…where Rosemary will get what she deserves…
"How the hell did he dare?!" Cody growled, furious. "How did Jimmy dare tell her what happened to Lou?"
"Wait, Cody." Buck put a hand on his friend's arm.
"What? What should I wait? I'm going to punch his face in! If I don't, Kid will…and this time I don't intend to stop him!"
"Jimmy couldn't have told Rosemary, Cody, think…" Buck was as angry as him for Lou's sake but his mind was more lucid. "Lou told us only about …Wicks." The Kiowa couldn't pronounce that name easily either. "Jimmy couldn't know…the rest." He swallowed.
"Louise didn't know she had lost a baby until this evening," Rachel said with a broken voice. "She only knew she had been sick…God, Rosemary probably heard us the other day, when Louise was talking to me…and she must have figured out everything…" The woman wiped the tears on her cheeks. "I didn't have the nerve to tell her anything in that moment…instead that woman…" Teaspoon squeezed her shoulder to give her a little comfort.
That news had hit them deeply; it wasn't enough that Lou had to endure such a terrible experience, now it had been revealed to her in a such a horrible way…
Suddenly the silence was broken by a sob. Teresa was crying, clinging to her brother.
"What happened to my sister?" Jeremiah asked. His eyes glistened with tears, but his expression was resolute.
Miah and Tessie! They had completely forgotten them. They had heard everything…How could they explain what happened to their sister? They were only children…
And there was Penny too, Penelope Barnes who had became a friend for Lou and now looked horrified.
"Cody, Buck, it's best you two walk Penny home." Teaspoon said, looking at his boys. They nodded and got up.
"B-but I have to help you, Mrs Dunne…" Penny tried to say. "The kitchen needs to be tidied up…"
"Don't worry, dear," Rachel responded. "Go home."
Penny remained still for a moment, uncertain. She wanted to help, but she understood that they probably wanted to be alone. She nodded.
"Okay." The girl took her coat. "Tell Louise I …I'm sorry."
Rachel sat down near the children. Teresa was still weeping and Jeremiah continued to look at them with his clear eyes. The woman sighed and looked at Teaspoon, it was up to the two of them to explain Lou's past to her brother and sister.
"A very bad thing happened to Louise when she ran away from the orphanage to find a job," Rachel began to tell them. "She met a man who hurt her."
"Did he beat her? Like what happened to our mama? Did Kid do it?" It was the first thing the boy thought, because it had been what he experienced.
"Oh no, darling, no!" Rachel exclaimed. "Kid could never do such a thing to Louise. He loves her! This bad thing happened before she met us, when she had just left you."
Teaspoon caressed Teresa's hair. "Children." He cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed. "Do you two know where babies came from?"
Jeremiah nodded.
"Sister Catherine told us," his sister responded. "It happens when a husband and a wife love each other very much."
The old man smiled sadly, they were still so innocent…
"It's true, when two people love each other as Kid and Lou do it's a beautiful thing." Teaspoon paused for a moment. "Unfortunately sometimes it happens that a man takes a woman even if she doesn't want him, and he hurts her very much."
"But Louise was thirteen when she left us, she wasn't a woman…she couldn't have babies…she was…"Jeremiah interrupted.
Teaspoon had a lump in his throat. "Yes, Louise was very young," he said. "But that man hurt her all the same…" He couldn't go on.
Teresa sobbed even louder; she had shut her eyes tight and hidden her face in Rachel's chest.
"I think it's enough, Teaspoon, they understand, " the woman said. "It's best if I put them to bed."
She wrapped her arms around the children's shoulders and accompanied them out of the bunkhouse. Teaspoon sighed heavily; it hadn't been the evening they expected.
Penny Barnes walked silently, neither of her two companions had said a word since they left the way station. The girl couldn't stop thinking about what had happened to Louise. When she was thirteen she had just stopped playing with dolls, but Louise… Penny couldn't help the sob that escaped from her lips. Buck and Cody turned to look at her.
"Sorry," Penny murmured. She felt a fool; she had no right to cry.
"Don't say sorry, it's a sign you care about Lou." Buck said, handing to her a handkerchief.
Penny had never seen the two of them so serious before. Now she understood how they were so protective of Lou.
"Is it the reason Louise decided to disguise herself as a boy?" she asked.
"Yes," Cody responded. "Please," he added. "Don't say anything to anyone. Lou seems strong, but her heart would break if other people knew about it."
Penny nodded. She didn't want to see her new friend as upset as she had seen her that evening.
Jimmy and Rosemary walked along Rock Creek's main street, but they weren't a respectable couple this time.
"James, don't pull me! You're hurting me!"
Jimmy loosened his grip on the woman's arm and turned to look Rosemary in the face. He was furious.
"Who told you?!" He fiercely grabbed her arms. "Who the hell told you?"
Rosemary got scared, she had never seen him so angry. "I…I heard her while she was talking to Rachel," she hurried to say.
"Is it true? Is it true what you said?!" The woman noticed the hint of desperation in his voice. "…Is it true that happened to Lou?"
"Yes, it's true," Rosemary responded harshly. "She let herself get raped and then she lost the bastard she was carrying."
Jimmy slapped her face. He, who had sworn to himself to never hurt a woman, hit her.
"Don't you dare to talk about Lou like that never again." Jimmy's tone was deathly serious.
Rosemary held her cheek, astonished, her eyes wide. "You…you already knew!" she exclaimed, hit by a sudden thought. "You all knew!"
"Damn it, the children didn't know! And neither did Penny! You have no idea how much you hurt her…"
"With all the men she's lived with up until now, I don't think it's upset her so much!"
Jimmy closed his fist so as not hit her again. "Do you know how many nights she's woken up crying? How much time it took her to be able to trust Kid?!"
"You know exactly, don't you?" Now Rosemary was the furious one. "I bet you always stayed near her, didn't you?" That little witch had allured him very well.
"Damn, Rosemary! Can't you understand how much she had to struggle during her life? What she had to face when she was only a little girl?!"
"She made a choice! She could have stayed with her brother and sister, instead she abandoned them! She deserved it!"
Rosemary's voice was pure hatred. She, too, was raised in an orphanage; she had also felt the sensation of being in a cage, of being powerless. But she had accepted her fate, she married the man who raised her and she obeyed him out of gratitude, even if she didn't love him, even if she wanted to be free.
"No one deserves a thing like that, Rosemary." Jimmy looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. "God…how could I think I was in love with you…" He turned and began to walk away.
"No, James, wait…" The woman grabbed his arm, but he brushed her hand away without even turning.
"Goodbye, Rosemary."
Jimmy left her there in the street. His heart didn't lose a beat for the woman he left behind; but it broke when he thought about Lou's face in tears.
Lou had escaped to their bedroom, and now she was pacing, twisting her hands, unable to calm herself. She continued to see the upset faces of the ones who loved her, and to hear the frosty voice of that woman who said she had lost a child.
A child…she could be a mother now. She would have had a toddler of four or five years, but would she have been able to love that child? She felt relieved to have not had it, and she felt horrible for that; an innocent baby wasn't born and she was happy, otherwise she would have never joined the Express, and she would never have met Kid.
Lou heard the door opening and Kid stepped in. For a moment she couldn't move, she looked into his blue eyes, now clouded with worry. Kid stared her back. The words that hateful woman had said to Lou still lingered in his mind. He was angry at Rosemary for having told her those horrible things, and even angrier at Jimmy for having revealed something so personal to a woman who had always showed nothing but barely concealed disdain towards them. He was confused and hurt – Lou never told him about the baby she had lost, but then she seemed as shocked as him by what she had just heard. However, seeing his usually strong and determined wife so troubled wiped out any other thought from his mind, now he wanted only to hold her and erase all her pain. He took a step forward.
"Lou," he called softly.
She threw herself into his arms and buried her face in his chest then. As always, Kid drew her closer, stroking her back and hair, letting her give in to all her pain and sadness.
"Lou…" he said after a while. "Lou, is it true what that she said?"
He didn't want to have to ask, but he needed to know.
"I-I don't know…when I run away from St Joe…I had just decided to disguised myself as a boy…one night I woke up in pain, and then I lost so much blood…b-but I never, I never understand what was happening…I couldn't go to a doctor, I didn't know what to do…" she cried against his chest.
"Shh, Lou, everything is ok…everything is gonna be fine…" he tried to soothe her. But his eyes were rapidly filling with tears.
"Oh Kid, I'm so scared," Lou sobbed. "I don't know if I will ever able to have a baby…" Her voice was broken by another sob. "I-I want our baby."
Kid held her tightly, his heart was beating fast. He still couldn't understand what he'd just heard. Lou had lost a baby; maybe she couldn't have another one. What that man did to her could ruin her life forever. He couldn't help the wave of rage that tightened his chest, and he tensed involuntarily. Sensing him, Lou crouched even more in his arms.
"I'm sorry," she said in a whisper.
"It isn't your fault, darling," Kid murmured into her hair.
"But we won't be able to have a family because of me…"
Gently, Kid took her face in his hands. "A doctor said that?" he asked, looking in her eyes.
"No." She shook her head. "No… I never could let one touch me. When Charlotte took me to a doctor after it happened, I screamed and cried so much that she was the one who had to treat me." She smiled shakily.
Kid was touched; she never had any fear or reticence with him after they had started to 'dance'. He kissed her forehead. "Lou, then we can't know if your fear is true or not. We could have ten babies or none, and it could be my fault just as yours."
"But I …"
"No 'buts'…" he said smiling. "It just means we'll have to practice more." He winked at Lou who smiled between her tears. "But not tonight, tonight Mrs McCloud needs only to cuddle and to sleep."
Kid helped her to undress and put her in bed; then he laid down beside her and held her, continuing to stroke her until he felt her body relax.
"Kid," she said after a while. "Do you think God wants to punish me because I didn't have that baby?"
"Lou, I'm sure you would have loved that baby, in spite of it all. Maybe…maybe the Lord didn't want you to have that baby because your life was too difficult…maybe it wasn't destined to be born and He decided to keep it with to Him…"
Kid had a lump in his throat. Those were the words his mother told him when she lost a baby because of his father's beatings. He still remembered the slight lump in her belly, and the tears and the blood of that fateful night. The thought that Lou, his Louise, had to endure a similar pain made him sick. He held her even closer, rocking her until they fell asleep.