chapter 5
klaus -
"no judgement" "no judgement" she said making him sigh "In a 1000 years i have not once turned off my humanity i have lived it all, the pain the anger the hope the small immeasurable glimpses of happiness and the fear, and i did not once turn it off, but now faced with this dilemma im seriously considering it" "why" her voice barely audible for his ears.
"when i was human i wanted that, a wife who would love only me, tend to my wounds when i got injured during a hunt or fight, a wife to bare my children kids that i could come home and would look to me for what ever they needed, undivided loyalty" he smiles a little reminiscing "but then i saw, saw what was true i will never be the man to have that so i threw it away, any prospects at the time didnt want me by myself they wanted my brothers more and with a father like mikeal i knew what i would become so i threw any hopes of having a family become the lone wolf i was meant to be" he finish's with a small smile thats tainted.
"thats not true" she says after looking at him in silence for what felt like 5 minutes, he was hoping that she would buy that other people would but no not his caroline "you arent a lone wolf you were never meant to be, its not in your nature" "so you think im a real people person" he ask's scoffing causing her to laugh a little "no im not saying that, but you can be charming when you want to be, but no i meant you are the alpha and alphas are meant to have packs" he was about to reply when she continued speaking.
"you do want that still, theres a part of you that still wants it any way and its argueing with the other part that's saying dont get your hopes up or you'll get hurt again, theres still a part of you that wants a family one you know is all yours" "and what makes you so sure about that love" he spits out "because look at everything you've done for the past 1000 years, the coffins and daggers and the curse and your quest for hybrids, you want that dream of a family who will still stand by your side protect you like you would protect them love you like you love them ,you have that you know with your siblings" this is when he scoffs at her and starts to get angry " you dont have" "its true, granted i have no idea about how many times you or they have let you down but thats what family is meant to do but when it really comes down to it they are still there when it counts, i get it now" carolines eyes start to take on sympathy and another emotion that he couldnt under stand making him feel the way he did when he was human after a beating that had got taken to far.
"dont" "dont what" "i dont want your pity" he shouts at her "i dont pity you , i pity the person who made you like this" "you dont know me caroline" "your right i dont know you, but dont tell me i dont know what im talking about, because on this i know better then any one what its like to love people more than they love you, to feel not worth the same as what people pay for a cup of coffee, or to never meet any ones standards," suddenly she's standing to and shouting "your scared" "im not afraid of anything" "your wrong, your scared!, dont you think im scared I AM BELIEVE ME IM SO SCARED it unreal, ive never been this frightened not when i thought i was going to die or any other time in my life" "then why are you going through with this" "because im more scared of what will happen if i dont"
"how do i know your not going to change your mind or that im not going to" he ask "i dont , but i have hope and faith that you wont" that causes him to scoff "thats where we are different , because instead of choosing to listen to those good thoughts and believe in hope and faith you choose to listen to the other voice thats telling you to burn this bridge dont let any one in, its why you couldnt say the words to me back when you bit me to spite tyler, because whether its true or not you can ignore it if you dont say the words"
after the silence was getting to much he started to look around her living room taking in all the pictures, baby caroline, toddler caroline , 5 year old caroline, caroline with braces, in her cheerleading uniform , graduation but one photo caught his eye
a little caroline with her front teeth missing her blonde hair in messy pig tails a big smile on her face holding her hands up thats covered in blue and red paint, his mind goes straight to what it would be like to have one of those in his studio making pictures with there small fingers and toes that he almost jumps like a frightened bird when her voice pierces his internal day dream.
"look im tired so im gonna watch the rest of my movie" he nods "i'll let you get back to it" he says placing the picture down and turning to leave when he feels her fingers wrap around his wrist " you dont have to, you could stay , if you want to that is" "your half way through, theres not much movie left" he says trying to put some humour back in.
guilt slams him like a ton of bricks when he notices her eyes flicker with hurt then settle back to indifference "its fine" "what i meant is if i stay we'll have to watch from the beginning" then she smiles a smile hes only been given once before but seen many times he did that starts to settle with in him as she agrees and he takes a seat next to her to start the movie over.
half way through the movie she starts to shiver "cold love" "yeah a bit why" "your a vampire love we dont feel cold like we used to" "but im a baby vampire remember my body still remembers being cold" she says jovially, making him reach behind the sofa for the knitted blanket and putting it on her.
hope rises inside him when she leans closer to him to share the blanket.
it wasnt long until he felt her head fall on his chest and hear her breath deepen allowing him to think about this, could he do this could he be a good father as those thoughts went round his head the fear rose up again making him want to flee but when he was going to move he heard it again the tiny thomp thomp thomp coming from her the sound of her baby his baby their child a life they had created , leaving him immobilised.