A KNOT TO UNTIE

by DD

Chapter 3

Louise drew closer to the others – the Christmas tree was almost done and they were arranging the last of the decorations. She wiped her eyes, hoping they weren't too red, and then approached her husband from behind and hugged him tightly.

"Lou!" Kid exclaimed, surprised.

When he turned and drew her closer she hid her face in his chest and inhaled his familiar scent. His embraces had always comforted her. Every time she felt sad or worried, all she needed were his arms around her to make her feel better. Only once he had not returned her hug, the day she refused his proposal, and she hoped she would never feel such pain again.

"Hey, you two! Stop with this sloppiness!" Jimmy shouted.

Lou turned to stick her tongue out at him and hugged Kid closer.

"My husband was gone all morning and I missed him," she yelled, before sinking her nose in his warmth again. Kid gently kissed her hair.

"You truly missed me?" he whispered in her ear. "I gotta make you forgive me, then…" His tone made her knees tremble.

"Oh, God! And I thought it was bad before," Cody exclaimed, rather disgusted.

"They're even worse now," Buck sighed. "We never knew how lucky we was, all that time Lou had to pretend to be a boy…"

Lou gave him a deadly look but didn't stop hugging Kid.

"You were right then," the blond scout said, "she really has gone soft!"

"What? Who the hell put such a ridiculous thought in your head?" Lou slipped out of Kid's arms, ready to quarrel. Cody couldn't waste such an opportunity.

"Well…" he began with an impish grin, "from what someone told me a certain young wife, when her husband was away for one of his last runs, slept in his bunk at the waystation because she missed him too much to sleep in their big, empty bed all alone."

The cheeks of that young wife reddened instantly.

"You two!" she hissed toward the guilty parties. "You just couldn't help yourself telling him that."

Jimmy and Buck exchanged a terrified but amused look; it had been a while since they'd witnessed a Lou outburst. Life was beginning to be boring without her explosive rages. The only problem was that this one wasn't directed towards the Kid.

Kid, from his side, was smiling broadly, delighted by this unexpected demonstration of love from his wife and at not being the target of her ire, for once.

"Well, Lou, we just can't miss this chance," Jimmy teased her.

"So…you can't miss this chance, huh?" Lou's voice had a certain mischievous tone as she approached the two traitors. Teresa and Jeremiah looked at their sister with wide eyes, astonished by her behavior.

"Then I can't miss THIS chance!" She suddenly dropped to the ground and flung a handful of icy snow in Buck and Jimmy's faces. Within a few seconds a snowball fight had begun, threatening to damage the just finished tree and preventing them from noticing the approach of two people.

"Guys…" Rachel called them, but they didn't hear her. "Guys…" she tried again but she had to take a backward step to avoid Jimmy's snowball.

"Hey, Jimmy! Ain't you supposed to be the best shooter in the Territory? What kinda aim you call that?!" Louise teased him, but tripped on her skirts and fell in the snow in a heap.

Jimmy came towards to her with an enormous snowball in his hands.

"What did you say again?" he bent down, lowering the freezing snow to her face.

"Noo!" The girl tried to escape but her dress hindered her movements.

Jimmy raised his arm. "Admit it! You have gotten soft."

"Never!" she stated, and then she closed her eyes, ready to receive the icy shower…that was providentially avoided by the further call of their ex station-mistress.

"Jimmy? There's Rosemary for you."

Lou opened her eyes just in time to see Jimmy drop the snowball and turn to greet the woman, quite embarrassed.

The fight ended and Kid helped her to disentangle herself from her skirts and lifted her to her feet. He took his time to wipe away the snow from her clothes before it melted and soaked her, and to clean her face.

Three months had passed since their marriage and he still couldn't believe his luck. Finally the woman of his dreams, the only one who he had ever really loved, agreed to become his wife. They had begun their life together and, with a little luck and effort on their part, by next spring they would have their own horse ranch.

Life couldn't be better, but there was something that worried him – Lou sometimes became sad and thoughtful. He took her in his arms on those occasions, trying to give her all possible solace, but when he asked what worried her she made as if there was nothing wrong, and told him that she just missed him. Just like she had done few minutes ago.

Kid didn't push the subject, because he had learned that it would make her withdraw even more... Just as he never asked her anything about the dreams about Wicks that began to torment her again and made her cry out and cling to him in her sleep.

"Kid, Louise. Good afternoon," Rosemary greeted them.

Kid answered her politely. He didn't like the woman very much, but his upbringing ensured he treated her like a lady. Lou simply nodded to her because she was still panting, and leaned in to Kid to catch her breath.

"Boys," Rosemary greeted the others too. They responded, but not too warmly. Cody's eyes became cold as ice.

"Well…" Jimmy said, "I should go now." Rosemary took his arm, a bit too firmly than necessary. "See you all this evening."

"What the hell is she doing here?" Cody hissed. Everyone turned to look at him. His eyes, usually merry and saucy, were still cold.

Rachel was the first who responded to him, resting a hand on his arm to soothe him.

"She decided to stay in Rock Creek. She and Jimmy are seeing each other."

Louise came towards him – she knew that Noah's death had hurt Cody more than anyone else. Noah was for him what Ike was for Buck, what Jimmy was for Kid and her.

"How he can be so stupid? She killed Noah!"

Jeremiah and Teresa held their breath, scared.

"She really killed your friend?" the boy asked in awe. He never knew Noah Dixon, but his sister and the others had talked about him, just as they had talked about Ike.

Cody turned toward them, guiltily, knowing he shouldn't have snapped like that. Not in front of two kids.

"No, Jeremiah, she didn't kill him. It was because of the war," Lou answered him.

And of her lies, Cody thought bitterly. If Rosemary hadn't come to Rock Creek, if she hadn't followed the Army, going after the Pierson gang, then Noah would still be alive.

Suddenly Lou's arms encircled his waist, and she laid her head on his chest. Cody felt a sudden wave of affection for his 'sister'. He'd begun to think of her like that ever since she'd taken care of him when the fear of a cholera epidemic exploded in town and he thought he was going to die after eating spoiled meat. She was the one in whom he confided problems with his love life, so he avoided losing face with the boys.

"We miss him too," she said softly, without looking at him. "Just like we miss Ike."

"Yeah…" Cody agreed with a lump in his throat. For some moments he returned her embrace, but then he continued. "Now I am sure of something…"

"What?"

"That you really have gone soft."

"What!" She pulled away from him, angry, but the sweet look that Cody gave her revealed his gratitude. She continued, smiling. "I'm still the same Lou McCloud, William F. Cody, and I'm ready to show you any time."

She bent again to pick up another snowball but Rachel's voice stopped her.

"Hey! Stop that right now or you will all catch cold. And I don't intend to take care of a bunch of sick folk this Christmas. C'mon, everyone inside."

"Yes ma'am," they responded jokingly as they went into the bunkhouse.

Jimmy and Rosemary walked arm in arm along the quiet streets of Rock Creek like a respectable couple, both deep in thought. The young man could feel the almost painful grip on his arm; he knew it was because she was nervous and he knew what the reason was: his friends. They had never accepted her completely. Sure, they were civil towards her, mostly, but they could never fill the distance that divided them. Kid didn't hide it, he was convinced that she wanted to involve Jimmy in the Abolitionists' fight so he could take the place of her husband as leader of the group, and in her bed.

Jimmy smirked wryly – Kid was right, their relationship wasn't only platonic – and he couldn't deny he appreciated her company. But there was something that wasn't quite right between them. Rosemary was completely devoted to her cause, and he felt himself dragged into a fight that he didn't feel was his. She wasn't explicit in her requests but Jimmy knew that even though she was continuing her work there in Rock Creek, she wanted to return to Kansas with him.

He sighed imperceptibly, hoping she didn't notice. He didn't want to leave. He didn't know what he was going to do now that he wasn't an Express rider anymore, but he knew that he wasn't ready to leave his friends yet.

"Jimmy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he responded, "nothing."

She nodded, but after few moments of silence she said, "Your friend Cody didn't seem very happy to see me."

"He hasn't gotten over the Noah's death. They were very close."

"And he thinks it was my fault." She sounded annoyed.

"I didn't say that," he responded her more harshly than he intended.

"But you think it was, don't you?" Her black eyes grew hard like stone.

"No, I don't. It was this stupid war," he said, but in truth he wasn't completely convinced. Those men had been chasing her… Jimmy had tried to dispel this thought, but it was tormenting him.

"Then prove it to me, James."

She drew him to her and kissed him passionately. He responded to the kiss, but he didn't feel the thrill he felt the first time he'd kissed her. He parted from her and smiled, but he was confused. He admired her passion, her resolve, the way she had dealt with the grief over the deaths of her husband and child. But did he love her? There has been a moment when he had been prepared to leave everything to be with her. Damn, he almost missed the wedding of the two most important people in his life! But he wasn't so sure of his choices anymore…

Rosemary saw his sweet expression, but she couldn't help but feel a fit of rage. His eyes weren't looking at her; he was thinking about something else. In those last weeks she saw him distracted like this more and more often, like his mind was elsewhere.

Those damned Pony Express riders, his family as he called them. She could give him the opportunity to do something important, to become a real man. Instead he insisted on remaining there 'because Kid and Lou need my help now', 'because I don't know what I want to do with my life', he had told her. Kid and Lou; a stupid southerner and his woman. She repressed her disgust; Louise McCloud, the perfect, brave Louise. Jimmy adored her, he told her he admired how she had run away from the orphanage when she was barely thirteen, and how she had disguised herself as a boy to find a job so she could take care of her siblings.

But as far as Rosemary was concerned Louise was only a woman who had abandoned her brother and sister, she'd lived as she'd wanted to and now she wasn't able to face the consequences of her actions. Rosemary had heard her crying to Rachel about violence she'd suffered when she was a girl, and about her fear of not being able to conceive a child. But her tears didn't move Rosemary… Louise didn't deserve to become a mother.