrs. Forman. I understand how my parents can be."
Kitty shook her head, "Oh no, honey! That's-that's not what we-we-" She quickly turned to Red, her face contorted in worry and silently begged him to help her out. Red only said, "See? She understands, Kitty. I told you this girl had a sounder mind than her folks. I only had to repeat myself once when showing her how to use the jack."
Kitty blinked feverishly, her nerves getting the better of her. When she turned back to Donna. Kitty could only do one thing; she laughed, "A-ha-ha-ha-ha."
::::::::::::::
It was a 1975 Clock Radio with the classic GM label on it.
The clock read a distinctive 9:29 am.
On the far end of the room, still in his pajamas, was a young Eric Forman. He was by his window, watching Hyde and Donna get up from the patio chairs and walking over to his dad in the garage while his mother scurried inside with a pale face.
His right arm was up, balancing him while his sad eyes observed Hyde's arm slacked over Donna's shoulders.
A strange feeling came over him.
There was some anger, but it was mostly foolishness. How stupid could he be to think she would like…
Kelso constantly told him that Donna was into him, but he wasn't sure if the older guy was leading him into another burn or was really looking out for him. He couldn't tell. And he heard some whispers in the school hallways, people mumbling how Donna liked him. But what was in a rumor? Last year there was a rumor that they were going to be building a K-Mart on Franklin.
That never happened. Everyone's still shopping at the Pigley-Wigley.
As he bitterly immersed himself in his own self-doubts, soaking in his pain at being ignored by those around him, he could feel his eyes sting.
His father would be so disappointed in him. Barking at him at that boys didn't cry and that he should "act like a man". He always said that, it was after all his dad's favorite quote from The Godfather.
With weak arms and a dejected face he turned away from the window. Donna should be with Hyde.
Everyone knew that. No one with a sane mind would ever be with him. The sooner he accepted them as a possible couple the better because he just didn't have it in him to hope for fairytales anymore. He just didn't have it him to hold out, and beg for the scraps of love she would pitifully give him. All those times she sat next to him, all those times she smiled at him, all those times he actually thought she cared about him were just….
At that moment his clock radio switched on as the little numbers turned 9:29 to 9:30.
A morning DJ came on. He didn't keep track of them anymore. Maybe it was Wolfman Jack or Johnny Holliday or even Jerry Thunder from WFPP's The Sound. But it didn't matter, all their voices rushed together anyway.
And soon a song came on to "lift" his "be withered" spirit.
He walked over to the side of his bed and sat down, taking in a long breath. He ran his thin fingers over his oily, light brown hair. He knew he couldn't take it if she went with Hyde on Valentine's Day. Hell, the day before he could barely stand it that she spent the majority of her birthday talking to Hyde in the corner of his basement about 'personal issues'.
What advice could Hyde give her that he couldn't? What kind of connection could he offer that Eric himself hadn't already made?
Hello, it's me.
And then a horrible thought crossed his head. Maybe he never really knew his best friend's as much as he thought he did. Closing his eyes, he let the lyrics wash over him.
I've thought about us for a long, long time,
Maybe I think too much but something's wrong,
There's something here that doesn't last too long,
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine,
Seeing you, or seeing anything as much as I do you,
I take for granted that you're always there,
I take for granted that you just don't care,
Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through.
It's important to me,
That you know you are free,
'Cause I never want to make you change for me.
He jolted up when he heard someone knocking on his bedroom door.
His mother asked uncertainly, "Eric, honey? Are you in here?"
"Yeah!" Eric shouted through the door, making his way over to his radio to turn it off.
Kitty came in, turning on the lights with her elbow since her hands were occupied with some of Eric's blankets, among them a Spider-Man bed sheet.
Eric sat up on his bed faithfully, acting as if he had just woken up on that Saturday morning. Kitty gave him a questioning look, noticing the window curtains of his room were open but decided not to press the matter further when Eric began to yawn sadly, "Happy Valentine's. Great day to be alive."
Kitty smiled, dropping off his blankets on the foot of his bed, "So, what are you and your little friends going to do today?"
Eric rubbed his hair in such a way a part of it stood upright, "I dunno…guess hang out together. None of us are in love." He then thought of Jackie and Kelso before adding, "Maybe Kelso and his girlfriend but that's pretty much it."
He then stretched out his legs, placing his feet firmly on the ground, "You and dad goin' out?"
Kitty laughed a little, "No, but I wish we were. I wouldn't have to deal with your father's grumbles as much."
"Why?"
Kitty shrugged her shoulders, "The Pinciotti's are coming over for dinner."
Eric stood completely straight. His head jerked a certain way and the definition in his chin seemed to straighten out.
He nearly ran to his mother as his mouth fumbled "P-P-Pinciotti's? Like…all of them or just Bob and Midge?"
Kitty smiled at her son in a motherly way, "You're interested in Donna, huh?"
Eric began to fidget, "Donna? Donna who?"
Kitty leaned against his doorframe, almost laughing as she told him, "Ya know, when we were younger, your father was quite the romantic. He was singing ballads to me, dedicating days to my honor, and he even…" Her lips folded inward briefly before letting out a beaming smile, "Wrote some original poetry."
Eric's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he squeaked, "Dad? Poetry?"
Kitty nodded, "Mm-hm. His best one was, 'Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Morn?' "
"Uh mom, I think that's Shakespeare."
"No, no honey. Shakespeare wrote, 'Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day.' " She then smiled at him, "Besides cooking and dancing, it's the fastest way to a girl's heart, Eric."
Eric blinked, "But…the other day you said she was out of my league!"
Kitty nodded, "Perhaps, but I have a feeling she wouldn't say 'no' to you." She then made her way over to Eric, squeezing his cheeks, "Who could say 'no' to such a young, handsome Casanova like you?"
Eric rolled his eyes, muttering sarcastically, "Thanks for the confidence boost, mom. Now I can add 'Young Casanova according to mom' to the growing list of things wrong with me."
"Well," his mother huffed, ready to leave, "I have to go downstairs and clean the kitchen. But if I didn't, I'd help you pick out a nice poem to alter."
As his mother disappeared behind his bedroom door, Eric rubbed his chin, thinking. The most romantic scene he could think of was…
With a shaky voice he said, "But soft. What light through yonder window break? It is the east…" as he eyed a book based off of Shakespeare's play just sitting on his book shelf. And then he turned toward his window, staring out to the house right next door, "…and Juliet is the sun."
::::::
In the basement a newly dressed Eric watched from the stairs as Kelso and Jackie had another one of their silly arguments.
Kelso kept on shaking his head and hands as he said, "But Jackie- it's a proven fact! Girls with blond hair have more fun!"
Jackie nearly slapped him with her purse, fuming, "They do not!" She then folded her arms across her chest, rolling her eyes, "They're just sluttier."
Kelso nodded, "Yes! Thus the equalization of more fun!"
Fez, sitting on the couch, raised his hand politely, "Is you're sister slutty, Edic?"
Jackie sat down on the couch by Fez, explaining to everyone in the room, "Men should judge women by how their hair is kept, not the color of it. Color of hair means very little about a girl- but in case you're wondering, this is how you break it down. There are the big three in hair color, the holy trinity of follicle pigment perfection. The first, and most notorious, are the blonds. The second, and the prettiest, are the brunettes. And the last batch, that nobody cares about, are the redheads."
Eric rolled his eyes. It didn't take a genius to know when Jackie was dumping on Donna.
Now, there are two types of blonds: The blond bombshells and the dumb blond bimbo. Now, it's very important never to mix these two up. The bombshell is usually very intelligent and sometimes even manipulative-"
Kelso sat on the armrest near his girlfriend, making sure, "But they're both hot though, right?"
Jackie ignored him and continued, "And if a man mistakes the bombshell for a dime a dozen bimbo, he could end up in dire straits as she casually picks him apart. But, if she develops feelings for him, she'll stay loyal to her man. But, that is rare. Examples of a bombshell are Grace Kelley, Lana Turner, and Jean Harlow."
Fez somehow found a notepad and pencil and began taking notes, telling Jackie, "I write down information. Dis sounds useful."
Jackie went on, "Then there are the bimbos like Jayne Mansfield. They're not too bright, but I guess that's what happens when you choose to stop learning and coast through on your looks." She took a moment, sighing, "I envy those bitches. Anyway, they're kinda flighty and ditsy, but rest assured, they'll burn a hole in your pocket book yet."
Fez scribbled on his notepad, saying, "Jackie envies bitches…"
Meanwhile Eric silently made his way over to the freezer to get a better idea what Jackie was going to say, when she got to redheads.
"And then there are the Brunettes. They are the down-to-earth, girl-next-door, smart types like Dawn Welles, Donna Reed and Audrey Hepburn. Unfortunately, because the color is so common, there's this assumption we're dependable, plain-jane, girls who lack imagination. Which, by the way, couldn't be farther from the truth. I read plenty of Nancy Drew stories and I visualize each one whole heartedly. And that takes imagination."
Kelso rubbed his neck, more interested in something else, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but back to the blondes-"
Fez scribbled, saying slowly, "Nan-cy Dwew."
Jackie pinched Kelso's arm causing him to jump, shrieking, "Damn Jackie! It was just a question!"
The cheerleader stood up, yelling, "A stupid question! Besides, you are with a one fine brunette! Forget the blondes, redheads or anyone else! You. Are. Mine!"
Kelso smiled dopily, "I like all sorts of brunettes too, Jackie."
Jackie looked ready to kill him, "Michael! I just said-"
Eric, from the back of the basement, cleared his voice loudly. Jackie turned to him, very aggravated by Kelso's remarks. "What is it?" She hissed at Eric, narrowing her eyes.
Eric swallowed hard, hoping that the people in the room wouldn't know what he was talking about when he mustered the courage to ask Jackie, "Can you go on…please?"
Jackie made a face, still irritated by Kelso, "Why? All that's left are the redheads, and I did say that nobody cares about-"
She noticed the lump in Eric's throat bob in anxiety. His eyes growing wider, the beats of sweat on his forehead all pointed to one thing. She couldn't help the smile on her face as she remembered who lived right next door to him, "That's so sweet."
Eric swallowed again, twitching, "Wh-what is?"
Jackie turned her head back to Kelso and instructed him carefully, "Go upstairs and get me a Diet Rite, a pink straw to sip on, and a Cosmo. Got it?"
Kelso jerked weirdly, "Where am I gonna get that stuff?!"
Jackie made a 'duh' expression, "Go hunt around the house for it!"
Kelso groaned and stomped up the stairs. Taking advantage of her boyfriend's departure, Jackie sat back down on the couch and patted the chair Hyde usually sat at, saying all the while, "Good. Now we can talk privately."
Eric hopped off the freezer, but still found himself twitching oddly as he waved his hands around, "What makes you think our conversation should be private?"
Jackie asked him sternly, "Do you want Michael back down here to tease you?"
"Uh…" Eric thought about it, "no."
"Alright then, take a seat."
Eric awkwardly sat down in Hyde's chair. He had never done that before. Hyde always told him NEVER to sit there if he liked having teeth. But, then again, Hyde wasn't around. And Eric was interested in what Jackie had to say.
Eric cleared his voice again, pointing at Fez who was also leaning forward, "So, um, Fez is gonna stick around?"
"There's someone else down here with us? Who?" Jackie then looked at the foreign boy for a moment before shrugging, "No one can understand him anyway, so what harm could he do? Now, back to more pressing matters…Donna."
Eric actually wanted to be like Fez and take out a notepad and jot down what Jackie had to say. Yes, she was nosy and a cheerleader, loud and selfish, but he had to hand it to her: When it came to social circles, the girl could climb.
"I really don't know too much about them, other than the only redhead in school is Donna. But, anyway, I've heard they're supposed to have fiery tempers and get mad very easily. And my mom told me once that they are very mischievous and have trouble keeping it in their pants. But, then again, my mother told me that marrying for money was more stable and practical then marrying for love." Jackie pushed aside thoughts of her mother and leaned forward, telling Eric, "Look, it doesn't matter. Like I said earlier, it matters how hair is kept than the color because if a woman will make an effort to keep up a good appearance, she will make an effort in a relationship and later on in the home."
Fez mumbled, still writing, "mischievous in bed…money bet-ter than love…"
At that Eric had to raise his eyebrows, "You-you think Donna would actually like taking care of the house, later on kids?"
"Well, I really don't know her too well," Jackie admitted, but then nodded, "But what woman wouldn't be happy taking care of her man and their children and their home?"
Before Eric could answer, the basement door flew open and in poured Donna and Hyde. Jackie turned around, laid eyes on them, and wrinkled her nose, "Oh. It's you two."
Hyde ignored her and approached Eric, "Forman, beat it."
Eric quickly hopped out of Hyde's seat and motioned for him to sit down. Fez did the same, following Eric's example, to let Donna take his place on the couch. With amazing tempo, Jackie changed the subject, "So, do any of you degenerates know what Michael is planning for Valentine's Day? Oh-oh! Let me guess…my Michael is sooooo romantic!"
Hyde smirked, "Maybe he'll finally break up with you."
Donna added, "Maybe he'll give you another rubber chicken."
Eric chimed in, "Maybe this year he'll actually remember."
Jackie went on as if they had said nothing, "You know what's romantic? Romeo and Juliet."
Eric crammed his neck to get a better look at Jackie, absolutely floored that out of everything in the world, she guessed his secret weapon. Quickly, and trying to look very under the radar, he took a peek in Donna's direction to see what she thought of the whole thing.
Donna made a face, looking at Jackie as if she grew another head, "Romeo and Juliet? Jackie, they died in the end. Their parents were wrought with grief. How is that romantic?"
Eric's shoulders slumped. Maybe he didn't know anything about anyone.
Jackie rolled her brown eyes at the older girl as if she was the stupidest person on the planet, "They died for each other, Donna. They would rather not live than spend one ounce of their lifespan without their eternal soul-mate! They were in true love, love for one another and-"
Hyde couldn't take it anymore and snapped, "Oh, will you shut up. That stuff isn't real, it's all built and structured to be entertaining and to put the asses in the seats. It was true then, it's true now! Meanwhile, big-time corporations are having a field day as they pump up their ticket sales to sold-out shows because little teeny bopper girls like you actually believe in 'true love' and are dumb enough to buy the damn ticket to begin with. It's capitalization and it's sickening!"
Jackie threw back at him, "I'm not asking for the opinion of an insecure, burn-out with no future!" She then told him matter-a-factly, "Because of your fear of commitment and lack of expressing your feelings, you will die alone!"
"News flash, tick," Hyde grumbled, "Everyone dies."
Jackie told him fiercely, "But you alone!"
Eric raised his hands, squeaking, "Guys! Can we take this down a notch?!"
As both Jackie and Hyde mumbled profanities of the other under their breath, Donna shook her head, "You see what happens when you bring up two of literature's most hormonal teenaged lovers? Arguments commence." She then muttered, "More damn arguments…"
Eric walked over to her, saying nonchalantly, "So you think Romeo and Juliet are dumb?"
Donna looked over her shoulder to tell him frankly, "It's not dumb, but it's not smart! I mean, William Shakespeare actually wants us to believe that a girl will fall for a flighty boy such as Romeo. I mean, if you read it, you learn she's the rebound girl. And it's horrible because Shakespeare has pretty much ostracized women as immature, brainless, emotional airheads that fall like a feather over some boy's poetry. I mean, all because you're sentences rhyme doesn't mean I'm gonna take my pants off for you. And that whole balcony scene is just so made up. Also, Shakespeare really didn't come up with the play. It was a legend and all he did was put pen to paper. He's basically copying the story and I don't see why he should be given any credit for it."
Jackie, with pressed lips, asked her, "Are you through picking apart a classic?"
Kelso came in from downstairs, moping, "Jackie, the Forman's don't have straws, and I got this Water Bottle, oh and I couldn't find Cosmo but I did find a Hulk comic."
As Kelso handed Jackie the bottle and comic, Eric shouted, "Kelso! That's from my private stash in my room!"
Jackie put aside the comic and water bottle and excitedly patted her knees, "So Michael, what do you have planned for tonight?"
Kelso laughed, "What's tonight?"
Everyone went silent.
Jackie's small, youthful face seemed calm on the outside, but anyone that looked at her could tell she was seconds away from exploding. And then Fez said, "Oh Kelso…you big doofy…"
And then Jackie shouted, "VALENTINE'S DAY, MICHAEL!"
Kelso's suddenly sprang into action, "Oh! Yeah! Yeah, I remembered! Yeah…I-I'm gonna take you somewhere special! For tonight…for dinner…"
"Where?" Jackie demanded, folding her arms across her chest.
Kelso nervously shrieked, "The most expensive place in town, that's where!"
Jackie clasped her hands giddily, "Ohmygod, Michael! The Lionshead?!"
Kelso just kept on nodding, "Pssh, yeah…whatever that is, that is where we are goin'."
Jackie excitedly jumped up and kissed her boyfriend's cheek, telling everyone in the basement, "I have to get ready! I have to dress up! Oh, this is so romantic!" As she exited the house, Eric turned to Kelso, "Kelso, can you afford that place? It's more expensive than The Vineyard!"
Kelso gave a cocky shrug, "Hey, nothin's too good for Jackie!"
Hyde told him, "One plate is fifty bucks."
Kelso shook his head, "But-but I'll just get the least expensive thing there."
Hyde laughed, "The fifty buck plate is the least expensive thing there."
Kelso looked like he was going to take a math test, "Oh man…"
Fez raised his hand, "Kelso, may I go? I have never been on an American date before. I will be very good-"
Kelso asked Hyde, "Do you think I could convince Jackie to flip the bill?"
Hyde roared with laughter, "On V-D? Are you trippin', brother?"
Kelso turned toward Eric and Donna. "Guys? I need some cash-" Donna shook her head, reaching over to the comic Jackie left on the table, "Good luck, Kelso. You can pay for her."
"But Donna-!"
Donna retorted, "I'm not dating her so why should I pay?!"
"Eric?"
Eric sat where Jackie once did, rubbing his chest, "I'd like to help Kelso, but Jackie is your responsibility. Besides…I'm broke."
Fez then smiled, "May I go on date?"
Kelso, sarcastically, said, "Yeah you can go! If you pay fer everybody which is like two hundred bucks!"
"Okay." Fez said, still smiling.
Kelso jumped, "Wait?! You mean it, Fez? You'll pay?"
Fez stood up, placing his hands on his hips, "I will pay to go on American date with friends of Fez."
Kelso gave him two thumbs up, smiling himself, "Way to go, Buddy! I'll pick you up at eight!"
"Wait a minute." Hyde interrupted, "Kelso man, yer gonna go out on a Valentine's Day date with Jackie and Fez?"
Kelso kept right on smiling, "What's wrong with that? The more the merrier!"
Hyde couldn't help himself as he chuckled, "Yeah, that's not gonna blow up in yer face."
::::::
Eric went up the basement steps to feast his eyes on his mother nervously cleaning up the kitchen.
"Mom?" He asked in a concerned voice, "Are you okay?"
Kitty stopped, placed her hands on her hips and sighed dejectedly, "Oh, I'm fine honey but it's just the Pinciotti's. They're-" she thought back to Donna sitting on their patio that morning and something else that happened while Eric was with his friends in the basement as she said in a high pitched voice, "They're everywhere!" She then added, "Besides, I went outside to talk to your father again, this time alone, without Steven or Donna. And I finally settled him down, that is until Bob and Midge showed up, telling us about their 'cowboy themed' outfits. I had to stop your father from shooting Bob with a deer rifle."
Eric walked over to his mother and leaned on the counter by the refrigerator, "Mom, can I ask you something? Like, something real personal?"
Kitty continued wiping down the counters, "Of course you can, Eric. Just let me finish up here before your father uses a dirty kitchen as an excuse not to invite the neighbors over."
Eric bit his lower lip, "Mom, what's the most romantic thing a guy can do for a girl? That's not poetry, 'cause, well, maybe the girl doesn't like poetry."
Kitty stopped cleaning and looked up at her son, "Eric that's nonsense! What woman doesn't like a little ode of love to her from a man? It can really capture her heart."
Eric let out a breath, grabbing an apple from a nearby fruit tray, "Yeah mom, but Donna's not like-" As soon as he said it, he wished he hadn't.
Kitty raised her eyebrows, "Donna again, hm?"
Eric could feel his cheeks turning red as he hiccupped, "I just like her as a friend, I swear!"
"Then why are you blushing, honey?"
"I'm not blushing." Eric gulped, placing the apple back in the tray, "I'm naturally red faced."
Kitty stopped cleaning and asked her son, "Why don't you just ask her to go to the malt shop with you for a drink and if that goes well, invite her for pizza. That's how we used to do it back when I was a girl, and boy were those fun times!"
"Because mom," Eric grumbled, collapsing on his seat at the breakfast table, "We don't have a malt shop anymore and pizza is just so…I want it to mean something when I ask her out. Like, I want it to be beyond special and something we will be able to look back on fondly for the rest of our lives."
"Isn't that a bit much for a first date?"
Eric groaned, slapping his hand on his forehead, "I dunno, maybe…but, but I feel like everything's so rushed. I just want to spend time with her, to carve out a couple of hours in the day dedicated to her and me. To us. Have her laugh at one of my jokes. For everyone, Kelso, Fez, Hyde, to be out of the picture."
Kitty understood, saying, "So in other words, you want Donna all to yourself, huh?"
Eric nodded, "Yes!" As soon as he said it and registered how it sounded, he shook his head, saying speedily, "No!"
He then sighed, "I just want…I want to be with her." He looked up at his mother, his mouth slouching to one side as he admitted, "It's so hard, mom. To want to be with someone for long, to secretly admire them and for her to just…I don't even know if she feels the same way for me."
Kitty went over to her son, giving him the apple he originally had from the tray, "You won't know unless you try, sweetie."
:::::::::
Kelso let Fez inside his house, telling him firmly, "Alright, Jackie would never forgive me if you didn't know a thing or two about the proper styles of eating etiquette."
Fez didn't understand. He was too busy looking around his friend's house in awe, "You live here? I thought everyone lived in da basement."
Kelso ignored him, leading him to the kitchen, "Okay, so let me teach you how we eat food in America- it's very crucial."
Fez kept stopping every few feet to take a good look at the pictures of the Kelso family that were sprinkled throughout the household, "Who are these people?"
Kelso looked over his shoulder indifferently, "Huh? Them? My family. My brothers, all seven of them and my sister. She's the oldest out of the nine of us. Yeah, she used to be very pretty until she got knocked up in High School. Now she just lives Madison with the dad, but they have problems and stuff. He's not that great of a guy."
Fez smiled warmly, "You are an 'Uncle'? I am tho proud of you, good job!"
Kelso smiled happily, "Thanks, man."
As he lead Fez inside the kitchen, Fez admitted, "Your house is so pretty, like those on TV."
Kelso then sat at the head of his family's breakfast table, gesturing for Fez to sit across from him. Fez did so, smiling the whole time.
Kelso rubbed his belly, stretching out his long legs, "Okay, now let's pretend we have food."
Fez stopped smiling, looking down at the empty placemats before him, "Pwetend? I thought you were taking me out to lunch!"
Kelso tried to outwit Fez, fully knowing he did mislead the foreigner by implying he was treating him out, "Oh! No, well, like that's how we do things in America. We pretend a lot. Take Hollywood for instance, it's a whole place full of pretenders! Anyway-"
Fez heard his stomach grumble and slouched in his seat, upset, "I do not like American ways."
"-So, pretend we have burgers-"
Fez nodded gloomily, "Juicy bergers…"
Kelso cupped his hands in the air, holding his imaginary burger. He took a gigantic bite, saying with a fictional full mouth, "When you chew in front of a lady-woman, chew with yer mouth closed."
Fez stared at Kelso in confusion, "But you are chewing with yer mouth open now."
Kelso pointed at him, still chewing the air, "Yer not a lady-woman."
Fez thought he understood, "Oh, okay."
Kelso then waved his right hand in the air to get Fez's attention, "Now that we got that part all worked out, here comes the important parts…what you eat with. Now here in America, we use three big utensil types. They are called forks, knives, spoons and chopsticks. Got it?"
"Those are four."
Kelso waved it off, "Three, four, five, it's all the same anyway."
Fez gave his friend a strange look. Still, he didn't say a word.
Kelso made a fist and acted as if he was holding something, "See this? What is it?"
Fez didn't know how to respond. Slowly he said, "Um…your fist?"
"No!" Kelso jumped, "It's a fork."
"Oh, the pretending again." Fez said in realization.
Kelso told him knowledgably, "Okay, now let's eat fake spaghetti with our fake forks. The first thing you gotta do is spin the fake fork." Fez did his best to mimic Kelso as the older boy continued confidently, "It's important that when you spin yer fake fork you think it's real."
"Think real." Fez mumbled, concentrating on spinning the air with his hands.
"Good, good." Kelso nodded before holding up his fist again, "Now wha'd I got now?"
Fez smiled, "I got dis!" Proudly he pronounced, "A fork!"
Kelso's face fell, "No, Fez." He held up a fistful of air, "If you can't tell the difference between a fork and a spoon, then we are going to have a long date with Jackie."
Fez quickly straighten up, "Do not worry Keltho. I will do my best to make our date with Jackie perfect."
Kelso told him seriously, "You better. We wouldn't want to upset Jackie, now would we?"
:::::
Meanwhile Eric was having a long conversation with himself in the bathroom mirror. After several takes of Eric talking himself into and out of asking out one of his dearest friends, he had finally settled on a decision. Eric decided he was going to ask Donna out for Valentine's Day. What could be more romantic? And besides, he told himself, what if she had a thing for skinny, twitchy, nerdy guys like him. Yeah, it was a long shot, but what if…she was made for him?
He was filled to the brim with hope.
He dared believe in love. Maybe it was the sudden air of romance that emulated from the day, or maybe it was the talk from his mother, or maybe it was just Donna always with him in his house. The thoughts were driving him absolutely mad; but he just knew one thing- he was tired of living his life with his feelings bottled up inside.
He did everything he could think of: Shined his shoes; press his pants; iron a clean, green, buttoned shirt; combed his hair three different times; sported a brown bowtie to look extra snazzy for her; brushed his teeth twice for ten minutes apiece; and stole some of his dad's cologne so that he could smell really good.
He was trying so hard and he wasn't going to blow it. He was going to do the first adult thing in his young life, and ask out the girl he loved.
He even walked to the corner really fast and bought her a dozen red roses, but he didn't want to overdo it with the other gifts he had been planning for her, such as a box of chocolates or a wedding ring. He was a little afraid he'd scare her off, and besides, she didn't even say "Yes" to his date. But she had to. He knew there had to be a tiny bit of affection between them. There had to be. He needed it to be there, even if he wasn't positive about her feelings for him, he knew that if he was given just a moment, he could win her heart.
If he was given the moment.
::::::::
Donna was sitting at her kitchen table, attempting to finish some homework as she heard her parents constant eruptions from upstairs. All day the two of them had been arguing over what matching cowboy hats they should have. Also there was a delightfully loud conversation about matching cowboy boots. And yet another "discussion" that Donna absolutely "loved" was the hour and a half spat about whether they should greet the Forman's with her father's, "Howdy" or her mother's suggestion of, "Howdy-do-dee."
To her it all seemed so pointless and stupid. Her parents weren't even from Texas.
She then heard nothing. A deafening silence came over the house. The creaks of the stairs, the low jingles of chain locks, all the normal sounds were still there, but her parent's voices no longer were. She looked up at the ceiling, wondering what was going on when she heard her mother's giggling voice, "The Rewards System? Yer so bad! Donna's downstairs….yeah, I bet she can't hear us anyway."
And what disturbed her even more was her father's eager, "Hey there, Hi there, Howdy-do-de Little Miss Cowgirl."
And then she could hear her mother, "Are you trying to rope me in your range, My Big Strong Grizzly Bear?"
After hearing her father roar, Donna had had enough. She got up quickly, racing to the door. She opened it and rushed outside. With her head pounding and flashes of bad memories lodging themselves in her skull, she shut the door as fast as she could. Panting, she wiped the sweat from her forehead, just noticing the soothing sounds of crickets right outside the door.
"Getting' dark, huh?"
She spun around, fists ready to clobber whoever it was that was out there with her.
Hyde stood behind, dusting off his jeans, "Relax, it's just me." After seeing the suspiciousness in her eyes he felt obligate to elaborate, "Everyone's gone. Jackie, Kelso, and Fez are probably getting ready for their weird, threesome date. And Forman, to be honest, I dunno where he's at. He spent, like, an hour talking to himself in the restroom before runnin' around the house for meaningless crap. I was just alone in the basement and then I remembered you were right next door so…"
Donna swallowed hard, trying to slow down her adrenaline, "I'm always right next door."
She then heard her mother say something beyond inappropriate to her father from the second story window.
Hyde looked up, making a face, "What the hell-?"
Donna pointed at her house over her shoulder with her thumb, "My parents-"
And then they head Bob and Midge's giggles float through the air. Hyde caught the message, holding his arm out toward her, "Got it."
She pulled Hyde away from her house before the situation got any worse. She lead him passed the gate of the red picket fence, breathing out an anxious, "Let's just get outta here."
They ran across the street, Hyde scratching his collarbone. The air around them seemed extra humid tonight. It was very peculiar for that time of year. That was something she had noticed lately. The stillness around them, the darkness engulfing the two of them, the hot moisture that settled too comfortably in Point Place; as if something significant was going to happen. It was all so eerily similar to the calm right before the storm.
Hyde stopped, causing her to cram her head to get a better look at him, "What is it?"
"Funny," He coughed, "I was gonna ask you the same thing."
Impatiently her eyes darted toward her parents' house which was too close for comfort, "What do you mean?"
He shrugged casually.
"Donna, your voice is more high-pitched than a schoolgirl gulpin' up Helium."
She got on the defensive, yanking her wrist away from him. With her green eyes shooting daggers at him.
Hyde instructed her to take in a breath.
A moment went by where all they did was stare at each other. With a heavy jaw he told her, "Y'know, I think I know a place where it'll be nice and quiet- A place where we won't be bothered." With a very un-Hyde-like shaky voice he continued, "We could go there to be…" this was his moment. And he went for it, "…to be alone."
The slight rise in her eyebrows, the ever so way the corner of her mouth contorted all pointed to skepticism. But, at the same time, deeply absorbed into his baby blue eyes, she had a hard time saying "no". So, she instead found herself asking, "Where?"
I Do Not Own Anything